���<--------- http://www.paulsfunhouse.com --------->���
and
���<----------The Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour ---------->���
presents
<---------------------PureHumour Joke Ezine!--------------------->
PUREHUMOUR is sent by request ONLY...if you wish to stop
receiving these mailings then please visit:
<a href=" http://unsubscribe.paulsfunhouse.com/purehumour.html ">Click</a>
This issue was supposed to be sent yesterday....but heck it just didn't
work out
for me. So this issue contains all the Tuesday features that you normally get
yesterday...but you are getting them today instead!
It has been a really busy week for me...we completely removed the floor
of our store and replaced it with a brand new one...it is amazing what a
difference
it makes. The old floor was about 30 years old and was really due for a
change...
and the most popular word out of our customer's mouths these days is "WOW!"
Congratulations to NASCAR Driver Tony Stewart on his Winston Cup
Championship...
I've been following Tony since the start of his NASCAR carreer and it is
nice to see
him get what he deserves. Sure he is a bit of a bad-boy...but hell ain't
we all! ;)
Christmas is in the air...and the shopping has never been easier....check
out the
BRAND NEW Giftshop in the Fun House....shop in the comfort of your own home
and get the bargins that you deserve...new products are added daily!
<a href=" http://giftshop.paulsfunhouse.com ">Click</a>
http://giftshop.paulsfunhouse.com
AND Finally...get involved in the discussion on the NEW Paul's Fun House
discussion board....start a new thread ... meet some new friends...this is the
place to do it all!
<a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/board/ ">Click</a>
http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/board/
Today's issue includes contributions by: Donna, Barbara, Rubin, Di Ann,
Wayne, Nevanish, Pat, Colorado Kid, Marina, Nisson, D.A. Funk.
If you want to see your name here...send your jokes to:
<a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Jokes</a>
���-------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------���
Lets start with a quickie:
Did you hear about the near-tragedy at the shopping mall?
There was a power outage, and twelve blondes were stuck
on the escalators for over four hours.
���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���
Fisherman Funerals..
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1136 ">Click Here </a>
http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1136
Nice machine
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1135 ">Click Here </a>
http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1135
���------------------------SPONSOR---------------------------------���
Today's issue is brought to you by:
EVERY TICKET IS A WINNER in the ultimate practical
joke! Scratch 'n' Win lottery tickets for your friends (or
enemies)...watch their faces as they scratch and reveal
a prize of $10,000 or $25,000 or even $50,000! See them
bounce off the walls....who is the one to tell them that it
is fake?
<a href=" http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?B=5567&U=57171&M=1266 ">Click</a>
http://www.shareasale.com/r.cfm?B=5567&U=57171&M=1266
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���
Real Man's Chain Letter
This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired
and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn't cost
anything!
Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally
tired and discontent.
Then bundle up your wife and/or girlfriend and send her to the man whose
name appears at the top of the following list, and add your name to the bottom
of the list.
When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound
to be better than the one you already have.
At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184
women, of whom four were worth keeping, REMEMBER this chain brings luck.
One man's pit bull died, and the next day he received a Playboy playmate. An
unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose
between a Hooter's waitress and a Hollywood super model.
You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN!
One man broke the chain and got his wife back again.
Let's keep it going, men! Just add your name to the list below!
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Billie Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 B. Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 William Jefferson Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 W. Jefferson Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 W. Jeff Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 W. J. Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 W. Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 William J Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Willem Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Wilhelm Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Billy Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Willie Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Will Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Mr. Hillary Clinton
>780 3rd Ave New York, NY 10017 Mr. Willie Clinton
���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------���
LIKE MY LIST?
Why not give us a vote or recommend us to a friend?
Vote Now :
<a href=" http://www.fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.30.0 ">Vote for Me!</a>
���------------------------GUS COOKS!------------------------------���
Gus really gets cooking...a new strip each day!
