���<--------- http://www.paulsfunhouse.com --------->��� and ���<----------The Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour ---------->��� presents
<---------------------PureHumour Joke Ezine!---------------------> Grab a seat and get ready to roar in laughter...you have reached the original home of PUREHUMOUR! In the unlikely event that you no longer wish to receive the "Best Humour on the Net" then you will find the unsubscribe instructions at the bottom of every mailing! Welcome to Purehumour as I announce two brand new features! On my website is a new section devoted to the cartoon lover in you...these toons are created by some of the funniest (but so far not so famous) cartoonists and they deserve your support. So take a look at the page below and tell them you saw it in Purehumour: <a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/daily.html ">Click</a> http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/daily.html Visit the page often as these cartoons change on a daily or weekly basis...and it is all automatic so as soon as they create a new one it is up on my site! And now as a new regular feature each Wednesday in Purehumour is Disinformation Today! From the creator of Who Is Going To Hell This Week...a new weekly look at the bizarre...and now WIGTHTW has been included in Disinformation Today! So watch for this great new column each Wednesday. Today's issue includes contributions by: Gordon, Jim, Rubin, SunAmy, Stan, Wayne, Pat, Keli, Marsha, Marina. If you want to see your name here...send your jokes to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Jokes</a> ���-------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------��� Lets start with a quickie: Why did the leper get in a car accident? He left his foot on the gas. ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Disrespectful... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.980 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.980 Body Parts for money <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.979 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.979 ���------------------------SPONSOR---------------------------------��� Today's issue is brought to you by: FREE Mousepad with built-in Calculator! Provide your shipping info and they will send you a FREE Mousepad with a built in Calculator! <a href=" http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?B=5505&U=57171&M=1626 ">Click</a> http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?B=5505&U=57171&M=1626 ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� [Okay folks...this is about the funniest description I have ever read...so sit back and grab a Kleenex (or maybe toilet paper) to dry your eyes after you finish laughing!] The Perfect Dump Every once in a while everyone experiences the perfect dump. It's rare but a real thing of beauty. You sit down expecting the worse, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fart-less masterpiece that breaks the water with the splash-less grace of an Olympic high-diving champion. You use the toilet tissue to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right in the world and that you are in perfect harmony with it. The Beer Dump Nasty! Depends upon the dumper's tolerance and is the result of too many beers - doesn't matter if it was 2 or 22. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by an odious malevolent fog that could close the bathroom for days. Naked flames are ill advised..... The Chilli Dump (aka The Japanese Flag) Hot when it goes in and napalm when it comes out. It stays with you all day stinging yer ring and generally making your choccie starfish feel like the Shuttle's heat shield. Also makes your ass look like "a Japanese Flag." The Empty Roll Dump Relief - you've finished and reach for the tissue only to find an empty cardboard cylinder staring back at you. Panic overcomes you. You could use the curtains but then someone would ask "where are the curtains?" Use the rug? Nah, too bulky and cumbersome. You then come to the same conclusion that every "empty roll dumper" must face.....pull up yer kecks tighten yer cheeks and shuffle yourself to the nearest loo roll. Failing that you could always use your shirt-tail or one of your socks! The Splash Back Dump This one drops like a depth charge creating a column of cold water that washes your sphincter with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet - and embarrassed if the column of water went half way up your back. Tip of the day: blot instead of wiping. The Childbirth Dump This one is just too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for this purpose. You sit there thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and then gets no better. You sweat violently and wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf!" There are only three things you can do: 1. Scream 2. Call an Obstetrician 3. Hope to hell you've got some Vaseline to help you get through it. The Machine Gun Dump Best utilized in public conveniences. You sit there in sublime peace when suddenly you emit a group of noisy gassy bursts that break the tranquility like machine gun fire. The guy in the next cubicle hits the floor like a Vietnam veteran, cradling his umbrella like a M16....damn commies. The Sound Effect Dump You feel a noisy one coming on but relatives, friends or work mates are within earshot. So, you must employ some clever techniques to cover the disgusting sounds you are about to emit. Timing is of the essence. At the precise moment of release, try the following: 1. Flush the toilet 2. Drop loose change on the floor, 3. Sing the first two stanzas of your favorite opera. The Cling-On Dump You've finished but there's one damn morsel that refuses to drop. You grip the seat with both