[lace-chat] Australian Valentine

2006-02-17 Thread David Collyer
Of course I love ya darling You're a bloody top-notch bird And when I say you're gorgeous I mean every single word So ya bum is on the big side I don't mind a bit of flab It means that when I'm ready There's somethin there to grab So your belly isn't flat no more I tell ya, I don't care So long

Re: [lace-chat] Soduku

2006-02-16 Thread David Collyer
If I do get frustrated and decide to guess, you can bet your life that I find that I have the same number already in that line. At that point I give up and decide to get on with my day. Any suggestions on how to approach the difficult puzzles will be gratefully accepted and tried. Janice

[lace-chat] Would you work for them?

2006-02-14 Thread David Collyer
Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics: * 29 have been accused of spousal abuse * 7 have been arrested for fraud * 19 have been accused of writing bad checks * 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2

[lace-chat] Irish Humour

2006-02-09 Thread David Collyer
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on t! he floor of the car. He says, Sir, have you been drinking? Just water, says the priest. The trooper says,

[lace-chat] Unsubscribing for 6 weeks

2005-12-12 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, I'm unsubscribing after I send this, as I leave on Wed. for 6 weeks up in the Northern Territory making lace in the nuddy!!1 See you when I get back David in Ballarat -- Internal Virus Database is out-of-date. Checked by AVG Anti-Virus. Version: 7.1.362 / Virus Database:

[lace-chat] 30 Years Difference

2005-12-10 Thread David Collyer
THE DIFFERENCE 30 YEARS MAKE! 1973 : Long hair 2005 : Longing for hair 1973 : Acid rock 2005 : Acid reflux 1973 : Moving to Cape Town because it's cool 2005 : Moving to Cape Town because it's warm 1973 : Trying to look like Liz Taylor 2005 : Trying NOT to look like Liz Taylor 1973 :

[lace-chat] Good Old Christmas Humour

2005-12-09 Thread David Collyer
You know what would have happened if there had been Three Wise Women Instead of Three Wise Men? They would have asked directions, Arrived on time, Helped deliver the baby, Cleaned the stable, Made a casserole, Brought practical gifts and There would be Peace On Earth. BUT, do you know what

[lace-chat] Remember this at Christmas

2005-12-08 Thread David Collyer
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their

[lace-chat] Home Honeymoon

2005-12-07 Thread David Collyer
Home Honeymoon Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they went back to mom and dads for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, No.

[lace-chat] Recognizing a Stroke (CVA)

2005-12-01 Thread David Collyer
During a BBQ a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went

[lace-chat] Kids in Church

2005-11-30 Thread David Collyer
Kid's In Church Real comments made by children Jesus' Dad's Name A Sunday school teacher asked her class, What was Jesus' mother's name? One child answered, Mary. The teacher then asked, Who knows what Jesus' father's name was? A little kid said, Verge. Confused, the teacher asked, Where did

Re: [lace-chat] car number plates

2005-11-29 Thread David Collyer
Dear Janice, I know that Tamara has T N LACE on her car plate but I was wondering if anyone can think of a good lacemaking personalized plate. I've often thought about this, and would love to have LACEMAN. But unfortunately here in Victoria, Australia, we're only allowed to have 6 digits or

[lace-chat] Australian Poetry Contest

2005-11-21 Thread David Collyer
The Australian Poetry Competition had come down to two finalists; a university graduate and an old aboriginal. They were given a word, and then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was 'TIMBUKTU'. First to recite his poem

[lace-chat] Two Women in Heaven

2005-11-17 Thread David Collyer
Two Women in Heaven Two women are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing stories on how they died: 1st woman: I froze to death. 2nd woman: How horrible. 1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful

Re: [lace-chat] A question of articles

2005-11-16 Thread David Collyer
Dear Tamara, But, more and more, the rule seems to be fraying at the edges, till I'm worried - more than usual - about opening my mouth in real life rather than in writing... Take history; it's almost always preceded by an when written. Should I, then, say an istorical fact? Same for hotel.

