I have been backsliding by consuming caffeine and nicotine heavily. The neural activity of our brains relies on chemicals of many sorts, I guess the question is what I am aware of and who is in control. Barriers have been broken but am facing new challenges, relearning some things, I worry that this is not the time, people are relying on me. Last night I had the strangest sensations sharp brain twitchings in the upper-right-rear, haven't looked it up yet. Loss of taste and feeling like my heart was pumping ice, very strange... Anyways despite the fears of new and troubling experiences I am here and getting stronger, but as mentioned before relearning some things- I had to relearn why I control my emotions, my blood pressure shot up rapidly yesterday and I was flushed until the next morning, however my lips didn't go numb. The oddest memories have been coming to me, the unique ringing sound I heard when I was down for weeks with ear infection in both ears and the time I drowned in a dream and had to force my body to revive, it was so cold and took so long to move and get clear vision. I almost wept when thinking about how I coached my son to deal with a bodily difficulty that took me twelve years to figure out, worthless doctors, inadequate parenting, malnutrition (osteoarthritis), every damned flu, so much food poisoning from free foods (better than starving), sloshing in the damned snow, who the fuck turns the heat off on kids in Michigan winters(?). I remember holding my mother and sister so many times and consoling her, no matter how bad it was for me, wondering who would save us. I didn't have it that bad really, but it was all around, and 'God provides'.. I'm observing this whirlwind from outside and it keeps coming back to the person who wasn't there and how it relates to the man I am becoming. Sorry I'm venting gabby, and it is not meant for you. The I-definition is becoming less a dependency.

Btw, 'we are all drug addicts in one way or another'. Our body and mind has many needs it becomes more and more important to understand I think. I'll regret sending this but what the hell, I need it! Aye it's coming full circle *chuckles

On 10/4/2010 9:55 AM, gabbydott wrote:
It is an interesting experience to read the undrugged Molly, Ash! You
might want to try also. Na, just trying to make it look positive. ;-)

But honestly, I thought you were going to say something like: we are
all drug addicts in one way or another, my I-definition depends on on
the following ...


On 4 Okt., 02:03, Ash<[email protected]>  wrote:
   If you think it necessary Allan I will accept this decision, however I
need not remind that we are all adults (assuming here) and most have
some experience or knowledge of drug use as ceremonial, recreational or
medicinal.

Molly, the only two drugs I've had a hard time with are nicotine and
caffeine. Thankfully I had the knowledge not to get swallowed up by hard
drugs in any of my harder times, but have had times that I thought
wrongly that escaping myself was better than facing my problems. When I
hear about crack, pcp, meth, herion or 'ice' dozens of lives and people
come to mind, and many roads leading down that path, it is like fast
forwarding through volumes in parallel with so much pain. I'll cut that
short and leave it impersonal preempting digression. I hear a lot of
fear mongering about drug use, which I agree it is important to provide
warnings of potentially dire consequences however I think it is
important to provide some bolstering of people's awareness and
understanding of how the entry down those paths are the self. I would
like to hear your thoughts on this because I am considering what to tell
my son when the time comes.

On 10/3/2010 4:20 PM, iam deheretic wrote:

