By way of brief introduction, I am the Associate Director for Programs at
the Center for Health and Gender Equity, an international reproductive
health and rights organization, and head up our ongoing work regarding the
integration of gender based violence efforts into reproductive health programs.

I want to thank Chris for his courageous posting and to add to his plea
that we take some time to consider the self-esteem of boys.  As a long time
advocate in the end violence movement and the mother of two sons, I have
come to realize that it is not just that we sometimes overtly socialize
boys in ways that can lead to adulthood violence, but that much more
frequently, at least in Western society, we cut them off at every pass--
through condemnation, ridicule and punishment-- when they express "girl"
traits, such as a desire to be beautiful, nurturing or "domestic," or to
show love and tenderness in a nonsexual way, or to show emotion,
particularly "weak" emotions such as pain, sadness, worry, fear,
etc.  Through such censuring we create environments in which
competitiveness, bravado and roughness, and yes, sometimes violence, are
the only acceptable road for boys.  This "acceptable" road has become
narrower and narrower as we simultaneously condemn them for their "rough"
behavior while at the same time allowing them no new outlets for
self-expression.  (I actually have no problem with the rough and tumble
world of "boy" behavior and find that it does not become violent or
threatening when given a thoughtful, appropriate and fun(!) outlet.  In
fact at 41 I find a good wrestle or a heart pumping game of backyard
football to be extremely beneficial to all!).

One simple yet telling example is found in clothing and appearance.  In
Western societies there is, for all intents and purposes, no such thing,
anymore, as "boy" clothes for girls as girls can wear virtually whatever
they want, including make-up or not, dresses or pants, boots or high heels,
leather or lace.  But boys have a very strict uniform--and it is by and
large extremely unappealing aesthetically-- from which they deviate at
their peril.  These codes are so well enforced that boys are reluctant to
express themselves theatrically, musically, artistically, or any other way
that does not reinforce the uniform.  (How many of us don't giggle at the
Mel Brooks movie title: Robin Hood: Men in Tights? I love Mel Brooks, but
think about it!)  Yes, there is much peer pressure at work here, but peers
are all individual kids who are getting these messages from adults as well
as from each other.  So its not just that in some societies boys are
overtly encouraged to be violent, but that in virtually ALL societies we
leave them with so few behavioral and self-expressive choices.  I think
rampant and unrecognized homophobia is at the root of it, and that we are
even more terrified that our boys might be gay than that our girls might
be, but who knows...

I have an essay in the new book on the Universal Declaration of Human
Rights edited by Alda Facio and published in Spanish by UNIFEM, ILANUD and
Programa Mujer, Justicia y Genero, celebrating my young son's wearing of
dresses-- and a tiara, and carrying a wand, and singing "I just cant wait
to be QUEEN" at the top of his lungs-- i.e. fulfilling the seemingly
universal "queen for the day" dream-- that I am happy to share (in
English!) with anyone who would like to see it.

Best,

Suzanna Banwell



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