By way of brief introduction, I am the Associate Director for Programs at the Center for Health and Gender Equity, an international reproductive health and rights organization, and head up our ongoing work regarding the integration of gender based violence efforts into reproductive health programs.
I want to thank Chris for his courageous posting and to add to his plea that we take some time to consider the self-esteem of boys. As a long time advocate in the end violence movement and the mother of two sons, I have come to realize that it is not just that we sometimes overtly socialize boys in ways that can lead to adulthood violence, but that much more frequently, at least in Western society, we cut them off at every pass-- through condemnation, ridicule and punishment-- when they express "girl" traits, such as a desire to be beautiful, nurturing or "domestic," or to show love and tenderness in a nonsexual way, or to show emotion, particularly "weak" emotions such as pain, sadness, worry, fear, etc. Through such censuring we create environments in which competitiveness, bravado and roughness, and yes, sometimes violence, are the only acceptable road for boys. This "acceptable" road has become narrower and narrower as we simultaneously condemn them for their "rough" behavior while at the same time allowing them no new outlets for self-expression. (I actually have no problem with the rough and tumble world of "boy" behavior and find that it does not become violent or threatening when given a thoughtful, appropriate and fun(!) outlet. In fact at 41 I find a good wrestle or a heart pumping game of backyard football to be extremely beneficial to all!). One simple yet telling example is found in clothing and appearance. In Western societies there is, for all intents and purposes, no such thing, anymore, as "boy" clothes for girls as girls can wear virtually whatever they want, including make-up or not, dresses or pants, boots or high heels, leather or lace. But boys have a very strict uniform--and it is by and large extremely unappealing aesthetically-- from which they deviate at their peril. These codes are so well enforced that boys are reluctant to express themselves theatrically, musically, artistically, or any other way that does not reinforce the uniform. (How many of us don't giggle at the Mel Brooks movie title: Robin Hood: Men in Tights? I love Mel Brooks, but think about it!) Yes, there is much peer pressure at work here, but peers are all individual kids who are getting these messages from adults as well as from each other. So its not just that in some societies boys are overtly encouraged to be violent, but that in virtually ALL societies we leave them with so few behavioral and self-expressive choices. I think rampant and unrecognized homophobia is at the root of it, and that we are even more terrified that our boys might be gay than that our girls might be, but who knows... I have an essay in the new book on the Universal Declaration of Human Rights edited by Alda Facio and published in Spanish by UNIFEM, ILANUD and Programa Mujer, Justicia y Genero, celebrating my young son's wearing of dresses-- and a tiara, and carrying a wand, and singing "I just cant wait to be QUEEN" at the top of his lungs-- i.e. fulfilling the seemingly universal "queen for the day" dream-- that I am happy to share (in English!) with anyone who would like to see it. Best, Suzanna Banwell ***End-violence is sponsored by UNIFEM and receives generous support from ICAP*** To post a message, send it to: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To subscribe or unsubscribe, send a message to: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>. In the 1st line of the message type: subscribe end-violence OR type: unsubscribe end-violence Archives of previous End-violence messages can be found at: http://www.edc.org/GLG/end-violence/hypermail/
