Re: Monkee is gone
Dear Caroline, I'm way behind reading everyone and replying, as you can see by the date on your original post. I'm so sorry you lost your beloved Monkee (with the super name). And you know what? You didn't fail him. You gave him years of a brand new happy and loving life, with a loving mommy and grandmommy, too, which he clearly reciprocated. I understand the traumatized part and I understand the guilty part, too. I'm also guilty when a little one passes away: Did I do enough? Was I perceptive enough? Was I always there for him when he needed me? Did he get the right toys, outside time, Dr. visits, food, etc., etc. It's just endless, really. But then you have to remember how his life would have been if he hadn't decided to be that little wild man in the courtyard of your building and you hadn't decided that it was time to bring that darling little ragamuffin back into civilization. He still loves you. He'll love you forever. He'll be there in Heaven to welcome you when you join him years and years and years from now. He'll come to visit you during the day, he'll come to visit you at night in your dreams. Maybe you'll be doing the dishes or the laundry, not thinking about anything in particular, really, and you'll hear his little voice or feel his soft little body rub against your leg. Love and purrs from all of us, Tee, Lilibet, Billi Bi, Sammy, Teddy and Charlie Consciousness is Causal and Physicality is its Manifestation. On Jul 16, 2007, at 10:47 AM, Caroline Kaufmann wrote: My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for
Re: Monkee is gone
I am so glad Keisha visited. It is very comforting. You were a wonderful friend to her. Ask her to come again and explain the lessons she was sent to teach you. It will be very enlightening. Mai Mai continues to visit regularly and she left about 8 years ago. If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow man. St. Francis - Original Message - From: laurieskatz To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2007 10:01 PM Subject: Re: Monkee is gone Hi. I felt Keisha's presence by my shoulder while I was laying in bed the morning after she died. It was a very strong presence and very comforting. Laurie - Original Message - From: Marylyn To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2007 7:40 PM Subject: Re: Monkee is gone Caroline, I am so sorry Monkee had to leave this world but he left loved beyond words and in the place he felt safest---your arms. You gave him everything a little cat could want but it was time to leave. Please remember that only his body is gone. He remains very close to you and will visit you if you ask him to. You will feel him close to you just as long as you allow him to be and as long as you are open to visits. They are not dreams and you are not crazy. Many people on this list will tell you about their little friends visiting. Mine do on a regular basis and those that were closest to my heart never really leave my side. They are always there to help. This is not logical but it is very true. If you do not feel confident enough in your own ability to contact Monkee there are people who can help you. Susan can put you in touch with them or, if you can figure out how to e-mail me off line, I can. Bless you and your mother. If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow man. St. Francis - Original Message - From: Caroline Kaufmann To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 10:47 AM Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace
Re: Monkee is gone
Caroline, I am so sorry Monkee had to leave this world but he left loved beyond words and in the place he felt safest---your arms. You gave him everything a little cat could want but it was time to leave. Please remember that only his body is gone. He remains very close to you and will visit you if you ask him to. You will feel him close to you just as long as you allow him to be and as long as you are open to visits. They are not dreams and you are not crazy. Many people on this list will tell you about their little friends visiting. Mine do on a regular basis and those that were closest to my heart never really leave my side. They are always there to help. This is not logical but it is very true. If you do not feel confident enough in your own ability to contact Monkee there are people who can help you. Susan can put you in touch with them or, if you can figure out how to e-mail me off line, I can. Bless you and your mother. If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow man. St. Francis - Original Message - From: Caroline Kaufmann To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 10:47 AM Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself
Re: Monkee is gone
