"President Bush is preparing to go on a National Speaking Tour. Although, in
Bush's case, technically it is a National Misspeaking Tour."
- Alex Kaseberg
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Job Hunting
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=4c93a731b131a951bdf2c5aa05b3df99
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"The weak economy has created a surge in applications for substitute teaching
jobs. Millions of Americans are hoping to make ends meet by bullying second
graders out of their lunch money."
- Jake Novak
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"Foreclosures have worsened. Now folks are receiving junk mail addressed,
'Current Non-Resident.'"
- Gil Stern
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Got It Made!
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=52efe625b1e0c52647596951b81a58c2
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"This [past] weekend I hope you remembered to set your clocks forward one hour
and your retirement plans back ten years."
- Alex Kaseberg
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My wife is knitting a sweater to help thaw out credit, which she has heard has
frozen up....
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Thank Goodness!
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=d45954148b9b7298bbc5878ecc3f2c4e
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"Eddie Doyle, bartender for 35 years at the Boston tavern that inspired
"Cheers," has been laid off. Poor guy has gone from the place where everybody
knows your name to the unemployment office, where everybody knows you're broke."
- Paul Seaburn
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People Are Furious!
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=42e47e3c7b675d463aebbcd3af2add8d
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
"NASA launched the Planet Explorer into outer space Friday to look for a planet
just like Earth. It won't be easy. Its telescope will determine whether a
planet is just like Earth by looking for four elements: hydrogen, oxygen, hell
and a handbasket."
- Argus Hamilton
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"It's only a guess, but I'm pretty sure Chicken Little was an economist."
- Will Durst
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Obama's getting a failing grade from economists.... they're upset that he
hasn't fixed the problem they failed to predict.
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Another Expert....
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=be3f36a37d76cff4122f32380cda8567
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Dimon Says System Can Be Saved If 'Vilification' Ends
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=a3xPFlNxi7i4
Jamie Dimon, chief executive officer of JPMorgan Chase & Co., said the U.S. can
rescue its banking system by the end of the year if officials start cooperating
and stop the "vilification" of corporate America.
"If we act like a dysfunctional family and we don't finish these things and
we're forever debating them, I think this will go on for several years," Dimon,
52, said at a conference hosted by the U.S. Chamber of Commerce in Washington.
"It's completely up to us at this point."
Congress called Dimon and seven other bank CEOs to Washington last month to
face criticism for outsized pay packages and executive perks at a time when
losses were rising and the U.S. was pumping billions of dollars into their
companies. Senate Banking Committee Chairman Christopher Dodd led an effort to
put new restrictions on banks that receive government support.
"When I hear the constant vilification of corporate America, I personally don't
understand it," Dimon said in his speech. "I would ask a lot of our folks in
government to stop doing it because I think it's hurting our country." ...
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"Bernie and Ruth Madoff said they're entitled to $69 million dollars out of the
$50 billion Bernie swindled. It's good they picked the number 69, because they
can both go bite themselves."
- Alex Kaseberg
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Ex-Financier Madoff Pleads Guilty To All Charges
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29651773
Saying he was "deeply sorry and ashamed," Bernard Madoff pleaded guilty
Thursday to pulling off perhaps the biggest swindle in Wall Street history and
was immediately led off to jail in handcuffs to the applause of his seething
victims in the courtroom.
U.S. District Judge Denny Chin denied bail for Madoff, 70, and ordered him to
jail, noting that he had the means to flee and an incentive to do so because of
his age. ...
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Two Words....
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=4097ae55de662b13b8f15eb62d379f1a
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"The New York Stock Exchange, by the way, if you are interested, is now a 99
cent store so get down there and do what you can."
- David Letterman
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"Go for a business any idiot could run, because sooner or later, any idiot
probably is going to run it."
- Peter Lynch, Investment Adviser
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Outrageous!!!
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=08214fc46b1651318e7d895367ad555f
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
REVIVING THE DREAM
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/10/opinion/10herbert.html
Working families were in deep trouble long before this megarecession hit. But
too many of the public officials who should have been looking out for the
middle class and the poor were part of the reckless and shockingly shortsighted
alliance of conservatives and corporate leaders that rigged the economy in
favor of the rich and ultimately brought it down completely. ...
Working people were not just abandoned by big business and their ideological
henchmen in government, they were exploited and humiliated. They were denied
the productivity gains that should have rightfully accrued to them. They were
treated ruthlessly whenever they tried to organize. They were never reasonably
protected against the savage dislocations caused by revolutions in technology
and global trade. ...