[lace-chat] Wether, Weather, Whether

2005-11-11 Thread David Collyer
Dear Tamara, You can now add this Australian version to your repertoire :) Going through the dictionary I just spotted another word pronounced the same way, but which she never mentioned: wether... Whether the wether is shorn, Depends on the length of his wool. Whatever the weather, He'll

[lace-chat] Willy Nilly

2005-11-09 Thread David Collyer
Dear Tamara other interested Friends, and make the best of the situation, willy nilly... Now there's a phrase with a history! Did you know that the original version of willy nilly was Will I? Nill I.? Came across it just this afternoon in a medieval novel I'm reading. David in Ballarat

[lace-chat] Humour

2005-11-08 Thread David Collyer
No sex tonight? I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were

[lace-chat] Bikie Humour

2005-11-02 Thread David Collyer
A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates. Have you ever done anything of particular merit? St. Peter asks. Well, I can think of one thing, the man offers. On a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young

[lace-chat] Dowagers

2005-10-23 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, Having been sent the following definition of a Dowager:- Dowager \Dowa*ger\, n. [OF. douagiere, fr. douage dower. See Dower.] 1. (Eng. Law) A widow endowed, or having a jointure; a widow who either enjoys a dower from her deceased husband, or has property of her own brought by her

[lace-chat] The Outhouse

2005-10-21 Thread David Collyer
One of my bygone recollections, as I recall the days of yore, is the little house, behind the house, with the crescent o'er the door. 'Twas a place to sit and ponder with your head bowed down so low, knowing that you wouldn't be there, if you didn't have to go. Ours was a large three-holer, with

[lace-chat] Don't Mess with Kids

2005-10-13 Thread David Collyer
7 reasons not to mess with children. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by

[lace-chat] Last Words

2005-10-13 Thread David Collyer
LAST WORDS Lying in a hospital bed, the dying man began to flail about and make motions as if he would like to speak. The priest, keeping watch at the side of the bed leaned quietly over and asked, Do you have something you would like to say? The man nodded in the affirmative and the priest

[lace-chat] Women's Studies

2005-10-12 Thread David Collyer
Enjoy David in Ballarat Women's Studies A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged

[lace-chat] RC Humour

2005-09-27 Thread David Collyer
Wrong Side Of The Bed! Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, Good morning ladies. The novices replied, Good morning, Mother Superior,

[lace-chat] Humour

2005-09-25 Thread David Collyer
Subject: Duh!! Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing, and concludes by saying: Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident Oh No, the President exclaims. That's terrible. His staff sit there, stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the

Re: [lace-chat] Re: Red hat no .....

2005-09-17 Thread David Collyer
Dear Tamara, Yet another fascinating email - thanks. Auel, in her series of pre-historic (fictional) books may have struck many off notes, but she *has* done a lot of research and her idea that sexually available women painted ther feet red, while not *prove-able* is an emminently

[lace-chat] Disappearing Aborignal Languages

2005-09-12 Thread David Collyer
Dear Jen, A language expires on average every two years in Australia, and every fortnight worldwide. Of the 250-odd Aboriginal languages (comprising up to 700 dialects) spoken at the time of colonisation, each as different from the other as English and Dutch, some 55 have already gone, and the

[lace-chat] Clocks??

2005-09-09 Thread David Collyer
Clocks A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, What are all those clocks? St. Peter answered, Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will

[lace-chat] Food for Thought

2005-08-31 Thread David Collyer
I grew up in the 40s/50s with practical parents. A mother, God love her, who washed aluminium foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a name for it. A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed, than buying new ones. Their marriage was

[lace-chat] FBI's Best 12 Deaths

2005-08-25 Thread David Collyer
Subject: FW: FBI'S BEST 12 DEATHS Every year the FBI, is asked to investigate over 36,000 Serious Crimes including Suspicious Deaths and Homicides. Every year the Homicide Investigations Unit puts out its Top 12 Homicides of the year. 1- Alex Mijtus,36 years old, is killed by his wife, armed with

[lace-chat] Family History

2005-08-23 Thread David Collyer
The Story TellersWe are the chosen ones. (or why I am obsessed/fascinated with Genealogy. My feelings are that in each family there is one who seems called to find the ancestors: to put flesh on their bones and make them live again..to tell the family story and to feel that somehow they