<a href="http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php">Click</a>
http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php
���----------------------TODAY IN HISTORY-----------------------���
If today is your birthday...you share it with:
1940 Bob Einstein Los Angeles CA, comedian (Officer Judy, Super Dave Osborne)
1941 Gary Karr Los Angeles CA, double-bassist (Oslo Philharmonic)
1942 Joseph R Biden Jr (D-Sen-Del)
1942 Norman Greenbaum Massachusetts, folk singer (Spirit in the Sky)
1943 Veronica Hamel Philadelphia PA, actress (Joyce-Hill St Blues, 79 Park
Ave)
1944 Anthea Stewart Zimbabwe, field hockey coach/player (Olympic-1980)
1946 Duane Allman rocker (Allman Brothers-Jessica, Ramblin' Man)
1946 Judy Woodruff newscaster (McNeil Lehrer Report)
1947 Joe Walsh Wichita KS, guitarist/rocker (Eagles-Take it Easy)
1948 Richard Masur NYC, actor (David-One Day at a Time)
1948 Samuel E Wright Camden SC, actor (Enos, Ball Four)
1949 Juha Mieto Finland, 15KM skier (Olympic-silver-1980)
1949 Ray Vitte NYC, actor (Doc, Cody-Quest)
1952 Robert Lipton NYC, actor (Tom-The Survivors, As the World Turns)
1954 Steve Dahl California, Chicago's anti-disco DJ (WLS-FM)
1956 Bo Derek Long Beach Cal, actress (10, Tarzan the Ape Man)
1956 Mark Gastineau NFL end (NY Jets, Pro Bowl 1981-85)
1959 Sean Young Louisville KY, actress (Dune, Young Doctor in Love)
1962 Steve Alexander rocker (Brother Beyond-Can You Keep a Secret)
1964 Ned Vaughn actor (The Rescuer)
1965 Mike D [Diamond], rocker (Beastie Boys-You Gotta Fight)
1967 Jeff Cotler Long Beach CA, actor (Brian-Struck by Lightning)
1974 Marisa Ryan actress (Major Dad)
.....and on this day in history:
1953 Scott Crossfield in Douglas Skyrocket, 1st to break Mach 2 (1300 MPH)
1959 UN adopts the declaration of children's rights
1962 US lifts blockade of Cuba
1966 Dallas sacks Pittsburgh QBs an NFL record 12 times
1967 At 11 AM, Census Clock at Department of Commerce ticks past 200 million
1969 Pele scores his 1,000th soccer goal
1976 George Harrison appears on Saturday Night Live
1977 Egyptian President Sadat became 1st Arab leader to address Israeli
Knesset
1977 Walter Payton (Bears) rushes for NFL-record 275 yards
1980 Billy Martin named AL Manager of the Year (Oakland A's)
1980 Steve Ptacek in Solar Challenger makes 1st solar-powered flight
1980 UA withdraws $44 million movie "Heaven's Gate" for reediting
1981 Anatoly Karpov, USSR retains world chess championship
1981 Ringo releases "Stop & Smell the Roses" album
1983 100 million watch ABC-TV movie "The Day After," about nuclear war
1983 Cleveland Browns shutout Patriots 30-0
1983 NY Giants Butch Woolfolk ties NFL record of 43 attempts rushing
1985 Yankee Don Mattingly named AL MVP
1986 UN's WHO announces 1st global effort to combat AIDS
1990 Thatcher fails to defeat Heseltine's bid for party leadership
1990 US 68th manned space mission STS 38 (Atlantis 7) returns from space
�2002 http://www.scopesys.com/today/
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���
Becky and Gene were playing in the annual club championship. They are
playing in a play-off hole and it is down to a 6 inch putt that Becky
wife has to make. Becky takes her stance and Gene can see her trembling.
She putts and misses, they lose the match.
On the way home in the car Gene is fuming, "I can't believe you
missed that putt! That putt was no longer than my 'dick'."
Becky just looked over at Gene and smiled and said, "yes dear, but
it was much harder!"
���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------���
FREE GIFT just for signing up to Purehumour Ad-Free!
Sign up NOW and you will get an instant free gift in
addition to the BEST humour around...all without any
ads at all! Guaranteed!
