Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
Wow..this is just an amazing message. There's so much great advice in here and many things I agree with. Regarding so called pet names, I don't so much mind that as long as it goes over the top. Sure, if someone constantly calls me so called sweet names it gets stupid, but I personally don't mind it every now and again. Regarding women being bossy/telling us what we men should or shouldn't do, I have been a victim of this in past, but what my even bigger problem was that I didn't mind or care. I used to do anything for a girl and it got me in to so much trouble, so much so that women were simply using me. Using me for money or anything else they wanted me to do because they knew that no matter what I'd do it. Yes, Ido have quite a bit of money, but in stead of using it for my advantage I created a problem with it by simply letting women control me. It was so bad that in several of my relationship women didn't even love me, but they knew that they could get things out of me, many of them material things and they did it because they knew they could. Of course that taught me valuable lessons and I make sure or at least I try to not make the same mistakes again. It taught me to spot those who just want to fuck me up and use me from the genuine ones. Of course you can never be 100 % sure, you can never know for definite, but if you pay attention to certain things you can have a much better idea. Of course I also learned that just because a girl wants or asks for something doesn't mean she should always get it, besides if she just constantly asks for things and doesn't give anything in return it's obvious that there's something wrong with that relationship. Of course not all my relationships were bad, I had some great ones, especially after I recovered from my failures and learned many things. When it comes to listening/reasuring women I think I am quite good at it, not that I'm showing off or anything. I have many female friends and I'm told by many of those that it is because of my abilitty to listen, to somehow make them secure and feel good about themselves. I'm not trying ot be arrogant or anything, but this si what I've been told, not what I think of myself. There's prob a lot more that I could say about all this, but I need to get ready for my weekend trip away. Again, what a great inspiring message. Thanks for this. Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. Never miss a Talk2 message again.
RE: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
I am really amazed at the type of responses I've seen come through since I posted this yesterday wow! It is interesting to watch people open up and share thoughts and feelings. I appreciate all of the comments and I'm glad it touched people somehow. Byron, you raise something that is interesting to me here. I am interested in what other people think, too. Ya see, I'm not expert in all this. I just observe and draw conclusions. And read about stuff. Heh. Byron, you talk about wanting someone to share in at least some of your interests. What I'm curious about (this is for anyone to comment on) is whether or not it matters which interests she shares in, based on the level of importance the interest holds for you. I'll paint a picture. I have this theory that men want to be with someone who shares in whatever interest is most important to them. So if a man is most interested in techy stuff, for example, he would most likely be more attracted to a woman who is into it as well. Wouldn't that seem most logical? After all, the word, relationship implies the ability to relate. If a woman does not share the same interest as her partner, wouldn't that also suggest an inability to relate? I asked this very question to a friend of mine and here is what he said. She and I do things together that we both enjoy. It doesn't matter to me that she cannot relate to me in my top interests because there is a special feeling that comes from the time we spend, and just knowing that she is so good to me and that she truly cares for me. If I want to talk about things that she and I can't talk about, I just go talk to someone else. That fulfills me just fine. This seems hard for me to believe. If I were dating someone who is really into audio production and I wasn't, it would seem to me that regardless of whatever else we shared, he would most prefer to be with someone who is also into audio production. Suppose the girl was interested in learning more about the man's joys. She read up on it, asked questions, went to events with him on the subject so she could be a part of it, and even if she hadn't explored it on her own until he came along, she was willing to do so now, both for the sake of understanding his enjoyment, as well as to broaden her own horizons. Would this matter? Wouldn't her level of interest have to be homegrown for it to truly count? Mary Ann -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Byron J. Lee Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:59 PM To: talk2 Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! Mary Ann, This e-mail helped me greatly, I have been in a lot of relationships where I feel like I can't be myself. I am a quirky guy who likes to play with computers, radios, and phones. I like to record interesting or really mundane things like trips to the grocery store. My friends are very important to me, and I spend a lot of time with them. I don't feel like I am allowed to be this type of person when I'm dating someone. I feel like I have to spend every waking moment with her. I feel like I've got roses and chocolates coming out of my ears and it'll never end. I hate the fluffy puppy love crap, I want to find someone who will let me be the kind of person I really am around her. I don't want to cut her out of my life and hide in a cave and spend my entire day on the computer, but I would like to not feel like a slime bucket when I do. I want to find someone who will be interested in some of the same stuff as me, and wouldn't mind sharing these hobbies with me. I'm willing to participate in her hobbies too but it never seems to work that way. Every woman I've ever dated has always tried to take away everything I hold dear, and replace it with stuff she wants me to participate in. I'm a geek, I like who I am, stop trying to make me someone I'm not! Watch Star Trek with me and don't belittle it. Listen to books with me, and comment on the parts that you liked and disliked. Help to broaden my horizons and expose me to new ideas that I've never thought of. Talk to me on an intellectual level, I'm not an idiot. Be a part of my circle of friends, or at least let me hang out with them on a regular basis. These are the things I'm looking for in a relationship, and your e-mail helped me understand the way women think a bit better. Maybe if I had said some of these things to the people I've dated, things may have changed for the better. Perhaps if I were more open with people, they would understand me a little better. Thanks Mary Ann, Byron Onj wrote: Very rarely, I get something that is so enspiring that I have to think about it. I'm keeping this. It was just right somehow. It must have taken you a long time to write it, and it's times like this I wonder what people think of this list I started back in 2004. It has it's uses though. I think that you've proved it today. I can't be nearly
Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
On 9/21/2007, 11:03:21 AM EDT, Mary Ann lived in a box. She popped her head out for a moment, and said: If I were dating someone who is really into audio production and I wasn't, it would seem to me that regardless of whatever else we shared, he would most prefer to be with someone who is also into audio production. Well that leaves me out of it then. Time to go find a new hobby. I'm bored with mine anyway. I can't devote my time and attention to more than one interest for any given length of time, be it a person, place, thing, or even an obscure idea. -- -- Patrick Perdue (MCP, CNA) KE4DYI Greensboro, NC website: http://www.pdaudio.net home: +1(336)698-4417 Mobile phone and SMS: +1(336)509-5583 e-mail and .net messenger: [EMAIL PROTECTED] aim: noaptiva This message originally sent in reply to [EMAIL PROTECTED] on Friday, September 21, 2007 at 11:46 AM EST. Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. Never miss a Talk2 message again.
Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
Well, if no one looked at, or thought of anything new, life may as well stop. I'd love to find someone who shared some of my interests, but if the person had there own as well, that'd be even better, especially if the 2 met. Having another copy of myself with a different name and a vagina wouldn't work, because what new things are there to learn and explore if the people are too similar? - Original Message - From: Mary Ann Topolewski [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: talk2 talk2@AndreLouis.COM Sent: Friday, September 21, 2007 11:03 AM Subject: RE: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! I am really amazed at the type of responses I've seen come through since I posted this yesterday wow! It is interesting to watch people open up and share thoughts and feelings. I appreciate all of the comments and I'm glad it touched people somehow. Byron, you raise something that is interesting to me here. I am interested in what other people think, too. Ya see, I'm not expert in all this. I just observe and draw conclusions. And read about stuff. Heh. Byron, you talk about wanting someone to share in at least some of your interests. What I'm curious about (this is for anyone to comment on) is whether or not it matters which interests she shares in, based on the level of importance the interest holds for you. I'll paint a picture. I have this theory that men want to be with someone who shares in whatever interest is most important to them. So if a man is most interested in techy stuff, for example, he would most likely be more attracted to a woman who is into it as well. Wouldn't that seem most logical? After all, the word, relationship implies the ability to relate. If a woman does not share the same interest as her partner, wouldn't that also suggest an inability to relate? I asked this very question to a friend of mine and here is what he said. She and I do things together that we both enjoy. It doesn't matter to me that she cannot relate to me in my top interests because there is a special feeling that comes from the time we spend, and just knowing that she is so good to me and that she truly cares for me. If I want to talk about things that she and I can't talk about, I just go talk to someone else. That fulfills me just fine. This seems hard for me to believe. If I were dating someone who is really into audio production and I wasn't, it would seem to me that regardless of whatever else we shared, he would most prefer to be with someone who is also into audio production. Suppose the girl was interested in learning more about the man's joys. She read up on it, asked questions, went to events with him on the subject so she could be a part of it, and even if she hadn't explored it on her own until he came along, she was willing to do so now, both for the sake of understanding his enjoyment, as well as to broaden her own horizons. Would this matter? Wouldn't her level of interest have to be homegrown for it to truly count? Mary Ann -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Byron J. Lee Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:59 PM To: talk2 Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! Mary Ann, This e-mail helped me greatly, I have been in a lot of relationships where I feel like I can't be myself. I am a quirky guy who likes to play with computers, radios, and phones. I like to record interesting or really mundane things like trips to the grocery store. My friends are very important to me, and I spend a lot of time with them. I don't feel like I am allowed to be this type of person when I'm dating someone. I feel like I have to spend every waking moment with her. I feel like I've got roses and chocolates coming out of my ears and it'll never end. I hate the fluffy puppy love crap, I want to find someone who will let me be the kind of person I really am around her. I don't want to cut her out of my life and hide in a cave and spend my entire day on the computer, but I would like to not feel like a slime bucket when I do. I want to find someone who will be interested in some of the same stuff as me, and wouldn't mind sharing these hobbies with me. I'm willing to participate in her hobbies too but it never seems to work that way. Every woman I've ever dated has always tried to take away everything I hold dear, and replace it with stuff she wants me to participate in. I'm a geek, I like who I am, stop trying to make me someone I'm not! Watch Star Trek with me and don't belittle it. Listen to books with me, and comment on the parts that you liked and disliked. Help to broaden my horizons and expose me to new ideas that I've never thought of. Talk to me on an intellectual level, I'm not an idiot. Be a part of my circle of friends, or at least let me hang out with them on a regular basis. These are the things I'm looking for in a relationship, and your e-mail helped me understand the way women think
Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
Mary Ann, you bring up a good point. Personally, from a girl's standpoint, I'm just happy if my partner wants to do things in even a couple of areas of interest for me. They don't even have to be at the same level of interest, but just showing some curiosity about something I'm into makes things more enjoyable. But of course hving his own hobbies is important too, sometimes it helps gain perspective on stuff. And about an interest being homegrown, I don't think that's so important. I once got an ex boyfriend fairly interested in music, and it was a lot of fun introducing him to things he'd never heard before and just sharing those feelings of discovery. I guess it depends on the level of your attachment to whatever thing. Curious what everyone else thinks. Maria, who can't make very clear sentences today Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. Never miss a Talk2 message again.
Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
On 9/21/2007, 11:49:26 AM EDT, derek took a stationary from a nearby desk, and, with much unnecessary flourishing, wrote: Having another copy of myself with a different name and a vagina wouldn't work, because what new things are there to learn and explore if the people are too similar? I don't like learning new things, I like making old things better. As some on this list will know, I am boarder-line autistic, and we autees? uh, well... anyway, we don't like spontaneity much. Exploration is also a pain, because then you realize things about yourself that you'd rather not know, much less display to the rest of the world, and you find things about other people that you thought you could trust, and find reasons as to why they may not be so trustworthy after all. It's better to let life run it's course and get yourself screwed up without knowing it, rather than seeking all avenues and being smart about it. Pretend you are more sheltered than you are, ask no favors, and don't give to anyone, for anything, ever. Doing so may cause bad chain reactions to occur in future, which, after a point, you may be powerless to stop. -- -- Patrick Perdue (MCP, CNA) KE4DYI Greensboro, NC website: http://www.pdaudio.net home: +1(336)698-4417 Mobile phone and SMS: +1(336)509-5583 e-mail and .net messenger: [EMAIL PROTECTED] aim: noaptiva This message originally sent in reply to [EMAIL PROTECTED] on Friday, September 21, 2007 at 12:38 PM EST. Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. Never miss a Talk2 message again.
Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
I agree, I wouldn't want a clone of myself but I wouldn't want someone who I couldn't relate to at all either. If I met a girl who was not into computers, but was into comedy music as I am... I could live with that. I would just ask that the person that I am with to not ask me to give up the things I enjoy. I would also like to learn new things, so if she were into hiking, I'd give it a go, and maybe I would decide that I don't like it, but i would never stop her from going on weekend hikes and such. My biggest complaint is that the women that I've been with in the past try to get me intesrested in their joys but they belittle mine. derek Lane wrote: Well, if no one looked at, or thought of anything new, life may as well stop. I'd love to find someone who shared some of my interests, but if the person had there own as well, that'd be even better, especially if the 2 met. Having another copy of myself with a different name and a vagina wouldn't work, because what new things are there to learn and explore if the people are too similar? - Original Message - From: Mary Ann Topolewski [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: talk2 talk2@AndreLouis.COM Sent: Friday, September 21, 2007 11:03 AM Subject: RE: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! I am really amazed at the type of responses I've seen come through since I posted this yesterday wow! It is interesting to watch people open up and share thoughts and feelings. I appreciate all of the comments and I'm glad it touched people somehow. Byron, you raise something that is interesting to me here. I am interested in what other people think, too. Ya see, I'm not expert in all this. I just observe and draw conclusions. And read about stuff. Heh. Byron, you talk about wanting someone to share in at least some of your interests. What I'm curious about (this is for anyone to comment on) is whether or not it matters which interests she shares in, based on the level of importance the interest holds for you. I'll paint a picture. I have this theory that men want to be with someone who shares in whatever interest is most important to them. So if a man is most interested in techy stuff, for example, he would most likely be more attracted to a woman who is into it as well. Wouldn't that seem most logical? After all, the word, relationship implies the ability to relate. If a woman does not share the same interest as her partner, wouldn't that also suggest an inability to relate? I asked this very question to a friend of mine and here is what he said. She and I do things together that we both enjoy. It doesn't matter to me that she cannot relate to me in my top interests because there is a special feeling that comes from the time we spend, and just knowing that she is so good to me and that she truly cares for me. If I want to talk about things that she and I can't talk about, I just go talk to someone else. That fulfills me just fine. This seems hard for me to believe. If I were dating someone who is really into audio production and I wasn't, it would seem to me that regardless of whatever else we shared, he would most prefer to be with someone who is also into audio production. Suppose the girl was interested in learning more about the man's joys. She read up on it, asked questions, went to events with him on the subject so she could be a part of it, and even if she hadn't explored it on her own until he came along, she was willing to do so now, both for the sake of understanding his enjoyment, as well as to broaden her own horizons. Would this matter? Wouldn't her level of interest have to be homegrown for it to truly count? Mary Ann -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Byron J. Lee Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:59 PM To: talk2 Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! Mary Ann, This e-mail helped me greatly, I have been in a lot of relationships where I feel like I can't be myself. I am a quirky guy who likes to play with computers, radios, and phones. I like to record interesting or really mundane things like trips to the grocery store. My friends are very important to me, and I spend a lot of time with them. I don't feel like I am allowed to be this type of person when I'm dating someone. I feel like I have to spend every waking moment with her. I feel like I've got roses and chocolates coming out of my ears and it'll never end. I hate the fluffy puppy love crap, I want to find someone who will let me be the kind of person I really am around her. I don't want to cut her out of my life and hide in a cave and spend my entire day on the computer, but I would like to not feel like a slime bucket when I do. I want to find someone who will be interested in some of the same stuff as me, and wouldn't mind sharing these hobbies with me. I'm willing to participate in her hobbies too but it never seems to work
Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
Again, good points. Speaking from experience I assume? Trying to please your partner and being pleased by them should be inherent I feel, otherwise what's the use? forcing the issue doesn't solve it. Eventually when you get the full idea behind whatever it is your trying to do, it doesn't become forcing, it does become inherent. IE, writing a piece of music in one particular style even if you're crap at it to make that person like it won't do. Be yourself. If they can't like what you did because they either like the music or want to like it because it's something new, then that's bad. Did you even follow that? If you're a painter and you paint woodland scenes but your partner doesn't enjoy those, yes, by all means make something he/she will like, as a token of love or because you actually want too, but don't go out of your way to make something tailored to that person. Your efforts and ideas are your very own and nobody, nobody at all should take that away from you. Your ambissions and aspirations should come to you either because you were able to get in a quiet room and sit and think about it, or sometimes as a spir of the moment thing, but however they arrive, take them in stride, and don't force them down any given particular path. I've tried and failed several times. You can all laugh, I wouldn't blame you. I laugh, but it hurts to do so. Unless you're sadistic it's always a bit hard laughing at yourself. Morbid; Anyway, there's my two penny's worth if it even amounts to that much which it possibly doesn't. On Friday, September 21, 2007 4:03 PM, Mary Ann Topolewski happened to mention in passing: I am really amazed at the type of responses I've seen come through since I posted this yesterday wow! It is interesting to watch people open up and share thoughts and feelings. I appreciate all of the comments and I'm glad it touched people somehow. Byron, you raise something that is interesting to me here. I am interested in what other people think, too. Ya see, I'm not expert in all this. I just observe and draw conclusions. And read about stuff. Heh. Byron, you talk about wanting someone to share in at least some of your interests. What I'm curious about (this is for anyone to comment on) is whether or not it matters which interests she shares in, based on the level of importance the interest holds for you. I'll paint a picture. I have this theory that men want to be with someone who shares in whatever interest is most important to them. So if a man is most interested in techy stuff, for example, he would most likely be more attracted to a woman who is into it as well. Wouldn't that seem most logical? After all, the word, relationship implies the ability to relate. If a woman does not share the same interest as her partner, wouldn't that also suggest an inability to relate? I asked this very question to a friend of mine and here is what he said. She and I do things together that we both enjoy. It doesn't matter to me that she cannot relate to me in my top interests because there is a special feeling that comes from the time we spend, and just knowing that she is so good to me and that she truly cares for me. If I want to talk about things that she and I can't talk about, I just go talk to someone else. That fulfills me just fine. This seems hard for me to believe. If I were dating someone who is really into audio production and I wasn't, it would seem to me that regardless of whatever else we shared, he would most prefer to be with someone who is also into audio production. Suppose the girl was interested in learning more about the man's joys. She read up on it, asked questions, went to events with him on the subject so she could be a part of it, and even if she hadn't explored it on her own until he came along, she was willing to do so now, both for the sake of understanding his enjoyment, as well as to broaden her own horizons. Would this matter? Wouldn't her level of interest have to be homegrown for it to truly count? Mary Ann -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Byron J. Lee Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:59 PM To: talk2 Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! Mary Ann, This e-mail helped me greatly, I have been in a lot of relationships where I feel like I can't be myself. I am a quirky guy who likes to play with computers, radios, and phones. I like to record interesting or really mundane things like trips to the grocery store. My friends are very important to me, and I spend a lot of time with them. I don't feel like I am allowed to be this type of person when I'm dating someone. I feel like I have to spend every waking moment with her. I feel like I've got roses and chocolates coming out of my ears and it'll never end. I hate the fluffy puppy love crap, I want to find someone who will let me be the kind of person I really am around her. I don't want to cut her
RE: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
I don't like this, wah! Sorry for one-liner, but I made up for it yesterday. Heh. -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Patrick Perdue Sent: Friday, September 21, 2007 12:45 PM To: talk2 Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! On 9/21/2007, 11:49:26 AM EDT, derek took a stationary from a nearby desk, and, with much unnecessary flourishing, wrote: Having another copy of myself with a different name and a vagina wouldn't work, because what new things are there to learn and explore if the people are too similar? I don't like learning new things, I like making old things better. As some on this list will know, I am boarder-line autistic, and we autees? uh, well... anyway, we don't like spontaneity much. Exploration is also a pain, because then you realize things about yourself that you'd rather not know, much less display to the rest of the world, and you find things about other people that you thought you could trust, and find reasons as to why they may not be so trustworthy after all. It's better to let life run it's course and get yourself screwed up without knowing it, rather than seeking all avenues and being smart about it. Pretend you are more sheltered than you are, ask no favors, and don't give to anyone, for anything, ever. Doing so may cause bad chain reactions to occur in future, which, after a point, you may be powerless to stop. -- -- Patrick Perdue (MCP, CNA) KE4DYI Greensboro, NC website: http://www.pdaudio.net home: +1(336)698-4417 Mobile phone and SMS: +1(336)509-5583 e-mail and .net messenger: [EMAIL PROTECTED] aim: noaptiva This message originally sent in reply to [EMAIL PROTECTED] on Friday, September 21, 2007 at 12:38 PM EST. Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. Never miss a Talk2 message again. __ NOD32 2544 (20070921) Information __ This message was checked by NOD32 antivirus system. http://www.eset.com Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. Never miss a Talk2 message again.
