[RollTideFan] Whizzzz (Non)
---BeginMessage--- ---BeginMessage--- An American tourist in London decides to skip the tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of stout. After a while, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood, big stately residences, no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all, NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS. He really, really had to go, after all those stouts. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings, and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. As he unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobby, who says, I say sir. I'm very sorry Officer, replies the American, but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I can't find a public restroom. Ah yes, says the Bobby, just follow me sir. He leads him to a back delivery alley, then along a wall to a gate, which he opens. In there, points the Bobby. Whiz away, sir, anywhere you want. The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen, manicured grass lawns, statues, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he has the cop's blessing, he unburdens himself and is greatly relieved. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the Bobby, that was really decent of you. Is that what you call 'British Hospitality'? No sir, replies the Bobby, that is what we call the French Embassy. ---End Message--- ---End Message--- ___ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics E-mail Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan - Wear a Cup! To unsubscribe or make changes to your subscription, please visit http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Yeahhh! - (non)
Subject: She don't care Reportedly, the lady who wrote this letter is Pam Foster of Pamela Foster and Associates in Atlanta. She's been in business since 1980 doing interior design and home planning. She recently wrote a letter to a family member serving in Iraq. Please read. Note: I don't know if the author is authentic or not... I don't care! -vo- __ Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001? We're people from all over the world, mostly Americans, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, across the Potomac from our nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania? Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't they? And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was desecrated when an overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet? Well, I don't. I don't care at all! I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent people on 9/11. I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime in Saudi Arabia. I'll care when Abu Musab al-Zarqawi tells the world he is sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling, slashed throat. I'll care when the cowardly so-called insurgents in Iraq come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques. I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs. I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights. I'll care when Clinton-appointed judges stop ordering my government to release photos of the abuses at Abu Ghraib, which are sure to set off the Islamic extremists just as Newsweek's lies did a few weeks ago. In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine roughing up an Iraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't care. When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to a college hazing incident, rest assured that I don't care. When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank that I don't care. When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed special food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being mishandled, you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts that I don't care. And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled Koran and other times Quran. Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and -- you guessed it -- I don't care! . . . . . . . . . . ___ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics E-mail Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan - Wear a Cup! To unsubscribe or make changes to your subscription, please visit http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Where's the loot? (non)
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he landed the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court. When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he takes his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me? The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden. The bookkeeper signs back: I don't know what you are talking about. The attorney tells the Godfather: He says he doesn't know what you're talking about. That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: Ask him again! The attorney signs to the underling: He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him! The bookkeeper signs back: OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens! The Godfather asks the attorney: Well, what'd he say? The attorney replies: He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger. ___ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics E-mail Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan - Wear a Cup! To unsubscribe or make changes to your subscription, please visit http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Appreciation (non)
My thanks to you! I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern... I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put Under God on their cans.I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our troops. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan. I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogen they contain will turn me gay. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I will now return the favor. If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 p.m. and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer. . . . . . . . . . . Another day closer to kickoff and then I can stop sending this crap. Cheers... -vo- ___ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics E-mail Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan - Wear a Cup! To unsubscribe or make changes to your subscription, please visit http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Bulletin (non)
NEWS FROM FRANCE The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The raise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military. . . . . . . . . . . Pretty soon my BAMA plas... The TIDE is gonna ROLL! Cheers... -vo- ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] New BAMA Fan
Family story An Auburn family of football supporters head out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an Alabama jersey and says to his older sister, I've decided to become an Alabama fan and I would like this for Christmas. His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him around the head and says, Go talk to mother. Off goes the little lad with the Alabama jersey in hand and finds his mother. Mom? Yes son? I've decided I'm going to be an Alabama fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas. The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, Go talk to your father! Off he goes with the Alabama jersey in hand and finds his father. Dad? Yes son? I've decided I'm going to be an Alabama fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas. The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says, No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT! About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says, Son, I hope you've learned something today? The son says, Yes, Dad, I have. Good son, what is it? The son replies, I've only been an Alabama fan for an hour and I already hate you Auburn people ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Short story... (non)
We were sitting in a fine restaurant when my wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. I said, I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him? Yes, she replies, he's my ex-husband, and he has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago. I said, That's remarkable. I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long. She hasn't spoken to me since ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] RE: where's all y'all?
My primary residence is Saranac, Michigan, an extremely dull village of about 1750 if you count the stray cats and a few runaway hogs. Most are UM or MSU fans with a few for ND. Beautiful downtown Saranac is about as exciting as arbin/opelika except they have 2 BARS and an American Legion... are we having fun yet... Cheers -vo- ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaners - (non)
Subject: Solution for Republicans The Republicans should back off and let men marry men; women marry women, and totally legalize abortion. In three generations there will be no Democrats! . . . . . . . . . . . . Subject: The Big Game As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, What in the world are you doing? The daughter replied,Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone. The next day, the girl's father heard! the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.. A couple days later, the wife and daughter came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. They entered that area and observed the husband/father sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked, What the hell are you doing? The husband replied, I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law. . . . . . . . . . . . . Prolly sent before... Can't remember what I sent last year. Obviously, the game above is the UT (son-in-law) vs AU (the daughter) football game. RTR... Cheers -vo- ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaners - (non)
Subject: Whisper !! A salesman is trying to call a client. The phone rings and their little boy, in a whisper, says, Hello. SALESMAN: Is your mommy there? LITTLE BOY: (whisper) Yes. SALESMAN: Can I speak with her? LITTLE BOY: (whisper) She's busy. SALESMAN: Is your daddy there? LITTLE BOY: (whisper) Yes. SALESMAN: Can I speak with him? LITTLE BOY: (whisper) He's busy. SALESMAN: Is there anyone else there? LITTLE BOY: (whisper) The fire department. SALESMAN: Can I talk to one of them? LITTLE BOY: (whisper) They're busy. SALESMAN: Is there anybody else there? LITTLE BOY: (whisper) The police department. SALESMAN: Well, can I talk to one of them? LITTLE BOY: (whisper) They're busy. SALESMAN: Let me get this straight, your mother, father, the fire department and the police department are all in your house, and they're all busy. What are they doing? LITTLE BOY: (whisper) They're looking for me. . . . . . . . . . . . . Subject: Moving to Michigan Chuck was sitting in an airplane when another fellow took a seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreckpale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear. Hey pal, what's the matter? Chuck asked. Oh man I've been transferred to Michigan, the other guy answered, there's crazy people in Michiganand they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate Hold on Chuck interrupted, I've lived in Michigan all my life and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world. The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, Oh thank you. I've been worried to death but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living? Me?, said Chuck, I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck in Detroit. . . . . . . . . . . . . RollSpartansRoll... Cheers -vo- ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Re: Hey VO
Pat Smoot wrote... The Lady Spartans made it to the final 4 as well. Congrats to all. . . . . . . . . . Thanks pla. I only live about 35 miles from MSU and both teams are the main topic on TV and in the Newspapers. Then you add the hype of the Magic Johnson championship era, the Pope and his feeding tube don't stand a chance. I do hope they both win it all because they are my #2 team after BAMA. RollSpartansRoll -vo- ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner (NonBama)
*Sunday School* The lady was a Southern Baptist who attended services and taught Sunday School every week. On one Sunday an out of town acquaintance, a gentleman, was in the pew right behind her. He noted what a fine looking woman she was. While they were taking up the collection, the man leaned forward and said, Hey, how about you and I having dinner on Tuesday? Why Yes, that would be nice, the lady responded. Well, the gentleman couldn't believe his luck. On Tuesday he picked the lady up and took her to the finest restaurant in that part of Alabama. When they sat down, the gentleman looked over at her and suggested, Would you like a cocktail before dinner? Oh, no, said our circumspect fine example of southern womanhood, Whatever would I tell my Sunday School class? Well, our gentleman was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. When he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and asked, Would you like a smoke? Oh my, goodness no, said the woman I couldn't face my Sunday School class if I did? Well, our boy felt pretty low after that, so they left, got in his car and as he was driving the lady home, they passed the local Holiday Inn. He'd been morally rebuffed twice already, so he figured he had nothing to lose so he ventured forth with, Ahhh ... how would you like to stop at this motel? Sure, that would be nice, she said with anticipation. The gentleman couldn't believe his ears, and did a fast U- turn right then and there and drove back to the motel and checked in. The next morning, after a wild and passionate night, the gentleman awoke first. He looked at the lovely Dixie darling lying there in the bed and with remorse thought, What the heck have I done? He shook her awake and pleaded, I've got to ask you one thing, whatever are you going to tell your Sunday School class? The lady said, The same thing I always tell them, You don't have to smoke and drink to have a good time!! . . . . . . . . . . . . *What A Coincidence* A chicken farmer went into a local watering hole and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perked up and said, How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too! He replied, What a coincidence! This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating. This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating! said the woman. What a coincidence, said the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, What are you celebrating? My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! What a coincidence. said the man. I'm a chicken farmer. For months all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile. That's great! says the woman, How did your chickens become fertile? I switched cocks, he replied. What a coincidence, she said. . . . . . . . . . . . . Have A Nice Easter - Cheers -vo- ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] *SPARTANS*
How about Michigan State over Kentucky in 2 OT. I had BAMA all the way and lost, so State was my #2 Team. My son is an Alum... RollSpartansRoll -vo- ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaners - (nope)
Subject: Foreign Exchange An Asian man walks into the currency exchange in New York with 2000 yen and walks out with $ 72. The following week, he walks in with 2000 yen and is handed $ 66. He asks the teller why he got less money than he had gotten the previous week. The lady answers: Fluctuations. The Asian man storms out, and just before slamming the door, he turns around and says: Fluc you Amelicans too! . . . . . . . . . . . . Subject: A Deals ...A Deal ! STTTUTTEING... Joe walks into the doctor's office and says, Ddddoc, I've bbeen stttutering ffor yyyears, and 'm tttired of it. Cccan yyyou hehehelp me? The doc says, Well, I'll have to examine you to see what's going on. So he examines him, and says, Well I think I know what the problem is. The guy says, Wwwell wwwhat is it, ddoc? Doc says, Well, it's your penis, it's about a foot long and all the down pressure is putting strain on your vocal cords. Guy says, Wwwat cccan we ddo? Doc says, Well, I can cut it off and transplant a shorter one. Guy says, Dddo it! The guy has the operation and three weeks later, he comes back into the doctor's office and says, Doc, you solved the problem and I don't stutter anymore, but I've only had sex once in the past three weeks. My wife doesn't like it anymore. She liked it with my long one. I don't care if I have to stutter, I want you to put my long one back on. The doc says, Nnnnope! A eal's a eal!! . . . . . . . . . . . . CchcheCheers -vvvo- ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Re: HEY ~VO~!!!!
