Depression, Like Anger, Must Be Fed In Order For It To Continue. --- [EMAIL PROTECTED] <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > --- In [email protected], kyukyo <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > Perhaps It Is Anger At A Percieved Violation Of Your > > Sanctuary That Has You Upset. There Is No Place You > > Can Go, Nor Will Any Effort Succeed In Creating An > > Oasis Where Nothing Suffers Or Dies. The Universes > > Will Not Shift In Response To Your Desires Or To Mine. > > I like this very much. > Thanks for the responses Jackie & Alex. > > i've spent way too much time in my life being angry at the world for > not being something different - sort of amusing to think of when i'm > not depressed about it... > > this practice is so good about letting me simply _own_ all that i am. > i used to set my radio alarm clock to play npr news each morning > before work. i remember one morning hearing a story in which a young > serbian man (boy) was interviewed about being taken into his military > experience. i don't recall the details correctly - but the sense from > his interview was that he was taken forcibly from his family & made to > serve. part of his initiation was being forced to rape muslim women. > he was driven by fear for his own life to participate in terrible > things & was clearly as much a victim of the violence as the people he > was attacking. at that time i had a young son - & i cried all day to > think about all that goes on in the world while i am simply consumed > with getting thru my daily jobs. i thought of how terrible it would > be to have my own son be put thru such a thing, as well as the sadness > of the mass graves & rapes that were being reported on a regular basis. > > during that time (& off & on since) i've gone thru short stints of > therapy for depression. mostly that has never made much difference - > and i was advised/decided to set my alarm to music instead of news. > but there is always the nagging sense in the back of my mind that i > don't have enough of a commitment to living from a compassionate > place. difficult to nail down - just that all my energy goes into my > own survival & i haven't found a way to commit more of my energies > toward 'something greater/more healing for the world' (what ever that > may turn out to be)... > > in the mean time life goes on & my children have grown. my son, who > was unhappy in school & felt he could see no future for himself in the > jobs he was going thru, is now a marine. > > we are all part of the same fabric & we all participate in the same > beautiful(??) & violent dance. when i saw the picture of the young > iraqi boy whose arms were burned to the bone & both hands gone asking > 'can you give me my hands back? i don't want to live if you cannot > give me my hands' i could hear the words that follow the last sit of > the evening "DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME BY NIGHT OR DAY". and still i > don't know what it would be to live for something other than my own > survival... > > i think you've got the right idea Alex - "practice the first three > paramitas" - and let go of this notion i can _make_ the world be > anything other than what it is. > > > > >
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