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I agree authorities have a duty to discover the facts. But the system,
the culture often has biases built in that undermine justice and which
certain perpetrators exploit. The problem is what happens when the woman
and child are not lying and still get blamed.
You will often find perpetrators who are very quick to blame their
victims in order to assuage their guilt and escape responsibility. If
the victim accepts that argument, they don't fight back or seek justice,
so the perpetrator gets a free pass and can continue assaulting that
victim or other victims. It's how playground bullies operate - hit
someone, then find a way to escape punishment so they can keep hitting
people.
You will find cultures that are quick to assume that powerful people are
innocent and the powerless are guilty. It's not a logical assumption,
but as they say, "Who are you going to believe?" I think that's a
society that has chosen to side with the bullies.
None of this argues against a person taking responsibility for their own
life and healing their past trauma using TROM or something else. It's an
apples and oranges comparison.
But imagine this... Some religious leader or other person cheats you out
of your life savings. And when you complain, they say, "Don't blame me.
You create your own reality, so what happened is entirely your fault.
Why do you think you did that?" It takes attention off the con and makes
the victim wrong - as if the con artist has no responsibility for his
actions. Meanwhile, they keep your money.
Other examples...
A man rapes a woman and then tells her it's her fault for looking so
attractive.
African people are enslaved, and then told it's not the enslavers fault
because God ordained it that way - check the bible.
Wealthy people put in place laws that allow them to make unlimited money
while making it very hard for the average person to get a decent job.
Then they claim that if anyone is poor it's only because they want to be
or they're lazy.
A society that accepts such arguments would turn into a playground for
sociopaths.
On 6/24/2012 12:01 AM, Pete Mclaughlin wrote:
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Glen
i see your point but,
What if the complaining woman gets her husband arrested and later it turns out
she just wanted him out of the way so she could clean out his savings and run
off with her new boyfriend?
What if it turns out the kids were lying about what the priest did?
Whenever authorities are asked to take action against some one who is accused
of doing wrong they must determine the facts in the case.
However what do these third dynamic activities have to do with TROM? TROM is a
first dynamic only activity where i try to improve myself.
I find that when applying TROM to myself it works best if work from the basis
that i caused my own problems, even the one where i lost a game.
Keep On TROMing
Pete
Sent from my iPad
On Jun 23, 2012, at 2:14 PM, Glen Strathy <[email protected]> wrote:
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The point I wanted to make regarding this is that there is a difference
between, on the one hand, taking responsibility for your life, healing past
trauma, and forgiving others and, on the other hand, allowing someone else to
dodge responsibility for their actions by blaming you for the violence they did
to you.
One empowers you. The other saddles you with undeserved guilt and self-loathing
(and has led to many suicides).
Also, the person pinning the blame doesn't have to be the perpetrator. Sometimes the
rules of a culture favor "blaming the victim."
An example is when a woman complains about being hit by her husband, and the authority's
first response is not to punish the husband, or even find the truth, but to ask the
woman, "What did you do to make your husband so mad?"
The assumption that the victim is to blame shows a society that gives greater
status, goodness, credibility, benefit of the doubt, etc. to perpetrators. Same
thing used to happen when a priest abused a child. The false belief was that
priests are holy, therefore more likely to be honest and good, whereas children
are born sinners and likely to lie. So the authorities would take the priest's
word for what happened and punish the child for lying (again, blaming the
victim). This often convinced the child th
at he was at fault for the abuse. So the child would blame himself and do
self-destructive things to punish himself.
In any kind of therapy or self-help, you must be careful to not to blame the
victim but to help the victim heal from the trauma and become empowered once
more. They are two different things.
:
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