Jamie Watts wrote... Donut furgit the TGIF Groaner Ewer Powell, Jamie churs . . . . . . . . . . . . I will try... but after the dog and pony show GROANER we had today, I will be hard pressed. Full court, that is. Oh well - Cheers -vo- ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Re: RTF Member Check-in! [Just for fun]
Re: Anniston... to include Oxford, Golden Springs, Jacksonville et al. The entire area has one claim to fame, = Real Estate. Ever since Fort McClellan closed, many businesses have shut down or moved, causing many people to relocate. Plus, all persons (mil and civ) associated with the MP and Chemical Schools had to move elsewhere, and quite a few retired military departed for other bases. An awful lot of must sell homes flooded the market... cheap. It is still a buyers market in Calhoun county. The more you spend for a house, the more you save. If you do your homework and have patience, you can buy one hell of a house in the area for $175,000. The same house elsewhere would cost well over $200.000... Easy to get mortgages and low interest are also in your favor. Whatever... -vo- ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner (non)
Groaner #1 of 2... There are two Mexicans who have been lost in the desert for weeks and they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy, through the heat haze, a tree off in the distance. As they get closer they can see that the tree is draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life giving juicy nearly-raw bacon, all sorts. Hey, Pepe says the first bloke Ees a bacon tree! We're saved! You're right, amigo! says Pepe. So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets. His friend quickly drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe. Pepe! Pepe! Que pasa, hombre? With his dying breath Pepe calls out, Ugh, run, amigo, run! Ees not a Bacon Tree! Ees a... Ees a... Yes, Pepe? Ees a what..? Ees... a... ham bush. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Groaner #2 of 2... Mint Flavored Birth Control Pill The Cadbury's Candy Co. and Merck Drug Co. Have combined to market the new Mint flavored birth control pill that women may take immediately before sex. The Pill will be distributed by the large major drug store chains and Wal-Mart's Pharmacies. They're going to be called Pre - dick - a - mints. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . NO, I'm not sorry. Cheers -vo- ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Re: RTF Member Check-in! [Just for fun]
Joel Perry wrote... Anniston? Who the hel lives in Anniston? Ain't that the place where they burn that nuke-lear waste? Yup - they got tons of nookie-waste to burn. Monsanto is still workin on their po-lutten problems. Who lives there... h... Once upon a time, Marie Hilley, Dr Nick, Faye Dunaway and our ole pla, Jamie Watts. I trust you miss your ole Platinum Club safaris. Cheers -vo- ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Re: RTF Member Check-in! [Just for fun]
Greetings... Now that I have received my trusty (but always late) RTF Digest, I will check in after the thread is dead. Always after the fact is the main reason I seldom post. Of course, if ya'll want some TGIF Groaners again, (off FB season only) I will post my usual stupid joke or two. Just say yea or nay in the next day or so. Either way is fine with me. The damn snow up here is 2' deep, it is 8 above and I'm not in Anniston or G. Shores, plus there is No BAMA Football... Guess I better have a few more breers. RTR -Cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/VOSOS/ ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Casualties (Non)
Subject: Arms -- Washington D.C. Iraq According to http://www.casualties.org , there have been 88 hostile fire deaths caused by firearms since the beginning of hostilities in Iraq. The remainder of coalition deaths have been due to explosives or accidents. What does this mean? If you consider that there have been an average of 160,000 troops in theater during the last 22 months, that gives a firearm death rate of 55 per 100,000. The rate in DC is 80.6 per 100,000. That means that you are more likely to be shot and killed in our Nation's Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq. The conclusion? Under the logic of the left, we should immediately pull out of WASHINGTON, DC. ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] SPAM - (Non)
This may be of interest/helpful... -vo- MIKE WENDLAND: Sweet new weapon enters war on spam... http://www.freep.com/money/tech/mwendland28e_20050128.htm http://www.freep.com/money/tech/mwendland28e_20050128.htm ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] RE: I'll admit, I'm on the left.
From: Joel Perry [EMAIL PROTECTED] She hasn't caught on that I turn the ruler around and measure from the wrong end. Hey Joel - You must have screwed up. My Grandpa told me many times... Never marry a woman with big hands - they make your pecker look small! Cheers -vo- ___ RTF mailing list RTF@rolltidefan.net http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Re: snow
Hey Krut - Come on up for a visit. See inclosed link for directions. Cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/VOSOS/index.html ___ RTF mailing list [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Irony - (part)
Subject: Martha Stewart: Tim Wilson, comedian, had this to say about Martha Stewart: Boy, I feel safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Kobe are walking around, Scott Peterson's going to be soon, but they take the one woman in America, willing to cook and clean, and they haul her ass to jail. . . . . . . . . . . I guarantee - BAMA 20 - lswho satan's 13... RTR... Cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/TIDE1VOGRAM/ ___ RTF mailing list [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Haunted Places in Alabama (non)
For those interested. Hope this isn't a re-run and I missed the original. RTR - Cheers... -vo- GO to... http://www.juiceenewsdaily.com/1004/news/haunted_alabama.html http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/TIDE1VOGRAM/ http://www.juiceenewsdaily.com/1004/news/haunted_alabama.html ___ RTF mailing list [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Re: Loose Cannon
I called him a few days ago and he said all is well --- EXCEPT his PC is down and he's having one hell of a time getting it fixed. I didn't mention it because I expected him back on line by now. HTH - Cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/TIDE1VOGRAM/ ___ RTF mailing list [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Football Wednesday (UAB)
If you're bored Wednesday, Nov 3, and want some football... South Florida at UAB - ESPN2 - 7PM Eastern. I watched part of a UAB game several weeks ago and they played well. They have a big, XL big, black QB that can pass long and is hard as hell to bring down. Whatever - RTR -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/TIDE1VOGRAM/ ___ RTF mailing list [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://rolltidefan.net/mailman/listinfo/rtf_rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Re: [non-Bama] Bush administration completes get-tough plan for Syria
From: Jeff Todd [EMAIL PROTECTED] If Bush wins the upcoming election, I hope the first thing he does is fire that liberal bastard - Colin Powell. If Bush loses the upcoming election, I hope he spends his last week in office ordering massive air strikes on Syria and Iran. And any other rag-headed bastards that need it. Slef E. . . . . . . . . . . Jeff - You're a picture of my old slef. Pass in Review... -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/TIDE1VOGRAM/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net New AOL.com addresses are NOT allowed on this list. Get a real ISP.