RE: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
I would just like to plainly state that there should never, ever, ever, ever ever ever ever be a copy of Derek out there with a vagina! Nonononononono! Good points you make though, Derek. But whoa. The rest of you bring forward good points that echo what Derek so (strangely) concisely wrote below. So Derek. I'll make you a deal. You can post here (not like I have any say in this, of course) if you never ever create that kind of image again. Promise? *smiles at Derek and bonks him on the head.* -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of derek Lane Sent: Friday, September 21, 2007 11:49 AM To: talk2 Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! Well, if no one looked at, or thought of anything new, life may as well stop. I'd love to find someone who shared some of my interests, but if the person had there own as well, that'd be even better, especially if the 2 met. Having another copy of myself with a different name and a vagina wouldn't work, because what new things are there to learn and explore if the people are too similar? - Original Message - From: Mary Ann Topolewski [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: talk2 talk2@AndreLouis.COM Sent: Friday, September 21, 2007 11:03 AM Subject: RE: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! I am really amazed at the type of responses I've seen come through since I posted this yesterday wow! It is interesting to watch people open up and share thoughts and feelings. I appreciate all of the comments and I'm glad it touched people somehow. Byron, you raise something that is interesting to me here. I am interested in what other people think, too. Ya see, I'm not expert in all this. I just observe and draw conclusions. And read about stuff. Heh. Byron, you talk about wanting someone to share in at least some of your interests. What I'm curious about (this is for anyone to comment on) is whether or not it matters which interests she shares in, based on the level of importance the interest holds for you. I'll paint a picture. I have this theory that men want to be with someone who shares in whatever interest is most important to them. So if a man is most interested in techy stuff, for example, he would most likely be more attracted to a woman who is into it as well. Wouldn't that seem most logical? After all, the word, relationship implies the ability to relate. If a woman does not share the same interest as her partner, wouldn't that also suggest an inability to relate? I asked this very question to a friend of mine and here is what he said. She and I do things together that we both enjoy. It doesn't matter to me that she cannot relate to me in my top interests because there is a special feeling that comes from the time we spend, and just knowing that she is so good to me and that she truly cares for me. If I want to talk about things that she and I can't talk about, I just go talk to someone else. That fulfills me just fine. This seems hard for me to believe. If I were dating someone who is really into audio production and I wasn't, it would seem to me that regardless of whatever else we shared, he would most prefer to be with someone who is also into audio production. Suppose the girl was interested in learning more about the man's joys. She read up on it, asked questions, went to events with him on the subject so she could be a part of it, and even if she hadn't explored it on her own until he came along, she was willing to do so now, both for the sake of understanding his enjoyment, as well as to broaden her own horizons. Would this matter? Wouldn't her level of interest have to be homegrown for it to truly count? Mary Ann -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Byron J. Lee Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:59 PM To: talk2 Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! Mary Ann, This e-mail helped me greatly, I have been in a lot of relationships where I feel like I can't be myself. I am a quirky guy who likes to play with computers, radios, and phones. I like to record interesting or really mundane things like trips to the grocery store. My friends are very important to me, and I spend a lot of time with them. I don't feel like I am allowed to be this type of person when I'm dating someone. I feel like I have to spend every waking moment with her. I feel like I've got roses and chocolates coming out of my ears and it'll never end. I hate the fluffy puppy love crap, I want to find someone who will let me be the kind of person I really am around her. I don't want to cut her out of my life and hide in a cave and spend my entire day on the computer, but I would like to not feel like a slime bucket when I do. I want to find someone who will be interested in some of the same stuff as me, and wouldn't mind sharing
Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
Gosh, that would be an ugly looking, southern woman, lolol. - Original Message - From: Mary Ann Topolewski [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: talk2 talk2@AndreLouis.COM Sent: Friday, September 21, 2007 1:34 PM Subject: RE: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! I would just like to plainly state that there should never, ever, ever, ever ever ever ever be a copy of Derek out there with a vagina! Nonononononono! Good points you make though, Derek. But whoa. The rest of you bring forward good points that echo what Derek so (strangely) concisely wrote below. So Derek. I'll make you a deal. You can post here (not like I have any say in this, of course) if you never ever create that kind of image again. Promise? *smiles at Derek and bonks him on the head.* -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of derek Lane Sent: Friday, September 21, 2007 11:49 AM To: talk2 Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! Well, if no one looked at, or thought of anything new, life may as well stop. I'd love to find someone who shared some of my interests, but if the person had there own as well, that'd be even better, especially if the 2 met. Having another copy of myself with a different name and a vagina wouldn't work, because what new things are there to learn and explore if the people are too similar? - Original Message - From: Mary Ann Topolewski [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: talk2 talk2@AndreLouis.COM Sent: Friday, September 21, 2007 11:03 AM Subject: RE: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! I am really amazed at the type of responses I've seen come through since I posted this yesterday wow! It is interesting to watch people open up and share thoughts and feelings. I appreciate all of the comments and I'm glad it touched people somehow. Byron, you raise something that is interesting to me here. I am interested in what other people think, too. Ya see, I'm not expert in all this. I just observe and draw conclusions. And read about stuff. Heh. Byron, you talk about wanting someone to share in at least some of your interests. What I'm curious about (this is for anyone to comment on) is whether or not it matters which interests she shares in, based on the level of importance the interest holds for you. I'll paint a picture. I have this theory that men want to be with someone who shares in whatever interest is most important to them. So if a man is most interested in techy stuff, for example, he would most likely be more attracted to a woman who is into it as well. Wouldn't that seem most logical? After all, the word, relationship implies the ability to relate. If a woman does not share the same interest as her partner, wouldn't that also suggest an inability to relate? I asked this very question to a friend of mine and here is what he said. She and I do things together that we both enjoy. It doesn't matter to me that she cannot relate to me in my top interests because there is a special feeling that comes from the time we spend, and just knowing that she is so good to me and that she truly cares for me. If I want to talk about things that she and I can't talk about, I just go talk to someone else. That fulfills me just fine. This seems hard for me to believe. If I were dating someone who is really into audio production and I wasn't, it would seem to me that regardless of whatever else we shared, he would most prefer to be with someone who is also into audio production. Suppose the girl was interested in learning more about the man's joys. She read up on it, asked questions, went to events with him on the subject so she could be a part of it, and even if she hadn't explored it on her own until he came along, she was willing to do so now, both for the sake of understanding his enjoyment, as well as to broaden her own horizons. Would this matter? Wouldn't her level of interest have to be homegrown for it to truly count? Mary Ann -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Byron J. Lee Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:59 PM To: talk2 Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! Mary Ann, This e-mail helped me greatly, I have been in a lot of relationships where I feel like I can't be myself. I am a quirky guy who likes to play with computers, radios, and phones. I like to record interesting or really mundane things like trips to the grocery store. My friends are very important to me, and I spend a lot of time with them. I don't feel like I am allowed to be this type of person when I'm dating someone. I feel like I have to spend every waking moment with her. I feel like I've got roses and chocolates coming out of my ears and it'll never end. I hate the fluffy puppy love crap, I want to find someone who will let me be the kind of person I really am around her
Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
Fair enough, I forgot to mention the proportional bresticals though. So I could understand why the immage would be bad times, although I'm sure their are other reasons I'm missing. After all, what's the point of a good foundation with nothing for it to support? - Original Message - From: Mary Ann Topolewski [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: talk2 talk2@AndreLouis.COM Sent: Friday, September 21, 2007 1:34 PM Subject: RE: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! I would just like to plainly state that there should never, ever, ever, ever ever ever ever be a copy of Derek out there with a vagina! Nonononononono! Good points you make though, Derek. But whoa. The rest of you bring forward good points that echo what Derek so (strangely) concisely wrote below. So Derek. I'll make you a deal. You can post here (not like I have any say in this, of course) if you never ever create that kind of image again. Promise? *smiles at Derek and bonks him on the head.* -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of derek Lane Sent: Friday, September 21, 2007 11:49 AM To: talk2 Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! Well, if no one looked at, or thought of anything new, life may as well stop. I'd love to find someone who shared some of my interests, but if the person had there own as well, that'd be even better, especially if the 2 met. Having another copy of myself with a different name and a vagina wouldn't work, because what new things are there to learn and explore if the people are too similar? - Original Message - From: Mary Ann Topolewski [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: talk2 talk2@AndreLouis.COM Sent: Friday, September 21, 2007 11:03 AM Subject: RE: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! I am really amazed at the type of responses I've seen come through since I posted this yesterday wow! It is interesting to watch people open up and share thoughts and feelings. I appreciate all of the comments and I'm glad it touched people somehow. Byron, you raise something that is interesting to me here. I am interested in what other people think, too. Ya see, I'm not expert in all this. I just observe and draw conclusions. And read about stuff. Heh. Byron, you talk about wanting someone to share in at least some of your interests. What I'm curious about (this is for anyone to comment on) is whether or not it matters which interests she shares in, based on the level of importance the interest holds for you. I'll paint a picture. I have this theory that men want to be with someone who shares in whatever interest is most important to them. So if a man is most interested in techy stuff, for example, he would most likely be more attracted to a woman who is into it as well. Wouldn't that seem most logical? After all, the word, relationship implies the ability to relate. If a woman does not share the same interest as her partner, wouldn't that also suggest an inability to relate? I asked this very question to a friend of mine and here is what he said. She and I do things together that we both enjoy. It doesn't matter to me that she cannot relate to me in my top interests because there is a special feeling that comes from the time we spend, and just knowing that she is so good to me and that she truly cares for me. If I want to talk about things that she and I can't talk about, I just go talk to someone else. That fulfills me just fine. This seems hard for me to believe. If I were dating someone who is really into audio production and I wasn't, it would seem to me that regardless of whatever else we shared, he would most prefer to be with someone who is also into audio production. Suppose the girl was interested in learning more about the man's joys. She read up on it, asked questions, went to events with him on the subject so she could be a part of it, and even if she hadn't explored it on her own until he came along, she was willing to do so now, both for the sake of understanding his enjoyment, as well as to broaden her own horizons. Would this matter? Wouldn't her level of interest have to be homegrown for it to truly count? Mary Ann -Original Message- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of Byron J. Lee Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 7:59 PM To: talk2 Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! Mary Ann, This e-mail helped me greatly, I have been in a lot of relationships where I feel like I can't be myself. I am a quirky guy who likes to play with computers, radios, and phones. I like to record interesting or really mundane things like trips to the grocery store. My friends are very important to me, and I spend a lot of time with them. I don't feel like I am allowed to be this type of person when I'm dating someone. I feel like I have to spend every waking moment with her. I feel like I've got roses
Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
Hey, Patrick Perdue, you quit telling by brother-in-law lies. Nobody, including you, who are supposed to know yourself better than anyone, second only to God, can try to tell me that you're not spontaneous. Anyone who's ever played music with you has seen your spontaneous side. Need more proof? Three words: Things and Stuff. That program wouldn't be what it is at all if you weren't spontaneous. Hey, you might not like certain types of change. We all have certain types of change that drive us crazy. But that doesn't mean you're not spontaneous. Update your CD collection. Checkout http://www.raineemusic.com. Crazy 'bout beading? Try [EMAIL PROTECTED] - Original Message - From: Patrick Perdue [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: talk2 talk2@AndreLouis.COM Sent: Friday, September 21, 2007 12:44 PM Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! On 9/21/2007, 11:49:26 AM EDT, derek took a stationary from a nearby desk, and, with much unnecessary flourishing, wrote: Having another copy of myself with a different name and a vagina wouldn't work, because what new things are there to learn and explore if the people are too similar? I don't like learning new things, I like making old things better. As some on this list will know, I am boarder-line autistic, and we autees? uh, well... anyway, we don't like spontaneity much. Exploration is also a pain, because then you realize things about yourself that you'd rather not know, much less display to the rest of the world, and you find things about other people that you thought you could trust, and find reasons as to why they may not be so trustworthy after all. It's better to let life run it's course and get yourself screwed up without knowing it, rather than seeking all avenues and being smart about it. Pretend you are more sheltered than you are, ask no favors, and don't give to anyone, for anything, ever. Doing so may cause bad chain reactions to occur in future, which, after a point, you may be powerless to stop. -- -- Patrick Perdue (MCP, CNA) KE4DYI Greensboro, NC website: http://www.pdaudio.net home: +1(336)698-4417 Mobile phone and SMS: +1(336)509-5583 e-mail and .net messenger: [EMAIL PROTECTED] aim: noaptiva This message originally sent in reply to [EMAIL PROTECTED] on Friday, September 21, 2007 at 12:38 PM EST. Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. Never miss a Talk2 message again. Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. Never miss a Talk2 message again.
