Greetings, I've been lurking on this list for a while. And I've followed the current discussion with great interest -- I was involved in one relationship where, to my horror, I discovered I was a batterer. That was in college, I've undergone a couple of courses of therapy, and no relapse (yet, 20 years). My partner had (before me) an abusive relationship where she was battered, and another one after me. I suppose she's a statistical anomaly (as are we all). I'm in a slightly unusual position as a male in that I've also been the victim of male sexual battery myself, as a child.
So. No doctorate, no sociological data, but one element I've not heard in this discussion is the importance of self-esteem, of the lack of self-worth, as a factor in male violence against women. And indeed, in other areas of intimate violence, such as violence from men/women to their children. I am not surprised to hear that counseling men alone does not achieve results: anyone in a college course on family counseling could predict that. Men are members of peer groups as are we all -- the problems are systemic, that is, they transcend the individual. Does this mean we can't even address the problem before Patriarchy is overturned? I would argue that there is much that can be done, locally, as it were. If people feel good about themselves, they are unlikely to engage in behaviour which makes them loathe themselves. And vice versa. I don't mean to suggest that Patriarchy should not be overturned! Far from it. Only that if *that* is the only hope for saving women from domestic violence, then in the meantime they had better arm themselves, since that is going to be a long-term process (especially in some parts of the world). And I don't advocate more handguns. But shouldn't advocates also be looking at and working with the peer groups, the very specific familial, cultural, and economic pressures which are abusing the abuser? My abuser is dead, he took his life, half a hemisphere away and a year or so ago. I am still alive to say my view, and I'm hoping we can find a useful approach short of that solution. Thanks for a most important discussion. sincerely, Chris ***End-violence is sponsored by UNIFEM and receives generous support from ICAP*** To post a message, send it to: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To subscribe or unsubscribe, send a message to: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>. In the 1st line of the message type: subscribe end-violence OR type: unsubscribe end-violence Archives of previous End-violence messages can be found at: http://www.edc.org/GLG/end-violence/hypermail/