[RollTideFan] Texas Dan - (non)
if you go huntin' bobcats with a BB gun? But cheer up, Dan, maybe one a these days all you pointy-headed, liberal, media fellers will see the light. Course, seein's where y'all seem to be keepin' them pointy heads, it'll prob'ly be one a them there things the doctors use. Whatcha call 'em, proctoscopes? Russ Vaughn A Texan P.S. Charlene says to tell you don't even think about comin' back to Texas. Way folks out here feel, you'd have to tie a pork chop around your neck just to get a dog to play with you. Well, and maybe Mollie Ivins. Russ Vaughn is a Vietnam veteran, Texan, and Poet Laureate of The American Thinker http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/TIDE1VOGRAM/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net New AOL.com addresses are NOT allowed on this list. Get a real ISP.
[RollTideFan] Gator penalty?
Check this out... http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/UF15yds/ http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/TIDE1VOGRAM/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net New AOL.com addresses are NOT allowed on this list. Get a real ISP.
[RollTideFan] Re: Predictions
ALABAMA - 30 Utah State - 10 RollTideRoll -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/TIDE1VOGRAM/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net New AOL.com addresses are NOT allowed on this list. Get a real ISP.
[RollTideFan] *BIG TREAT* - (X-Bama)
Big Football Treat - Thursday - September 2 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Texas AM (+8.5) at UTAH - ESPN - 7:45 PM Eastern UTEP (+26) at Arizona State - FOX Sports Net AZ - 10:00 PM Eastern RTR -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/TIDE1VOGRAM/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net New AOL.com addresses are NOT allowed on this list. Get a real ISP.
Re: [RollTideFan] Knock, knock
Slef wrote: Anybody home. I are, and I are headed for the Daily Digest rat now. -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/TIDE1VOGRAM/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net New AOL.com addresses are NOT allowed on this list. Get a real ISP.
[RollTideFan] BOOBS
Porn star tells U.S. military: 'Bullets, not boobs' Carey leads protest against free breast implants for female soldiers. Reuters Updated: 3:43 p.m. ET Aug. 19, 2004 LOS ANGELES - A group supporting natural breasts staged a small street protest in Hollywood Wednesday against a U.S. military policy offering free breast implants to female soldiers. The group, led by porn star and former California gubernatorial candidate Mary Carey, said the military should spend its money on “bullets, not boobs.” “I think girls should have natural boobs and natural beauty,” Carey said after unveiling her own breasts in the protest at an Army recruiting office on Sunset Boulevard. “Women should be happy with their bodies and what they’re blessed with,” the 24-year-old star of 37 porn films said. Her words and deeds drew cheers from a small group of men who had gathered to watch the event. Passing cars sounded their horns in response to a sign that read “Honk if you love natural breasts.” Carey, who wore green camouflage shorts and bikini top, assured all that her own breasts were real. The protest was organized by porn impresario Mark Kulkis, president of Kick Ass Pictures, the company for whom Carey stars. It follows recent news stories about the military offering free plastic surgery, including breast enhancements, to soldiers and their families so military doctors can practice their skills. Kulkis said he opposed military breast implants because they are an unwise expenditure of tax money and because he does not like fake breasts. “We support our military 100 percent. Part of the reason we’re protesting is that we think these tax dollars would be much better spent on essentials (for soldiers),” Kulkis said. “I’m personally opposed to boob jobs, but more so when they use our tax dollars for them,” he said. “It’s an issue near and dear to my heart.” Kulkis’ porno films come with a promise that none of his female stars have breast implants He and Carey presented a $500 check to Jennifer Zandstra of Commerce, Texas, who was honorably discharged from the U.S. Army two weeks ago and answered a Kick Ass announcement seeking military women opposed to breast implants. “Thank you for coming up here and thank you most of all for keeping your real breasts,” Kulkis told Zandstra. Carey invited her to star in her next film, “Mary Carey Rules: No. 6,” but Zandstra, now a college student, politely said, “No, thank you.” A military spokesman for the recruiting office where the protest took place said he had no comment. Copyright 2004 Reuters Limited. All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Reuters content is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Reuters. URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5760831/ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . NOTE: I'm sure that most everyone across the country will jump on the Military about spending tax dollars on BOOBS and other forms of *plastic surgery*! However, I read a Mil. Pub. about 1 year ago that said they were starting this free program and using it as a training vehicle to *improve the skills* of their Doctors that are providing this type of treatment for the wounded from Iraq and Afghanastan. RollTideRoll - Cheers... -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/TIDE1VOGRAM/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net AOL.com addresses are NOT allowed on this list. Get a real ISP.
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (non)
BARNER FAN PREPS FOR SEASON Follow this guy and see what he eats...??? http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_365440.html?menu= RollTideRoll - Cheers... -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/TIDE1VOGRAM/ http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_365440.html?menu= __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net AOL.com addresses are NOT allowed on this list. Get a real ISP.
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (nonBama)
Subject: Car Problems... Texas A man was driving through west Texas one spring evening. The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours. Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died away, leaving him sitting on the side of the road in total silence. He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine, feeling despondent. As he stood looking at the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries, like he had promised himself. Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, It's your fuel pump. The man raised up quickly, striking his head on the underside of the hood. Who said that? he demanded. There were two horses standing in the fenced field alongside the road and the man was amazed when the nearest of the two horses repeated, It's your fuel pump. Tap it with your flashlight, and try it again. Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared to life. He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away. When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar. Gimme a large whiskey, please! he said. A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's ashen face and asked, What's wrong, man? You look like you've seen a ghost! It's unbelievable, the man said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher. The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse? The man replied to the affirmative. Yes, it was! Am I crazy? No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're lucky, said the rancher, because the black horse don't know shit about cars! . . . . . . . . . . I'm tired of Groaners and Politics... It's time for *ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE FOOTBALL* !! RollTideRoll - Cheers -vo- http://community.webtv.net/TIDE1/RIPfatfill __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] *BLAIR* - (non)
In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the anti-American sentiment and negativity about our government and it's policies, we should remember Tony Blair's words to his own people. During a recent interview, Prime Minister Tony Blair of Great Britain was quoted as giving the following answer to one of his parliament members as to why he believes so much in America, and does he think the U.S.A. is on the right track ? Blair's reply--- A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at.. how many want in...and how many want out. . . . . . . . . . . God Bless America... -vo- http://community.webtv.net/TIDE1/RIPfatfill __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Alabama Style
My wife, Jean (RTF Football Bowl Pool Winner) received the following story and asked me to send it to ya'll because she thought you would appreciate... Alabama Style A good ol' boy had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of his pickup truck and one behind it. Then just stood back and waited A passerby from the city studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The fellow replied, Flat tire. In response the passerby asked, But, what's with the flowers? The man responded, When ya' break down they tell ya' to put flares in the front and flares in the back.I ain't never understood it neither. . . . . . . . . . . RollTideRoll... -vo- http://community.webtv.net/TIDE1/RIPfatfill __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Sunday Wake Up - (non)
