Audrey: It's very true that we are all responsible about acknowledging, recognising, accepting it and taking good care of any emotion arising in us. And we do this without blaming oneselves either. So we don't blame others but we don't blame ourselves for having any emotion either. One has to deal with oneself with tenderness, kindest and love. Very important to understand this because if not differently one won't be able to undercover all layers in the process of overcoming depression. Mayka --- On Mon, 25/4/11, audreydc1983 <[email protected]> wrote:
From: audreydc1983 <[email protected]> Subject: [Zen] Re: Another Article Of Possible Interest To: [email protected] Date: Monday, 25 April, 2011, 3:48 Hello, all! :) The "you are responsible for your own emotions" teaching is one of the cornerstones of treating depression - this is where (years ago) I first encountered it . I spent many weeks challenging this view, not wanting to believe it - but I soon recognized it for truth. "Bad" weather? Only if you view it that way. Flowers need rain to grow, correct? All growing things need water. There are many viewpoints that differ from our own, concerning the same subject. I have attempted long and hard to show my husband that this is true - yet he still refuses to believe it. "I called you ______ because you made me say it." " No, I did not hold a gun to your head and threaten you with death, if you did not call me that name. You and only you have control over the words that come out of your mouth. You are making yourself the victim by phrasing the situation this way. How does it feel, being powerless?" Much light is shed on the matter when you meet his family - especially his stepfather. This man has a tendency to blame his woes on others, instead of his own incompetency. Thus, he has become comfortable being a passive victim, rather than an active participant in his own misfortunes. I suppose my husband has seen the misleading comfort in this, and followed suit - not with his life, or work - but in the arena of his feelings. If he has no control over them, then no one can blame him for being angry - it was the other person, the one that "made" him angry. It's *their* fault. ~Audrey --- In [email protected], "ED" <seacrofter001@...> wrote: > > > > Bill, > > You said: "I do agree that we all do tend to blame others (other people, > circustances, 'luck', etc...) for > our feelings." > > Yes. > > People have different attitudes toward misfortunes, and the parts they, > others, and kismet, karma or luck have to play with it. These attitudes > have several sources which the individual has been exposed to. > Furthermore, these mind-sets, which have developed and solidified over > decades, are extremely difficult to modify. > > It appears easy to perceive the disempowered and ineffective mind-sets > that others hold, but it is usually quite impossible to perceive one's > own inferior mind-sets in the present. > > --ED > > > > --- In [email protected], "Bill!" <BillSmart@> wrote: > > > ED, > > First of all thank you for your direct answer. > > Second of all, I apologize for not getting the humor intended. > > I do agree that we all do tend to blame others (other people, > circustances, 'luck', etc...) for > our feelings. > > ...Ill! > > > > > Bill, > > > > That statement of mine, had the typical male-female relationship in > > mind, and was slyly intended to be humorous: "If only my husband (or > > wife) would change her ways, wouldn't we both be happier?" > > > > It is easier to complain about the other's behaviors than to > retraining > > our ourselves to adapt to them. > > > > --ED >
