If joyent really wanted to make this about about gendered pronouns or some other social issue, they always had one really simple solution: declare their, or "node.js'", or the "community's" stance in a DIVERSITY or similarly named file (like README or LICENSE) within the codebase or elsewhere. Think the Debian Social Contract [1] but maybe a lighter weight version. Public bickering, blogging on Ben's departure, or many of the other tacts that have been taken in the public view are not necessary, both sides, IMO.
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