C&C catchup time while I try to muster the enthusiasm to start revising
the last chapter of 100 Days...
Standard C&C Disclaimer: All the below is my only occasionally useful
humble opinion, my only occasionally correct grammatical and spelling
corrections, and/or my only occasionally funny humor.
Eimii wrote:
> "It was just a practice tag. It wouldn't have hurt you if your pants
> hadn't caught on fire," Ino defended, a little unnerved by her
> friend's casual profanity; she'd heard Sakura curse before, just never
> so freely.
Just so you know, I find the line "It wouldn't have hurt you if your
pants hadn't caught on fire," inordinately amusing.
> "You invented it?" Ino echoed in confusion. "You can't just 'invent'
> kinjutsu. ANBU or Hokage-sama has to review a technique before-" A
> sudden, sinking sensation made Ino stop. "ANBU reviewed your technique
> and declared it forbidden?" Ino asked, staring wide-eyed at Sakura.
Heh.
> "Anko named it!" Sakura barked defensively. "I didn't even get a
> chance to look at the paperwork before she turned it in!" Sakura's
> eyes narrowed as Ino held in a chuckle. "At least it's not something
> embarrassing like- what was your technique called again? 'Shibari?'"
>
> "Kusashibari!" Ino snapped, but her ears were already burning at the
> naughty, knowing smirk that had slithered onto Sakura's face.
>
> "Riiight- pretty kinky, Ino-chan; I know you like to be in control,
> but never would've guessed you were into _bondage_..."
Hee.
Anyway, unless my memory fails me that'd be this chapter's new scene.
...works for me. It's a nice scene with some funny bits, and adds to
the expanded focus on the Ino/Sakura relationship these revisions have had.
The "Kitsune-Tsuki" being a formal kinjutsu is new too, IIRC, though I
suppose that doesn't change much.
> "That... instability is one trait that Sabakuno-kun does not seem to
> share," Yoshinari agreed drolly. While she couldn't see his face,
> Sakura could swear the bastard was smirking at her. A chuckle escaped
> Yoshinari's lips when Sakura stuck out her tongue and raspberried him.
Incidentally, I do quite like the "Sabaku no"/"Sabakuno" differentiation
depending on who's talking/narrating. It's a nice extrapolation of the
rather unexplored (in canon) cultural difference between the countries.
...assuming that's intentional, of course. If it isn't, it should be. ;)
> "Hmm..." For several seconds, the masked man peered suspiciously at
> the fidgeting kunoichi. "You're not trying to reverse-engineer the
> Kaiten, are you?"
>
> "What? Of course not! I just want to waste as little chakra as
> possible, since my stamina's not very good!" Was her request really
> that strange? Then something odd occurred to her. "Don't you need the
> Byakugan to do that, anyway?"
>
> "Yes, but you did try to remake the Shintenshin, even though you
> didn't know how it worked," Yoshinari pointed out chasteningly.
>
> Bristling, Sakura struggled to keep the scowl from her face. "That was
> a spur of the moment decision- an accident! And I _succeeded_, sort
> of. But if you say that the Kaiten won't work, I'll take your word for
> it." Internally, however, the short pause before his answer had her
> curiosity doing back flips.
I remember there being one in the original version, but there's no pause
pointed out before Yoshinori's answer in this version.
> "Mom doesn't like the idea of me being a ninja," the young kunoichi
> explained with an unhappy sigh. "She'd probably be even more upset if
> she knew where I'm really studying." Sakura glanced over her shoulder
> at the nondescript facade of the torture and interrogation facility.
Incidentally, I think this paragraph may have been the genesis of the
train of thought in my mind that ultimately became the plotline with
Sakura's mother in One Hundred Days...
Anyway, that's a wrap with this chapter, on to the next!
--
Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
http://www.mimiru.net/
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