RE: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
This is a very funny story, just by how it is written and I got a good chuckle out of it. But ya know? Maybe I'm weird but there are things I really hate about what I see that goes on in relationships. Uh-oh... *Mary Ann gets on her soapbox for a minute and hopes she doesn't scare people away.* I have a problem with pet names. Nicknames that were born of a fun event or because of an inside joke are one thing. Especially when they are not used all the time. But to me, the minute pet names are introduced into any relationship and you start replacing the person's real name with those, it's done. Eventually you stop viewing your partner as the hot and sexy person they are. There is nothing more powerful, I think, than hearing the person that you love, saying your name. And no, peoples, I don't just mean in bed! Hah! Something else I see that causes me concern is when a woman begins to boss her man around. How many men want to have sex with their mother? Well, a few, I'm sure. But for the most part, the normal men are not turned on by such things. This mothering happens when the woman does too much for him or when she is bossy. It would be interesting to poll men to ask them what makes them cheat. My feeling is that we would find that men are tempted to cheat if the following criteria are met. She nags instead of asks She dominates by being bossy rather than respectfully asking for what she needs or wants. She is disrespectful to her man by using condescending remarks such as, shut up, You don't know anything, I don't care what you want. Or worse remarks such as, Stop touching me! I don't like that! Don't kiss me there! Eww, you're gross! Even if said in fun, I think that if you ask a man, he might say that somewhere inside; a little piece of his ego was chipped away each time she does this. Stifling him in the relationship when he feels that his woman doesn't let, him do things. Should a woman have the right to let, or not let a person do things? A relationship is supposed to be about trust. Therefore, if a man wants to go out with the guys to a bar, to a strip club, or just drink a few beers at home, this ultimately would not pose an issue. It's all about moderation, I think. The minute a woman starts saying thinks like, I don't want you doing this, this, that, or that, chances are, whether he admits it or not, he's a very stifled and potentially restricted and unhappy man. And because of all this, the sex is now bad. It would also be interesting to poll women to ask them what makes them cheat. I have the feeling that it would be because of the following reasons. She can't be herself around him. He doesn't listen and tells her she shouldn't be upset. He doesn't tell her how precious she is to him. He does not make enough time for her. He does not help her with domestic things, or her internal struggles. And because of all this, the sex is now bad. Women need to know that they are free to be themselves. The big no-no phrases to hear are, You shouldn't be upset, or don't worry about it. Women want to talk and to be heard. Our way of thinking things through is by talking. Men, have you ever wondered why a woman will start a conversation with one opinion and by the time she's done, she will have a completely different point of view? This is because she was able to refine her thoughts just by your listening to her and not providing a solution. To come out the hero, men can reassure her and recognize that a woman gets insecure. When she seems angry, this translates to her actually being hurt. Women, need, reassurance. It's as simple as that. When she is upset, she doesn't talk to you because she doesn't trust you. You can reassure her that whenever she is ready to talk, you will be there to just sit and listen while she talks it through. When a woman cries, it is her way of expression. Let her ball until she can't ball no more! Hugs are good during these times, even if it is about you. When she's done, she'll be free of her burden. I also get the feeling that often, women don't know how to handle men when they are upset. Men often think things through by silently working through it on their own until the time they are ready to talk. Women are the heroines when they leave a man alone until he is ready to share his feelings. When a man retreats, let him. Tell him that you notice something is wrong and you'll wait patiently for him to come to you when he's ready to talk. You understand that he just needs some space right now and it's okay. For the women, I say the following. It has been said that a man would be happy to give a woman anything she wanted if he only knew what it was. I learned in my life that it is better to begin a sentence, with, I want more of this or that, instead of, I don't want you to do this, this, or that. Nobody is a mind reader and the minute people begin to assume that their partner loves them because they, should just know what I want, things begin to break. So men, if you
Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
That was the most amazing thing I have ever read. You rock. Lots of great advise here. On Sep 20, 2007, at 12:55 PM, Mary Ann Topolewski wrote: This is a very funny story, just by how it is written and I got a good chuckle out of it. But ya know? Maybe I'm weird but there are things I really hate about what I see that goes on in relationships. Uh- oh... *Mary Ann gets on her soapbox for a minute and hopes she doesn't scare people away.* I have a problem with pet names. Nicknames that were born of a fun event or because of an inside joke are one thing. Especially when they are not used all the time. But to me, the minute pet names are introduced into any relationship and you start replacing the person's real name with those, it's done. Eventually you stop viewing your partner as the hot and sexy person they are. There is nothing more powerful, I think, than hearing the person that you love, saying your name. And no, peoples, I don't just mean in bed! Hah! Something else I see that causes me concern is when a woman begins to boss her man around. How many men want to have sex with their mother? Well, a few, I'm sure. But for the most part, the normal men are not turned on by such things. This mothering happens when the woman does too much for him or when she is bossy. It would be interesting to poll men to ask them what makes them cheat. My feeling is that we would find that men are tempted to cheat if the following criteria are met. She nags instead of asks She dominates by being bossy rather than respectfully asking for what she needs or wants. She is disrespectful to her man by using condescending remarks such as, shut up, You don't know anything, I don't care what you want. Or worse remarks such as, Stop touching me! I don't like that! Don't kiss me there! Eww, you're gross! Even if said in fun, I think that if you ask a man, he might say that somewhere inside; a little piece of his ego was chipped away each time she does this. Stifling him in the relationship when he feels that his woman doesn't let, him do things. Should a woman have the right to let, or not let a person do things? A relationship is supposed to be about trust. Therefore, if a man wants to go out with the guys to a bar, to a strip club, or just drink a few beers at home, this ultimately would not pose an issue. It's all about moderation, I think. The minute a woman starts saying thinks like, I don't want you doing this, this, that, or that, chances are, whether he admits it or not, he's a very stifled and potentially restricted and unhappy