I think Mayka mades a very good point when saying you shouldn't blame even YOURSELF for your feelings. Just accept them and move on...Bill!
--- In [email protected], Maria Lopez <flordeloto@...> wrote: > > Audrey: >  > It's very true that we are all responsible about acknowledging, > recognising, accepting it and taking good care of any emotion arising in > us. And we do this without blaming oneselves either. So we don't blame > others but we don't blame ourselves for having any emotion either.  One > has to deal with oneself with tenderness,  kindest and love. Very important > to understand this because if not differently one won't be able to undercover > all layers in the process of overcoming depression.   >  > Mayka >  >  >  > --- On Mon, 25/4/11, audreydc1983 <audreydc1983@...> wrote: > > > From: audreydc1983 <audreydc1983@...> > Subject: [Zen] Re: Another Article Of Possible Interest > To: [email protected] > Date: Monday, 25 April, 2011, 3:48 > > >  > > > > Hello, all! :) > > The "you are responsible for your own emotions" teaching is one of the > cornerstones of treating depression - this is where (years ago) I first > encountered it . I spent many weeks challenging this view, not wanting to > believe it - but I soon recognized it for truth. > "Bad" weather? Only if you view it that way. Flowers need rain to grow, > correct? All growing things need water. There are many viewpoints that differ > from our own, concerning the same subject. > > I have attempted long and hard to show my husband that this is true - yet he > still refuses to believe it. > "I called you ______ because you made me say it." > " No, I did not hold a gun to your head and threaten you with death, if you > did not call me that name. You and only you have control over the words that > come out of your mouth. You are making yourself the victim by phrasing the > situation this way. How does it feel, being powerless?" > > Much light is shed on the matter when you meet his family - especially his > stepfather. This man has a tendency to blame his woes on others, instead of > his own incompetency. Thus, he has become comfortable being a passive victim, > rather than an active participant in his own misfortunes. > > I suppose my husband has seen the misleading comfort in this, and followed > suit - not with his life, or work - but in the arena of his feelings. If he > has no control over them, then no one can blame him for being angry - it was > the other person, the one that "made" him angry. It's *their* fault. > > ~Audrey > > --- In [email protected], "ED" <seacrofter001@> wrote: > > > > > > > > Bill, > > > > You said: "I do agree that we all do tend to blame others (other people, > > circustances, 'luck', etc...) for > > our feelings." > > > > Yes. > > > > People have different attitudes toward misfortunes, and the parts they, > > others, and kismet, karma or luck have to play with it. These attitudes > > have several sources which the individual has been exposed to. > > Furthermore, these mind-sets, which have developed and solidified over > > decades, are extremely difficult to modify. > > > > It appears easy to perceive the disempowered and ineffective mind-sets > > that others hold, but it is usually quite impossible to perceive one's > > own inferior mind-sets in the present. > > > > --ED > > > > > > > > --- In [email protected], "Bill!" <BillSmart@> wrote: > > > > > ED, > > > > First of all thank you for your direct answer. > > > > Second of all, I apologize for not getting the humor intended. > > > > I do agree that we all do tend to blame others (other people, > > circustances, 'luck', etc...) for > > our feelings. > > > > ...Ill! > > > > > > > > > Bill, > > > > > > That statement of mine, had the typical male-female relationship in > > > mind, and was slyly intended to be humorous: "If only my husband (or > > > wife) would change her ways, wouldn't we both be happier?" > > > > > > It is easier to complain about the other's behaviors than to > > retraining > > > our ourselves to adapt to them. > > > > > > --ED > > > ------------------------------------ Current Book Discussion: any Zen book that you recently have read or are reading! Talk about it today!Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Zen_Forum/ <*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional <*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Zen_Forum/join (Yahoo! ID required) <*> To change settings via email: [email protected] [email protected] <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [email protected] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
