Hi Sue, I absolutely agree that birth can be one of the most empowering or disempowering events - I have both read and seen (and felt!!) that "rush of birth".Interestingly, in my Gentle Beginnings discussion groups and massage classes, the women I see who dont "fit" into normal mothers groups because they are not doing "feed play sleep", controlled crying etc but are simply following their hearts and their babies yet dont necessarily know any of the "evidence" invariably have had natural births and simply dont "feel right" training their babies. Of course there are also mothers who have had challenging births who made deliberate choices to do all in their power to bond despite this. I do though feel so strongly that the chemicals released at a natural birth certainly prime mother and baby to fall exquisitely in love. If this doesnt happen, women need all the support they can be given to find a calm space and bond in their own time. I had a "roll over deearie" peth in the bum with my first and can remember (sadly) looking through a nursery window as he cried as tho he was not mine but "the hospitals' baby. Several days later when he was admitted to ICU something in me clicked and I became the mother lion -I had bonded but it took a bit longer than with the babies I had completely naturally. I dont believe any women should be deprived of this beautiful experience as it seems to give a lovely start to mothering: When mother and baby are connected, the mother can trust herself to follow the baby's lead (the Baby is THE BOOK!) and nurture with confidence. I agree with you -it doesn't all have to be consciously learned. I am sure we have generations of mothering wisdom within us and although we all seek information, the evidence seems to confirm what we know in our hearts.
Pinky www.pinky-mychild.com ----- Original Message ----- From: "Sue Cookson" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Saturday, March 20, 2004 7:01 PM Subject: [ozmidwifery] Parenting - instinctual or learnt? > Hi, > I also am enjoying this discussion. > > Pinky, you asked me if I co-slept with my parents, and, no, I didn't, but I > was always welcomed into their bed for a cuddle anytime, as was my husband > with his mum and dad. > > I guess that childhood experience probably imprinted the safe comfortable > bed-place on me as a child. Why my husband and I decided to cosleep was > nothing that we'd talked about, but an instant decision made after a > wonderful homebirth. Tucking into our own freshly made bed with our > firstborn after a torrid 18 hour labour, was the greatest joy I can remember > to this day. > > And I guess there may start another thread to this discussion. Motherhood > and parenting, as we all know can be and is, difficult. Some would say is > not instinctual but has to be learnt. > > Well, I was wanting to be sterilised at 19 - kids?? no way, not for me!! I > was the least maternal person I'd ever met! And yet somehow, for some divine > reason, I chose to birth my first baby (and subsequent 3) at home, > surrounded by those I loved and those who loved me. Within a few hours of my > first baby arriving into my arms, this amazing feline-type enormous love > feeling enveloped me, and is still with me to this day. There is nothing I > would or could not do for my children. > > If you read people like Michel Odent or Sarah Buckley, Leilah McCraken > (sp?), there is a lot of literature and interest these days in what exactly > is released with uninterfered with birthing; hormones. cortico development > (of baby - maybe me too?), etc. I certainly know how it felt, and I would > say that some deeply-held intuitive parenting knowledge basically burst > forth through me. I did not struggle with co-sleeping nor breastfeeding nor > immunisation issues nor schooling. I have always felt that I have known > what's best for each of my brood (and it wasn't always the same.). I'm not > saying that it was all easy, but I can say that I had no direct role model, > no precedence, no overbearing hubby or parents. I simply just did. > > And maybe that's why I've devoted all those years since my first birth to > assisting other women and their families achieve normal, uninterfered > births, coming up to 24 years. I am also therefore constantly around couples > with disempowering birth experiences, and am totally convinced that birth > remains one of the most potentially empowering or disempowering experiences > anyone can have in their lifetime. > > I'm still with my partner after nearly 30 years (31st March!) and I'm 48 > soon, but as a couple we are both intensely proud of our kids and also of > ourselves as parents. That parental instinct was certainly 'born' with our > first great homebirth, and no doubt added to with each of the other three. > > A passionate normal birth advocate! > > Sue > > > > > > -- > This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. > Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe. -- This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe.