*COWBOYS* THREE COWBOYS ARE SITTING AROUND A CAMPFIRE, OUT ON THE LONESOME PRAIRIE, EACH WITH THE BRAVADO FOR WHICH THEY ARE FAMOUS. A NIGHT OF TALL TALES BEGINS. THE COWBOY FROM OKLAHOMA SAYS, I MUST BE THE STRONGEST, MEANEST, TOUGHEST COWBOY THERE IS. WHY, JUST THE OTHER DAY, A BULL GOT LOOSE IN THE CORRAL. IT HAD GORED SIX MEN BEFORE I WRESTLED IT TO THE GROUND BY THE HORNS WITH MY BARE HANDS AND CASTRATED THAT SUCKER WITH MY TEETH. THE COWBOY FROM LOUISIANA COULDN'T STAND TO BE BESTED. THAT'S NOTHING, I WAS WALKING DOWN THE TRAIL YESTERDAY AND A FIFTEEN FOOT RATTLER SLID OUT FROM UNDER A ROCK AND MADE A MOVE FOR ME. I GRABBED THAT BASTARD WITH MY BARE HANDS, AND BIT IT'S HEAD OFF, AND SUCKED THE POISON DOWN IN ONE GULP, AND I'M STILL HERE TODAY. THE COWBOY FROM TEXAS REMAINED SILENT, SLOWLY STIRRING THE COALS OF THE FIRE WITH HIS PECKER. . . . . . . . . . . Amen... -vo- http://community.webtv.net/TIDE1/RIPfatfill __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (nonBAMA)
The two little old ladies had been very longtime close friends. But being old-fashioned, each went to a retirement home of her own respective religion. It was not long before Mrs. Murphy felt very lonesome for Mrs. Cohen, so one day she asked to be driven to the Jewish Home to visit her old friend. When she arrived she was greeted with open arms, hugs, and kisses. Mrs. Murphy said Don't be holdin' back, Mrs. Cohen, how do you like it here? Mrs. Cohen went on and on about the wonderful food, the facility and the caretakers. Then, with a twinkle in her eye, she said, But the best thing is that I now have a boyfriend. Mrs. Murphy said, Now isn't that wonderful! Tell me all about it. Mrs. Cohen said, After lunch we go up to my room and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on the top, and then on the bottom, and then we sing Jewish songs. Mrs. Murphy said, For sure it's a blessing. I'm so glad for you Mrs. Cohen. Mrs. Cohen said, And how is it with you, Mrs. Murphy? Mrs. Murphy said it was also wonderful at her new facility, and that she also had a boyfriend. Mrs. Cohen said, Good for you! So what do you do? We also go up to my room after lunch and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on top, and then I let him touch me down below. Mrs. Cohen said, Yes? And then? Mrs. Murphy said, Well, since we don't know any Jewish songs, we fuck. . . . . . . . . . . I'm tired of politics and TGIF Groaners... It's time for *BAMA Football*... RollTideRoll -vo- http://community.webtv.net/TIDE1/RIPfatfill __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] COACH - (BAMA)
Photo of CPWB circa 1945... (Shula?) Cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/COACH/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] COLLEGE SIGS
Thought some of you might be interested. See following link... http://community-2.webtv.net/glosimerwings/college/ Tired of *politics*... Ready for FOOTBALL... -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ http://community-2.webtv.net/glosimerwings/college/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (nonBama)
Subject: 20 When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned, so he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist. After an initial examination, the physician explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be cured through corrective surgery. How long will Ralph be on crutches? the wife asked anxiously. Crutches? Why would he need crutches? responded the surprised doctor. Well, you ARE going to lengthen Ralph's legs, aren't you? . . . . . . . . . . Cheers... -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] I'm Confused? (nonBama)
I'M CONFUSED... (Author Unknown) I'm trying to get all this political stuff straightened out in my head... SO... I'll know how to vote come November. Let me see; have I got this straight? Clinton awards Halliburton no-bid contract in Yugoslavia - good... Bush awards Halliburton no-bid contract in Iraq - bad... Clinton spends 77 billion on war in Serbia - good... Bush spends 87 billion in Iraq - bad... Clinton imposes regime change in Serbia - good... Bush imposes regime change in Iraq - bad... Clinton bombs Chinese embassy - good... Bush bombs terrorist camps - bad... Clinton commits felonies while in office - good... Bush lands on aircraft carrier in jumpsuit - bad... Clinton says mass graves in Serbia - good... Entire world says WMD in Iraq - bad... No mass graves found in Serbia - good... No WMD found Iraq - bad... Stock market crashes in 2000 under Clinton - good... Economy on upswing under Bush - bad... Clinton refuses to take custody of Bin Laden - good... World Trade Centers fall under Bush - bad... Clinton says Saddam has nukes - good... Bush says Saddam has nukes - bad... Clinton calls for regime change in Iraq - good... Bush imposes regime change in Iraq - bad... Terrorist training in Afghanistan under Clinton - good... Bush destroys training camps in Afghanistan - bad... Milosevic not yet convicted - good... Saddam turned over for trial - bad... Ahh, it's so confusing! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . If you figure it out, let me know... Cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (nonBama)
THE VIBRATOR As the woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, What in the world are you doing? The daughter replied,Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone. The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone. A couple days later, the wife and daughter came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. They entered that area and observed the husband/father sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy. The wife asked, What the hell are you doing? The husband replied, I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law. ... RollTideRoll - It won't be long... Cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] News Anchors - (nonBama)
News Anchors Dan Rather and Peter Jennings, NPR Reporter Cokie Roberts, along with a U.S. Marine assigned to protect them were hiking through the desert one day when they were captured by Iraqis. They were tied up, led to a village, and brought before the leader. The leader said, I am familiar with your western custom of granting the condemned a last wish; so, before we kill and dismember you, do you have any last requests? Dan Rather said, Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili. The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, Now I can die content. Peter Jennings said, I am Canadian, so I'd like to hear the song O Canada one last time. The leader nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the anthem. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die peacefully. Cokie Roberts said, I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end. The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, now I can die happy. The leader turned and said, And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish? Kick me in the ass, said the Marine. What? asked the leader. Will you mock us in your last hour? No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass, insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine, and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, all the Iraqis were either dead or fleeing for their lives. As the Marine was untying Rather, Jennings, and Roberts, they asked him, Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass? What, replied the Marine, and have you three assholes call me the aggressor? ... http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (nonBama)
Posting 2 super losers today... Cheers -vo- The Honolulu Police Department received reports of illegal *cockfights* being held in the Ewa area and duly dispatched the infamous Detective Chang to investigate. He reported to his sergeant the next morning. Get tree main groups in da cock-fightin hui, he began. Good work. Who are they? the sergeant asked. Chang replied confidently, Get haoles, Portagees, and da Syndicate. Puzzled, the sergeant asked, How did you find that out in one night? Wuz easy cuz, he replied, I wen' Ewa side and watched da cock fight. Could tell had haoles when *one duck* was entered in da fight. The sergeant nodded, I'll buy that. But what about the others? Chang intoned knowingly, Well, I feegured we get Portagees when someone wen' bet on da duck. Ah, yes, said the sergeant, And how did you deduce the *Syndicate* was involved? Da duck won. !!! QUICK LUBE The increased use of *Viagra by seniors* created the demand for a *sexual lubricant* to address the special needs of that market. The makers of K-Y were quick to develop one which they marketed as, OIL OF OLD LAY. http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] BAMA Sports on TV - 2004
I get the Digest and don't know if this article has been posted. If not... check it out. http://www.al.com/sports/birminghamnews/index.ssf?/base/sports/1089710159192720.xml RollTideRoll -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ http://www.al.com/sports/birminghamnews/index.ssf?/base/sports/1089710159192720.xml __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Re: {ain't}
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Subject: Re: {ain't}
-Original Message-
From: Joe Goodson [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Bushthe anti - terrorist..
What a joke.
Hey Joe, I fixed yore post!
_
Judges and Lawyers...
What a joke.
And, I fixed yore post!
