Dear Rahul,
I agree with the points made by Kanchan Madam in her trailing mail below
regarding mobility.
I am a late-blind individual & lost all sight when I was 22 years old. Prior
to losing sight, I had a good-sized circle of friends but most of them
started to avoid me after I lost my sight. Initially, I used to move around
with a sighted guide & faced being left out from social gatherings like
going to movies, parties etc. But since I have started moving around
independently to a certain extent, many of my friends who had left when I
lost my sight have returned. During talks with them, the most common thing
for the break in friendship that I find is the presence of the sighted
guide. Most of my friends used to consider him an outsider in the group & I
was also marginalised as a result.
So, I feel that you should also learn to move around without a sighted guide
& trust your friends to help you move around.
Regards
Mr. Sameer Latey
Mumbai, India
----- Original Message -----
From: "KanchanPamnani" <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Monday, November 28, 2011 10:08 PM
Subject: Re: [AI] Socialising
Rahul, I have just read your mail and haven't read the trailing mails.
The problem is very clear. You will have to learn mobility and get rid of
your sighted assistant if you really want to go out wit friends. I am
notasking you to get rid of the driver. The driver will be an asset. The
faster you get more independent the better chance you have of making
friends
and moving from acquaintances to friends.
Please understand that once you start trying to move independently others
around you will give you a hand. Its a bit of play acting and a bit of
preplanning. Call me on any Sunday morning and we can chat.
For those who are late blind and feel that their friends are cutting them
off I can only tell yu how I managed to retain my friends.
1 Initially you may have to be the one who plans an outing.
2. Never show your friends that you are depending upon them for reaching a
place. Try to reach the meeting point on your own. Use others like
cabbies,
security guards, ushers and waiters. Be Bold and keep a bold face even if
you are scared or cursing in your heart. Kanchan
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Rahul Bajaj
Sent: 28 November 2011 21:07
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [AI] Socialising
Hi all,
First of all, I would like to thank you all for your wonderful and
informative responses.
I would love to be friends with everyone in this group :)
Even I happen to be very good in studies, so there are many people who
contact me when they have doubts/difficulties related to studies.
My problem is not that I don't have friends.
In fact, whenever I go for a class, I mostly have someone to talk to,
and I usually have a lot of fun with my friends.
The only problem is that my friends don't call me when they go to
other public places.
Ajay,
I really appreciate your views, and I somewhat agree with you.
However, I have always believed that I will make myself more dependent
on others if I don't have a sighted guide with me.
I believe that my friends think that, If I go somewhere only with my
friends, and if something goes wrong, then they will be the ones who
will be answerable.
However, if I have a sighted guide with me, then they won't have to
make any extra adjustments for me.
Most of these plans are made after the class gets over.
So, it could also be that I usually don't end up being a part of these
plans merely because I mostly have to leave immediately after the
class gets over, because I have to go with a sighted guide and a
driver.
On 28/11/2011, Ajay Minocha <[email protected]> wrote:
Hi shadab
in 4th standard I also had the same situation
I was really naughty so my teacher arainged special seet for me just
closed to her away from class
till 12th standard teachers would want me to sit on the 1st banch
because they know as soon as the teacher stoppes then ajay starts
and I was too naughty I didn't miss even a single chance to moov away
from my seet while in lunch or between other interwells
and my friends also supported me
they injoyed my company
when we used to sit in class and have a chat
then it was their duty to let me know when teacher is watching by
touching me or some thing else
and I used to become silent at once
but in my whole school life
I didn't let my self to loose the top 5 positions of my class in studies
when my parents used to go in parents teacher meeting then teacher would
say
" this boy is excilent in studies
but he is equally naughty"
regards
On 11/28/11, payal <[email protected]> wrote:
Rahul,
You've already received some excellent tips from others on this list.
The
main thing I can surmise from these and my own experience with other
sighted
people is that you need to be comfortable in your own skin to ensure
others
see you exactly the same way, confident and ready to take the world on.
At 17, all your friends have plenty on their own to prove to the world
and
thus will have little time to spare you if you don't make your presence
felt. As Ajay has rightly mentioned, your sighted guide is perhaps a
deterent. They need to feel like you want to be one of them and let
them
do
all your guide perhaps does for you. You are not invisible, they need to
see
that. I still have trouble with people wanting to speak to my companion
rather than me, simply because they know no better and I'm forced to
remind
them I'm only blind and can use all other faculties just fine and don't
bite
either.
Give yourself the time and space to know that you indeed are a part of
who
all of them are and slowly, but surely things will get better. There are
bigger things in life that will take precedence over this huge worry in
some
time.
All the best.
Payal
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Rahul Bajaj
Sent: Sunday, November 27, 2011 11:23 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [AI] Socialising
Hi all,
I hope you all are well.
Like I've mentioned in my earlier posts, I'm 17 and am currently in 12th
grade.
I have quite a few sighted friends, but I've noticed that they hardly
ever call me when they go for movies, have birthday parties or have
get-togethers.
I feel that my visual impairment is a major reason for this.
We have appointed a sighted guide who goes with me everywhere.
So, I often get depressed and frustrated when my friends don't call me.
In fact, for me, this is the biggest challenge that I currently have
to face due to my visual impairment.
I can't even ask my friends if they don't call me because of my visual
problem, because none of them will ever admit it.
So, has anyone here faced this problem?
Please share your views and suggestions.
Cheers,
Rahul
Search for old postings at:
http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/
To unsubscribe send a message to
[email protected]
with the subject unsubscribe.
To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes,
please
visit the list home page at
http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in
Search for old postings at:
http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/
To unsubscribe send a message to
[email protected]
with the subject unsubscribe.
To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes,
please
visit the list home page at
http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in
--
Ajay Minocha
Mob : +91-7827188455
E mail : [email protected]
[email protected]
Search for old postings at:
http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/
To unsubscribe send a message to
[email protected]
with the subject unsubscribe.
To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes,
please
visit the list home page at
http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in
Search for old postings at:
http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/
To unsubscribe send a message to
[email protected]
with the subject unsubscribe.
To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes,
please
visit the list home page at
http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in
Search for old postings at:
http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/
To unsubscribe send a message to
[email protected]
with the subject unsubscribe.
To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes,
please visit the list home page at
http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in
Search for old postings at:
http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/
To unsubscribe send a message to
[email protected]
with the subject unsubscribe.
To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please
visit the list home page at
http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in