Hi. I felt Keisha's presence by my shoulder while I was laying in bed the morning after she died. It was a very strong presence and very comforting. Laurie - Original Message - From: Marylyn To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2007 7:40 PM Subject: Re: Monkee is gone Caroline, I am so sorry Monkee had to leave this world but he left loved beyond words and in the place he felt safest---your arms. You gave him everything a little cat could want but it was time to leave. Please remember that only his body is gone. He remains very close to you and will visit you if you ask him to. You will feel him close to you just as long as you allow him to be and as long as you are open to visits. They are not dreams and you are not crazy. Many people on this list will tell you about their little friends visiting. Mine do on a regular basis and those that were closest to my heart never really leave my side. They are always there to help. This is not logical but it is very true. If you do not feel confident enough in your own ability to contact Monkee there are people who can help you. Susan can put you in touch with them or, if you can figure out how to e-mail me off line, I can. Bless you and your mother. If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow man. St. Francis - Original Message - From: Caroline Kaufmann To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 10:47 AM Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore
To Caroline: Re: Monkee is gone
Caroline, I apologize for being late on my reply back to you. I just recently broke my footif it weren't for bad luck I wouldn't have any. I'm so sorry to hear about your precious angel Monkee. I too know what it's like to be there as well when they leave us. I remember not sleeping for at least a week or so kept having vivid dreams. It was sheer exhaustion that made me finally break. I questioned myself Why this kitty he endured so much in such a short time with me. Monkee doesn't want you to feel bad at this time so be gentle to your self. He is now at a place where there is no pain or illnesses playing with all the other angel kids. It does get easier over the course of time but you never forget the final moments. Take the time to remember all the good things about him. As stated by one of the other members the good things will overcome the bad things. Monkee will always be with you watching from above. Monkee will send another furbaby needing help at the time you don't expect it. This will be his way of saying Hey Mom help this guy out I believe when we leave we go to the Rainbow Bridge that we will be rejoined with our loved ones that means our angel furkids as well. Please don't be hard on yourself and take care. You are in my thoughts and prayers We are always here for you if you need to vent or just to talk. Terrie Mohr-Forker TAZZY'S ANIMAL TRANSPORTS SIAMESE COLLIE RESCUE Donations accepted at: _https://www.paypal.com/_ (https://www.paypal.com/) _http://www.tazzys-siameses-collies.petfinder.org/_ (http://www.tazzys-siameses-collies.petfinder.org/) _http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wasiameserescue_ (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/wasiameserescue) _http://hometown.aol.com/tatorbunz/myhomepage/petmemorial.html_ (http://hometown.aol.com/tatorbunz/myhomepage/petmemorial.html) _http://www.felineleukemia.org/_ (http://www.felineleukemia.org/) _http://www.hometown.aol.com/tatorbunz/index.html_ (http://www.hometown.aol.com/tatorbunz/index.html) _http://www.petloss.com/_ (http://www.petloss.com/) ** Get a sneak peek of the all-new AOL at http://discover.aol.com/memed/aolcom30tour
Re: Monkee is gone
I'm so sad for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Gentle passings Monkee. Gina Caroline Kaufmann [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever be trusting, cuddling, sweet, lfunny, love-bug that he was with me. The first time I turned on my radio and my tv after I had brought him into my life, he freaked out and hid under the bed for hours. After lots of love and being spoiled rotten, and having four years to experience as many things as possible, he had truly become my best friend. He would comfort me when something went horribly wrong in my life and the past 4 years have been pretty turbulent for me so he had a lot of comforting to do. He was what always cheered me up when I was at my lowest low and he was what kept going. He slept on my bed with me every night and even when I was just away for one night, I would miss him and miss having him there in the morning to wake up with. I am going to miss him so much. I also wanted to say Thank You for being such an instant support group for Monkee and I. We really needed help these past few weeks and you all really came through for us. Thank you, Caroline - Missed the show? Watch videos of the Live Earth Concert on MSN. Visit my Tigger Tales site! - Never miss an email again! Yahoo! Toolbar alerts you the instant new Mail arrives. Check it out.
