Hi Sylvia: Glad to see you bring this up. I do think it depends on the couples relationship and the intensity of their sexuality: this varies a lot from couple to couple. I did not co-sleep with my daughters but had them in the room in a bassinet (specially make on rockers) beside our bed. I have often felt guilty that I did not co-sleep having many friends who did. One huge difference was the level of sexual activity (at least as reported) between the couples. Most of my friends were not interested in sex too much while lactating and hadn't been during pregnancy either. My then husband and I were both very interested and active sexually throughout all 3 pregnancies and very soon after the births, I guess we were a little like rabbits. I would have to say that while we certainly christened every room in the various houses we occupied, probably our most frequent coupling place was our bed. Just lying beside each other was enough. Yes we would have been inhibited by having our little girls in bed with us. Our bed was also just a regular double bed size though my grandmother's restored iron 4 poster and our bedrooms were pretty small then. So, after the first 6 months or when the girls outgrew the bassinet, they were in a cot next door with the door open. I didn't practice controlled crying, just did see the benefit of establishing a bedtime routine once my first daughter was 18 months and still awake and overtired at 10 pm. Solved in about 2 weeks with the establishment of bedtime rituals after tea, rituals which lasted until my third daughter was 10 to 12 years. I wore my daughters all day in snugglies/slings whatever was available and worked, demand fed into their second year when they determined the weaning, none ever had bottles and all were and are very different. They are all now confident adorable young women 28yrs, 26 yrs and 23 yrs and so independent.
My friends who were much less sexually active with their partners often forgoing intimacy, due to lack of interest for weeks or months also have ado rable, confident, independent sons and daughters in the same age group. We are all now divorced, so I guess sex or the lack of it was not really an issue at least in our small sample. We were all tired and suffered from lack of sufficient sleep and all thought we were doing the best we could to meet this need. marilyn ----- Original Message ----- From: "Sylvia Boutsalis" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Thursday, March 18, 2004 3:10 PM Subject: RE: [ozmidwifery] sleep stuff > I don't mean to be judgmental in relation to co-sleeping but I am > curious about what happens to the couples relationship? I am not a > selfish person but I do regard my bed time to be something shared with > my husband alone. For me having a child in bed turns my attention away > from my partner and intimacy and focuses on my child. That is not what > is supposed to happen. Children take up so much time that it's important > to be able to find time to nurture our own relationship with our > partner, and most of that time is usually at night when the children go > to bed and when we go to bed. Children are an extension of us, not a > replacement of our affections. > > I would be interested to know how the men in your lives are coping with > this arrangement. Are they really into it or have they just accepted > it? > > Sylvia > Mum to Ellie 10, Chris 6 and Evan 4 (who all breastfed, but never > co-slept) > > > -----Original Message----- > From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Wayne and Cas > Sent: Friday, 19 March 2004 8:48 AM > To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] > Subject: [ozmidwifery] sleep stuff > > > Well, we tried the side car thing last night and he went down without > any hassles at 8.30, then woke up at 10pm so I fed him and gently rolled > him over to the cot and he didn't stir until 5am this morning. So far so > good. It was the best night's sleep I've had in weeks. Thanks for all of > your suggestions. > > I wanted to add though that sleeping with children and babies is not > right for everyone. I don't actually know too many adults or children > that seem affected by the fact their parents made them sleep in a cot > when they were babies. There is a lot more to parenting than whether you > co-sleep or not. Ie. If you don't love your kids unconditionally, no > amount of co-sleeping is going to give the added security a child needs. > I think we are all individuals and so are our children and we just need > to work out what best suits them. When Liam was the same age as Daniel > he was very hands off, didn't want hugs, didn't want the breast a lot > and it hurt me at the time but it was what he needed. Daniel is a > totally different baby. > > I will let you know if our good fortune last night continues. > > Cheers Cas. > > Cas, Wayne, Liam and Daniel McCullough > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > www.casmccullough.com > > > > -- > This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. > Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe. > > > -- > This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. > Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe. > -- This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe.