man. And because of all this, the sex is now bad. It would also be interesting to poll women to ask them what makes them cheat. I have the feeling that it would be because of the following reasons. She can't be herself around him. He doesn't listen and tells her she shouldn't be upset. He doesn't tell her how precious she is to him. He does not make enough time for her. He does not help her with domestic things, or her internal struggles. And because of all this, the sex is now bad. Women need to know that they are free to be themselves. The big no-no phrases to hear are, You shouldn't be upset, or don't worry about it. Women want to talk and to be heard. Our way of thinking things through is by talking. Men, have you ever wondered why a woman will start a conversation with one opinion and by the time she's done, she will have a completely different point of view? This is because she was able to refine her thoughts just by your listening to her and not providing a solution. To come out the hero, men can reassure her and recognize that a woman gets insecure. When she seems angry, this translates to her actually being hurt. Women, need, reassurance. It's as simple as that. When she is upset, she doesn't talk to you because she doesn't trust you. You can reassure her that whenever she is ready to talk, you will be there to just sit and listen while she talks it through. When a woman cries, it is her way of expression. Let her ball until she can't ball no more! Hugs are good during these times, even if it is about you. When she's done, she'll be free of her burden. I also get the feeling that often, women don't know how to handle men when they are upset. Men often think things through by silently working through it on their own until the time they are ready to talk. Women are the heroines when they leave a man alone until he is ready to share his feelings. When a man retreats, let him. Tell him that you notice something is wrong and you'll wait patiently for him to come to you when he's ready to talk. You understand that he just needs some space right now and it's okay. For the women, I say the following. It has been said that a man would be happy to give a woman anything she wanted if he only knew what it was. I learned in my life that it is better to begin a sentence, with, I want
Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
Agreed. I'll keep all of this in mind, with the faith I'll find someone who does as well. I'm not saying that I'll post copies of this message as a sort of disclaimer/terms of service agreement before dating, I'm just saying that this message restored my faith in people and showed me that there can still be relationships beyond the pet names and other superficial fluff. - Original Message - From: Kevin Reeves [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: talk2 talk2@AndreLouis.COM Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 2:20 PM Subject: Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! That was the most amazing thing I have ever read. You rock. Lots of great advise here. On Sep 20, 2007, at 12:55 PM, Mary Ann Topolewski wrote: This is a very funny story, just by how it is written and I got a good chuckle out of it. But ya know? Maybe I'm weird but there are things I really hate about what I see that goes on in relationships. Uh- oh... *Mary Ann gets on her soapbox for a minute and hopes she doesn't scare people away.* I have a problem with pet names. Nicknames that were born of a fun event or because of an inside joke are one thing. Especially when they are not used all the time. But to me, the minute pet names are introduced into any relationship and you start replacing the person's real name with those, it's done. Eventually you stop viewing your partner as the hot and sexy person they are. There is nothing more powerful, I think, than hearing the person that you love, saying your name. And no, peoples, I don't just mean in bed! Hah! Something else I see that causes me concern is when a woman begins to boss her man around. How many men want to have sex with their mother? Well, a few, I'm sure. But for the most part, the normal men are not turned on by such things. This mothering happens when the woman does too much for him or when she is bossy. It would be interesting to poll men to ask them what makes them cheat. My feeling is that we would find that men are tempted to cheat if the following criteria are met. She nags instead of asks She dominates by being bossy rather than respectfully asking for what she needs or wants. She is disrespectful to her man by using condescending remarks such as, shut up, You don't know anything, I don't care what you want. Or worse remarks such as, Stop touching me! I don't like that! Don't kiss me there! Eww, you're gross! Even if said in fun, I think that if you ask a man, he might say that somewhere inside; a little piece of his ego was chipped away each time she does this. Stifling him in the relationship when he feels that his woman doesn't let, him do things. Should a woman have the right to let, or not let a person do things? A relationship is supposed to be about trust. Therefore, if a man wants to go out with the guys to a bar, to a strip club, or just drink a few beers at home, this ultimately would not pose an issue. It's all about moderation, I think. The minute a woman starts saying thinks like, I don't want you doing this, this, that, or that, chances are, whether he admits it or not, he's a very stifled and potentially restricted and unhappy man. And because of all this, the sex is now bad. It would also be interesting to poll women to ask them what makes them cheat. I have the feeling that it would be because of the following reasons. She can't be herself around him. He doesn't listen and tells her she shouldn't be upset. He doesn't tell her how precious she is to him. He does not make enough time for her. He does not help her with domestic things, or her internal struggles. And because of all this, the sex is now bad. Women need to know that they are free to be themselves. The big no-no phrases to hear are, You shouldn't be upset, or don't worry about it. Women want to talk and to be heard. Our way of thinking things through is by talking. Men, have you ever wondered why a woman will start a conversation with one opinion and by the time she's done, she will have a completely different point of view? This is because she was able to refine her thoughts just by your listening to her and not providing a solution. To come out the hero, men can reassure her and recognize that a woman gets insecure. When she seems angry, this translates to her actually being hurt. Women, need, reassurance. It's as simple as that. When she is upset, she doesn't talk to you because she doesn't trust you. You can reassure her that whenever she is ready to talk, you will be there to just sit and listen while she talks it through. When a woman cries, it is her way of expression. Let her ball until she can't ball no more! Hugs are good during these times, even if it is about you. When she's done, she'll be free of her burden. I also get the feeling that often, women don't know how to handle men when they are upset. Men often think things through by silently working through it on their own
Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
