I have been following your discussion on this issue. I am a former group
facilitator in a court-ordered program for men who abuse women. My own
personal experience reinforces my belief that people only 'change' when they
truly want to, for themselves. I watched first hand as men made a mockery of
our program...going thru the motions of compliance while still abusing and
controling their women and threatening even more serious harm if the women
reported ongoing abuse back to us, as they should have if they could safely
do it. I am troubled by the recent rise in 'men's/father's rights'
groups...they appear to be organized violence and methodology against
women...the more experienced and 'successful' abusers helping and teaching
the less-knowledgeable how to continue their domination and abuse of
women....and their children. While I can also give several examples of
reverse abuse, particularly in my own family, where the women are the
controllers and physical and emotional abusers, we must acknowledge the 'male
dominance' of this particular 'skill.'
Programs will only work when the abuser wants it to work...just as for
any learned behavior. Abuse and control are learned, and they can be
unlearned in a willing student--male or female.
I would also like to point out that "spouse abuse" is a very limited
term for the problem...it leaves out the millions of cohabitating partners,
date rapes, parental abuse, child abuse, elder abuse, etc.....all of these
people deserve to be included in the societal problem of 'masculine' power
systems that manifest in one form or another in "domestic abuse". Enlarging
the terminology and the 'label' automatically brings all abused people into
the net and paints a truer picture of power systems and their extended reach.
In the U.S., we have been somewhat successful in our treatment and on-going
research to change societal power structures by identifying the true extent
of masculine abuse and control structures, not only in the immediate family
group, but in the extended society as well.
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