[lace-chat] More on Embleton, Durham

2005-08-22 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, Since my last email, I have found that Embleton in Dyrham was a chapelry in the Parish of Sedgefield. So can anyone tell me what the main industry was in Sedgefield in the mid 1700s? Thanks David in Ballarat -- No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG

[lace-chat] English Social History Question

2005-08-20 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, In my family history studies I have recently discovered that there was a large German community living in the Parish of Enbleton, Co. Durham from 1730 t0 1760. Would anyone have any idea what they could have been doing there at that time. Many thanks David in Ballarat -- No

[lace-chat] Irish Humour

2005-08-10 Thread David Collyer
Irish Maths An Irishman applies for a job, but the foreman won't employ him until he passes a little maths test. Here's your first question, the foreman said. Without using numbers, represent the number 9. Without numbers? the Irishman says, Dat is easy. and proceeds to draw three trees.

[lace-chat] SKYPE

2005-08-09 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, I'm about to install SKYPE on my computer - that's the most popular programme whereby your computer replaces your telephone for free. I'd be most interested to know if any other Arachnids have it. Thanks David in Ballarat -- No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by

[lace-chat] Fun

2005-08-05 Thread David Collyer
Try this one. 1. Pick the number of days a week that you would like to have a drink (more than once) 2. Multiply by 2 (just to be honest) 3. Add 5 (for Sunday) 4. Multiply by 50 ( I'LL wait while you get the calculator) 5.If you already had your birthday this year add 1755, if you haven't add

[lace-chat] New Indian Recipes

2005-08-02 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, On my recent trip to Fiji I got some more Indian recipes from Roshlyn - the wife of my friend Pravin, with whom I stay over there. Here they are for your enjoyment, David in Ballarat 1. - 1 large clove of garlic - 1 cup of mint leaves - half cup of coriander leaves - 2 hot

[lace-chat] Humour

2005-06-13 Thread David Collyer
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, I am a Father. The little boy replied, My daddy doesn't wear his collar like that. The priest looked up

[lace-chat] Most Intriguing

2005-06-13 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, I was sent this website for fun and found it simply amazing. I tried it with many different numbers and it always worked. Could someone tell me how please? http://www.netprosol.com/psychic.swf David in Ballarat To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line:

[lace-chat] Intriguing excuse

2005-06-10 Thread David Collyer
This is a translation of a letter which claims to be copy of a letter sent by a young Croatian man to the Croatian Secretary of Defense to avoid military service. An extraordinary piece of reasoning, worthy of attention of anyone interested in logic and family relationships. Dear Minister of

[lace-chat] Humour - risque but worth it :)

2005-06-09 Thread David Collyer
Teacher: Good morning children, today is Thursday,so we're going to have a general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday. Wee Jocky thinks, Yadancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ma general knowledge stuff.

[lace-chat] Funeral Joke

2005-06-03 Thread David Collyer
The Funeral A woman's husband dies. He only had $20,000 to his name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery; she tells her closest friend that there is no money left. The friend says, How can that be? You told me he had $20,000 a few days before he died. How could

Re: [lace-chat] Re: pronunciation

2005-06-01 Thread David Collyer
And I mostly hear you guys (that's Michigan-accent for y'all) with my undetectable-to-me Michigan accent. You should hear Tamara's broad Australian accent way down here :) David http://www.michigannative.com/ma_home.shtml :) Lynn Carpenter in SW Michigan, USA alwen at i2k dot com To

[lace-chat] Humour - risque

2005-05-30 Thread David Collyer
Subject: These are quite funny Subject: Top Ten He Said She Said 10) He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said...You wear pants, don't you? 9) She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk? He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money. 8)

Re: [lace-chat] Re: Van Gogh's family tree

2005-05-30 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, Tamara, say gracht (canal) I'd do my best (imagine choking on a chicken bone twice, with an aaah in the middle), and the room would explode in friendly laughter; ah... they'd say, you *might* 'make it' in *Belgium*, but, in Netherlands, you need to practice a lot more... I

[lace-chat] Humour

2005-05-30 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, I'm biting the bullet here - don't mean to offend anyone, but it did make me laugh David in Ballarat The train was quite crowded, so the U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle

Re: [lace-chat] :-) Andy Rooney's Tips WHAT A HOOT, I LOVE THESE IDEAS!!!

