I am also enjoying this discussion - and reading everyone's views... I am fascinated by the instinctual/learnt.... nature/nurture argument... and really feel that parenting is powerfully instintual.... and these instincts can be validated/supported/entrenched if you were parented in a similar way.... OR/AND you and your children are relishing and thriving in this environment/parenting style you share with them. I was brought up in a fairly liberal household. I was lucky to be the eldest in a family of 4 children.....my siblings being MUCH younger than me....hence there were small children/babies running around the house when I was in my late teens (my youngest sister was born at home when I just turned 18!!). I grew up with my Mum always having a baby/toddler at the breast... cooking natural foods, alternative medicine etc etc..... BUT.......... my husband grew up in the complete opposite of this.... VERY old fashioned.... ie. wife has dinner ready when husband gets home from work... husband then goes out to pub... children don't see Dad.... meat and 3 veg, no nudity... etc etc BEFORE children - there were the odd fleeting converstaions re. circumcision, immunisation, vegetarianism etc etc...which were VERY old fashioned and one-eyed (on his part!!).... YET..... from the moment we had our first baby.....all these things which he thought were absolute - became obsolete... and his natural, VERY instinctual fathering kicked in (hooray!!!)..... the thought of his baby boy being circumsized was abhorrent... the thought of someone sticking a needle in our baby's pristine immune system...or putting our baby in another room to cry for us... was incredibly unnatural.... Despite that these were already my beliefs... he was in no way co-herced or bullied into this way of parenting.... it emerged immediately, natuarlly and fiercely!!!! He now sells ABA raffle tickets at work without a second thought - and without me even asking him to! (Please note that this is a man with a shaved head and still listens quite lovingly to heavy metal music!!). kind regards, Nicole
----- Original Message ----- From: "Sue Cookson" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sent: Saturday, March 20, 2004 7:01 PM Subject: [ozmidwifery] Parenting - instinctual or learnt? > Hi, > I also am enjoying this discussion. > > Pinky, you asked me if I co-slept with my parents, and, no, I didn't, but I > was always welcomed into their bed for a cuddle anytime, as was my husband > with his mum and dad. > > I guess that childhood experience probably imprinted the safe comfortable > bed-place on me as a child. Why my husband and I decided to cosleep was > nothing that we'd talked about, but an instant decision made after a > wonderful homebirth. Tucking into our own freshly made bed with our > firstborn after a torrid 18 hour labour, was the greatest joy I can remember > to this day. > > And I guess there may start another thread to this discussion. Motherhood > and parenting, as we all know can be and is, difficult. Some would say is > not instinctual but has to be learnt. > > Well, I was wanting to be sterilised at 19 - kids?? no way, not for me!! I > was the least maternal person I'd ever met! And yet somehow, for some divine > reason, I chose to birth my first baby (and subsequent 3) at home, > surrounded by those I loved and those who loved me. Within a few hours of my > first baby arriving into my arms, this amazing feline-type enormous love > feeling enveloped me, and is still with me to this day. There is nothing I > would or could not do for my children. > > If you read people like Michel Odent or Sarah Buckley, Leilah McCraken > (sp?), there is a lot of literature and interest these days in what exactly > is released with uninterfered with birthing; hormones. cortico development > (of baby - maybe me too?), etc. I certainly know how it felt, and I would > say that some deeply-held intuitive parenting knowledge basically burst > forth through me. I did not struggle with co-sleeping nor breastfeeding nor > immunisation issues nor schooling. I have always felt that I have known > what's best for each of my brood (and it wasn't always the same.). I'm not > saying that it was all easy, but I can say that I had no direct role model, > no precedence, no overbearing hubby or parents. I simply just did. > > And maybe that's why I've devoted all those years since my first birth to > assisting other women and their families achieve normal, uninterfered > births, coming up to 24 years. I am also therefore constantly around couples > with disempowering birth experiences, and am totally convinced that birth > remains one of the most potentially empowering or disempowering experiences > anyone can have in their lifetime. > > I'm still with my partner after nearly 30 years (31st March!) and I'm 48 > soon, but as a couple we are both intensely proud of our kids and also of > ourselves as parents. That parental instinct was certainly 'born' with our > first great homebirth, and no doubt added to with each of the other three. > > A passionate normal birth advocate! > > Sue > > > > > > -- > This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. > Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe. > -- This mailing list is sponsored by ACE Graphics. Visit <http://www.acegraphics.com.au> to subscribe or unsubscribe.