<a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com/paid.html ">Click</a>
http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com/paid.html
���-----------------------QUICK QUOTE----------------------------���
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
-Voltaire
���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���
Disposable Man
<a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/46.html ">Click</a>
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/46.html
Grow A Foot
<a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/47.html ">Click</a>
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/47.html
Direct Line To God
<a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/48.html ">Click</a>
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/48.html
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���
Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really
upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the class and
can't stop laughing.
The principle walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing.
He says, "Little Johnny what are you doing sitting here laughing?"
Little Johnny says, "I farted in class and the teacher threw me out."
The principle says, "Well then, why are you laughing?"
Little Johnny says, "Cause the dumb idiots are sitting in the
classroom smelling my fart while they put me outside in this
beautiful, clean air."
���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���
The evolution of man...
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1134 ">Click Here </a>
http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1134
Alien to get Cher...
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1133 ">Click Here </a>
http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1133
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital
had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him
out of a bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer's file
and called him into his office.
"Mr. James, your records and your heroic behavior
indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry
that the man you saved later killed himself with a
rope around the neck."
"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. James replied.
"I hung him up to dry"
���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------���
From the creators of Oska and Tahni comes a brand new
and fun creation...get him for FREE at:
<a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/15.html ">TeeCee!</a>
���------------------------STRANGE BREED!-------------------------���
If you like funny, wacky, and clean cartoons, then check out
"Strange Breed". It's sure to make you and your whole family
laugh."
<a href="http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm">Click</a>
http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���
[A Classic with a twist]
GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild,
naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to
trade especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of
her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm
and a desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war haunted by past
mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are
unpatroled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all
conquering past but alas, no future.
After 70, they become Afghanistan. Almost everyone knows where it is, but
no one wants to go there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 15 and 99 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a prick
���--------------FROM THE BATHROOM WALL -------------���
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
���-------------------------QUIZ QUEEN------------------------------���
How far back can we trace soccer's roots?
A. 500 B.C.
B. 200 B.C.
C. 200 A.D.
D. 500 A.D.
<Answers in Next Issue!>
17/11
Last Issue's Answers:
In the past, games similar to modern field hockey were played in many parts
of the world. Modern field hockey, however, evolved in the British Isles early
in the 19th century. Which of these did NOT contribute to the game?
D. Hopscotch
� Copyright 2002 Dawggone Communications
Website: http://quizqueen.net
Subscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���
Software Is Like Sex
<a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/55.html ">Click</a>
http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/55.html
Einstein Family Portrait
<a href=" http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/029.html ">Click</a>
http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/029.html
License To Complain
<a href=" http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/031.html ">Click</a>
http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/031.html
���---------------NON SMOKING SECTION-------------------------���
<To comply with recent internet law changes...Purehumour will
now present a daily non-smoking section...this section is fully
smoke-free...I do not smoke while creating it...and you are
requested not to smoke while you read it! You co-operation
is expected.>
A man went to his doctor, seeking help for his terrible addiction
to cigars.
The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive patient, so
recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of aversion therapy.
"When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it,
and stick it completely up your butt. Then remove it, rewrap it,
and place it back with all the others, in such a fashion as you
can't tell which one it is. The aversion is obvious, you won't
dare smoke any of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar."
"Thanks doc, I'll try it." And he did. But three weeks later he
came back and saw the doctor again.
"What? My recommendation didn't work? It was supposed to be
effective even in the most addictive of cases, such as yours is!"
answered the doctor.
"Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my
addiction," replied the patient.
"What is that supposed to mean?" demanded the doctor.
"Well, I don't smoke cigars anymore, but now I can't go to sleep
at night unless I have a cigar shoved up my butt."
<End of non-smoking section...please light your tobacco products
once more>
���---------------DUSTING OFF THE ARCHIVES---------------���
In an attempt to boost the number of visits to the Purehumour
archives...in each issue I will highlight today's date in the archives
from the past three years...take a look at todays issue in history
to see how Purehumour has evolved and what was funny in the
past!