To Caroline: Re: Monkee is gone
Hi Caroline, I just read your post about Monkee. I am so, so sorry. It's just horrible, I know. What is important, even knowing how Monkee died, is that you were there for him and did everything in your power to help him get better, including fighting for his life when his vets didn't want to. Monkee knows this. And he loves you. You DID NOT fail Monkee. Just the opposite is true. If you need to think about how he died, then let yourself, but not all the time. You might have to fight off the thoughts if they won't leave you alone. Replace them with good memories, happy memories. You have the power to do that. You don't deserve to suffer and Monkee doesn't want you to. Try not to let how his death happened weigh on you too much. My Cricket, my sweet baby, died the same way your Monkee did, and it was SO hard to watch. I can completely relate to you, and what I can offer is this. It will get better with time. It will be really hard at first, because images keep creeping into your mind. But I promise, eventually all the good memories will overshadow the tough ones. Take care of yourself Caroline. Allow yourself to grieve. Do relaxing things for yourself. Be gentle with yourself. You and Monkee have both been through a traumatic event. You have to have time to get over it. If you ever need to talk, feel free to email me. Everyone in this group is wonderful; if you need anything just ask. One of the best parts of this group for me was helping me grieve for Cricket. Helping me cope with all my crazy thoughts. They were a Godsend. You're in my thoughts, Wendy Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world - indeed it is the only thing that ever has! ~~~ Margaret Meade ~~~ Ready for the edge of your seat? Check out tonight's top picks on Yahoo! TV. http://tv.yahoo.com/
To Glenda: Re: Monkee is gone
Glenda, You have a way with words. What beautiful, comforting words to say to Caroline...and so true. :) Wendy Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world - indeed it is the only thing that ever has! ~~~ Margaret Meade ~~~ - Original Message From: glenda Goodman [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 9:25:19 PM Subject: Re: Monkee is gone Caroline, I have been reading your emails for a few weeks now and have gotten to know your heart and your wonderful Monkee. I am so very sorry you are hurting so badly and are missing your beloved Monkee. The tears are just running out of my eyes for you. I am sure I am not the only one out here feeling this way. People like you give me respect for mankind. What you are going through now is everything that is beautiful in people. To have given your whole self over to some hapless little cat and to be the very best friend he ever had is just so sweet. A lady like you should never be lonely...I do not think anyone out here would not want to be your friend...Right now there is another little friendless kitty feeling down, that I know, you are destined to meet. Keep the love flowing and make another spot in this very rough world beautiful for another little furry friend. Your new human friend, Glenda Larsen --- HIDEYO YAMAMOTO [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Caroline, I am so deeply sorry about Monkee's crossing. We all can emphasize your pain. You are very luck to have met Monkee and Monkee is so lucky to have met you -- nothing can take away the bond between you and Monkee--it will live forever. Hideyo - Original Message - From: Caroline Kaufmannmailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.orgmailto:felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 9:47 AM Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up
Monkee is gone
My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too.I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has "rescue remedy" with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you whotake care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in "the killing fields"- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever be trusting, cuddling, sweet, lfunny, love-bug that he was with me. The first time I turned on my radio and my tv after I had brought him into my life, he freaked out and hid under the bed for hours.After lots of love and being spoiled rotten, and having four years to experience as many things as possible, he had truly become my best friend. He would comfort me when something went horribly wrong in my life and the past 4 years have been pretty turbulent for me so he had a lot of comforting to do. He was what always cheered me up when I was at my lowest low and he was what kept going. He slept on my bed with me every night and even when I was just away for one night, I would miss him and miss having him there in the morning to wake up with. I am going to miss him so much. I also wanted to say "Thank You" for being such an instant support group for Monkee and I. We really needed help these past few weeks and you all really came through for us. Thank you, Caroline Missed the show? Watch videos of the Live Earth Concert on MSN.
RE: Monkee is gone
