Look, Kid, hear it whichever way it seems to you and theorise however you wish to ... it's all yours.
What I've shared are my experience and perspective in my understanding. Nobody needs to take it. Nor am I holding my breath in the slightest, if you may appreciate ! On Jun 28, 11:33 pm, "pol.science kid" <[email protected]> wrote: > you make it sound like it is 'supposed to be' this way...Then ideally we can > put any two random individuals and tell them the path to be.. well i think > if one does want to get married.. it can be after.. in the words of Doug.. > after you have gone through the variety of sea food...and thats like a > different age for everybody... > > On Mon, Jun 28, 2010 at 6:16 PM, vamadevananda <[email protected]>wrote: > > > > > The point isn't of how wretched or lonely we are in a bad marriage. > > The point is that a relationship fails because of our inability to > > give while choosing the relationship AND oneself, not relationship OR > > oneself, as most difficult situations bring us to. It takes long to > > know that, and harder to give. > > > The point is that the courting period can have the fluffiness and > > romance AND this search for a clear commitment to choose marriage and > > confirm this readiness to give to it. The truth is that most people > > take the other for granted, the relationship as being only to the > > extent it is working for oneself, marriage as a paid gondola ride into > > the sunset ... when the fact is that marriage is a marathon that is > > hard grind, that must only be begun with an unquestioned and unbounded > > commitment, which we promise to never fall short of while it just goes > > on and on, taking us through long unknown terrains, ever more testing > > of our ability to give to the relationship, through several inflexion > > points ... until the relationship takes on a life and reality of its > > own. > > > Fluffiness and romance can decorate or spice up the relationship. They > > really have nothing to do with the relationship, as it is, from > > before, which only rests on mutual respect, love and pride and > > protectiveness for each other, and memories to reinforce it. Personal > > honesty, learning along the way, and readiness to give strength to the > > other, and take from ... are then matters of routine. > > > That doesn't just happen, for our satisfactions, convenience and > > comfort. It is made to happen with much dissatisfaction, inconvenience > > and discomfort to oneself ! > > > On Jun 28, 2:15 pm, rigsy03 <[email protected]> wrote: > > > A number of creator types stay single or have arrangements that allow > > > for a good deal of freedom but that does not guarantee inspiration in > > > and of itself. Often, creativity feeds just as well on pressured > > > enviornments and committments.//I doubt most children feel better off > > > without both parents but the notion of family has changed greatly so > > > perhaps they adapt better these days. And a wretched marriage is > > > wretched for all plus what is lonlier than a bad marriage? Sometimes > > > it seems strange that I took to motherhood considering...But > > > motherhood has also changed, hasn't it? > > > > On Jun 27, 1:49 pm, vamadevananda <[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > " I have turned my emotional switch to 0." > > > > > We all do that. And can never succeed, because emotions are another > > > > name of human experience. They are ours. > > > > > Yes, some of us are better off without life partner relationships. > > > > Mostly, for the sake of the other. Rarely, for oneself ... for some > > > > higher priority we must pursue. > > > > > On Jun 27, 11:18 pm, DarkwaterBlight <[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > > Spiritual Crisis? Yes I believe you may be correct in your > > > > > observation. I think I have developed a willful ignorance or lack of > > > > > empathy when it comes to emotions. I have tried to share my feelings > > > > > to no avail and have been left dissapointed and feeling broken. So in > > > > > an attenpt to heal I have turned my emotional switch to 0. I can see > > > > > my own spiritual crisis and do not wish to have the responsibility of > > > > > someone elses 'baggage' as rigsy03 has pointed out. After our > > > > > seperation I tryed again to no avail and yet I still try to make that > > > > > connection and keep hitting the same brick wall. I know the answer > > > > > lies within myself but I'm not sure if I want to know it. I guess I > > > > > like living in the dillusion that I am fine being alone in life. I > > > > > know that is never true as we all have each other but I am refering > > to > > > > > a permanant mate and partner in life. It's too easy for me to give up > > > > > on the idea rather than trying so hard and fighting to keep a > > > > > relationship. I know too well that there are many fish in the sea and > > > > > I love seafood. > > > > > > On Jun 26, 12:54 pm, vamadevananda <[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > > > " Emotionally draining, we literally sucked the life out of each > > > > > > other." > > > > > > > Do you believe or are able to conceive, in the face of your > > contrary > > > > > > experience, that it is possible for two people to graduate to ' > > giving > > > > > > life to each