2005-05-27 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, Three Little Words That Work !! (1)The three little words are: Hold On, Please... The stunt I pulled today worked well. I'm sure the call was from India and I was having a siesta at the time. I answered in a very frail voice and when she started her spiel I told her I was in

[lace-chat] Humour

2005-05-16 Thread David Collyer
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as

[lace-chat] Toilet Humour

2005-05-15 Thread David Collyer
The Outhouse Ma was in the kitchen doing a bit of cooking, when she hollers out - Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse! Pa replies, There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse. Ma yells back, Yes there is, now git out there and fix it. So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells

[lace-chat] FW: Who's The Daddy?

2005-05-13 Thread David Collyer
Subject: Who's The Daddy? Who's The Daddy? The following are all replies that British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check number 11, It takes the prize. 1. Regarding the identity of

[lace-chat] Granny's Apron

2005-04-24 Thread David Collyer
Subject: Fw: Granny's Apron This is precious. I don't think our kids know what an apron IS ... The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, but along with that, it served as a holder for removing hot pans from the oven. It was wonderful for drying children's tears,

[lace-chat] Dogs Cats - defiition

2005-04-20 Thread David Collyer
What is a Cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere. Conclusion:

[lace-chat] Why Men are Happier

2005-04-09 Thread David Collyer
Why Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

[lace-chat] Humour

2005-04-04 Thread David Collyer
A college class was told to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were that the story must contain the following three areas: (1) Religion (2) Sexuality (3) Mystery. There was only one A+ paper in the entire class. Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it. David

Re: [lace-chat] Unusual sighting in the nursing home

2005-03-30 Thread David Collyer
Dear Martha., . but this time it was a small kangaroo (well, maybe a wallaby - we don't know the difference up here), just lolloping along the hallway, peering in the doorways! After I left, someone told me there was a joey in a pouch at the nurses' station, but I was in too much of rush to

[lace-chat] Re: FW: Fwd: What does love mean?

2005-03-22 Thread David Collyer
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year olds, What does love mean? The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think: When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So

Re: [lace-chat] RE:tea cosies - now dimboola

2005-03-19 Thread David Collyer
Helen, Noelene - I remember that! It was made into a film with Bruce Spence as the groom. Don't remember who else was in it, but it was one of the Australian movies from around the mid to late 70's I think (maybe 1980, but no later). I once suffered the misfortune of being the Director of

[lace-chat] The Gynaecologist

2005-03-19 Thread David Collyer
A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and become a mechanic. He found out from the local technical college what was involved, signed

[lace-chat] Recipe for Corned Beef Water

2005-03-17 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, Got this great recipe yesterday from a friend when I phoned her to see whether there was anything you could do with the water from boiling Corned Beef. It was her Gt Grandmother's. I made it and it's lovely MUSTARD SAUCE for Corned Beef. In a bowl place: - 1 dessertspoon mustard

[lace-chat] Loyal Wife

2005-03-05 Thread David Collyer
A Very Loyal Wife... This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, You know what? You have been

[lace-chat] Airline Humour

2005-03-01 Thread David Collyer
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet, which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said

[lace-chat] Headlines for 2029

2005-03-01 Thread David Collyer
Headlines from the year 2029 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formerly known as California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. Baby conceived naturally . scientists

[lace-chat] A Good One

2005-02-25 Thread David Collyer
A MONKS TALE A new young monk arrives at the monastery and, as with all new monks, he is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new

[lace-chat] New Kitten

2005-02-24 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, As I type this I have THE most gorgeous little bloke sitting on my knee. It would appear that he is also learning to type! Yes today I collected my new kitten - Roxy's Gt Gt grandson, now known as Rocket. Although only 6 weeks old, he is eating and drinking well and has already

[lace-chat] Handy Hints

2005-02-19 Thread David Collyer
Household Hints Sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours, then slide a knife under the flap. The envelope can then be resealed. (hmm...) Use Empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords. It keeps them neat and you can write on the

[lace-chat] Many thanks

2005-02-19 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, Heart-felt thanks to all of you who took the trouble to email me about the passing of Roxy Hart. I read each and every word with a tear and have duly saved them all. This morning I got out my old engraving tool and carved Roxy's tombstone in a beautiful piece of slate which I

[lace-chat] The Birds The Bees

2005-02-09 Thread David Collyer
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, Grandpa, what is sex? The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling

[lace-chat] The Buffalo Theory

2005-01-25 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, I've stripped this text from a jpg file sent to me by one of us recently. It was worth it - enjoy David in Ballarat The Buffalo Theory In one episode of 'Cheers', Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. I don't think I've ever heard the concept

[lace-chat] Do You Remember When???

