Ah, samasti sadhana, thank you and I wish you well too. You know these
Indians are incredibly advanced in many ways, is that what you would
call, 'archetypes'? I understand much of these formulas. One thing
troubles me though, that it doesn't seem to make sense to differentiate
between higher spiritual beings actually existing and one
discovering/creating them. I guess I mean that in a many routes,
Schrodinger's cat way.
On 9/29/2010 10:09 PM, Molly wrote:
"Be Here Now" was the bible for youth uprising that offered the civil
rights demonstrations and Vietnam war protests in the US in the late
60s and early 70s. RamDas taught with Timothy Leary at Harvard in the
Psychology dept, they shared an office, and both left when Leary was
dismissed - moving to the Leary family home in California that became
infamous for his experiments in LSD. After having enough of that,
RamDas left for India and found his guru, returned to his family home
on the east coast afterward, and wrote "Be Here Now," gaining a large
following for his Westernized, Eastern ideas.
On Sep 29, 7:39 pm, Ash<[email protected]> wrote:
On 9/29/2010 8:52 AM, Molly wrote:> You do what you do because that s what
the harmony of the universe
requires,
That is something I've been able to accept but not willing to be
comfortable with.> RamDas, "Be Here Now"
:) Now that sounds like a plea (kidding). While you are not, here is a
hard place to find, someplace between yesterday and tomorrow. At the
moment thinking 'where' is informed by the past as a formative
world-perspective and 'what' comes from tomorrow, potentials pushing
toward emergence. I am in awe at the mystery, William Blake echoing
around the mental aether, and metaphysics of mind. To think I am great
and small, like everything else is inducing a very stable waveform.
On Sep 29, 2:13 am, Ash<[email protected]> wrote:
Every time I try to respond to this it seems I am a different person
and can't make any sense. Things are changing rapidly now, and I
switched from recreational research in evenings to work related research
to make pace with recovery and development efforts. The greatest changes
are my history, it is strange but it seems like once or twice a week now
my perception changes dramatically regarding who and where I have been.
A shock came last week when I made an intentional experiment, and saw
myself as a 50 year old man which was not too shocking except that I
became him in an instant and saw the progression of life until now. What
I saw was a child (myself), and being free from him was beyond
comprehension, many things I've known and not understood. This is
something I have no idea how to convey, it seems so alien and beyond
ontogenesis. This probably belongs in psk's thread but what to write
here has been on my mind frequently. I've been riding the wave if you
will and it is bringing good things to me, but facing many challenges
I've been stuck with for a long time. How does one turn their back on
onesself? It is like leaving a most intimate friend.
Best Regards,
Me?
On 9/12/2010 11:26 PM, gruff wrote:
"... On Sep 12, 12:57 am, Ash<[email protected]> wrote: ... "
In some situations I have a tend toward hypervigilance
Hypervigilance can be useful as long as it doesn't wind up in
paranoia, but given bouts of depression and anxiety, it probably
does. Trigger points for what? To break out of the fugue or to do
something else?
I doubt many are ready for parenthood when it befalls them. Even
though I was convinced that my line had to end with me because of the
socio-psychological defects, I failed to get a vasectomy until I was
in my early 40s and have never used a condom. I think there were some
testosterone issues involved. I also had some sense that I was too
selfish to be a parent. I didn't want something around my neck that
would demand responsibility and tenacity from me. I wanted my life to
be my own. But the latter never fully dawned on me till I had a
squalling, smelly bundle of baby in the house. I took an easy out.
Both mother and daughter left me when my kid was six months old and I
never went after them. I've don't se anything appealing about baby
humans. Now puppies and other animals are a different ballgame.
But that's me. It sounds like you had a lot of serious misgivings and
confidence issues but you stepped up and did what you had to do in
spite of -- or maybe because of -- the darkness to which you
descended. It sounds like your realization of the responsibilities
involved overwhelmed you but again you did what you had to do.
You had a drinking problem for a short time but when you realized it
was causing you to fail your responsibilities as a father you put it
down. That's quite an accomplishment.
I don't think having been through a dark period necessarily requires
going back, especially if it causes that much pain. Now if I felt you
were in denial, then I might recommend revisiting the fear till you
faced up to it, but you don't sound in denial. If anything it sounds
like you might be taking too much of the responsibility and blame.
In fact, I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps you are caught up in
guilt. Especially if your background is Jewish or Catholic. Both are
big dealers in guilt as a means of punishment and motivation. Guilt
can do strange things to a normal human mind, cause much self-
destruction and self-inflicted pain.
Passive personality also fits in with guilt. Typical Woody Allen
complex. Have you ever seen any of his films? Does he make you
uncomfortable? If so, look deeper here.
Do you ever feel as though a breakthrough or enlightenment is just
around the corner, up the next block, across the street, in the next
person you meet ... but you never seem to get there or find them.
Just some random thoughts here. I felt like that quite often in my
teens, twenties and thirties. I didn't begin to come into my own
until my forties. Then I started spreading the news: Life does begin
at forty. Actually it begin whenever a person is ready for it to
begin. For some, life (i.e., being relatively confident in yourself
in most all situations) beings young. Me, I was a late bloomer. But
in some in never begins. Sounds like you're pretty close. You can't
go through the sort of mental examination and rigorous questioning you
are doing without learning some very real things about yourself.
As for the tale of using a recording device to refresh the old woman's
memory before her son visited, that was the only time I've had a
chance to actually see the results. But it makes sense, at least
enough to give it a try.
Your actual memory problems are beyond my knowledge and capabilities
but it sounds like there might be some self-destructiveness involved
in the mix. Some of the things we can do to ourselves, and
unknowingly as well, are shocking.
Have you tried any form of therapy? I'm not talking a psychiatrist.
For the most part all they want to do is give you chemicals. I'm
talking about psychology. I received far more actual help from a
psychologist than I ever did from the two shrinks I saw.
But finding the right psychologist can be a job in itself. It's like
finding the right combination of medicines that works for your own
particular brand of high blood pressure. You have to be able to feel
comfortable with the person and to develop a strong trust in them. It
took me a while before I found one with whom I worked well. I learned
a lot in the year of weekly visits and have never felt the need for
one since.
Do you indulge in any sort of drug use? It doesn't sound like it,
from what you've told me about your experience with alcohol. Have
you ever tried mild tranquilizers such as 5mg of Valium? They can
slow a person down sufficiently to more or less let you catch up to
yourself. I don't particularly like Valium because it blots out
creativity but marijuana works just fine for me -- except I can't get
it on my prescription drug plan. Not yet anyway.
