> > > [Bill!] Why does this attitude of other people make you sad? If what you > say is true then your very life is providing them with an example of a > content human being. You can do no more unless they specifically ask you > for guidance. >
Because they can not understand I am (usually) content. How is one an effective example to others when others can not see? I suppose I am an example should they want to see. I tried to have a relationship. But monks didn't really do that, did they? After all these relationships I've had over the course of my life, I think I've finally learned that for me to have a relationship with someone, they really need to occupy the same mind as I do. > [Bill!] You correctly see that 'gifts' that are given with an expectation > of reward - like a thanks, are not truly gifts. They are pre-payments or > bribes. You cannot save them from being miserable. You can only save > yourself, and by doing can set an example for them. If they are interested > in your example they'll ask. Otherwise there's not much you can do. > That is an excellent way to put the issue of "gifts". [Bill!] You can teach by coddling and nurturing or teach with 'tough love'. > Zen is mostly known for the 'tough love' approach (leaving a prospective > student to sit at the entrance to the zen master's cave for a year before > he/she has shown sufficient mettle to be accepted as a student), but some > historical zen master's have used the more touchy-feely approach. In this > era most zen masters/teachers have a more soft approach - at least in the > beginning. > I don't believe I have much coddling and nurturing in me to teach with. It simply does not come naturally except for the random instance of no-thought compassion. Someone who expects coddling learns best from not having it. > So I ask: How do you interact with the people in this world? > [Bill!] That would depend on what role you want to play for them, or if > you > want to play a role at all. If you want to play the role of teacher to > them > I'd advise you to develop teaching skills that cover the entire spectrum of > 'tough love' to 'grandmotherly nurturing'. Then you adapt YOURSELF and > your > teaching style to the particular student. If you're not interested in > being > a teacher then it really doesn't matter how you interact with others as > long > as it is genuine - no role - you are not better off for your happiness and > they are not worse off for their materialism. You are just you and they > are > just them. I've often said zen is the ultimate WYSIWYG (a computer term > for > 'what you see is what you get'. Just be Lana. That's more than enough. > If I were to choose to be a teacher, I would not choose the people in question as students. > If 'just being Lana' causes YOU discomfort (as you've described above) I'd > suggest you continue to re-examine your situation to try to determine WHY > this discomfort exists. I can't tell you WHY it exists for you, but I can > tell you the discomfort is created within you, not forced upon you by > others. > It exists because I am connected to everyone on the mental plane yet there is no one on the physical plane for me to truly relate to. The people I interact with on the physical plane are lost, they do not wish to learn. I guess this is one of the few worldly desires I have left - to be physically close to another person. > Of course I do this with zen practice - mostly zazen - but as you've > pointed > out at the beginning of your post this is not absolutely necessary. > I realized tonight that I have indeed been practicing forms of meditation all my life, yet I never considered them such until I gained the experience of zazen. When I was really young, I could not fall asleep fast. It would sometimes take me hours to settle, which didn't work well with my extremely high sleep requirement at the time (10-12 hours). I realized the culprit was thought and started a bedtime "journal". The thoughts would fall away from my mind as my hand conveyed them on paper - I no longer analyzed, I simply recorded. I did this for many years until I no longer needed the pen and paper to quiet my mind. For a long time after that I achieved a quiet mind by reading fiction (still do, from time to time). I don't know if there is something particular in how I read, but I simply "observe" what goes on in the book, I don't think about it. Errant thoughts that pop up while reading I sit back for a moment to let them pass then continue on. I have always had a high requirement for nature. To see trees, grass, mountains - my mind naturally harmonizes with them and I find I am too caught up in observation to think even when I want to. When I was really young, I used to lean against a tree trunk and visualize it anchoring me, my spirit flowing down it's roots and feeling the cool dirt - I no longer need that focus to empty my mind in the presence of nature. Over the last year or so, I have found I can have that no-mind even when working. I trust my mind, having practiced my profession for so many years and resultantly my job is very intuitive (I simply know what is wrong with a computer). I walk around most of the day in no-mind, fixing broken computers and setting up new ones. And in the last few months I have discovered I can have no-mind while doing chores too. That is a beautiful thing. So while I don't sit zazen regularly, I certainly spend a large portion of my time in the above forms of moving meditation. And perhaps that explains why I've been stuck with this discomfort recently - I tried to have a relationship with people who didn't realize the importance of these everyday tasks to me. I tried to appease them, but in doing so I was thinking, and in giving up some of my above mentioned "meditation" time, I set myself worse off for it. Thank you for opening the path to my understanding on this. > Welcome to the Zen Forum! > > Thank you, Bill. > ...Bill! >
