--- In FairfieldLife@yahoogroups.com, "george_deforest" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > > Curtis DeltaBlue wrote: > > > > When I stopped meditating about 19 years ago it felt a little weird > > for a few days and I sometimes had to take an afternoon nap > > since I was used to resting then. But in less than a week > > I felt great and have never desired the state again. > > > > I found that dissociation caused me to be a little detached > > from my feelings in a way that muffled them a bit. > > I enjoy the clarity non meditation has brought. > > is this preference for unmuffled emotion "the real me" > or just ego clinging to "my hut, my hut"?? > > i ask this with no judgement of your choice; > in fact i am at the same place, a crossroads, > and am really asking the question of myself >
Excellent question and thanks for phrasing it as a choice George. Since I am not selling my state of consciousness as an ultimate anything, for me it does come down to preference. This of course reflects my relativistic way of thinking about consciousness. On the other hand it also reflects my respect for the fact that lots of meditation does in fact change a person in profound ways. In my world terms like ego and hut are lost. My ego is strong enough not to get pushed over by forceful people, and small enough not to make me try to impose myself on others. I am not living in any sort of hut! That judgment comes from a world of pre-suppositions that I have dropped. I am hanging out with Lucy in her sky of diamonds just as richly as when I was way into TM. When I stopped meditating I noticed changes, but not huge ones as I had expected. My description of emotions and thoughts being slightly muffled is subtle. I would have forgotten all about it but recently I tried meditating a few times after 18 years and it did make me feel as if I was stepping back into more dissociation from my experience. It felt like overkill of that quality, although being conscious of the aspect of your self that is just awareness seems valuable. I guess I feel all loaded up in that department and I don't desire more of it. That was the funny thing about quitting for me. I never desired to go back into the balance of consciousness that meditating regularly brought me to. Not an aversion exactly, just a feeling of not wanting to spend any more time in that state. For me the belief in its value was key to how desirable it was. Once I lost faith that MMY was an expert, and going on my own more innocent experience, I concluded that MMY was making a big fuss over something of small but not ultimate value. OTOH I do understand that this style of functioning is just my choice and is not superior in any way to meditation influenced functioning. But for me I know that meditation brings too much of a good thing for me now. I think of it (and I know this will sound pejorative) kind of like a weed high. Interesting but not a state I seek right now. I don't even know why. Flying is a state that I have a bit more of an aversion to. I don't know what that was all about. It was very powerful for me for 10 years but I have zero desire to experience that state again. I think MMY is out to lunch on that state as valuable. It is not just more of what meditation brings for me. It is a completely altered state that is like the acid trips of my youth. I'm glad I had them but I don't need to go there again. Posting here has made me re-think my relationship to growth of consciousness. It has been really satisfying to find people who respect my choices while I can reciprocate with respect for people who choose the qualities that meditation brings. It is a profound tool of awareness. I don't believe that it is developing in people more than just a preferred style of functioning, but I certainly understand its charms. I think I was posting my POV on all this to say, life is so rich in all its forms that if meditation isn't working for you, don't think you will be thrown into a fiery pit! Life without meditation is fantastic, for me. But I am well aware that my POV on all this is no more than my personal values and choices being lived and enjoyed. I hope that answers your question and thanks for even asking George. It was interesting for me to try to articulate where I am at with this .