You said loads of good things here which I will respond to when I have a bit more time. But, you are correct, so many relationships are not working because both people can't completely give themselves to the other person and that's not just sexually either. I'm fortunate in that regard but, I've been on the otherside as well. - Original Message - From: Mary Ann Topolewski [EMAIL PROTECTED] To: talk2 talk2@AndreLouis.COM Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 1:55 PM Subject: RE: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out! This is a very funny story, just by how it is written and I got a good chuckle out of it. But ya know? Maybe I'm weird but there are things I really hate about what I see that goes on in relationships. Uh-oh... *Mary Ann gets on her soapbox for a minute and hopes she doesn't scare people away.* I have a problem with pet names. Nicknames that were born of a fun event or because of an inside joke are one thing. Especially when they are not used all the time. But to me, the minute pet names are introduced into any relationship and you start replacing the person's real name with those, it's done. Eventually you stop viewing your partner as the hot and sexy person they are. There is nothing more powerful, I think, than hearing the person that you love, saying your name. And no, peoples, I don't just mean in bed! Hah! Something else I see that causes me concern is when a woman begins to boss her man around. How many men want to have sex with their mother? Well, a few, I'm sure. But for the most part, the normal men are not turned on by such things. This mothering happens when the woman does too much for him or when she is bossy. It would be interesting to poll men to ask them what makes them cheat. My feeling is that we would find that men are tempted to cheat if the following criteria are met. She nags instead of asks She dominates by being bossy rather than respectfully asking for what she needs or wants. She is disrespectful to her man by using condescending remarks such as, shut up, You don't know anything, I don't care what you want. Or worse remarks such as, Stop touching me! I don't like that! Don't kiss me there! Eww, you're gross! Even if said in fun, I think that if you ask a man, he might say that somewhere inside; a little piece of his ego was chipped away each time she does this. Stifling him in the relationship when he feels that his woman doesn't let, him do things. Should a woman have the right to let, or not let a person do things? A relationship is supposed to be about trust. Therefore, if a man wants to go out with the guys to a bar, to a strip club, or just drink a few beers at home, this ultimately would not pose an issue. It's all about moderation, I think. The minute a woman starts saying thinks like, I don't want you doing this, this, that, or that, chances are, whether he admits it or not, he's a very stifled and potentially restricted and unhappy man. And because of all this, the sex is now bad. It would also be interesting to poll women to ask them what makes them cheat. I have the feeling that it would be because of the following reasons. She can't be herself around him. He doesn't listen and tells her she shouldn't be upset. He doesn't tell her how precious she is to him. He does not make enough time for her. He does not help her with domestic things, or her internal struggles. And because of all this, the sex is now bad. Women need to know that they are free to be themselves. The big no-no phrases to hear are, You shouldn't be upset, or don't worry about it. Women want to talk and to be heard. Our way of thinking things through is by talking. Men, have you ever wondered why a woman will start a conversation with one opinion and by the time she's done, she will have a completely different point of view? This is because she was able to refine her thoughts just by your listening to her and not providing a solution. To come out the hero, men can reassure her and recognize that a woman gets insecure. When she seems angry, this translates to her actually being hurt. Women, need, reassurance. It's as simple as that. When she is upset, she doesn't talk to you because she doesn't trust you. You can reassure her that whenever she is ready to talk, you will be there to just sit and listen while she talks it through. When a woman cries, it is her way of expression. Let her ball until she can't ball no more! Hugs are good during these times, even if it is about you. When she's done, she'll be free of her burden. I also get the feeling that often, women don't know how to handle men when they are upset. Men often think things through by silently working through it on their own until the time they are ready to talk. Women are the heroines when they leave a man alone until he is ready to share his feelings. When a man retreats, let him. Tell him that you notice something is wrong and you'll wait patiently for him to come to you when he's ready
Re: The Talk2 List MARRIED LIFE - Mary Ann unleashes! Look out!
Mary Ann, This e-mail helped me greatly, I have been in a lot of relationships where I feel like I can't be myself. I am a quirky guy who likes to play with computers, radios, and phones. I like to record interesting or really mundane things like trips to the grocery store. My friends are very important to me, and I spend a lot of time with them. I don't feel like I am allowed to be this type of person when I'm dating someone. I feel like I have to spend every waking moment with her. I feel like I've got roses and chocolates coming out of my ears and it'll never end. I hate the fluffy puppy love crap, I want to find someone who will let me be the kind of person I really am around her. I don't want to cut her out of my life and hide in a cave and spend my entire day on the computer, but I would like to not feel like a slime bucket when I do. I want to find someone who will be interested in some of the same stuff as me, and wouldn't mind sharing these hobbies with me. I'm willing to participate in her hobbies too but it never seems to work that way. Every woman I've ever dated has always tried to take away everything I hold dear, and replace it with stuff she wants me to participate in. I'm a geek, I like who I am, stop trying to make me someone I'm not! Watch Star Trek with me and don't belittle it. Listen to books with me, and comment on the parts that you liked and disliked. Help to broaden my horizons and expose me to new ideas that I've never thought of. Talk to me on an intellectual level, I'm not an idiot. Be a part of my circle of friends, or at least let me hang out with them on a regular basis. These are the things I'm looking for in a relationship, and your e-mail helped me understand the way women think a bit better. Maybe if I had said some of these things to the people I've dated, things may have changed for the better. Perhaps if I were more open with people, they would understand me a little better. Thanks Mary Ann, Byron Onj wrote: Very rarely, I get something that is so enspiring that I have to think about it. I'm keeping this. It was just right somehow. It must have taken you a long time to write it, and it's times like this I wonder what people think of this list I started back in 2004. It has it's uses though. I think that you've proved it today. I can't be nearly as eloquent at saying this as you, but you really did a good job. And you made me really hungry. So with that, I shall depart. On Thursday, September 20, 2007 6:55 PM, Mary Ann Topolewski happened to mention in passing loads of really interesting stuff so read the original message and not this reply because it's better. by! Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. Never miss a Talk2 message again. Did you miss a message? Well, don't. http://www.mail-archive.com/talk2%40andrelouis.com/ has it for you. Never miss a Talk2 message again.