Caroline -- I am so sorry. My heart hurts for you. Thank you for telling us about how you and Monkee found each other. You changed each other's worlds infinitely for the better. I know everybody on this list has gone through what you're going through now -- the second-guessing, the feelings of failure -- but please know that you did the very best you could for Monkee and that he appreciates that, and your gigantic love for him. Gentlest of Bridge vibes to Monkee, and hugs to you. Diane R. From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Caroline Kaufmann Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 10:48 AM To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever be trusting, cuddling, sweet, lfunny, love-bug that he was with me. The first time I turned on my radio and my tv after I had brought him into my life, he freaked out and hid under the bed for hours. After lots of love and being spoiled rotten, and having four years to experience as many things as possible, he had truly become my best friend. He would comfort me when something went horribly wrong in my life and the past 4 years have been pretty turbulent for me so he had a lot of comforting to do. He was what always cheered me up when I was at my lowest low and he was what kept going. He slept on my bed with me every night and even when I was just away for one night, I would miss him and miss having him there in the morning to wake up with. I am going to miss him so much. I also wanted to say Thank You
Re: Monkee is gone
At 08:47 AM 7/16/2007, you wrote: Oh Caroline I am so truly sorry and i wish i had some magic words to help the pain..but Ido not soi can say that I understand you much you are hurting and if all of us here each take a little but of your pain,,,that may help a little bit. Time WILL be your friend,,and of course all of us here who feel like we are living aboard the Titanicjust waiting with no lifeboats available,,,but we have each other and we give our kitties the best of everything, We should always remember that unlike ourselves, They live in the present and for Monkee that present was full of love Kelly My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever be trusting, cuddling, sweet, lfunny, love-bug that he was with me. The first time I turned on my radio and my tv after I had brought him into my life, he freaked out and hid under the bed for hours. After lots of love and being spoiled rotten, and having four years to experience as many things as possible, he had truly become my best friend. He would comfort me when something went horribly wrong in my life and the past 4 years have been pretty turbulent for me so he had a lot of comforting to do. He was what always cheered me up when I was at my lowest low and he was what kept going. He slept on my bed with me every night and even when I was just away for one night, I would miss him and miss having him there in the morning to wake up with. I am going to miss him so much. I also wanted to say Thank You for being such an instant support group
Re: Monkee is gone ~ so is Keisha
Carol, I am so sorry for your loss and pain. Prayers for safe travels for Monkee's soul. Monkee is free now but nothing can compensate for the hole in your heart and life. I know. My beloved Keisha died Saturday completely unexpectedly. She went into respiratory distress here at home. I rushed her to the ER clinic. They put her in the oxygen tank and she appeared comfortable ~ she was not on her side and was no longer open mouth breathing. They planned to keep her in the tank for 2 hours and then send her home. When she went into respiratory distress again, they tried to save her ~ intubated her and gave her CPR but could not. After she died, I held her for 2 hours and stroked her fur.I am in shock and it doesn't seem real. I didn't want to leave her. We are doing a necropsy. She was not feline leukemia positive. May your Higher Power hold you as mine is holding me. Laurie - Original Message - From: Caroline Kaufmann To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 9:47 AM Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever be trusting, cuddling, sweet, lfunny, love-bug that he was with me. The first time I turned on my radio and my tv after I had brought him into my life, he freaked out and hid under the bed for hours. After lots of love and being spoiled rotten, and having four years to experience as many things as possible, he had truly become my best friend. He would comfort me when something went horribly wrong in my life and the past 4 years
Re: Monkee is gone
Caroline, I'm so very sorry for your loss of Monkee. Kelley
Re: Monkee is gone ~ so is Keisha
I am sorry for your loss too. I guess that is what they would have done with Monkee if we could have made it to the emergency vet in time, but when his respiratory distress hit, I knew we wouldn't make it even up from the bed, so I just held him, then he was gone. But we would have had to euthensize him either way because we were fighting a losing battle. I couldn't have gone through this again with another blood transfusion. The blood transfusion did give him a little over two weeks, but when it wore off, it really wore off. I wish I had known he was going to decline so rapidly and if I had, we would have done things differently.But then again, I don't think Monkee would have wanted to go any other way then in the bed with me holding him. I will keep you in my thoughts too. Thanks, Caroline From: "laurieskatz" [EMAIL PROTECTED]Reply-To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.orgTo: felvtalk@felineleukemia.orgSubject: Re: Monkee is gone ~ so is KeishaDate: Mon, 16 Jul 2007 10:07:53 -0600 Carol, I am so sorry for your loss and pain. Prayers for safe travels for Monkee's soul. Monkee is free now but nothing can compensate for the hole in your heart and life. I know. My beloved Keisha died Saturday completely unexpectedly. She went into respiratory distress here at home. I rushed her to the ER clinic. They put her in the oxygen tank and she appeared comfortable ~ she was not on her side and was no longer open mouth breathing. They planned to keep her in the tank for 2 hours and then send her home. When she went into respiratory distress again, they tried to save her ~ intubated her and gave her CPR butcould not.After she died, I held her for 2 hours and stroked her fur.I am in shock and it doesn't seem real. I didn't want to leave her. We are doing a necropsy. She was not feline leukemia positive. May your Higher Power hold you as mine is holding me. Laurie - Original Message - From: Caroline Kaufmann To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 9:47 AM Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too.I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has "rescue remedy" with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you whotake care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 m