hands and wriggle. You twist and pump but the little bastard just hangs there, suspended, clinging like a canned peach between you and the water below. If only you had some scissors....... The Whole Roll Dump No matter how much you wipe, it just isn't enough. You blow the whole roll and have to flush at least a dozen times. The whole episode is consumer waste. Eventually if your toilet paper runs into minimal supply anything will do, towels, wash clothes, carpet, walls, whatever it takes. The Encore Dump Ahhh, you've done, so you wipe, dress, flush, wash hands and are about to leave the auditorium when you feel another dump coming on. You must therefore return for a curtain call. The world record is seven encores..... The Houdini Dump You go, you stand to flush and it has disappeared! Did it creep down the pipe or did you dream the whole thing? Should you flush? Oh yes as you can guarantee that if you don't, it will reappear and smile at the next person who comes in. From: www.bathroomjokes.com ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� LIKE MY LIST? Why not give us a vote or recommend us to a friend? Vote Now : <a href=" http://www.fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.30.0 ">Vote for Me!</a> ���------------------------GUS COOKS!------------------------------��� Gus really gets cooking...a new strip each day! <a href="http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php";>Click</a> http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Late one night during bad weather, the following was heard over the radio at an airport control tower: Helicopter Pilot: "Tower, I'm holding at 3000 over Heli-pad 1." Second voice: "NO!!! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000 over that pad!" There was a brief moment of silence. First voice again: "You idiot! You're my CO-PILOT!" ���----------------------PUREHUMOUR POLL--------------------��� 99 bottles of beer on the wall 99 bottles of beer...you take one down pass it around....98 bottles of beer on the wall! Check it out: <a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ">Poll</a> http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ���-----------------------QUICK QUOTE----------------------------��� Small towns are like families, Everyone knows everything about you, especially what you did last night and who you did it with. - James Coates ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� surprise Doc!! <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.978 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.978 Getting sent... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.976 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.976 ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� One night at the dinner table, Keli commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied Greg, "you just cook better now." ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Breakfast of Champions <a href=" http://www.dailyadultjoke.com/jill/breakfast.html ">Click</a> http://www.dailyadultjoke.com/jill/breakfast.html You Are Such A Buttface <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/7.htm ">Click</a> http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/7.htm ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Norm was shopping the other day and wound up face to face with this drop dead gorgeous woman. He couldn't help but just stare at her, so much so that his mouth dropped open and he was drooling. The woman caught him staring and suspected he wasn't just admiring her outfit. She said, "Are you often troubled by indecent thoughts?" Norm replied, "No, ma'am. Actually, to be honest, I rather enjoy them." ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Click here for a FREE HotMat mouse pad with FREE international delivery! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/7.html ">Click</a> ���------------------------STRANGE BREED!-------------------------��� If you like funny, wacky, and clean cartoons, then check out "Strange Breed". It's sure to make you and your whole family laugh." <a href="http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm";>Click</a> http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� One day, during English class, Miss Figpot asked her class, "who can tell me the meaning of indifferent?" The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows. Finally, Little Johnny sticks up his hand. The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for foul language and sexual inuendo, looks for another student to ask. Finally when no one else raises their hand, she says, "yes, Johnny?" "Miss Figpot, it's means lovely." Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, "Johnny, can you explain why you think indifferent means lovely?" Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mom say, 'that's lovely'. Dad replied to her, 'Yep, it's in different.' ���--------------FROM THE BATHROOM WALL -------------��� A blowjob is the only job in the world that cannot be included in your resume despite years of experience and a number of references. ���-------------------------DEAR AGGIE--------------------------------��� Dear Aggie: What are your thoughts on infidelity? Signed His Miss ]~[ Dear HissyfitMiss... Be merciful. use a sharp knife. Aggie NEW...check out Aggie's Webpage at: <a href="http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/aggie/";>Dear Aggie</a> http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/aggie/ ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Doctor challenge <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.977 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.977 Just an excuse... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.965 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.965 ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� My brother came home from college for a visit, and my mother treated him to dinner at an expensive restaurant. Brian has an insatiable appetite, and after he ordered a seafood appetizer, prime rib, salad, dessert and coffee, Mom began to regret her offer. When the check arrived, she asked my brother if he would be willing to help with the tip. "Sure," he replied. He calculated 15 percent of the tab and handed the bill back to her. ���--------------------IT'S NOT PUNNY!------------------------------��� A middle-aged woman was standing in front of her mirror admiring her clothing. "Look, dear," she said to her husband, "I can still get into the same skirts I had before I got married." "Yeah," he snorted, "I wish I could say the same." ���------------------------TIMEKILLER-------------------------------��� My Ex and I Fought Over Crossword Puzzles <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/10.htm ">Click</a> http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/10.htm Confused Mouse <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/8.htm ">Click</a> http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/8.htm ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� On the night of their wedding, after making her preparations, the bride came out of the bathroom to find her groom on his knees in front of the bed. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm praying for guidance," answered the young man. "I'll take care of that," she replied. "You pray for endurance." ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Website hosting at a price YOU can afford...great features... all the bells and whistles...get YOUR spotlight now: <a href="http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/16.html";>Hosting</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/16.html ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� <A Classic!> There is a woman sitting with a bunch of guys at a bar. The guys were all showing off their tattoos and uttering sexist remarks as to how women cannot take enough pain to get a tattoo. After listening to the guys gloat for a little bit longer, the woman states, "Well, I have a tattoo, too!" The men all look surprised. The woman continues, "I have a tattoo of a cute little grey mouse in a rather private place. Do you want to see my tattoo?" The guys are getting excited as the crowd starts gathering around the woman. Without much ado, the woman stands up, undoes her pants and drops them. She then looks down, looks kind of confused, and gives the men a wimpish smile. One of the men asks, "What's wrong, sweet lady?" The woman, with a big smile on her face, answers, "Oh, nothing, I can't show you my little mouse tattoo after all. My pussy must have eaten it." ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Budda styles <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.966 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.966 Dysfunctional Germ Family.. <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.967 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.967 ���-------------------------WEIRD NEWS---------------------------��� A 75-year-old man who spent three years persuading a 23-year-old woman to marry him has left her the day after their wedding. Richard Griffiths, who uses a wheelchair, left Laura Price the day after they got married at Wrexham register office and has not been seen since. According to The Sun, the new Mrs Griffiths managed to contact her husband by phone on Monday but he appeared to be with another woman. Mrs Griffiths said: "I tried to call him all weekend on his mobile. I didn't sleep a wink. I finally got him at 9.30pm on Monday. He said he was in London and might come back soon. "Then he handed the phone to some girl I had never spoken to before in my life. She told me I had married him for all the wrong reasons and hung up. I feel as though I have been ripped off and dumped." The jilted wife also insisted she is not a "gold-digger" as it was her elderly husband who proposed marriage. She said: "I'm the one who made the sacrifice. For three years, he's been asking me to marry him. I didn't marry Richard for his money - I don't think he's got any." Mr Griffiths, a former tool company owner, has suffered two heart attacks, two strokes and undergone a quadruple bypass operation. He met his young wife, who has an eight-month-old son from a previous relationship, when she was working as his carer at a nursing home four years ago. The pair moved into a new council house in Bangor-on-Dee, near Wrexham, North Wales, the day before they were married. Weird News is a daily feature of Purehumour...it contains a previously published News Report. If you find an article that you wish to see here..please send the article, name of the publication and date to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">News</a> IF you like Weird News...subscribe to my weekly ezine of Weird News Weekly: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists</a> ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Boudreaux and Thibodeaux and their wives went to a party one weekend. They had a little too much to drink, especially Thibodeaux, and everybody was laughing at him for getting so drunk. After a while, Thibodeaux couldn't find his wife, Clothile, so he went looking for her. He finally looked in one of the upstairs bedrooms and found Clothile and Boudreaux (both as drunk as he) doing the wild thing. Thibodeaux runs back downstairs and yells to everybody, "Hey, y'all think I'm drunk? Come upstairs and see Boudreaux. He's so drunk, he thinks he's me." ���-------------------------QUICK WIT-------------------------------��� [||||] T O O T H F A I R Y [||||] An Okanigan County WA jail guest sawed his way through a wire fence using nothing but dental floss, toothpaste and unlimited patience. (LA Daily News) Scott Brimble is now on the Ten Most Wanted list of the FBI and the American Dental Association. Copyright � 2002 by Bob Mills, all rights reserved. http://www.topica.com/lists/funnysideup ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Margaret went to her new gynecologist for her first exam. The doctor got her in the stirrups and spread her legs. Then the doctor said, "Oh My God!!! In my all of my career, I have never seen such a huge vagina!! ...huge vagina!!" She said, "Doctor, I know it and I'm very self-conscious about it. But you didn't have to repeat yourself." The doctor replied, "I didn't. It was an echo!" ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� This is the WORLD'S MOST DANGEROUS BOOK! Get it now before it is banned...See why US Senators have been trying to block the sale of this book...learn the secrets of the pros...that NO ONE wants you to know! It is all here...and the price has never been lower! <a href="http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/12.html";>Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/12.html ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Regular is King... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.968 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.968 I'm Chilly... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.969 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.969 ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were doing their usual Saturday night thing--drinking--and Thibodeaux tells Boudreaux, "Let's have one more beer and go find us some women." Boudreaux tells him, "Oh, not me. I gots more den I can handle at home." Tibodeaux, well inebriated by now, says, "Mais, OK, let's have one more beer and go to your house, den!" ���---------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------��� How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?? None.... Californians don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs. ���--------------------------EDITORIAL--------------------------------��� DisInformation Today "Not Affiliated in any way!" ISSUE #2 Everything Goes into Public Domain After 24 Hours In a landmark decision over copyright law, the Supreme Court of the United States decided that "All intellectual property goes into the public domain 24 hours after it's original release." "We figure that's about how long you can control your product before someone's already giving it away on the Internet," said Chief Supreme Court Justice William H. Rehnquist. "Copyrights used to cover 30 years. Now you're lucky if they cover 30 seconds. Past a certain point, everything already becomes common property. We're just moving that point." "Webcasting a major film over the net is so simple even George W. Bush could figure out how to do it," quipped Senate Majority leader Trent Lott. "There's no way to stop it," he said. "Let's just go with the flow." It was a sentiment echoed by the Dalai Lama. "Eventually everything's free but the physical," piped in the plucky Tibetan, "and I'm glad to see America admit it." "I don't spend my money on free music so I'm not interested," said Justice Ruth "Batty" Ginsberg in the lone dissenting vote. "I spent many years laboring in America's intellectual property mines," insisted Canadian exile Wanda Layme who fought for the bill. "I say if you want the official VHS of 'The Little Mermaid' to keep on your shelf for the kids to grab, go right ahead. No one's stopping you. But if you just want to watch it one time only on your computer screen, let it be free." "Hey, man," said Justice Clarence Thomas while ogling Wanda. "Don't go away. Sit your pretty self down here. I agree with you. If nothing has traded hands other than a progression of electrons, dig it, it's free." "Everyone's just got to used to it," squealed Wanda. "That's right, baby. You got it. Past 24 hours, there is no such thing as intellectual property." "Oooh." ASCAP and BMI issued a blanket statement: "It's intellectual Communism, that's what it is. Our parents died in the war for this? Why don't they just move to Russia." Finally, the Dalai Lama, whom we thought had left, came back and told us that "Everything is everybody's. Get used to it, that's all. You can get used to anything. It's actually pretty cool." Apology from Hell Several readers wrote to contradict my statement last week that broadcast radio stations didn't pay royalties. "What are those checks radio stations send to ASCAP and BMI?" they shrieked. At http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/internet/05/01/radio.reut/index.html, they say "Traditional radio stations pay no performance royalties for music played on air because they have proven promotional value," which is technically true as far as individual songs are concerned. BMI or ASCAP grant blanket licenses to stations allowing them to play whatever they want without worry. Then BMI and ASCAP, not the radio stations, pay the artists the actual royalties based upon their own monitoring systems. But there are no blanket licenses for webcasters, who it now appears will have to pay licensing fees for individual hits on individual songs. It's sort of like saying renters don't pay mortgages. There's a middleman. Renters pay owners who pay the mortgages. BELIEVE IT OR ELSE Merger Announced "Disinfotainment Today" is merging with "Who's Going to Hell This Week?" Editor Michael Dare and writer Helen A. Handbasket couldn't decide whether to call the new publication "Who's Going to Disinfotainment Today This Week" or "Crap." After batting it out for hours, they ended up in bed together where, after a couple