http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/
__
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[RollTideFan] Re; Age Survey
Pat Smoot wrote... Would everyone please post their truthful age? That includes VO LC. .. ole Vo will be 73 years old *precisely at kickoff* of the University of Alabama Crimson Tide vs Western Carolina football game at Bryant- Denny Stadium on September 18, 2004. God Bless Our Troops - RollTideRoll - cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaners - (nonBama)
I have been in and out of the Hospital a couple times (obviously - I didn't croak) and missed sending my groaner last week (as if you cared)... SO - these two bring me up to date.cheers -vo- . Speaking of Hospitals While visiting his niece, elderly Uncle Geezer had a serious stroke. The niece drove wildly to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long wait, the E.R. doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly, he said, I'm afraid that your uncle's brain is dead, but his heart is still beating. Oh, dear, cried the niece, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock, We've never had a Democrat in the family before. Killing the PAIN I heard a story about a guy who went to the dentist to get a tooth pulled. First off the dentist said he would give the guy a shot to numb the jaw. But the guy said he was afraid of needles. The dentist said OK, I'll get out the gas to put you to sleep. However the guy said he was allergic to the gas. So the dentist said he'd look for something else. After awhile he came back with a couple of pills. The guy asked what they were. The dentist said they were Viagra. The guy said WHAT! why these. The dentist said they won't put you to sleep, but they will give you something to hang on to while I pull your tooth. http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (nonBama)
Just one more drink... A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son anyway and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells his son he is proud of him. Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swp! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant Take another drink! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swp! Swp! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant Take another drink! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swp! Swp! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then to the right right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says... That boy should have quit while he was a head. cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] A Bridge Too Far - (nonBama)
For those that are interested in the outstanding qualities of one of our most notorious and renowned Senior Senators... .. Author Unknown .. When Sen. Ted Kennedy was merely just another Democrat bloviating on Capitol Hill on behalf of liberal causes, it was perhaps excusable to ignore his deplorable past. But now that he's become Sen. John Kerry's leading campaign attack dog, positioning himself as Washington's leading arbiter of truth and integrity, the days for such indulgence are now over. It's time for the GOP to stand up and remind America why Sen. Kerry's chief spokesman had to abandon his own presidential bid in 1980 - time to say the words Mary Jo Kopechne out loud. As is often the case, Republicans have deluded themselves into thinking that most Americans already know the story of how this Conscience of the Democratic Party left Miss Kopechne behind to die in the waters underneath the Edgartown Bridge in July 1969, after a night of drinking and partying with the young blonde campaign worker. But most Americans under 40 have never heard that story, or details of how Kennedy swam to safety, then tried to get his cousin Joe Garghan to say he was behind the wheel. Those young voters don't know how Miss Kopechne, trapped inside Kennedy's Oldsmobile, gasped for air until she finally died, while the Democrats' leading Iraq war critic rushed back to his compound to formulate the best alibi he could think of. Neither does Generation X know how Kennedy was thrown out of Harvard on his ear 15 years earlier - for paying a fellow student to take his Spanish final. As they listen to the Democrats' Liberal Lion accuse President Bush of telling lie after lie after lie to get America to go to war in Iraq, young voters don't know about that notorious 1991 Easter weekend in Palm Beach, when Uncle Teddy rounded up his nephews for a night on the town, an evening that ended with one of them credibly accused of rape. It's time for Republicans to state unabashedly that they will no longer go along with the gag when it comes to Uncle Ted's rants about deception and moral turpitude inside the Bush White House. The Democratic Party, not to mention Sen. John Kerry, should be ashamed to have the national disgrace from Massachusetts as their spokesman. And the GOP needs to say so out loud. *The Official 2004 DNC Convention Program* 6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony. 6:30pm - Anti-war rally no. 1. 6:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 7:00pm - Tribute theme to France. 7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund. 7:20pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 7:25pm - Tribute theme to Spain. 7:45pm - Anti-war rally no. 2. (Moderated by Michael Moore). 8:00pm - John Kerry presents one side of the issues. 8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop. 9:00pm - Gay marriage ceremony. 9:30pm - * Intermission * 10:00pm - Flag burning ceremony no. 2. 10:15pm - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss. 10:30pm - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrg!' 10:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 10:50pm - Pledge of allegiance to the UN. 11:00pm - Double gay marriage ceremony. 11:15pm - Maximizing Welfare workshop. 11:20pm - John Kerry presents the other side of the issues. 11:30pm - 'Free Saddam' pep rally. 11:59pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 12:00am - Nomination of Democrat candidate. .. END .. cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Early Groaner - (NonBama)
I'm leaving on a 4 day *Casino Safari* Wed. AM and will not be here to send the following *GEM* on Friday. S... this are it! Onestone - Powerful Indian Brave This was his Indian name given to him because he had only one testicle. After years and years of this torment Onestone cracked and said, If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them! The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young girl named Blue Bird forgot and said, Good morning Onestone. He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest and there he made love to her all day, he made love to her all night, he made love to her all the next day until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. The word got around that Onestone meant business. Years went by until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after many years away. Yellow Bird who was Blue Bird's cousin was overjoyed when she saw Onestone and hugged him and said, Good to see you Onestone. Onestone grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the! next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die! What is the moral of the story? You'll love this You can't kill two Birds with One Stone. Good luck to myslef at the tables... cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (NonBama)
His Wife Did His Best Friend A guy walked into a bar and ordered a triple scotch. The bartender poured him the drink and the guy drank it down in one gulp. Wow, said the bartender. Something bad must have happened. I came home early today, answered the guy. I went up to the bedroom, and there was my wife having sex with my best friend. The bartender poured the dude another triple shot. This one's on the house. The guy gulped it down once again. The bartender asked, Did you say anything to your wife? The guy answered, Yeah, I walked up to her and told her we were through. 'Pack your bag's and get out!' I told her. What about your friend? asked the bartender. I looked him straight in the eye and said, 'Bad dog!' Woof, woof... cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Re: Thinking About Football
The Finebaum article on April 6, 2004 Shula's grace period is over has been bugging me all week. He ranted and blabbered on about Croomgate, Basketball etc and Shula's not so good handling of various other miscellaneous crap. OK - screw him... However, he had one short insignificant sentence in the article that turned my engine on and I quote... There was little said recently at the close of spring practice, which insiders described as chaotic and confused. What the hell does that mean. Is this just one of his usual smartass barbs or is he implying that CMS and Bama FB *ain't up to snuff* etc. After all, he said insiders described... to me that means that people that really know the *facts* have told him that things ain't good... Hope someone knows something other than Paul Balls making his usual noise. RTR - cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (NonBama)
No *stupid joke Groaner* today - BUT - Take the following Quiz and you may GROAN... Subject: Quiz ... kind of tough? 1. There's one sport in which neither the spectators nor the: participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it? 2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? 3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? 4. Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball? 5. What fruit has its seeds! on the outside? 6. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle? 7. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters dw. They are all common. Name two of them. 8. There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name half of them? 9. Where are the lakes that are referred to in the Los Angeles Lakers? 10. There are seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit. Taking a base on balls--a walk--is one way. Name the other six. 11. It's the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh. What is it? 12. Name six or more things that you can wear on your feet that! begin with the letter S. : : : Answers To Quiz 1. There's one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. What is it? Boxing. 2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute. 3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? Asparagus and rhubarb. 4. Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball? Baseball. 5. What fruit has its seeds on the outside? Strawberry. 6. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle? The pear grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the whole growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems. 7. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters dw. They are all common. Name two of them. Dwarf, dwell, and dwindle. 8. There are fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name half of them? Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses. 9. Where are the lakes that are referred to ! in the Los Angeles Lakers? In Minnesota. The team was originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers and kept the name when they moved west. 10. There are seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit. Taking a base on balls--a walk--is one way. Name the other six. Batter hit by a pitch; passed ball; catcher interference; catcher drops third strike; fielder's choice; and being designated as a pinch runner. 11. It's the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh. What is it? Lettuce. 12. Name six or more things that you can wear on your feet that begin with the letter S. Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts. ... Did you Groan? cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (nonBama)
Today, our beauty is a ReRun from waaay back... A great new software announcement. This memo is to announce the development of a new software system. We are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as the Millennia Year Application Software System (MYASS). Next Monday at 9:00 there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. As for the status of the implementation of the program, I have not addressed the networking aspects so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands. Several people are using the program already and have come to depend on it. Just this morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. I've noticed that some of the less technical personnel are somewhat afraid of MYASS. Just last week, when asked to enter some information into the program, I had a secretary say to me I'm a little nervous, I've never put anything in MYASS before. I volunteered to help her through her first time and when we were through she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again. She went so far as to say that after using SAP and Oracle, she was ready to kiss MYASS. I know there are concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but I am pleased to say the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. We planned this database to encompass all information associated with the business. So as you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want into MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace to walk by an office and see a manager hand a paper to an employee and say Here, stick this in MYASS. This program has already demonstrated great benefit to the company during recent OSHA and EPA audits. After requesting certain historical data the agency representatives were amazed at how quickly we provided the information. When asked how the numbers could be retrieved so rapidly our Environmental Manager proudly stated Simple, I just pulled them out of MYASS. cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (nonBama)