November 20th 2000
<a href=" http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj/m562.html ">Click</a>
http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj/m562.html
���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------���
Do you love Purehumour? Enough to open your wallet a little?
If you wish to donate to support the continue success of this
ezine...please visit the link below...no amount is too small!
<a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html ">Click</a>
http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html
���--------------------IT'S NOT PUNNY!------------------------------���
There was this troupe of dancers that travelled around the
country dancing in clubs and theatres. They were called
the Steppers. At one club, the Steppers did such a good
job of pulling in patrons that the management gave them
all the drinks they could drink after the show.
Well, they all got plastered and were having a big party.
When it came time to get on their bus to travel to the next
town, they did not want to stop partying, so they just moved
the party to the bus. As they rode down the highway, you
could hear their yelling, singing, and laughing for miles.
At a house along that very highway, there lived a family that
had a pet snake. It was a viper, and it's name was Peter.
That night, Peter Viper was asleep in his snake house in the
back yard. Suddenly, he was awakened by a loud racket. It
was the bus carrying the Steppers still having their party.
But Peter didn't know that. In his confusion, he thought he
was back in deep dark Africa being pursued by Pygmies. He
slithered out of his snake house, headed across the yard as
fast as he could, and crossed the highway just in front of
the bus.
The bus driver, who was a little sleepy, saw Peter Viper in
the road, and mistook him for a giant log. He swerved, and
the bus landed in the ditch, drunk Steppers lying everywhere.
The next day, the headline in the paper read: "Peter Viper
wrecks a truck of pickled Steppers
���------------------------TIMEKILLER-------------------------------���
The Dirty Song
<a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/dirty.html ">Click</a>
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/dirty.html
I Love This Job
<a href=" http://ezinesetc.com/oct5.htm ">Click</a>
http://ezinesetc.com/oct5.htm
���-------------------------A DOG'S WORLD------------------------���
A Dog's World is a continuing story that will appear in each
Tuesday edition...miss a segment?...then check out the
archives at: http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj
Sam sneered and growled at Rex. "Hey come on you
two." Pleaded Shep. "Fighting now isn't going to
help us at all."
Among the bickering the dogs never noticed the small
head of a white and brown cat poking up through the
hole.
"You guys would be funny if you weren't such losers."
The pack had heard the voice but it took them a second
to realize it had come from the cat in the hole.
"Excuse me." Said Sam.
"That's right losers." The cat replied.
Rex raised up on hi haunches and snarled, "You're
talking awful big for someone who could be a midday
snack."
Copyright 2001-02 D. Scott
Check out more at: http://www.humorcorner.com
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���
Quasimodo comes home from work one night and his wife
has made a delicious stir-fry.
"Great!" he says.
Next night he comes home from work, and it's stir-fry
again.
"Just as delicious as last night," he says.
Next night -- stir-fry again. "Tastes great, but I'm
getting kind of sick of stir-fry again," he says.
Next night -- stir-fry again.
"Listen," he says, "tomorrow make whatever you want, as
long as it's not stir-fry."
Next day he leaves work early (asking an assistant to ring
vespers for him) so that he can catch her before she begins
cooking. He walks in the front door and there she is, taking
the wok down off the rack.
"Aha!" he says. "You're going to make stir-fry again!"
"Don't be silly," she says. "I'm going to iron your shirts."
.
���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------���
"That's Comedy" on CD...makes a great gift:
<a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/28.html ">Click</a>
http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/28.html
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���
A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes
in on a fairly regular basis.
After the second week, he made his move.
"No thank you," she said politely."
"This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm
keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love."
"That must be rather difficult," the man replied.
"Oh, I don't mind too much," she said. "But, it has my
husband pretty upset."
���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���
My Ex Was Ambidextrous
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/39.htm ">Click</a>
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/39.htm
1 Glass A Day
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/38.htm ">Click</a>
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/38.htm
Shakin The Bacon
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/49.htm ">Click</a>
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/49.htm
���-------------------------WEIRD NEWS---------------------------���
A US man who kissed his new rattlesnake to show off
for friends was bitten on the lip and nearly died.
