This does work rather well, and is well executed. Given your skill in handling
the subject material I encourage to proceed as you have.
I don't agree with Pale Rider's assessment that getting betrayed again wasn't
believable. Naruto's persona is modified into a more... robotic format but
it's not like he's actually "paranoid" about people. His apparent cockiness
and setup were sufficiently well put together it is certainly believable he
wouldn't have spotted a problem. As a matter of fact I can't see how without
author's caveat he would given the established stable personality.
Said material is not something I see executed so well usually, and given the
permutations on series such as Ranma I fail to see why the series matters when
this author has chosen Naruto and can handle it well enough.
Good job. I have no real suggestions at this time beyond that it may not have
been that good of an idea to have Naruto get so easily handled by Mizuki.
Given this difference between this Naruto and the canon one that could easily
come back and bite you in the butt.
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