other,' rather than sucking, to ' enriching each other > > > > > > emotionally,' than draining ? > > > > > > > Do you recall the movie sketching the life an authoress, played > > by > > > > > > Kate Winslet, and her male live - in fan, whose disappointments and > > > > > > spiritual crisis in later age anyone could empathise with ! > > > > > > > On Jun 26, 7:41 pm, DarkwaterBlight <[email protected]> > > wrote: > > > > > > > > Truly I did have expectations, in the begining of my marriage, > > that > > > > > > > were the fairy tale type. Reality struck hard early on in our > > > > > > > realtionship, we were both poor and from dysfunctional > > backrounds. We > > > > > > > were very aware of the pitfalls in life and dated 4 years before > > > > > > > getting married. When we finally did get married, she was 5 > > months > > > > > > > pregnant. We have three children who are 4 yearrs apart in age > > now and > > > > > > > our youngest is going to be 9. We were, (and probably still are) > > in > > > > > > > love. It doesn't make a lot of sense to me so it's really hard to > > > > > > > explain. I know that she would have me back and I would too but > > it > > > > > > > makes absolutely no sense. There is no logical explaination I can > > give > > > > > > > but I will never allow myself to feel that way about another > > woman > > > > > > > because it is too painful. Emotionally draining, we literally > > sucked > > > > > > > the life out of each other. > > > > > > > > On Jun 26, 12:33 am, ashok tewari <[email protected]> wrote: > > > > > > > > > It does, Slip, but does not indicate if the case was one of > > fairy tale > > > > > > > > expectations from relationships in ' love,' to start with. > > > > > > > > > On Sat, Jun 26, 2010 at 5:00 AM, Slip Disc <[email protected]> > > wrote: > > > > > > > > > All cultural disparity aside, Vam, the "imho" (in my humble > > opinion) > > > > > > > > > clearly indicates the subjectivity in the statement. > > > > > > > > > > On Jun 25, 4:49 pm, vamadevananda <[email protected]> > > wrote: > > > > > > > > > > " Imho, being 'in love' is, as Arch says, a fairy tale." > > > > > > > > > > > Wouldn't it be more accurate to state that of ' love,' as > > you or Arch > > > > > > > > > > understand or mean it ! ? It would be a great service to > > let your > > > > > > > > > > readers know that and, better still, to actually state what > > you > > > > > > > > > > understand or what your ' love ' means to you, as in what > > it does to > > > > > > > > > > you, how it affects you, what place it has in your > > hierarchy of > > > > > > > > > > values ? > > > > > > > > > > > For instance, if you've fallen for the fairy tale kind of > > love, you > > > > > > > > > > will end up with disappointments appropriate to fairy tale > > kind of > > > > > > > > > > love ! > > > > > > > > > > > And, this isn't semantics. > > > > > > > > > > > On Jun 25, 7:29 pm, DarkwaterBlight < > > [email protected]> wrote: > > > > > > > > > > > > I guess depending on how fast you want to travel it could > > be both! I' > > > > > > > > > > > have been reluctant to reply to this thread but I do > > share some of > > > > > > > > > > > your views PSK. Truth is that I have been married for > > close to 20 > > > > > > > > > > > years now but I have not lived with my wife for clos to 5 > > years. We > > > > > > > > > > > are both much happier than we were when we lived > > together. I have had > > > > > > > > > > > a few long term relationships since and they were just > > too much for me > > > > > > > > > > > personally. I have a GF now and she wants to pin me down, > > I feel > > > > > > > > > > > smothered. We lived together for a while and I wound up > > excomunicating > > > > > > > > > > > her from the solice of my abode. We are still 'together' > > but during > > > > > > > > > > > the course of our 1 year relationship I have had (and > > still do have) a > > > > > > > > > > > few different partners including her best friend who has > > shared our > > > > > > > > > > > bed on different occasions. She want's monagamy until we > > GET MARRIED! > > > > > > > > > > > Imagine that! I'm still married to the mother of my > > children and I > > > > > > > > > > > don't see that changing. Polyamorous relationships ARE > > possible but it > > > > > > > > > > > takes complete transparancy and a strong commitment to > > your > > > > > > > > > > > 'significant' other. I, however transparent I may be, can > > only be > > > > > > > > > > > commited to being a father and a good friend! I love her > > and all of > > > > > > > > > > > the women who I have 'known' equally. The love that some > > women require > > > > > > > > > > > I cannot and will not provide. Too emotional and without > > logic! Imho, > > > > > > > > > > > being 'in love' is, as Arch says, a fairy tale. > > > > > > > > > > > > On Jun 25, 5:33 am, "pol.science kid" < > > [email protected]> wrote: > > > > > > > > > > > > > Thats the beauty isnt it..our own separatre > > roads..running parrallel > > > > > > > > > to some > > > > > > > > > > > > at some point departing ..reconnecting > > again...intersecting with > > > > > > > > > some...or > > > > > > > > > > > > is it more like a river... > > > > > > > > > > > > > On Fri, Jun 25, 2010 at 12:09 PM, vamadevananda < > > ... > > read more »