Matt George, 21, of Yacolt, Washington state, is now
recovering after he was rushed to hospital in critical
condition.
He was showing friends the 60 centimetre snake he had
caught on a recent trip to Arizona when he kissed it.
His friend, Jim Roban, recalled: "I said: "OK, man,
you're being stupid. Put it away". He said: "It's OK.
I do it all the time."
But when he kissed the snake again, it bit him under
his moustache. He dropped the snake on the kitchen
floor, and Mr Roban killed it with his cowboy boot.
As they waited for an ambulance to arrive at George's
home, his face began to swell.
"He said: "'I'm going to die"," Mr Roban said. "I said:
"No, you're not going to die. Just calm down and relax."
Mr George was flown by helicopter to a hospital in
Portland, Oregon, where his condition is now improving.
Weird News is a daily feature of Purehumour...it contains
a previously published News Report. If you find an article
that you wish to see here..please send the article, name of
the publication and date to:
<a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">News</a>
IF you like Weird News...subscribe to my weekly ezine of
Weird News Weekly:
<a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists</a>
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���
A rabbi is opening his mail one morning and from one envelope takes out
a sheet of paper with one word on it, Schmuck".
In the synagogue on Saturday he tells from the pulpit, "Very often
I get mail which isn't signed. This week I got a signed piece of paper
without a note".
���-------------------------QUICK WIT-------------------------------���
[||||] S W I S H D E C O M M I S H [||||]
"Nine Army linguists, including six trained to speak Arabic, have been
thrown out of the military because they are gay..." (USA/11/15)
Members of the Army's Elite 469th Just In Case Bin Laden Turns Out To Be
Gay Battalion.
Copyright � 2002 by Bob Mills, all rights reserved.
http://www.topica.com/lists/funnysideup
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���
Keli from Arkansas is going on her first overseas trip. She drives
all the way into Little Rock to apply for a passport. In the passport
office, the government official sees that she is visibly puzzled
filling her passport application.
The passport official looks over her shoulder and sees that Keli is
trying to write 'twice a week' into the small space labeled 'SEX'.
The official explains: "No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this
question. We are asking 'Male' or 'Female'."
"Doesn't matter," said Keli.
���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------���
Never Pay for Condoms! Check out FreeCondoms.com...
<a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/5.html ">Click here</a>
���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���
Halo Pierce
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1132 ">Click Here </a>
http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1132
Check the eye...
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1131 ">Click Here </a>
http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1131
���---------DUMB CROOK OF THE DAY AWARD---------���
An unsuccessful purse snatcher who was beaten by his
intended victim has pleaded guilty to theft charges.
The man faces up to 10 years in prison when he's
sentenced in January. Michael Moore admitted trying
to grab Latoya Battle's purse after he approached her
in a store and asked for cash.
Battle, a security officer at Cooper Hospital-University
Medical Center, repeatedly struck the would-be thief with
her umbrella. She then followed him as he walked toward
the city hospital.
Battle told hospital security staffers what had happened
and they held Moore until police arrived.
���---------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------���
What is the name of King Arthur's knight that created the
round table?
Sir Cumference.
���--------------------------EDITORIAL--------------------------------���
This Week's Laughing Stalk
by Erik Deckers
I Love To Create Mischief Day
There's one reason we columnists do what we do (no, the other thing).
There's one reason we churn out columns every week for little or no pay.
We don't do it for money, glory, or the adoring fans who gush and squeal
like 12-year-old girls at an N'Sync concert.
We do it because we love to write.
That, and because we harbor a secret dream that a Hollywood producer
will make a blockbuster movie from our "How the Dog Ate the Thanksgiving
Turkey" column.
Since we love to write, we need our own holiday. So, thanks to Delaware
writer John Riddle, November 15th, 2002 is the very first "I Love to
Write Day." Although for some writers, it's also "Good Thing I Still
Have My Day Job Day."
Riddle started I Love To Write Day at -- where else? --
www.ilovetowrite.com, so "people of all ages will discover the joy that
comes from writing." Having discovered that joy years ago, I'm now
waiting to discover the joy that comes from making money at it.
