Spam A Global Warming Issue http://www.theonion.com/content/amvo/spam_a_global_warming_issue
According to security technology company McAfee, the amount of energy used to produce, send, and filter spam each year creates as much greenhouse gas as 3.1 million cars. What do you think? Amy Oliver, Data Base Administrator "It's a small price to pay. I like that someone, somewhere, is interested in me." Bob Dolak, Systems Analyst "That's terrible. I'm going to unsubscribe from spam immediately." Travis Laskaris, Activities Director "I guess now would be a bad time to admit that I check my e-mail while doing doughnuts in a Hummer." =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= Get A Load'A Them! http://cagle.com/working/090421/bagley.jpg =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= "The Environmental Protection Agency has formally declared that greenhouse gases like carbon dioxide are a major threat to public health. This reverses a decision made by George Bush's EPA which said that greenhouse gases are the magic pixie dust that makes puppies cute and kittens soft and cuddly." - Frank King =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= Go On, You Know You Want To.... http://www.cagle.com/working/090422/plante.jpg =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= "Bill Clinton and George W. Bush will appear together on stage in Toronto for a two-hour, friendly debate. Each side gets to pick a topic, so the first hour will be centered on the international banking crisis. The second hour will be dedicated to NASCAR trivia." - Jimmy Fallon =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= Where'd This Come From?!? http://cagle.com/working/090422/bagley.jpg =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= "Bill Clinton and George W. Bush announced plans Monday to perform on the dinner circuit together. The phone's ringing off the hook. After just one hundred days of hope and change, Americans are already nostalgic for the days of adultery and torture." - Argus Hamilton =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= Holding It In http://www.cagle.com/working/090418/zyglis.gif =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= TeaParties '09 Had A Hangnail http://www.macon.com/151/story/686507.html During the Ronald Reagan years our debt went from about $85 billion to $255 billion. Not a tea party in sight -- as a matter of fact, Reagan is viewed by some as the greatest president of the 20th century. When Bush 41 took the deficit up to $399 billion during his final year in office, he hailed it as a victory. The year before the deficit hit $432 billion. Still no tea parties. The Clinton years saw the deficit morph into a $128 billion surplus. No tea parties. No dancing in the streets. No waving of signs and rejoicing that our children's futures were secure. That's a good thing because the first year of George W. Bush's presidency that surplus turned into a $133 billion deficit. We hadn't seen nuthin' yet. Last September the deficit had ballooned to more than $10 trillion. In eight years, no tea parties; hardly a mumbling word until the bailouts began last September. No one complained that a lame duck president, who kept war spending off the books -- just like Wall Street accountants fiddled with their derivative Ponzi schemes -- had royally screwed up. So here we are. Folks are upset. Why now? The answer is simple. The people twirling tea bags and making signs and creating a big fuss -- inspired by talk radio mavens -- are really mad because they lost the November elections -- and they lost to Barack Obama. ... Unfortunately, for those who wish differently, the enthusiasm of the Tea Parties of '09 will quickly fade. Did you see the crowds? What did they look like? They reminded me of the attendees at the Republican National Convention last year, where minorities made up a whopping 1.5 percent of the delegates. Don't they get it? America no longer looks like that. ... =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= Uh Oh.... http://thehill.com/images/stories/weyants/2009/April/cartoon042209.jpg =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= "The lone surviving Somali pirate of the four who hijacked the Maersk Alabama has been arraigned in a Manhattan federal court. While he's here, New Yorkers are hoping he'll at least kidnap a few Wall Street executives." - Jake Novak =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= Need That Info.... http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=7dc9b5c75b195eb3138a181e7e91d454 =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= "The Justice Department says they want to make an example of this Somali pirate guy. And I thought, really? In terms of making an example, I don't think you can do much better than shooting the other three guys in the head." - David Letterman =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= "Nieman Marcus announced they're selling a diamond-studded dog collar for $3.2 million. Well, finally, it's nice to see one big company that's not out of touch with mainstream America." - Jay Leno =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= All the pirates are not in Somalia.... =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= Turned The Corner http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=cf8e9709722be5e8c347835f1a17af82 =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= "If there is a God in heaven, the thieves of Wall Street will soon pay." - Michael Moore =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= "Morgan Stanley executives are considering buying smaller banks across the U.S. in hopes of diversifying the business, getting into consumer lending, and having a really good place to hide