RE: Monkee is gone
Caroline, I'm trying not to cry at work-such a shock since I thought Monkee would hang in there a bit longer-poor guy. Even though you were so upset when he was passing, and his look haunts you, at least you can feel better knowing that you were there for him. Imagine if he had been all alone without anyone to hold him and be there for him as he parted. You were able to show your love to the very end. Even though it's so sad and heart-breaking, Monkee's story is truly a happy one since his life would have been so horrific had you not rescued him. It sounds as though you both needed each other, but now remember Monkee in his happy times. Think of him on his porch or staring down the outside cats or anything funny that amused you-think of these things instead whenever you find yourself reflecting on his last moments-those were only moments whereas you have years of happy times together to remember and to comfort you. It's going to take a while, but I'm sure the guilt will pass. You did the best for him-more than the majority of people would do-and you are a special person for that who deserves an award-not guilt. Thanks for being a kindred spirit and a compassionate person. I'm so sorry for your loss! My thoughts and prayers are with you. Melissa _ From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Caroline Kaufmann Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 10:48 AM To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever be trusting, cuddling, sweet, lfunny, love-bug that he was with me
Re: Monkee is gone
I'm so sorry, Caroline, for your loss of sweet Monkee, I am thinking of you. I agree, I don't like taking them to a strange vet clinic for their last moments. I use Rescue Remedy some too, for me and for pets. You and Monkee was so lucky to have been together for a while, it's something that changes you and lives on with you in a very good way. Thanks for your compassion and for being a part of this group . Blessings, Gloria On Jul 16, 2007, at 10:47 AM, Caroline Kaufmann wrote: My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever be trusting, cuddling, sweet, lfunny, love-bug that he was with me. The first time I turned on my radio and my tv after I had brought him into my life, he freaked out and hid under the bed for hours. After lots of love and being spoiled rotten, and having four years to experience as many things as possible, he had truly become my best friend. He would comfort me when something went horribly wrong in my life and the past 4 years have been pretty turbulent for me so he had a lot of comforting to do. He was what always cheered me up when I was at my lowest low and he was what kept going. He slept on my bed with me every night and even when I was just away for one night, I would miss him and miss having him there in the morning to wake up with. I am going to miss him so much. I also wanted to say Thank You for being such an instant support group for Monkee and I. We really needed help these past few weeks
RE: Monkee is gone
Caroline, I am so sorry. You did not fail Monkee in any way. It sounds like he went very peacefully in the best possible place. At home with you with him. I know how sad it is at times like this and I'm so sorry. tonya Rosenfeldt, Diane [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Caroline -- I am so sorry. My heart hurts for you. Thank you for telling us about how you and Monkee found each other. You changed each other's worlds infinitely for the better. I know everybody on this list has gone through what you're going through now -- the second-guessing, the feelings of failure -- but please know that you did the very best you could for Monkee and that he appreciates that, and your gigantic love for him. Gentlest of Bridge vibes to Monkee, and hugs to you. Diane R. - From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Caroline Kaufmann Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 10:48 AM To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever be trusting, cuddling, sweet, lfunny, love-bug that he was with me. The first time I turned on my radio and my tv after I had brought him into my life, he freaked out and hid under the bed for hours. After lots of love and being spoiled rotten, and having four years to experience as many things as possible, he had truly become my best friend. He would comfort me when something went horribly wrong in my life and the past 4 years
Re: Monkee is gone
Caroline, I am so deeply sorry about Monkee's crossing. We all can emphasize your pain. You are very luck to have met Monkee and Monkee is so lucky to have met you -- nothing can take away the bond between you and Monkee--it will live forever. Hideyo - Original Message - From: Caroline Kaufmannmailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.orgmailto:felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 9:47 AM Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever be trusting, cuddling, sweet, lfunny, love-bug that he was with me. The first time I turned on my radio and my tv after I had brought him into my life, he freaked out and hid under the bed for hours. After lots of love and being spoiled rotten, and having four years to experience as many things as possible, he had truly become my best friend. He would comfort me when something went horribly wrong in my life and the past 4 years have been pretty turbulent for me so he had a lot of comforting to do. He was what always cheered me up when I was at my lowest low and he was what kept going. He slept on my bed with me every night and even when I was just away for one night, I would miss him and miss having him there in the morning to wake up with. I am going to miss him so much. I also wanted to say Thank You for being such an instant support group for Monkee and I. We really needed help these past few weeks and you all really came through for us. Thank you, Caroline
