Yes Ed, I'll go with that advice! I think my interest really is in the 
difference between a totally non-zen life, and a life that does incorporate 
some zen. 

--- On Mon, 10/4/10, ED <> wrote:

From: ED <>
Subject: [Zen] Re: 'Having a problem with somebody' - Bill, et al
Date: Monday, October 4, 2010, 8:13 PM


You appear to have a complete understanding of the dynamics of the situation. I 
too find it hard to control my anger on occasion. But my hormone levels are 
lower due to age, so my emotional responses are weaker. I say to myself: "You 
do what you do and you get what you get."  
Cest la vie!
--- In, Rose P <things_r...@...> wrote:

I hadn't read anything like that level of detail into Bills statement. It 
seemed simple, and it *seems* simple. Just bloody difficult in practice.....
I'll give you an example from my own life - which is messy and bitty, as life 
sometimes is... My 15 year old daughter lives with her father in the US. They 
moved city (and she moved school) 6 weeks ago. 3 weeks ago she told me that he 
(dad) was going to Vegas for 3 days on business and she would be looked after 
by a friend (who turned out to be female, very reliable, very lovely) while he 
was away. He didn't let me know anything about him going, or who was going to 
be looking after said daughter. My immediate reaction was one 
of......ermm.....anger-ish maybe. Something like that. But I decided to not 
react and take it on the chin, so to speak. All was *well*, and calm. Another 
couple of weeks down the line I was on the webcam to her (me in UK) and she 
said 'Daddys gone to Hong Kong for 7 nights on business'. As much as I wanted 
to have the reaction I had to situ number 1, I flipped out, at him, not at her. 
The result of my *flipping* was that I have
 now lost the relationship I had with my ex-mother in law, and have well and 
truly had several good old nasty rants at him. Going back to Bills statement, 
about it never being the other persons problem - I want so much to abide by 
this idea. In practice however, yeah, it's bloody difficult. Will hope for a 
better outcome for all involved the next time I'm in a position not to react 
You see where I'm coming from..? It's not the specific situ as described above 
that I'm interested in taking apart and analysing per se (I'm fully aware that 
I could just not have reacted), although it does example what I'm talking 
about, it's how more practised individuals than I have managed to *cope* (is 
that the word I wonder?) with their lifes situations, drawing on their zen 
practice over the years.


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