These 2 are so gOOd you can't stand them!! At the Cemetery A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? The first man approached him and said, Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent? The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied...My wife's first husband! .. Having a bad, bbaaa day? Walking through the woods a man comes upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquires, Just out of curiosity, what the hell are you doing? I'm listening to the music of the tree. You gotta be kiddin me. No ,would you like to give it a try? Well, OK... So he wraps his arms around the tree and presses his ear up against the tree. With this the other guy slaps a set of hand cuffs on him, takes his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then strips him butt naked and leaves. Two hours later another nature lover strolls by, sees this guy hand cuffed to the tree, stark ass naked and asked, What the hell happened to you? He tells the guy the whole story about how he got there, but as he was telling his story the guy shakes his head in sympathy walks around behind him, kisses him tenderly behind the ear and says. This just ain't your day... Now those 2 are really bAd !!! cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Bama 2nd only to Kentucky
Most outside the South think of Alabama as a football school, but the Crimson Tide is second only to Kentucky in SEC basketball success. Read on... cheers -vo- http://stanford.theinsiders.com/2/244288.html __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (nonBama)
And our beauty for today is The Wrestling Match... A Russian and an American wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him and said we've done our reasearch on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does, you're finished! The wrestler nodded in acknowledgement. As the match started, the American and the Russian circled each other several times looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold. A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd, and the trainer buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn't even watch the ending. Suddenly, there was a scream, a cheer from the crowd, and the trainer raised his eye just in time to watch the Russian flying up in the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud, and the American collapsed on top of him, making the pin and winning the match. The trainer was astounded. When he finally got the American wrestler alone, he asked, How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before! The wrestler answered, Well, I was ready to give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment I opened my eyes and saw this big pair of balls right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could. So, the trainer exclaimed, that finished him off, did it? No, but you'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls! cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (nonBama)
2 more - 2 day... Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. I'm just an ordinary man, he said, walking up to her, but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars. The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother. (When will men EVER learn?) * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * A mother was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying: Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan! * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Marriage - (nonBama)
( A scene at City Hall in San Francisco ) Next. Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license. Names? Tim and Jim Jones. Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance. Yes, we're brothers. Brothers? You can't get married. Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples? Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest! Incest? No, we are not gay. Not gay? Then why do you want to get married? For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects. But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman. Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim. And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay? All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next. Hi. We are here to get married. Names? John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson. Who wants to marry whom? We all want to marry each other. But there are four of you! That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship. But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples. So you're discriminating against bisexuals! No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples. Since when are you standing on tradition? Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere. Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license! All right, all right. Next. Hello, I'd like a marriage license. In what names? David Deets. And the other man? That's all. I want to marry myself. Marry yourself? What do you mean? Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return. That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!! . Oh yeah cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (nonBama)
2 Groaners 4 Today .. RANCHING A cattle rancher needs a bull to service his cows but needs to borrow the breeding fee from the bank. The banker lends him the money and comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't even look at the cows. The banker tells the farmer that he knows a great veterinarian, and that he'll send him out the next day to check out the bull. The next week the banker returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased and tells the banker, The bull has serviced all my cows, broke through the fence and has even serviced all my neighbor's cows. Wow, says the banker. What did the vet do to that bull? Just gave him some pills, replies the farmer. What kind of pills? asks the banker. I don't know, says the smiling farmer, but they sort of taste like peppermint. READING Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a ttoal mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Fcuknig amzanig huh? ... cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (nonBama)
A Girl and her boyfriend go to the pub. When it's her turn to buy a round, she tells him of a wonderful new drink that he simply must try. She returns with the usual lager for herself but for him she has two glasses and a salt shaker. One glass contains a measure of Baileys, the other has lime juice. Okay, what you have to do is put a large pinch of salt on your tongue, swig the Baileys, hold it in your mouth and then drink the lime juice? He looks a bit dubious, but she's very enthusiastic so he decides to give it a go. First the salt...fine, he handles that. Next the Baileys...lovely, smooth, creamy, warm feeling in the mouth.a bit odd with the salt though. Then he takes the lime juice. + 1 second = the cream in the Baileys curdles... + 3 seconds = Boyfriend's face turns the colour of the lime juice... + 6 seconds = Boyfriend calms his stomach and swallows the gunge... + 8 seconds = She whispers in his ear It's called Blowjobs Revenge? Oh deer, oh deer!! cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (nonBama)
UNION HOUSE A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and, as you would expect, decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, Is this a union house? No, she replied, I'm sorry it isn't. Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get? The house gets $80 and the girls get $20, she answered. Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules. The man asked, And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get? The girls get $80 and the house gets $20. That's more like it! the union man said He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde. I'd like her, he said. I'm sure you would, sir, said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and she's next. cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (Taint)
The Mute and Deaf Bookkeeper... A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has screwed him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper happens to be mute and deaf, so the Godfather brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me? The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden. The bookkeeper signs back: I don't know what you are talking about. The attorney tells the Godfather: He says he doesn't know what you're talking about. That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it and says: Ask him again! The attorney signs to the underling: He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him! The bookkeeper signs back: OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens! The Godfather asks the attorney: Well, what'd he say? The attorney replies: He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger. ... Free Initial Consultation cheers -vo- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/SOLDIER/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Super Bowl Afterglow (not)
Subject: Super Bowl Afterglow President Bush called the Patriots and complemented them on a great game. Al Gore called the Panthers and said he thought they were robbed. Bill Clinton called Janet Jackson. RTR - cheers -vo- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (NonBAMA)
Have A Nice Flight As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination. Tom sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman? When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman? Yes, said the attendant, In fact, this entire crew is female. My God, said Joe, I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit! That's another thing sir, said the attendant, We no longer call it the cock pit. Now we refer to it as the box office. *Geronimo* - cheers -vo- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (NonBama)
Man from Texas A man from Texas, driving a Volkswagen Beetle, pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls,Hey, you got a telephone in that Rolls? The guy in the Rolls says, Yes, of course I do. I got one too... see? the Texan says. Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice. You got a fax machine? asks the Texan. Why, actually, yes, I do. I do too! See? It's right here! brags the Texan. The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Volkswagen says, So, do you have a double bed in back there? The guy in the Rolls replies, NO! Do you? Yep, got my double bed right in back here, the Texan replies. The light turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he immediately goes to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done. He picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Volkswagen beetle with the Texas plates. Finally, he finds it parked alongside the road, so he pulls his Rolls up next to it. The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up and he feels somewhat awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Volkswagen. The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window a crack and peeks out. The guy with the Rolls says, Hey, remember me? Yeah, yeah, I remember you, replies the Texan, What's up? Check this out... I got a double bed installed in my Rolls. The Texan exclaims, YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT? cheers -vo- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Re: CNN
Ron Rice wrote... CNN: Riots at Auburn University today Just saw hundreds of Auburn people going nuts on CNN. They were all in Toomer's Corner acting a fool. At first CNN said that the Auburn people were happy because the president of Auburn had just been fired. But, it was just reported that the celebration is over the announcement that mad cow disease is not sexually transmitted. What in hell is wrong with those people. Will they never learn. If they would have used the cow-condoms that AUO provides for free, they would not have had to worry in the first place. Moo-Moo- He-He- Ha-Ha-Ha- MOOoo!!! Try the fish -Vo- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Re: Deers VO