Most I will answer privately Molly,
but even causal use of drugs effect thinking.
Allan
On Sun, Oct 3, 2010 at 6:45 PM, Molly<[email protected]
<mailto:[email protected]>>  wrote:
     I do understand, Allan.  I worked in the field of Prevention for ten
     years.  I see drug addiction as a completely different issue, as
     substances are used by shaman and holy men throughout the ages.  I
     completely agree that they are not necessary for the journey, and as I
     understand it, are used by the Shaman to "journey with" the
     uninitiated and allow their healing, getting them to the state that is
     otherwise unaccessible to them without years of study.
     Many people who dabble in psychedelics never become drug addicts.  On
     the other hand, most soft drugs are considered gateway drugs to drug
     addiction.  I look at the state of medicine now in the US and see that
     mind altering drugs like anxiety relieving or anti depressants are
     used by a large majority of the population.  It is not difficult to
     get prescriptions for muscle relaxers, sleeping pills, diet pills or
     narcotics for chronic pain either.  Those prone to addiction will find
     their substances one way or another.
     I too saw several lives ruined with the prolific use of psychedelics.
     Unfortunate indeed.  Timothy Leary's use and distribution of it is
     difficult not to judge, I leave the judgement to history.  Aldous
     Huxley is a success story coming out to the group.  John Lily (Mind of
     the Dolphin) probably the best example of the pitfalls of addiction.
     I try to recognize the merits of these folks individually, and the
     revolutionary movement of self examination that they lead in the US as
     a part of the greater evolution of the species.
     On Oct 3, 2:04 am, iam deheretic<[email protected]
     <mailto:[email protected]>>  wrote:
     >  I want to thank you Molly for making me mad  or at least mad
     enough to look
     >  up a spelling.
     >  years ago I hear a 12 year old boy tell me about his latest acid
     trip and it
     >  pissed me off  I knew who sold it to him and it pissed me off as
     he was
     >  destroying the mind of a child. it went from there..
     >  What the realization came to me the realization that making
     these addicts
     >  Icons if that is the right word really created a drug culture.
     because
     >  before that if you smoked dope you were known as a
     mugglehead.this drug
     >  culture of all drugs  including cocaine went rampant and one
     heard on the
     >  news one thing or another about the problem and thinking back a
     lot of it
     >  focused around wall street as well as the nations capital. It is
     about this
     >  time the extreme greed stared to show its ugly head .
     >  Looking at what is going on to day we literally and foolishly
     turned our
     >  economic well being over to drug addicts and there desire for
     the nest fix.
     >  I am sorry true enlightenment does not come in a pill, all
     though thou may
     >  cross the time / space barrier and come back with an idea then
     write a book
     >  does not make one enlightened. Enlightenment is a long hard
     grind that
     >  allows for tempering of concepts for social good and there is a
     certain
     >  wisdom that come from the process.
     >  I know you have read Carlos Castaneda's books the first book I
     see a student
     >  from Berkeley going to Mexico to get his drugs hiding it as
     research for a
     >  university paper.(not a nice way of putting it but true) by the
     third book
     >  he found out that you do not need the drug and the series show
     the long hard
     >  struggle. He was very lucky in who he meet and took him under
     his wing.
     >  Molly I can not see glorifying drug addicts.
     >  Allan
     >  On Sat, Oct 2, 2010 at 6:31 PM, iam deheretic
     <[email protected]<mailto:[email protected]>>  wrote:
     >  >  My experience with people that have been on LSD is not a good
     one, to me
     >  >  they are just another junkie ,  I know one thing if I had to
     see him as a
     >  >  psychologist I would run as fast and as far as I could in the
     other
     >  >  direction.
     >  >  Those lsd junkies have I have no respect for in looking up
     some of the past
     >  >  back ground (actually a spelling check) I suddenly found out
     why I knew so
     >  >  many of them, and it was not from my work. None of the one I
     knew were not
     >  >  really worth knowing.
     >  >  So I am dropping it from there I do not like talking about friends
     >  >  Allan
     >  >  On Sat, Oct 2, 2010 at 4:03 PM, Molly<[email protected]
     <mailto:[email protected]>>  wrote:
     >  >>  If only all mommies and daddies could teach their children to
     be here
     >  >>  now.  I do agree, it is a simple concept, so important, and a
     thread
     >  >>  of truth that runs through the world as a common state
     available to
     >  >>  all, not accessed by those trapped in ego, memory or speculation.
     >  >>  that Ram Das studied this concept in India doesn't preclude
     any one
     >  >>  else from learning it from a different tradition.  His
     exploration in
     >  >>  LSD may have prepared him, as did PhD in psychology, in different
     >  >>  ways.  Why some people are able to articulate the vision and
     others
     >  >>  follow it is, indeed, part of the mystery,
     >  >>  On Oct 2, 3:13 am, iam deheretic<[email protected]
     <mailto:[email protected]>>  wrote:
     >  >>  >  I understand it is the title of a book    the point is that
     living in
     >  >>  the
     >  >>  >  hear and now is not a eastern concept but rather a world
     wide one..
     >  >>  >  As for it being popular ,, well that simply show that many
     people don't
     >  >>  >  listen to their mommies and daddies but would rather listen
     to someone
     >  >>  else.
     >  >>  >  Allan
     >  >>  >  On Thu, Sep 30, 2010 at 5:30 PM, Molly<[email protected]
     <mailto:[email protected]>>  wrote:
     >  >>  >  >  Be Here Nowt was the title of his book, that was popular
     in the 70s
     >  >>  >  >  and sales are still strong.  That's the credit I am
     giving him, along
     >  >>  >  >  with an ability to point the way to a great number of
     folks in his
     >  >>  >  >  life time.
     >  >>  >  >  On Sep 30, 1:41 am, iam deheretic<[email protected]
     <mailto:[email protected]>>  wrote:
     >  >>  >  >  >  Be here now Molly I have know of that since I was a
     child and there
     >  >>  was
     >  >>  >  >  no
     >  >>  >  >  >  RamDas and as far as I can tell it has been around for
     generation. I
     >  >>  >  >  think
     >  >>  >  >  >  it is wrong to credit someone for creating a concept
     that has been
     >  >>  around
     >  >>  >  >  >  for generations.
     >  >>  >  >  >  Allan
     >  >>  >  >  >  On Thu, Sep 30, 2010 at 4:09 AM, Molly
     <[email protected]<mailto:[email protected]>>  wrote:
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  "Be Here Now" was the bible for youth uprising that
     offered the
     >  >>  civil
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  rights demonstrations and Vietnam war protests in the
     US in the
     >  >>  late
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  60s and early 70s.  RamDas taught with Timothy Leary
     at Harvard in
     >  >>  the
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  Psychology dept, they shared an office, and both left
     when Leary
     >  >>  was
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  dismissed - moving to the Leary family home in
     California that
     >  >>  became
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  infamous for his experiments in LSD.  After having
     enough of that,
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  RamDas left for India and found his guru, returned to
     his family
     >  >>  home
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  on the east coast afterward, and wrote "Be Here Now,"
     gaining a
     >  >>  large
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  following for his Westernized, Eastern ideas.
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  On Sep 29, 7:39 pm, Ash<[email protected]
     <mailto:[email protected]>>  wrote:
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  >     On 9/29/2010 8:52 AM, Molly wrote:>  You do what
     you do because
     >  >>  that
     >  >>  >  >  s
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  what the harmony of the universe
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  >  >  requires,
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  >  That is something I've been able to accept but not
     willing to be
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  >  comfortable with.>  RamDas, "Be Here Now"
     >  >>  >  >  >  >  >  :) Now that sounds like a plea (kidding). While you
     are
...

Erfahren Sie mehr ยป

Reply via email to