Hi Rose! Just to let you know that I'm sorry to hear about your sentimental and family worries and the hard time you are having. Perhaps you may feel more released if just sit down and breathe in awareness. Don't think about anything right now. You need to stop the activities in the mind. You need to relax your body and your mind. And so you need to breathe in awareness. Have the breath as your coming back to yourself point. Just acknowledge what is happening in you. Call it by its name. It's coming. It goes. It comes something else. And it goes....just like this...and once you are very calm...all answers will come to you. And if not Bill will help you and guide as he's very experienced in the practice. Warm hug Mayka
--- On Mon, 4/10/10, Rose P <things_r...@yahoo.com> wrote: From: Rose P <things_r...@yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Zen] Re: 'Having a problem with somebody' - Bill, et al To: Zen_Forum@yahoogroups.com Date: Monday, 4 October, 2010, 20:17 I hadn't read anything like that level of detail into Bills statement. It seemed simple, and it *seems* simple. Just bloody difficult in practice..... I'll give you an example from my own life - which is messy and bitty, as life sometimes is... My 15 year old daughter lives with her father in the US. They moved city (and she moved school) 6 weeks ago. 3 weeks ago she told me that he (dad) was going to Vegas for 3 days on business and she would be looked after by a friend (who turned out to be female, very reliable, very lovely) while he was away. He didn't let me know anything about him going, or who was going to be looking after said daughter. My immediate reaction was one of......ermm.....anger-ish maybe. Something like that. But I decided to not react and take it on the chin, so to speak. All was *well*, and calm. Another couple of weeks down the line I was on the webcam to her (me in UK) and she said 'Daddys gone to Hong Kong for 7 nights on business'. As much as I wanted to have the reaction I had to situ number 1, I flipped out, at him, not at her. The result of my *flipping* was that I have now lost the relationship I had with my ex-mother in law, and have well and truly had several good old nasty rants at him. Going back to Bills statement, about it never being the other persons problem - I want so much to abide by this idea. In practice however, yeah, it's bloody difficult. Will hope for a better outcome for all involved the next time I'm in a position not to react unfavourably...... You see where I'm coming from..? It's not the specific situ as described above that I'm interested in taking apart and analysing per se (I'm fully aware that I could just not have reacted), although it does example what I'm talking about, it's how more practised individuals than I have managed to *cope* (is that the word I wonder?) with their lifes situations, drawing on their zen practice over the years. Rose Rose --- On Mon, 10/4/10, ED <seacrofter...@yahoo.com> wrote: From: ED <seacrofter...@yahoo.com> Subject: [Zen] Re: 'Having a problem with somebody' - Bill, et al To: Zen_Forum@yahoogroups.com Date: Monday, October 4, 2010, 6:51 PM Many, many things can be *said* about Bill's alleged statement: "when one has a problem with someone, it is never theirs, it's always yours." For starters: (1) It's a koan (2) Truth, once it is spoken is no longer the truth. (3) Truth cannot be asserted or denied. (4) Every statement is 50% right. (4) If one does not adopt some sort of attitude like this, no intelligent and non-violent solution can be arrived at. (5) I first heard such a statement made at a "Pursuit of Excellence" seminar some 26 years ago in the form: "If your wife is angry, how have you caused her anger?" (From memory) (6) Or, if your wife is angry, and you want her not to be angry, then you have a need, and *you* must change your ways so as not to rouse her anger. (7) etc. Plenty of room for controversy, no? ;-) --ED --- In Zen_Forum@yahoogroups.com, "things_rose" <things_r...@...> wrote: > > Bill, in a previous post to DP you said something about when one has a > problem with someone, it is never theirs it's always yours.