2005-01-19 Thread David Collyer
DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN...? All the girls had ugly grey uniforms or for games would tuck their skirts into their gym knickers? It took five minutes for the TV warm up? Nearly everyone's Mom was at home when the kids got home from school? Nobody owned a pure-bred dog? When a penny was a

[lace-chat] Oestrogen, Women Pregnancy

2005-01-18 Thread David Collyer
Oestrogen, Pregnancy and Women PREGNANCY Q A more! Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A:

[lace-chat] Army Life Oz Style

2005-01-14 Thread David Collyer
Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland) Dear Mum and Dad. I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on

[lace-chat] True Definition of Globalization

2005-01-12 Thread David Collyer
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization? Answer: Princess Diana's death. Question: How come? Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check

[lace-chat] Blonde Joke

2005-01-12 Thread David Collyer
Subject: Blonde joke A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, May I have 50 Christmas stamps? The clerk says, What denomination? he blonde says, God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22

[lace-chat] Irish Robbery

2005-01-12 Thread David Collyer
ROBBERY This is just too funny not to share. Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2. Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or

[lace-chat] Why Women Live Longer

2005-01-10 Thread David Collyer
Mum and Dad were watching TV when Mum said, I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed. She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels,

Re: [lace-chat] :-) So you think you know everything.

2005-01-09 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated. Oh yeah!!!? Then how come people are farming emus and kangaroos? Not to mention having a budgie sitting on ones shoulder talking none stop all day. Also, I did think my friend Viv had tamed her possum, that is,

Re: [lace-chat] Knickers !

2005-01-04 Thread David Collyer
Dear Linda, Just heard that Marks and Spencer`s made a donation to tsunami relief - thousands of pairs of knickers! What an excellent idea: I know that, if I'd lost all my clothes in a disaster like that, I'd be delighted to receive them. Only one thing wrong with that idea. Most of those people

[lace-chat] Disaster - 1st Hand experience

2005-01-04 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, I shall copy below an email from another of my Lists which tells of their experience in Thailand. David in Ballarat Good morning to list members 2nd January 2005. We have had first hand experience of the dreadful tidal wave as it hit our hotel in Penang on Boxing Day. Photos of our

[lace-chat] It's New Year

2004-12-31 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, A quick note to wish you a wonderful New Year, and let's hope it brings us all much better news than the last one. Unfortunately yesterday I wrenched my shoulder and have torn a tendon, so that puts the cyber on any plans for Sri Lanka, but I'm still on the data base. David in

[lace-chat] the Disaster

2004-12-29 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, I must say I've been amazed that in the past 3 days all we can find to talk about is what Santa brought us, when the world's worst ever natural disaster has just occurred in the Indian Ocean!!! Hopefully many of you have been following the news and will know that there are some

Re: [lace-chat] Re: the Disaster

2004-12-29 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, If that attitude irks you, David... Well, you're a trained nurse, have no dependents... You can do more than I can: volunteer for in-the-field work out there. Just do it through a recoggnised organisation, not on your own. I am awaiting the phone call now to go with the next team

Re: [lace-chat] Here's Here!!!

2004-12-25 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, come on , tell us , what did Santa bring you then ??? When he arrived he gave me a telescope. But I can't tell you what else he'd given me before he'd let :) David dominique from Paris .. To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat

[lace-chat] Here's Here!!!