Pat Smoot wrote... You have to be very careful how you explain things to kids. . . A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said,Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend? Grandma replied, Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. [snip] . You just rang my bell. That must be my wife because she has a hUgE TV in her bedroom!! RTR - cheers -vo- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (NonBAMA)
A HORSE IN THE BAR' A man walked into a bar, sat down at the far end and had a drink. He noticed there was a horse in the back of the bar room with a big pot of money on the floor in front of it. What's up with that? He asked the bartender, pointing at the horse. You gotta put a dollar in the pot, explained the bartender,if you can make the horse laugh, you collect the pot. The man walked over to the horse, dropped a dollar into the pot, and whispered into it's ear. The horse cracked up, fell over, and rolled on the floor in laughter. So the man picked up the pot and walked out. Five years later the same man came into the bar, and saw the same horse, with another big pot of money in front of it. The bartender recognized the man and noticed him looking at the horse in anticipation. It's not so easy now...this time you gotta make him cry. he said. The man walked over to the horse and whispered in its ear, and from behind, in the shadows, appeared to pull something out of his pocket and showed the horse. The horse fell to its knees sobbing as though its heart was breaking. The man picked up the pot and was walking out the door when the bartender stopped him. Hey! At least you can tell us what you told him! Easy, said the man. The last time, I told him my thingy is bigger than his. This time I showed him. After 2 pots of money, I haven't dared to go back! RTR - cheers -vo- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Phat Phill - PI
I get the Digest. Hope this hasn't been posted earlier. See following link. heh-heh... RTR - cheers -vo- http://www.gomemphis.com/mca/football/article/0,1426,MCA_478_2591674,00.html __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (almost)
Three Cheers for TIDE People never remember to write in about the good things a product does, always the bad! So this is very refreshing!! With Important facts to remember!!! Dear TIDE, I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! In fact, about a month ago while at home, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My husband started to berate me about my drinking problem and how expensive the blouse was. One thing lead to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse, as well. I tried to get the stain out using the bargain detergent my cheap husband bought, but it just wouldn't come out. So, I went to the local convenience store and got a bottle of liquid TIDE with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the police's DNA tests were negative! I thank you, once again, for a great product! Well, gotta go, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people. Sincerely, Recently Widowed . Roll-TIDE-Roll - cheers -vo- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Roundball or Music (Non)
With football all but over, maybe some music will help get you thru the winter. Click here - http://www.pianoladynancy.com/wavs.htm Cheers -VO- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/VOSOS/ http://www.pianoladynancy.com/wavs.htm __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (Non)
. . . . Math Tests . . . . Math is Hard Last week I got a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me back two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help and while he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this? Read on... Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1970: A logger exchanges a set L of lumber for a set M of money. The cardinality of set M is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set M. The set C, the cost of production, contains 20 fewer points than set M. Represent the set C as a subset of set M. Answer this question: What is the cardinality of the set P of profits? Teaching Math in 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. Teaching Math in 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees? There are no wrong answers. Teaching Math in 2000: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit margin is $60 ? Teaching Math in 2005: El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de produccion es... ** Well, maybe it's not a Groaner after all? Cheers -VO- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/VOSOS/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Why are we there? - (Non)
Subject: Fw: Why are we there? This one has to be read to the very end. Every day there are news reports about more deaths. Every night on the TV are photos of death and destruction. Why are we still there? The land is too large to secure all of it. The bad people causing this damage can roam anywhere, and we can't possibly police the whole place. Why are we still there? We occupied this land, which we had to take by force, but it causes us nothing but trouble. Why are we still there? Their government is unstable, and in the process of changing. Why are we still there? Refugees are fleeing by the thousands, driven from their homes. Why are we still there? It will cost billions to rebuild, which we can't afford. Why are we still there? There are more than 1000 religious sects. We can't even secure the borders. Why are we still there? And to repeat. Every day we hear of more Americans killed in this dangerous land. It is clear! We must abandon California. BTW - This is my 1st weekly TGIF Groaner - (Non) for 2004! Cheers -VO- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/VOSOS/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Big Buck$$$$
WHAT!! - NO Christmas Bonus!! Poor thangs!! Click here or below... http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2003/writers/mike_fish/12/19/coaching.contracts/ Cheers -VO- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/VOSOS/ http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2003/writers/mike_fish/12/19/coaching.contracts/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Christmas Tree
Two Blondes and a Christmas Tree There were two blondes who went deep into the woods searching for a Christmas tree. After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry bears, wolves and rabbits, one blonde turned to the other. I'm getting really tired. What about just chopping down the next tree that is the right size for our living room? That sounds good to me. I'm so tired I don't even care if we find one that's decorated or not! Cheers -VO- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/VOSOS/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Home for Christmas (Military)
This is the best ever. Tears me up Turn on audio and enjoy the slide show. God bless our troops. -vo- http://www.atthewell.com/home/index.php __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (Non)
Missed last week, so you must suffer thru two stupid groaners this week. Y'all can forgive me this one time because it's the ... *HOLIDAYS*... ... Groaner for Friday, 19 Dec 03... Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch. The King quickly summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and touted as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, shooed him away with no payment made. The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's loincloth. The King imediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer... ... MORAL OF THE STORY: Pay your bills! .. Groaner for Friday, 12 Dec 03... Hippie Love A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would make love to him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at the next stop. When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, I can tell you how you can get that nun to make love to you. The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God. If you went dressed in a robe and a glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to make love to you. The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT ... first you must make love to me. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun. After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts, Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie! Then the nun jumps up and shouts, Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver! .. Holiday Cheers to all of you fine *BamaFans* -vo- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Re: TGIF Groaner - (Non)
Oopsie... Forgot to include my *very important* sig/link on my post. I know - So what! Please see link below. Overnight FedX will be fine ... Thanks! Cheers -VO- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/VOSOS/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Re: UTEP Gonna ROLL ?!!1
Kurt wrote http://www.borderlandnews.com/stories/sports/todaysstories/20031205-52864.shtml Hay Hombre - I have three cees-ters you like very much JUAREZ is your *Destiny* amigo Cheers -VO- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner (Non)
2 losers 2 day . * GOLF * A foursome is waiting at the men's tee while another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it and hacks it another 10 feet. She looks up at the men, who are watching, and says apologetically: I guess all those f**king lessons I took this winter didn't help. One of the men immediately replies, Now, you see, that's your problem - you should have taken golf lessons instead. . * Money Exchange * An Asian man walked into the currency exchange in New York City with 2000 yen and walked out with $72. The following week he walked in with 2000 yen and was handed $66. He asked the teller why he got less money that week than the previous week. The teller said, Fluctuations. The Asian man stormed out and just before slamming the door, turned around and shouted, Fluc you Amelicans, too! Cheers -VO- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] BCS LSU
LSU needs help from Syracuse... http://www.sltrib.com/2003/Dec/12022003/sports/116345.asp Cheers -VO- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (Non)
A funny repeat. Subject: Mailman Bill's Last Day It was mailman Bill's last day on the job after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather. When he arrived at the first house on his route, the whole family came out, roundly congratulated him, and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the next house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he'd had enough, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. All this is just too wonderful for words, he said, but what's the dollar for? Well, she said, last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' Breakfast was my idea. Cheers -VO- http://community.webtv.net/TIDE1/BestBS __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Javvy Special (taint)
Subject: How the Catholic Church works There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Secola Antonio, whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Secola was born in Italy. Faithfully they attended parochial school from kindergarten through senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college and, upon graduation became priests. Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Secola was just a cut above Timothy in all respects. Their rise through the ranks of bishop, archbishop and finally cardinal was meteoric to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would either be one of the two who would become the next pope. In time the pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen. The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular were surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected pope! Secola Antonio was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because even with all of Timothy's gifts, Secola knew he was the better qualified. With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, Why Timothy? After a long silence, an old cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and rose to reply. We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called Pope Secola. I wish ya'll the very best and have a great Thanksgiving ... Cheers -VO- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (Non)