The seeds of today's disaster were sown some 30 years ago. Looking at income
patterns during that period, my former colleague at The Times, David Cay
Johnston, noted that from 1980 (the year Ronald Reagan was elected) to 2005,
the national economy, adjusted for inflation, more than doubled. (Because of
population growth, the actual increase per capita was about 66 percent.)
But the average income for the vast majority of Americans actually declined
during those years. The standard of living for the average family improved not
because incomes grew but because women entered the workplace in droves.
As hard as it may be to believe, the peak income year for the bottom 90 percent
of Americans was way back in 1973, when the average income per taxpayer,
adjusted for inflation, was $33,000. That was nearly $4,000 higher, Mr.
Johnston pointed out, than in 2005. ...
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Picky, Picky....
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=4b03297e54276f69dd758ebcc14d7ac2
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
"Astronomers say they have discovered enormous black holes 5 billion light
years from Earth that [are] sucking up everything in their path. They name the
black holes 'AIG-1' and 'AIG-2'."
- Jay Leno
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"Citigroup on Thursday set another milestone as the beleaguered bank dropped
below $1 a share, marking the first stock to be offered on the McDonalds Value
Meal."
- Seth Meyers, SNL "Weekend Update"
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"After it was announced that Citibank operated at a profit during the first two
months of the year, its stocks went up from $1 to almost $1.36. Today, Citibank
CEOs demanded $10 billion in bonuses."
- Pedro Bartes
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The Dollar Store
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=a39fa9abe61038e6e51a00a5ffc3ef12
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
NOT COUNTING LOSSES, CITIGROUP SHOWS RECORD PROFIT
Wall Street Rejoices
Aside from the billions it lost, Citigroup made millions of dollars in profit,
wowing battered investors and sending the stock market skyrocketing all the way
back up to to last week's horrific low. "It's a miracle!" said one trader,
"We're back on track!"
"When we examined our books, we found that the months where the government gave
us money showed us taking in absolutely whopping amounts of cash," said
Citigroup executive Neil Patsy. "We were raking it in. Seriously. The
government drove dump trucks to our headquarters and we gathered everything
they gave us with rakes."
Investors hungry for good news pounced on what some called "interesting
accounting practices" to push the market skyward, "or at least to prop it up
like a crude box trap held up by a stick tied to a string," said another trader.
Economics Professor Urtigan Azkawari, whose ministering to sick companies has
earned him the nickname "Dr. Money," said that he was pleased with Citigroup's
progress. "Look at the patient," he said. "He's lost his arms, his legs, his
kidneys and he's half blind -- but other than that that, he's doing quite well."
- tomburka.com
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"The good news is that the bailed out bank Citigroup was actually profitable
for the first two months of 2009. The bad news is that to do that, it was
forced to sell crack from its ATM's."
- Jake Novak
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Remember When....
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=727804d1bb4526ec45ec755d07f25676
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
"Well, in a stunning announcement, Citigroup showed a profit and had its best
quarter since 2007. They made $8 billion in profit. That just goes to show you,
you give a company $45 billion in government bailout money, and they'll show
you how to turn it into $8 billion. See, this is capitalism!"
- Jay Leno
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"Wall Streeters regained the will to live Tuesday after the stock market soared
three hundred seventy points on good news from Citigroup. Everyone is too
nauseous to be happy. Stocks might not provide for your old age but they do
hasten its arrival."
- Argus Hamilton
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Economic Projection
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=12fc1a5cd52f377f3b2f40d841ef1ae8
=--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--= =--=
A RISK BIG OIL COMPANIES CAN AFFORD TO SHARE
http://tinyurl.com/d2nf4p
In his 2010 budget, President Obama wants $31.5 billion from oil companies over
the next 10 years with new taxes and by closing tax loopholes. This is a mere
$3.15 billion a year, but the oil execs still say Obama is the creature
stealing their black lagoon.
"With America in the midst of an economic recession, now is not the time to
impose new taxes on the nation's oil and gas industry," said American Petroleum
Institute president Jack Gerard in a statement. "New taxes could mean fewer
American jobs and less revenue at a time when we desperately need both." ...
Americans should be flabbergasted that the industry most in the black has the
nerve to cry as millions of Americans are seeing pink and sinking into the red.
Obama's proposal, if anything, is relatively modest. ExxonMobil alone set a new
annual record for profits last year, at $45 billion. Chevron made a record $24
billion. Royal Dutch Shell made $26 billion. BP made $21 billion.
ConocoPhillips, despite major write-downs in asset values, still turned a
profit of $16 billion. That alone is $132 billion in profits last year, as a
desperate America goes nearly $800 billion deeper into the red with the
stimulus package. ...
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"History is a story that repeats itself; right now it's on Chapter 11."
- Gil Stern
*************
Losing Ground
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=f7fccabf7d80416665844f9c73c89fd9
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