Lana, My comments are embedded below:
Greetings, I apparently have been practicing a number of principles of Zen for quite some time, albeit completely unintentionally. A lot of what I am reading now are things I have realized through experience without external guidance: It is very refreshing to see there are teachings for this that I have stumbled on. One thing I am having a lot of trouble with recently is interaction with others who simply don't understand - people so stuck in their dualities that they can't begin to comprehend I just don't have them, people who are so immersed in the material world that they can't conceive that I am happy without many possessions, people so focused on having external influences complete them that they seem to be cut off from simply being. This issue has been so pervasive recently that I have went from existing with a peaceful thought-free mind (no-mind?) to one that has been sad on occasion. I have never needed meditation to achieve that state, but I am starting it to see if it helps. [Bill!] Why does this attitude of other people make you sad? If what you say is true then your very life is providing them with an example of a content human being. You can do no more unless they specifically ask you for guidance. It seems the issues most frequently presented are that people who feel I am important to them seem to keep insisting on doing things for me, then being frustrated that I am not ecstatic for their gestures (nor am I upset, those gestures simply are what they are - transient, typically materialistic things that are nice, but not necessary to my wellbeing). They expect to be thanked as if I had needed their action like food or water. They seem to expect me to sustain them in a similar fashion. And thus they make their own misery over it when I simply am who I am. I've tried explaining, but they are not ready to learn. [Bill!] You correctly see that 'gifts' that are given with an expectation of reward - like a thanks, are not truly gifts. They are pre-payments or bribes. You cannot save them from being miserable. You can only save yourself, and by doing can set an example for them. If they are interested in your example they'll ask. Otherwise there's not much you can do. I have been called "cold" or "unsympathetic". It seems people expect me to make assumptions on the intention (or nonintention) behind their actions. Yet they do them and by doing them they are those actions, yet they take no responsibility for them. Even more they seem to expect everyone, including nature itself to excuse their actions, nullify any effect or consequences those actions may have had. To me it is what it is - yet this makes them miserable, as if I am expected to wipe away their remorse by reassuring them they were at the mercy of some power other than their own. [Bill!] You can teach by coddling and nurturing or teach with 'tough love'. Zen is mostly known for the 'tough love' approach (leaving a prospective student to sit at the entrance to the zen master's cave for a year before he/she has shown sufficient mettle to be accepted as a student), but some historical zen master's have used the more touchy-feely approach. In this era most zen masters/teachers have a more soft approach - at least in the beginning. So I ask: How do you interact with the people in this world? [Bill!] That would depend on what role you want to play for them, or if you want to play a role at all. If you want to play the role of teacher to them I'd advise you to develop teaching skills that cover the entire spectrum of 'tough love' to 'grandmotherly nurturing'. Then you adapt YOURSELF and your teaching style to the particular student. If you're not interested in being a teacher then it really doesn't matter how you interact with others as long as it is genuine - no role - you are not better off for your happiness and they are not worse off for their materialism. You are just you and they are just them. I've often said zen is the ultimate WYSIWYG (a computer term for 'what you see is what you get'. Just be Lana. That's more than enough. If 'just being Lana' causes YOU discomfort (as you've described above) I'd suggest you continue to re-examine your situation to try to determine WHY this discomfort exists. I can't tell you WHY it exists for you, but I can tell you the discomfort is created within you, not forced upon you by others. Of course I do this with zen practice - mostly zazen - but as you've pointed out at the beginning of your post this is not absolutely necessary. Welcome to the Zen Forum! ...Bill! -Lana __________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signature database 5646 (20101124) __________ The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus. http://www.eset.com __________ Information from ESET NOD32 Antivirus, version of virus signature database 5646 (20101124) __________ The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus. http://www.eset.com ------------------------------------ Current Book Discussion: any Zen book that you recently have read or are reading! Talk about it today!Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Zen_Forum/ <*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional <*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Zen_Forum/join (Yahoo! ID required) <*> To change settings via email: [email protected] [email protected] <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [email protected] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