Re: Monkee is gone
I am so sorry, Caroline. Please be @ peace w/ the love time you had w/ Monkee, he would want that. He would not want you to grieve and blame yourself for things that are out of your control. Please take care of yourself. Susan J. DuBose ^..^ www.PetGirlsPetsitting.com www.Tx.SiameseRescue.org www.shadowcats.net As Cleopatra lay in state, Faithful Bast at her side did wait, Purring welcomes of soft applause, Ever guarding with sharpened claws. Trajan Tennent - Original Message - From: Caroline Kaufmann To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 10:47 AM Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever be trusting, cuddling, sweet, lfunny, love-bug that he was with me. The first time I turned on my radio and my tv after I had brought him into my life, he freaked out and hid under the bed for hours. After lots of love and being spoiled rotten, and having four years to experience as many things as possible, he had truly become my best friend. He would comfort me when something went horribly wrong in my life and the past 4 years have been pretty turbulent for me so he had a lot of comforting to do. He was what always cheered me up when I was at my lowest low and he was what kept going. He slept on my bed with me every night and even when I was just away
Re: Monkee is gone
Caroline I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Monkee(love the name)Hugs to you. Sherry Caroline Kaufmann [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever be trusting, cuddling, sweet, lfunny, love-bug that he was with me. The first time I turned on my radio and my tv after I had brought him into my life, he freaked out and hid under the bed for hours. After lots of love and being spoiled rotten, and having four years to experience as many things as possible, he had truly become my best friend. He would comfort me when something went horribly wrong in my life and the past 4 years have been pretty turbulent for me so he had a lot of comforting to do. He was what always cheered me up when I was at my lowest low and he was what kept going. He slept on my bed with me every night and even when I was just away for one night, I would miss him and miss having him there in the morning to wake up with. I am going to miss him so much. I also wanted to say Thank You for being such an instant support group for Monkee and I. We really needed help these past few weeks and you all really came through for us. Thank you, Caroline - Missed the show? Watch videos of the Live Earth Concert on MSN. - Moody friends. Drama queens. Your life? Nope! - their life, your story. Play Sims Stories at Yahoo! Games.
Re: Monkee is gone
Caroline, I have been reading your emails for a few weeks now and have gotten to know your heart and your wonderful Monkee. I am so very sorry you are hurting so badly and are missing your beloved Monkee. The tears are just running out of my eyes for you. I am sure I am not the only one out here feeling this way. People like you give me respect for mankind. What you are going through now is everything that is beautiful in people. To have given your whole self over to some hapless little cat and to be the very best friend he ever had is just so sweet. A lady like you should never be lonely...I do not think anyone out here would not want to be your friend...Right now there is another little friendless kitty feeling down, that I know, you are destined to meet. Keep the love flowing and make another spot in this very rough world beautiful for another little furry friend. Your new human friend, Glenda Larsen --- HIDEYO YAMAMOTO [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Caroline, I am so deeply sorry about Monkee's crossing. We all can emphasize your pain. You are very luck to have met Monkee and Monkee is so lucky to have met you -- nothing can take away the bond between you and Monkee--it will live forever. Hideyo - Original Message - From: Caroline Kaufmannmailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.orgmailto:felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 9:47 AM Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever
Re: Monkee is gone ~ so is Keisha
Laurie, I am very sorry your precious Keisha has passed away. I can feel your pain knowing when it becomes my turn to lose a beloved kitty family member, I will be a complete basket case.I will be trying to put my grief into words too... The good news is the people on this site are so full of love and have made such a wonderful difference in so many cat's lives. Being a kitty in this world is not easy when you think about the horrible lives most kitties live...It is an incredibly lucky kitty that is blessed by people like the people on this site. I guess all any of us can do is just be as loving and kind to all living creatures as we are blessed to touch. This does not mean just kitties, but everything innocent and dear... Glenda Larsen --- laurieskatz [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote: Carol, I am so sorry for your loss and pain. Prayers for safe travels for Monkee's soul. Monkee is free now but nothing can compensate for the hole in your