Yeah I hear you Pranesh. It's all part of the guessing whether people really mean what they say part of society and of course saying things you don't mean to be "polite". I realised at some point that if they keep offering when they don't want to that's a them problem, because I'm not forcing it on them heh but also that it was better for me and my friendships to assume goodwill and that they would assume goodwill too
On Wed, Jan 31, 2024, 03:02 Pranesh Prakash <[email protected]> wrote: > On Tue, 30 Jan 2024 at 17:56, Ameya Nagarajan via Silklist < > [email protected]> wrote: > >> I do think we need to let go of this everyone is trying to take advantage >> mindset... And also learn to receive. So I'm glad I was able to do both >> > > I've not always found that to be easy. > > Earlier in my career (at an NGO), I used to travel to Delhi somewhat > frequently on work. Most of my friends in Delhi were former college mates > who had gone on to become corporate lawyers in India's largest law firms, > who were doing very well for themselves. They'd suggest places they would > normally go to — places that were quite expensive — but I knew that I lived > more frugally than I needed to in Bangalore, so I didn't mind all that much > splurging a bit in Delhi. However, they'd insist on covering my bill — > while they'd say (as with Peter's friends), "You're in our city", etc., it > was pretty clear it was due to the difference in our earnings, and I > wouldn't get a chance to return the favour when they visited Bangalore. > The first time, I acquiesced (surely a bit relieved given the bill amount, > given that we'd gone to an expensive Japanese restaurant and they'd had > alcohol as well, which I hadn't). But when this repeated a few times, I > started feeling a bit uncomfortable, despite knowing that they earned > several times what I did and that this wasn't really inconveniencing them > financially, and despite knowing that I ought to just be grateful for their > generosity of spirit. > > Still, in retrospect, I feel that this seems to have subconsciously > changed my behaviour: I think this might have been among the factors that > led me to go more to people's homes rather than meet them in large groups > in restaurants. > > One doesn't wish to feel one is taking (excessive) advantage of others' > generosity. > > – Pranesh >
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