cigarettes, they decided they both worked for the same boss so what the hell difference did it make. United States Decides French Election That was one of last week's headlines and is entirely inappropriate this week. The editor apologizes and promises no more unwanted interruptions from old material. Now They Can Finally Get HBO The United Nations Security Council voted to reform sanctions against Iraq to release more humanitarian aid. Street-Widening Project Declared Success "The streets in those Palestinian refugee camps were just too narrow," said Ariel Sharon in an official statement. "Now they're just right." Editor's note: Don't tell her I told you this but Helen's been in somewhat of a rut lately, you know what I mean? I finally had to lay down the law, that I was the publisher, she was the columnist, and if I wanted to include her column as one of many columns, well, that's the way it was going to be. She was furious at first but I wore her down. I'm quite sure that by the time we settle this, you'll find Helen's column somewhat further down the page instead of in a separate e-mail. If not, well, tell my mother I love her and watch out for Andre. WHO'S GOING TO HELL THIS WEEK? by Helen A. Handbasket May 13, 2002 5. Yasser Arafat publicly stated that he accepts the existence of a Jewish state called Israel. He also stated that he accepts the existence of a chocolate bar called Hersheys and a cholesterol enhancer called McDonalds. 4. Former Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and the Israeli Likud party's central committee publicly stated that they refuse to accept the existence of an Arab state called Palestine. They also stated that they refuse to acknowledge the existence of a rodent called hedgehog and a cholesterol enhancer called bacon. 3. Fidel Castro welcomed Jimmy Carter to Cuba but they still won't cancel "Friends." 2. Britney Spears was caught smoking a cigarette after a threesome with Jack Nicholson and Russell Crowe. Naughty naughty. Britney, those things will kill you. And the number one person going to hell this week? 1. ABC has cancelled "Politically Incorrect," vastly decreasing host Bill Maher's chances of nailing me. ARITHMETIC FROM HELL The $190 million farm bill divided by the new price of Sony's Playstation 2 plus everyone over 50 with HIV minus every Israeli living in the West Bank equals Cuba's $125 million per year biotech industry divided by the new price of Microsoft's Xbox plus every lesbian who attended the 1st New York Film Festival minus every Palestinian living in Tel Aviv. TOURS FROM HELL Jimmy Carter is touring Cuba, treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill is touring Africa with U2's Bono, and first lady Laura (Batty) Bush is touring Europe with her daughter Jenna. Tickets are going fast. RENT CONTROL FROM HELL Apartments in Kabul are going for $6,000 a month. RUMMAGE SALE FROM HELL The U.S. and Russia have agreed to cut their nuclear arsenals from current levels of 6,000 to 7,000 warheads to about 1,700 to 2,200 warheads with no monitoring system whatsoever. ART FROM HELL General Colin Powell admitted that the opening bombing campaign against Afghanistan was in the shape of a smiley face. DEFENSE FROM HELL Defense attorneys said Monday that American-born Taliban fighter John Walker couldn't have possibly fired on American soldiers because he left his gun behind in the restaurant. FIREWORKS FROM HELL This 4th of July, al-Qaeda has targeted U.S. nuclear power plants. HEADLINE FROM HELL "ARAFAT FEARS FOR HIS OWN SAFETY IN JENIN GARAFALO" QUOTES FROM HELL "One of the things we must do in this world, is laugh. In Hell there will be nothing to laugh about, and in Heaven it just won't be proper." - Joannah Olson - "Our patience will achieve more than our force." - Edmund Burke - "Unhappy the land that is in need of heroes." - Bertolt Brecht - "If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear." - George Orwell - "The greatest thing that would happen in the state and the nation is when we get rid of the media. Then we would live in peace and tranquility and no one would know anything." - Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen - "The greatest book is not the one whose message engraves itself on the brain - but the one whose vital impact opens up other viewpoints, and from writer to reader spreads the fire that is fed by the various essences, until it becomes a vast conflagration leaping from forest to forest." - Romain Rolland - "One must shock the bourgeois." - Charles Baudelaire - "She can no longer make you change your mind, so she's making you suffer." - Jessica Anderson - "A truth that's told with bad intent Beats all the lies you can invent." - William Blake - "Journalists say a thing that they know isn't true, in the hope that if they keep on saying it long enough it will be true." - Arnold Bennett - "I do not mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy." - Samuel Butler - "The dubious privilege of a freelance writer is he's given the freedom to starve anywhere." - S.J. Perelman - BLANK SPACE FROM HELL ANOTHER BLANK SPACE FROM HELL . QUIZ FROM HELL What's with the blank spaces? a) b) c) CHILDREN'S SONG FROM HELL Five Taliban Five Taliban Sitting in a row Five Taliban in a row U.S Special Forces blow one away Four Taliban Sitting in a row Four Taliban hiding in a cave Four Taliban in a cave U.S. Special Forces blow one away Three Taliban hiding in a cave. (Continue till we win the war on terrorism) And all of Helen's columns are still here. http://mywebpage.netscape.com/gossipfromhell/ dIsInFoTaInMeNt ToDaY is free and may be reproduced in any form. After 24 hours. [EMAIL PROTECTED] -- [EMAIL PROTECTED] http://www.geocities.com/disinfotainment/. 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