Riddle believes ILTWD (as I now call it because I'm too lazy to write it
out) could start a person down the road to writing. "(It) has the
potential to launch the career of the next John Grisham, Mary Higgins
Clark, Stephen King, or Toni Morrison."
Personally I wouldn't want to be the next Mary Higgins Clark. It would
be extremely hard to explain to my wife and children, and family
reunions would be awkward.
Riddle says he got the idea while driving to a writers' conference. On
the other hand, I've driven hundreds of thousands of miles, and have
never been struck with anything so noble as creating an entire holiday.
Instead I argue with myself over which is cooler: to be able to fly or
turn invisible.
But ILTWD is for all writers, whether you write technical manuals, short
stories, or hate-filled graffiti on your boss' car. But, there's a
special day reserved just for columnists.
Unfortunately, National Columnists Day has an identity crisis: it's
observed on two different days, April 18th and "every fourth Tuesday in
June." But secondly, and more importantly, "Columnists" may or may not
have an apostrophe.
And since no one can agree on a date, I'm doing what any good columnist
should: writing about it in November.
This conflict has caused some serious hand-wringing among columnists,
though no one seems to care about the apostrophe. And although no one
will say it, I believe this debate is responsible for many of society's
problems, including the Martha Stewart scandal.
The National Society of Newspaper Columnists (to which I used to belong)
observes the April 18th event. Dave Lieber, secretary of the NSNC and
Fort Worth Star-Telegram columnist, and Bill Tammeus of the Kansas City
Star co-created the holiday. Since they wanted to commemorate columnist
Ernie Pyle, who died during World War II on April 18th, 1945, the NSNC
passed a resolution declaring April 18th, 1995 the first National
Columnists Day. WITHOUT the apostrophe.
But in 1988, Gloucester County (New Jersey) Times columnist Jim Six
created his own National Columnists' Day "as an attempt to be humorous."
He declared every fourth Tuesday in June was National Columnists' Day.
WITH the apostrophe.
In an email interview, Lieber told me, ". . . I applaud Jim Six for
coming up with National Columnists Day in the great tradition of a
columnist -- he was desperate for a subject to write about that day."
But Lieber holds true to the NSNC's higher purpose: "We chose the day to
remember (Pyle) with the hope that some of his gallantry would rub off
on us. For that reason, we hold firm to the idea that National
Columnists Day is April 18."
Six says he started his holiday by asking several syndicated columnists
to send a special greeting (Dave Barry sent a postcard). In 1989, at
Six's request, New Jersey Governor Tom Kean issued an official
proclamation declaring the fourth Tuesday of June 1989 (and every June
thereafter) National Columnists' Day -- six years before the NSNC's.
And there's the problem. On one hand, a large international organization
says National Columnists Day is on April 18th, and chose the date for
purely noble and selfless reasons.
On the other hand, a single writer started the holiday as a joke seven
years earlier, and got New Jersey's Governor to issue a proclamation and
Dave Barry to send a postcard.
Obviously both arguments have merit, but neither side will give up their
holiday, so what's a humor writer to do?
I could stay out of it and not take sides. I could celebrate twice by
reprinting the same column on both days.
Or I could just write a column about it to stir up trouble and declare
November 19th "Ha Ha You Don't Know Where I Live Day."
Laughing Stalk Syndicate
Copyright 2002
--
Erik Deckers is in sales and marketing by day, but at night he dons a cape and
mask and. . . well, he doesn't fight crime so much as he just runs around his
house making kung fu noises. He is shy, and doesn't want people to make fun of
him. At other times, he writes a weekly humor column, which can be found at
http://www.kconline.com/deckers.
Your article length submissions are welcome...send your
humourous submissions of between 300 and 500 words to:
<a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Editorials</a>
Editorial comments expressed here are copyright the writer and
may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the expressed
written consent of the writer and also the editor of Purehumour.
���----------------------------XXX SITES TO VISIT---------------------------���
The following are XXX sites...if you click them...you will see material
that could offend you...pure and simple! If you don't wish to see such
material...then DON'T click them! This is your only warning!
****NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW****
Free Amateur Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=18&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=18&u=purehumour
Free Amateur Yearbook
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=93&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=93&u=purehumour
Free Anal Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=1&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=1&u=purehumour
Free Anime Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=49&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=49&u=purehumour
Free Anime Yearbook
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=105&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=105&u=purehumour
Free Asian Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=19&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=19&u=purehumour
Free Asian Yearbook
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=97&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=97&u=purehumour
Free Ass Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=2&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=2&u=purehumour
Free Balloon Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=54&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=54&u=purehumour
Free BBW Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=20&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=20&u=purehumour
Free BBW Yearbook
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=107&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=107&u=purehumour
Free BDSM Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=21&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=21&u=purehumour
Free BDSM Yearbook
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=106&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=106&u=purehumour
Free Bears Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=3&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=3&u=purehumour
���--------------------IMPORTANT INFORMATION!--------------------���
When forwarding this ezine please leave this trailer message
in place.
None of this material is considered copyright...it is
considered in the public domain. If any material is
copyrighted please notify me at <a href="
mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Copyright</a>
and proper credit will be given. It has been collected from various
sources and submitters names have been included when given.
Paul Croft - Owner/Editor-In-Chief/Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour!
Contact me: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Paul's Address</a>
Do you have a product, website or mailing list?? Interested in
advertising on Purehumour??
Ad rates are only $2.00 CPM
More details?
<a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Ad Rates</a>
Email submissions to:
Jokes: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Send Jokes</a>
Purehumour Joke Ezine as a whole is copyright � Paul Croft-2002
All Worldwide rights reserved! Purehumour is published in small town
Canada...all views expressed are not necessarily those of the
publisher and should not be taken as such...they are meant in the
spirit of humour and nothing else! If offended by a selection in this
issue...please hit delete!
Some material in Purehumour is written exclusively for Purehumour...
this material is marked as such! Copyright is retained by the original
author and any reproduction in whole or in part without the expressed
written permission of the author and also the publisher of Purehumour
is strictly prohibited!
The BEST Lists around:
Purehumour (the Original)-Sent Almost Daily:
<a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]?subject=subscribe
">Purehumour</a>
or visit: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists Page</a>
PHWeekly (Purehumour Lite) - Sent Saturdays
Subscribe: <a href="
mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]?subject=subscribe ">PHWeekly</a>
or visit: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists Page</a>
Weird News Ezine (A clean look at bizarre news) - Sent Saturdays
<a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]?subject=subscribe
">Weird News Weekly</a>
or visit: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists Page</a>
To cancel (unsubscribe) from these mailings...please visit:
<a href=" http://unsubscribe.paulsfunhouse.com/purehumour.html
">Unsubscribe Page</a>
These are the worst jokes in history...the jokes that were banned from
Purehumour...get them now! Send a blank email to: <this is an autoresponder>
<a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Banned Jokes</a>
Archives at: <a href=" http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj ">Archives</a>
Website: <a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com ">Homepage</a>
- [Purehumour] Wednesday Wonders Purehumour Family Autobot
- [Purehumour] Wednesday Wonders Purehumour Family Autobot
- [Purehumour] Wednesday Wonders Purehumour Family Autobot
- [Purehumour] Wednesday Wonders Purehumour Family Autobot
- [Purehumour] Wednesday Wonders Purehumour Family Autobot
- [Purehumour] Wednesday Wonders Purehumour Family Autobot
- [Purehumour] Wednesday Wonders Purehumour Family Autobot
- [Purehumour] Wednesday Wonders Purehumour Family Autobot
- [Purehumour] Wednesday Wonders Purehumour Family Autobot
- [Purehumour] Wednesday Wonders Purehumour Family Autobot
- [Purehumour] Wednesday Wonders Purehumour Family Autobot
- [Purehumour] Wednesday Wonders Purehumour Family Autobot
- [Purehumour] Wednesday Wonders Purehumour Family Autobot
- [Purehumour] Wednesday Wonders Purehumour Family Autobot