Subject: A Little Pink One A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of an erotic sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally she arrives at the counter, grabbing it for support. She asks the sales clerk: Dddodo yyou sssell dildosss? The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies: Yes we do have dildos. Actually we sell many models. The old woman then asks: D yyyo e aaa itttlee pppinkk one, tttenn inche lllong aaandd aabboutt tttwoo inchesss thththiiickkk? The clerk responds, Yes we do. Cca o tttelll o ttturrrnnn ttthe uuinggg ttthin off? __ *RollTideRoll* - Cheers -VO- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] *Football Fan*
Now this is what I call a real football fanatic! (See article) BAMA will kick aubarn's a$$ thru their elbows! UA 20 - au 13 .. RTR -VO- . MITCH ALBOM: Better to sit in jail than miss the game November 21, 2003 BY MITCH ALBOM FREE PRESS COLUMNIST The judge called it the most unusual request I've ever had. The defense attorney said, I've never heard anything like it. Even the crook admits he never tried anything this brazen. Then again, it is Michigan-Ohio State weekend. The first thing he wanted me to do, said defense attorney Tully Rogers, was to get him out on bond so he could watch the game. He promised to come right back. I said, 'I don't think the judge is gonna go for that. Maybe we can come up with something else.' What's a crook to do? Jeff Renne, up on forgery charges, thought about the bad checks he'd written. He thought about the punishment, two years in prison. But mostly, he thought about -- as most sports fans do -- the TV reception. And he made up his mind. I am guilty, your honor, he told the judge. He then said he would accept his sentencing, right there, on the spot, if the judge would grant him one request: Let him stay in the local jail through the weekend, rather than send him to the pre-prison reception center. The local jail has television. The center does not. And Renne -- before going up the river -- wanted to watch the game. ...snip... (more) http://www.freep.com/sports/albom/mitch21_20031121.htm __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Iron Bowl 2003
Hot off the press! By: Ward, Butch November 21, 2003 7:46 AM Iron Bowl '03 by: The Goat Man The leaves have fell and it's gettin' cold, It must be time for another Iron Bowl, A lot has happened since Two Thousand and Two, To the Crimson and White and the Orange and Blue... I might as well mention, good ol' Coach Fran, The all-time, hands down, sorriest man, Who the Good Lord might not let into Heaven, I'm glad Oklahoma beat him, by seventy-seven... And over at Auburn the rumor mill, Was bearing down on Tuberville, When he was hearing noises he wanted to muffle, What was Tubby's answer? - The Assistant Coach Shuffle... Meanwhile, Bama thought Coach Price was right, But we didn't know how he spent his nights, Hangin' out with hootchies, carousin' and drinkin', Made us wonder, what was we thinkin'?... So we had to show Coach Price the door, One more ulcer for Mal Moore, You might say Price was not elated, About his story in 'Sports Illustrated'... But it all worked out, we found a coach we like, Don Shula's son, the one named Mike, He's young and smart, he's got lots of class, And through his doors no hookers pass... At this point I cannot neglect, To use a verse to pay respects, Without The Voice of Auburn, Jim Fyffe was his name, Touchdown Auburn! won't ever be the same... Pre-season hype had Auburn the best in the west, We're loaded with hosses, put us to the test!, This is Auburn's year! there were winks, and back-slappin', Now, five lost games later, ... it ain't gonna happen... At Bama the season was a big question mark, Did we have enough depth, would Brody be the spark?, Would the new coaching staff have plenty of knowledge? Would Shula figure out, how to coach in college? Now eleven games later, we're bruised, sore and bloody, Our record's a shambles, Big Al's grass-stained and muddy, But our players never quit, they lay it all on the line, We've come up barely short, in seven overtimes... Our coaches have good game plans but we've got holes to plug, It's hard to do and fight off the injury bug, Brody's been a tough one, he throws the ball with some zing, And that's hard to do with a shoulder busted like a chicken wing... So into Jordan-Hare two mediocres stumble, But do not be deceived, it's gonna be a rumble, 'Cause every coach and player knows that he is on a mission, To be a part of history and carry on the grand tradition... Before we get excited and fill the air with our invective, Let's take just a moment, to get a real perspective, The Tigers and The Tide are getting ready for a war, While half a world away, our kids are fighting for much more... And back here at home, right here in our state, Decent people look for jobs, 'cause things ain't all that great, So as we settle down to enjoy the Iron Bowl game day, God bless Auburn, God bless Bama, and please God, bless the U.S.A Cheers - VO- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (Non)
*2 STORIES* - - - - - (Anybody we know?) Stranded A redneck, a sheep, and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on an unknown island. After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the redneck. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the redneck took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. A few weeks passed by and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the redneck had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening: red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the redneck started to get those feelings again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear... Would you mind taking the dog for a walk. . Advice from Grandpa This touched me. This once again confirms that the most important information in your life won't come from a teacher, the library or the internet, but from a mentor and on a very personal level. My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up, and for me it is a time to reminisce about the long walks we used to take. The long drives. The special trips he would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends with him, and the advice he used to give! Much was wasted because I was young when he died. If he were alive today and sharing his gems of wisdom, I'd be a better man. Those gems were well and good, but the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grandfatherly advice, came when he paused, looked me in the eye and said, Son ... don't marry a woman with big hands. It makes your pecker look smaller. . RollMightyTideRoll BAMA 24 - LSU 20 Cheers -VO- http://community.webtv.net/TIDE1/BestBS __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (Non)
Q: How do you say Virgin in German? A: Fitzgutentite . Well, at least it was short this time. Don't forget - Old Age and Treachery will overcome Youth and Skill *RollMightyTideRoll* Cheers -VO- http://community.webtv.net/TIDE1/BestBS __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] FYI - (Non)
I found the following rather amusing. A friend of mine sent it, so I *assume* it is true. I'm just t lazy to check it out! Here's something odd. The Barnes Noble Web site has its own list of 'Year-to-Date Bestseller'--the 'top 100 bestselling books for Barnes Noble stores and Barnes Noble.com, for January-September, 2003.' Hillary's book (Living History) is nowhere to be found. The list only goes to No. 100, so there's no telling where she ranks, but it is below the No. 95 book, which is called -- we kid you not -- 'Captain Underpants and the Big, Bad Battle of the Bionic Booger Boy, Part 1'. --James Taranto . ** RollMightyTIDERoll ** Cheers -VO- http://community.webtv.net/TIDE1/BestBS __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner (Non)
Barbra Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of American Indians. After a tour of a reservation they were on, she was curious as to the number of feathers in the headdresses. She asked a brave who had only one feather in his headdress. His reply was, one feather, one squaw. She asked another brave, feeling the first fellow was only joking. This brave had four feathers in his headdress. He replied, Four feathers, four squaws. Still not convinced the number of feathers indicated the number of squaws involved, she decided to interview the Chief. Now the Chief had a headdress full of feathers which, needless to say, amused Ms. Walters. Ms. W: Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress? Chief: Me Chief, fuck-em all, big, small, fat, tall, fuck-em all. Ms. W: You ought to be hung! Chief: Damned right, me hung. Big like buffalo, long like snake. Ms. W: You don't have to be so hostile! Chief: Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any-style, fuck-em all. Ms. W: Oh, dear! Chief: No deer. Bum too high, run too fast. .. RTR - I know for a fact that Ms Arbins Ass is Grass when we *re-set their clock* at JH. (Along the way, we hone our skills on MSU LSU!) - RollTideRoll... On to Hawaii with a clean sweep.. Cheers -VO- __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] Smokey
In Tennessee, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: Talking Dog for Sale. He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees Smokey just sitting there. You talk? he asks. Yep, Smokey replies. So, what's your story? Smokey looks up and says, Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired? The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, Ten dollars. The guy says, This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap? The owner replies, He's a liar. He didn't do any of that shit. .. BAMA will kick the vols ass because they have been laying around for a week just licking their nuts*Smokey* told me so - RollTideRoll - Cheers -VO- http://community.webtv.net/TIDE1/Halloween __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF - Groaner (Non)
A woman was at the checkout counter at the Supermarket and she noticed that the guy bagging her groceries was quite a hunk She wanted to make a move but was pressed for time. He loaded the groceries in the cart and as they walked toward the parking lot she decided to cut to the chase and said - I have an *Itchy-Pussy* He replied, Lady, these Foreign Cars all look alike to me - just point it out when we get to it !!! Roll-MightyTide-Roll BAMA 24 - utk 20 Cheers -VO- http://community.webtv.net/TIDE1/Halloween __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] College Mailbox
Pick your College - Mailbox shaped like a football helmet. See link below. BTW - This catalog has a ton of wild junk etc Cheers -VO- http://community.webtv.net/TIDE1/Halloween http://www.johnsonsmith.com/website/store/product_detail.asp?UID=2003102101331526item_no=50708+01keyword=jsportcat_keyword=jsportsearch_page_no=5 __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner - (Non)
The Manager Please A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard. Are you the manager? she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. Actually, no, the man replies. Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him, she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. I'm afraid I can't, breathed the bartender. Is there anything I can do? Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message, she continues, slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. What should I tell him? the bartender manages to say. Tell him, she whispers, there isn't any toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room!! RollTideRoll - BAMA 27 - OleMiss 20... And that's the way it is!! Cheers -VO- http://community.webtv.net/TIDE1/Halloween __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
[RollTideFan] TGIF Groaner (Non)
Subject: Military Retirement Bonus The pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired immediately, his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points on the general's body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he wished. The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000. The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip of his up-stretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out with a check for $960,000. When the third general, a grizzled old Marine General, was asked where to measure, he told the pension man: From the tip of my penis to my testicles. The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two generals had received. The Marine general insisted and the pension expert said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the medical officer to do the measuring. The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop 'em. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the general's penis and began to work back. My God! he said, where are your testicles? Vietnam, the general replied !! Cheers -VO- http://community-2.webtv.net/TIDE1/TIDE1VOGRAM/ __ RollTideFan - The University of Alabama Athletics Discussion List Welcome to RollTideFan! Wear a cup! To join or leave the list or to make changes to your subscription visit http://listinfo.rolltidefan.net
