Sisters, I have been listening to the many comments over the past few weeks and wanted to offer my insights. I have moved recently out of the field of domestic violence into working with my chosen faith community of Unitarian Universalists. We do some DV work through what we call Safe Congregations. It covers a wide range of interpersonal violence including woman battering, child abuse, rape, sexual harassment, clergy sexual misconduct and recently pornography. Restorative Justice, another initiative, addresses clergy sexual misconduct.
I recognize some of your names and am inspired to see that many of you are still actively doing this important work. I was inspired by the statements of both Mary Kruger and Anu Pillay I want to also go on record stating that "low self esteem" is not the only motive that determines whether a woman may leave or stay. I think her support network which is part of what comprises her sense of self or self esteem as we refer to it determines her perception about whether she has options can "make it on her own." Think of the women with resources that can walk out. Do we bother to inquire whether she has high or low self esteem. It is not an issue because she is able to leave. Is it the resources and her access to resources or her sense of self? We know that a woman's sense of self is bolstered by support from resources which represent options for her and her children. If a person does not believe they can "make it on their own" is that a statement about their sense of self or their access to resources or inability to perceive options? If our premise is that women with high self esteem walk away then every every woman residing in a shelter has high self esteem. Shelters have provided women options, the ability to walk away may or may not be evidence of a woman's self esteem but walking away surely must bolster a woman's self esteem, right? We can also speculate that in many instances walking away bolstered her at risk potential. Fear does strange things. It can make some women stay and others leave. Exactly how much of this is determined by her sense of her self? I think we have to be careful about this issue of self esteem. A study was done on survivors of a fire in Cocoanut Grove, Florida where 129 people were killed. Those that recovered quickly from the disaster and actually achieved a higher "level of self esteem" following the traumatic disaster had a high quality of support thoughout their period of trauma. Support, is defined in this research not by counseling or therapy, but by the number of people/friends that checked on them during their recovery and listened to them and sat with them. In contrast, those who did not have that kind of support system had a long and painful recovery. The researcher, Eric Lindemann, also noted that the group that lacked a good support system rarely recovered the level of well-being they experienced before the tragedy. These were not new support systems but existing friends and loved ones that came to the survivors aid. Battered women are often stripped of such support systems by batterers. Does her low self esteem allow it? What came first, the chicken or the egg? I think we have to focus on providing options i.e. resources for women in general. Battered women and potentially battered women will benefit from such resources and can then make healthy choices like walking away from violent relationships. And then we can once and for all put to rest this issue of low self esteem. The reality is that we live in misogonistic societies that strip women of a healthy sense of self. So potentially all women are at risk for low self esteem. I think the problem is that "low self esteem" is too simplistic an explaination for very complex human behaviors. Enough said! Carry on my sisters! :) A Luta Continua Qiyamah A. Rahman ***End-violence is sponsored by UNIFEM and receives generous support from ICAP*** To post a message, send it to: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To subscribe or unsubscribe, send a message to: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>. In the 1st line of the message type: subscribe end-violence OR type: unsubscribe end-violence Archives of previous End-violence messages can be found at: http://www.edc.org/GLG/end-violence/hypermail/