their excessive bonuses." - Jake Novak =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= Be Advised.... http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=9cf36152b191434f3ddcabcf29be0909 =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= Congress Votes To Give Up Fancy Ketchup http://www.dailyredundancy.com/archives/1152.html In response to President Obama's bold challenge to cut government spending by $100 million, Congress voted today to cut fancy ketchup from its catering and cafeteria budget. The move is expected to generate nearly half of the savings the White House has mandated. The savings is expected to reduce the federal budget by nearly 0.00028%. "The American people are being frugal with their food dollars, and so should we." said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "We can eat regular ketchup just like everybody else." Pelosi went on to list several other luxury items slated for the budget ax, including premium crackers, deluxe wax beans and double stuff Oreos. Representatives of the fancy ketchup industry were quick to criticize the move. "The cost differential between regular ketchup and fancy ketchup is much less than with other luxury condiments." said Ronald Pellman, Executive Director of the American Condiments Association. "Dijon mustard and green chili salsa - that's where the big bucks are." Some Congressional members admitted the sacrifice will be difficult. "I always had a little fancy ketchup when I had duck confit with black truffle infused roasted potatoes." Said Massachusetts Senator John Kerry. "But I'll do without for the good of the country." Governmental logistics experts from the General Accounting Office estimate the phase-out of these products can be accomplished in about three years, at a cost of less than $350 million. =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= "Wow, it was hot in Los Angeles today... It was so hot, money managers started Ponzi schemes just so federal regulators would freeze their assets." - Jerry Perisho =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= Which Is It? http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=50b361431e0bc6bf75adefbed955faae =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= "President Barack Obama told his Cabinet yesterday to ensure that every taxpayer dollar is spent wisely. But there was one embarrassing moment when he had to explain to the Cabinet what a taxpayer was." - Jay Leno =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= "Exxon Mobil replaced Wal Mart as the top revenue-generating company in 2008. Number 2 was the company that makes those life-like Sarah Palin Halloween masks." - Jerry Perisho =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= OBAMA OPENS CHEVY DEALERSHIP ON WHITE HOUSE LAWN Slashes Prices on Malibus, Cobalts In a move signaling his most direct involvement in the U.S. auto industry to date, President Barack Obama announced today that he was opening a Chevrolet dealership on the White House lawn. As car-carriers dumped hundreds of unsold 2009 Malibus, Silverados and Cobalts onto the grass in front of the President's historic residence, workmen draped a banner in front of the White House portico reading "Buy a Chevrolet from the USA." Another crew of workers were busy erecting a new sign in front of the White House reading "Barry's Auto City," the name of Mr. Obama's dealership. In a new TV ad broadcast nationwide, the president was seen wearing an Uncle Sam costume and telling the American people, "We are slashing prices on 2009 Chevys to make room for the 2010s, if there still are Chevys by then." Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel said that all Cabinet members were taking turns running the dealership, and that Vice-President Joe Biden was manning the customer service hotline. Customers calling the hotline complained that wait times were as long as thirty minutes and that Mr. Biden was overly chatty, but Mr. Emanuel stressed that the customer service department was "a work in progress." He added that once President's Chevy dealership is up and running, Mr. Obama will open a Chrysler dealership next to it. "This will be your last chance to get a low, low price on a Chrysler before it turns into a Fiat," he said. © Andy Borowitz borowitzreport.com =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= "Well, here's no surprise, Exxon has earned the top spot in the new 2009 Fortune 500 list. Last year, Exxon took in -- this is an unbelievable number -- $443 billion in revenue, and made a profit of $45 billion. You know, here's my question: why not have Exxon bail out the car companies? I mean, one can't live without the other, right?" - Jay Leno =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= Some Encouraging Signs! http://www.cagle.com/working/090416/ohman.gif =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= "The Labor Department said unemployment hit twelve percent in Los Angeles It's having an impact. The Post Office will lose a fortune on Mother's Day when fifty percent of the cards are delivered by people just walking upstairs from the basement." - Argus Hamilton =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= Mattel stock up 15% on sales of Breadline Barbie. - IronicTimes.com ****************************** This Can't Be Happening To Me! http://edsteinink.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/stei090415.gif --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "WebTV Dawgs/Dittos" group. To post to this group, send email to [email protected] To unsubscribe from this group, send email to [email protected] For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/WebTV-Pals -~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