2004-12-24 Thread David Collyer
Dear friends, It's now 1:20 a.m. in Christmas Day and Santa's just left. Boy what a treat :) Love David in Ballarat To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help, write to [EMAIL PROTECTED]

[lace-chat] Questions to Ponder

2004-12-11 Thread David Collyer
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee on insufficient funds when they know there is not enough? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why doesn't glue

[lace-chat] Christmas Poem

2004-12-11 Thread David Collyer
A Politically Correct Christmas Poem Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to Elves, Vertically Challenged they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the North Pole, were alleged by

[lace-chat] Humour

2004-12-11 Thread David Collyer
Subject: Fw: Pasta diet and carbs ITALIAN PASTA DIET IT REALLY WORKS !! 1) You walka pasta da bakery. 2) You walka pasta da candy store. 3) You walka pasta da ice cream shop. 4) You walka pasta da table and fridge. Also CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY CARBS IN YOUR

[lace-chat] Humour - risque

2004-12-08 Thread David Collyer
1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. 2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. 3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with Guess on it. So I said, Implants? She hit me. 4. I don't do drugs. At my age I get the same effect

Re: [lace-chat] bobbins from Ballarat

2004-12-03 Thread David Collyer
Dear Nicky, Anyway my question is the lady bought some bobbins in a shop there Criterion Drapery Stores, Sovereign Hill, and very nice they are to, but she has no idea who made them, the lad in the shop didn't even know what they were so she thought asking who made them might be pushing it,

[lace-chat] Someone's sending real Viruses

2004-12-03 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, I am wondering whether anyone here knows of (or even is):- [EMAIL PROTECTED] This person's computer has been sending me at least 6 viruses a day for the past couple of weeks and it's time they cleaned up their hard-drive. Is it happening to anyone else here, or just me? I am

[lace-chat] Humour

2004-12-01 Thread David Collyer
Subject: [Bulk] Truly...one of the funniest emails I've ever received Ok...this one is a keeper. Enjoy your day! deb Subject: Re: Science and Logic at its best The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one

[lace-chat] Humour

2004-11-23 Thread David Collyer
Little Grace was not the best student in parochial school. Usually she slept through her classes. One day the Nun called on her while she was napping and said, Tell me,Grace; who created the universe? When Grace didn't stir, little Johnny, seated in the chair behind her,took a pencil and

Re: [lace-chat] Junket

2004-11-16 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, What's junket? I make junket a couple of times a year. You use a Junket tablet, which is really flavoured rennet (the enzyme from stomachs which curdles milk. It's just scrumptious, but if you didn't have it as a child you might not like it now. The tablets are still freely

[lace-chat] Something to think about

2004-11-11 Thread David Collyer
Why are they selling poppies Mummy? Selling poppies in town today? The poppies, child, are flowers of love for the men who marched away. But why have they chosen a poppy Mummy? Why not a beautiful rose? Because, my child, men fought and died In the fields where the poppies grow. But why are the

[lace-chat] Health, Exercise, Diet

2004-11-06 Thread David Collyer
Subject: your health Have a laugh... I Like it Have a good day too! Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart

Re: [lace-chat] RE: cars

2004-11-06 Thread David Collyer
G'day Jean Lynne, Both my Father (86 next week) and MIL (81) have Renault Clio's. That's what I hired in the UK 2 years ago and it was great - far superior to the little one we hired in France (whose brand I've promptly forgotten. Unfortunately the Clio is not here in Oz. I drive a Mazda 626,

[lace-chat] Mammogram anyone?

2004-11-01 Thread David Collyer
Dear Friends, From past discussions I thought many of you would get a kick out of this one David in Ballarat For years and years they told me, Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them. And give them monthly tests. So I heeded all their warnings, And protected them by law.

Re: [lace-chat] Black Squirrels

2004-10-26 Thread David Collyer
love them. I know they were a real nuisance down on my Granny's farm because there were too many of them and they were killing the beautiful Eucalyptus viminalis trees. But here they're great to have around David in Ballarat Susan David Collyer wrote: Dear Susan, Do any of you have black

Re: [lace-chat] Black Squirrels

2004-10-25 Thread David Collyer
Dear Susan, Do any of you have black squirrels, and if so, do you know if they drive out the other squirrels? No. Sorry - only grey Koalas. Do they count? David in Ballarat :_ To unsubscribe send email to [EMAIL PROTECTED] containing the line: unsubscribe lace-chat [EMAIL PROTECTED] For help,

[lace-chat] Aussie Etiquette

2004-10-23 Thread David Collyer
Aussie Etiquette (Extract from the Australian Etiquette Handbook) 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them. 3. It's tacky to take an drinks cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets. 5. Even if

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