heart and life. I know. My beloved Keisha died Saturday completely unexpectedly. She went into respiratory distress here at home. I rushed her to the ER clinic. They put her in the oxygen tank and she appeared comfortable ~ she was not on her side and was no longer open mouth breathing. They planned to keep her in the tank for 2 hours and then send her home. When she went into respiratory distress again, they tried to save her ~ intubated her and gave her CPR but could not. After she died, I held her for 2 hours and stroked her fur.I am in shock and it doesn't seem real. I didn't want to leave her. We are doing a necropsy. She was not feline leukemia positive. May your Higher Power hold you as mine is holding me. Laurie - Original Message - From: Caroline Kaufmann To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 9:47 AM Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I
Re: Monkee is gone
I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Monkee. I went through almost exactly the same thing you did less than a month ago, and I can hardly imagine anything worse to have to experience. To watch your best friend pass in such a way is a traumatic and life changing experience. I was hysterical as well when Tomi went into respiratory distress. Just think of how much happiness you brought each other, and even though it was for a short time, you shared a special bond. Think often of the special moments you shared together. I found it helped to do something to honor the memory of your lost companion. I took special pictures of my three lost kitties, blew them up, and got them printed and framed to hang on my wall. I also made a rock garden filled with flowers, etc in which to bury them. Time does heal wounds, though some wounds will always leave scars, at least they don't hurt as much once they heal. Cassandra - Original Message - From: Caroline Kaufmann To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Sent: Monday, July 16, 2007 10:47 AM Subject: Monkee is gone My beloved cat Monkee passed last night in my arms while I held him with my Mom standing next to my side. At about 2:30 a.m. We were going to take him to Dr. Maier's for euthanasia this morning at 8:00 a.m. I thought he could make it until then and that he wouldn't want to go to a strange emergency vet clinic he'd never been to before for his passing. I didn't know he was that bad. I feel so bad. It was so horrible. He was having some trouble breathing, but I was usually able to calm him down by holding him and giving him flower essences. He had begun to have trouble walking and he would cry at me really loudly when he wasn't able to do something he wanted to do because his brain was not getting enough oxygen (like walk around). I didn't want him to be in pain or suffer and I feel like I failed him. He did go really quick, but I was hysterical as it was happening. We were on my bed and I was holding him. He took a last gasp of air and then he stopped. When his body when limp, I felt like I might die too. I think the only thing that helped me and my mom was that she has rescue remedy with her and we both took it right away. It sounds odd to say that, but immediately after it happened, I felt a sense of peace-- for him. I think the rescue remedy helped my breathing at that time. I just held him afterwards and talked to him and pet him and kissed him for about two hours. I told him how wonderful he was and that I would never be the same without him. I walked around the house, sat with him on the porch he loved so much and took him outside for his last time to hold him while sitting on the front steps. I have never had an animal die in my arms like that and to have it be my best friend-- the best companion I've ever had...my heart just feels like it's wrenching in half. I feel guilty and traumatized. I am having a hard time erasing the memories of his passing. When I close my eyes, I see his face as he took his last breath. I don't how to recover from that. I've never been lonely since I had Monkee and now that he's gone, that loneliness is crashing in. I hope all of you are able to continue to care for your cats and give them the peace and love that they so desperately need. I admire those of you who take care of multiple FelV cats and have lost some in the past and continue to keep doing the work that you do. My thoughts and my prayers are now with all of you and your babies. I felt like I didn't have the mental energy to devote many of my prayers in the past few weeks to any cat other than Monkee, but I will be praying for you now. I also wanted to remind everyone that you never really know the power of what love can do for a cat like Monkee, until you experience it. When I found him, he was a crazy, dirty, little ragamuffin eating doves, baby rabbits, and whatever else he could catch in the courtyard of my law school apartment complex in Northern Ky 4 years ago. And four years and 1 month ago, I couldn't take his living it up in the killing fields- as I called it- anymore. It took so long to get him to be a somewhat normal cat. Something bad must have happened to him because he was already neutered when I found him, so he had to have belong to someone. He was deathly afraid of men and it took until probably about this past year for that fear to almost subside. I don't think anyone else in my life (other than myself) believed that he'd ever be trusting, cuddling, sweet, lfunny, love-bug that he was with me. The first time I turned on my radio and my tv after I had brought him into my life, he freaked out and hid under the bed for hours. After lots of love and being spoiled rotten, and having four years to experience as many things as possible, he had truly become my best friend. He would comfort me when something went
