[Purehumour] Thursdays Stuff

[Purehumour Family Autobot]

���<--------- http://www.paulsfunhouse.com --------->���
and
���<----------The Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour ---------->���
presents

<---------------------PureHumour Joke Ezine!--------------------->

PUREHUMOUR is sent by request ONLY...if you wish to stop
receiving these mailings then please visit:
<a href=" http://unsubscribe.paulsfunhouse.com/purehumour.html ">Click</a>

How many people remember what happened on this day in 1989? I
do! My second child was born! Now you are all sitting there going
"Whoop-dee-doo!"....but heck it was special to me! But what also
happened on this day was that San Franscico was hit by a pretty
major earthquake! I remember walking into the hospital to visit my
wife the day after Jared was born and I asked her if she had heard
the news...she gave me a dumb look...I guess she had other things
on her mind...but when I told her she was shocked! So the birth of
my second child was announced by the earthquake...kinda scary
especially considering the child he has grown up into! Now even
more amazing than having the San Fran earthquake occur on the
same day as the birth of your child...is that exactly two years
later...October 17th 1991...we welcomed our third son into the
family. Yes we have two children born the same day...two years
apart! Wanna talk about how well we planned that one? Or maybe
you could just count back and find out that February 14th occurs
just about the time of conception ... and then realize how we were
celebrating Valentines Day! ;) Before anyone does the math...
all three of my kids were born a little premature...not that it has
affected them in any way!

Today's issue includes contributions by: Ishy, Dan, Barb, Stan,
SunAmy, Rubin, Marina, Colorado Kid, John.

If you want to see your name here...send your jokes to:
<a href=" mailto:jokes@;paulsfunhouse.com ">Jokes</a>

���-------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------���
Lets start with a quickie:

What's the difference between a poodle humping your leg and
a pitbull humping your leg?

You let the pit bull finish.

���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���

Love is...
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.654 ">Click Here </a>
http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.654

Just melt it away...
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.655 ">Click Here </a>
http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.655

���------------------------SPONSOR---------------------------------���
Today's issue is brought to you by:

LARGER BREASTS !!!!!!!!

LONGER THICKER PENIS !!!!!!

WINNING LOTTERY NUMBERS !!!!!

A SHOPPING CART WITHOUT ONE WOBBLY WHEEL !!!!

No, I can't promise you any of those things, but pick up a copy
of "That's Comedy! on CD" and I will promise you plenty of
giggles, a whole bunch of chuckles, many guffaws and the
possibility that you may laugh so hard you'll pass an entire
cheese sandwich through your nose.
It makes a great gift. Order a copy today.
Click the link for more info.
<a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/28.html ">Click</a>
http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/28.html

���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from
playing bingo to find her husband in bed with
another woman.

Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him
off the balcony of their 20th-floor apartment,
killing him instantly.

When brought before the court on charges of murder,
she was asked if she had anything to say in defense
of herself.

"Well, your honor," she began coolly, "I figured that
at 92, . . . if he could fuck, he could fly."

���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------���

LIKE MY LIST?

Why not give us a vote or recommend us to a friend?

Vote Now :
<a href=" http://www.fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.30.0 ">Vote for Me!</a>
���------------------------GUS COOKS!------------------------------���

Gus really gets cooking...a new strip each day!
<a href=" http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php ">Click</a>
http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php

���----------------------TODAY IN HISTORY-----------------------���

If today is your birthday...you share it with:

1941 James Seals Sidney Tx, singer (Seals & Crofts-Summer Breeze)
1942 Gary Puckett vocalist (& the Union Gap-Woman Woman, Young Girl)
1943 Susan Davenny Wyner New Haven Ct, soprano (Walter Naumberg Prize)
1944 Carol Cole West Medford Mass, actress (Ellie-Grady)
1945 Dave Cutler CFL place kicker (Edmonton Eskimos)
1946 Bob Seagren Pomona Calif, actor (Soap)/pole vaulter (Olympic-gold-68)
1947 Charles A Ingene macromarketing researcher
1947 Michael McKean NYC, actor (Lenny-Laverne & Shirley, Grand)
1948 George Wendt Chicago Ill, actor (Norm-Cheers)
1948 Margot Kidder Yellowknife, actress (Lois Lane, Amityville Horror)
1949 Bill Hudson Portland Ore, comedians (Bonkers, Hudson Brothers Show)
1949 Timothy Bottoms Santa Barbara Calif, actor (Adam-East of Eden)
1952 Howard E Rollins Jr Balt Md, actor (Bannister-Wildside)
1955 Sam Bottoms actor (Prime Risk, Savages)
1956 Mae C Jemison Decatur Alabama, MD/astronaut (Sked:STS 47)
1957 Vincent Van Patten Belrose NY, actor (Apple's Way, 3 for the Road)
1958 Alan Jackson rocker (Don't Rock the Jukebox, Here in the Real World)
1959 Dolph Lundgren actor (Rocky 4, Masters of the Universe)
1965 Connie Ann Hearn Anchorage Alaska, actress (New Kind of Family)
1989 Jared Croft (son of the Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour)
1991 Shaun Croft (son of the Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour)

.....and on this day in history:

1954 Phila Eagle Adrian Burk passes for 7 touchdowns vs Wash (49-21)
1955 Lee Merriwether joins the Today Show panel
1956 England's 1st large scale nuclear power station opens
1957 Britain's Queen Elizabeth & Prince Philip visit White House
1957 French author Albert Camus awarded Nobel Prize in Literature
1959 Queen Elizabeth is fined $140 for withdrawing her race horse
1961 NASA civilian pilot Joseph A Walker takes X-15 to 33,100 m
1961 NY Museum of Modern Art hung Henri Matisse's "Le Bateau" upside-down, It wasn't corrected until December 3rd
1962 Yanks beat Giants for 20th world championship
1964 Yanks fire Manager Yogi Berra
1967 Barbra Streisand stars on "Belle of 14th Street" special on CBS
1967 Memorial service for Brian Epstein at New London Synagogue
1967 Pete Knight in X-15 reaches 85 km
1967 The play "Hair" is 1st performed
1969 NY Nets move from Comack to Island Garden, Hempstead NY
1969 Plastic Ono Band's "Cold Turkey" is released in UK
1969 Soyuz 7 returns to Earth
1971 Pitts Pirates beat Balt Orioles, 4 games to 3 in 68th World Series
1972 1st time Islanders shut-out-5-0 vs Penguins
1973 5-mo oil embargo by Arab states against US & Netherlands begins
1974 NBA New Orleans Jazz begin a 28 game road losing streak
1974 Washington Capitals 1st NHL home victory, beating Chicago 4-3
1974 Oakland A's beat LA Dodgers, 4 games to 1 in 71st World Series, makes A's the only team other than Yanks to win 3 straight series
1975 1st Space Shuttle main engine test at Natl Space Tech Labs, Miss
1977 Canada begins regular live TV coverage of Parliament
1977 West German commandos storm hijacked Lufthansa in Mogadishu, Somalia freeing all 86 hostages & killing 3 of the 4 hijackers
1978 NY Islanders start a streak of 23 undefeated games at home (15-0-8)
1978 NY Yankees beat Dodgers, 4 games to 2 in 75th World Series
1978 Pres Carter signs bill restoring Jefferson Davis citizenship
1978 Yanks win 22nd World Championship capping their great comeback year
1979 D Bautista of Mexico completes 20,000 m walk in record 1:20:06.8
1979 Mother Teresa of India, awarded the Nobel Peace Prize
1979 Pitts Pirates beat Balt Orioles, 4 games to 3 in 76th World Series
1983 STS-9 vehicle moves to Vandenberg AFB due to SRB nozzle problem
1985 Lou Pinella named Yankee manager
1986 US Senate approved immigration bill prohibiting hiring of illegal aliens & offered amnesty to illegals who entered prior to 1982
1987 1st lady Nancy Reagan undergoes a modified radical mastectomy
1987 1st World Series game in a covered stadium (Minnesota Metrodome) (World Series #84)
1988 31 reported dead as Ugandan jetliner crashes in fog near Rome
1988 Dallas Green replaces Lou Pinella as manager of the NY Yankees
1988 Lyndon LaRouche pleads innocent to fraud, conspiracy indictment
1988 Phillip Morris announces $11 Billion tender offer for Kraft
1988 Rockin Robin beats "Sensational" Sherri Martel for WWF women's title
1988 Traveling Wilbury's 1st release "Handle With Care"
1989 Earthquake in SF (6.9) cancels 3rd game of 86th World Series - kills 67
1991 News anchor Bree Walker Lampley files an FCC complaint that LA radio KFI-AM personally attacked her by discuss her having a disformed baby

�2002 http://www.scopesys.com/today/
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

A gnome is riding a bus when a brunette steps on him. The first
time this happens, he decides not to say anything because it's
been a good day for him. However, once again the brunette steps
on him, so he turns to her and says, "Hey you blondie, watch
where you're going."

The brunette looks down and says, "I am not a blonde, I'm a
brunette!"

To which the gnome replies, "Not from where I'm standing, you're
not!"

���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------���

FREE GIFT just for signing up to Purehumour Ad-Free!
Sign up NOW and you will get an instant free gift in
addition to the BEST humour around...all without any
ads at all! Guaranteed!
<a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com/paid.html ">Click</a>
http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com/paid.html

���----------------------PUREHUMOUR POLL----------------------���

My site is lost in the mall...so what do we do?

Check out the poll at:
<a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ">FunStop</a>
http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/

���-----------------------QUICK QUOTE----------------------------���

"We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards
could produce the 'Complete Works of Shakespeare'; now,
thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true."
- Robert Wilensky, University of California

���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���

Thief Caught In The Act
<a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/caught.html ">Click</a>
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/caught.html

Adopt These Boys
<a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/cuban1.html ">Click</a>
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/cuban1.html

���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

"Say," said Sam in a confidential tone to the host of
the party, "there's a lot of hot babes at this party.
If I find one that's ready to grab a quick one, would
you mind if I used your extra bedroom?"

"What about Anni, your wife?"

"Oh, I won't be gone that long." Sam replied, "She'll
never miss me."

"No, I'm sure she won't miss you," smirked the host,
"but fifteen minutes ago, Anni borrowed the extra
bedroom."

���------------------------TOON TIME--------------------------------���

Gross...
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.656 ">Click Here </a>
http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.656

Nasty stripper...
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.657 ">Click Here </a>
http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.657

���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto arrived in Israel.

In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver..."Say, is this
really a healthful place?"

"It sure is," the cabby replied. "When I came here I couldn't
say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have
the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out
of bed."

"That's wonderful!" said the tourist , "How long have you been here?"
"I was born here."

���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------���

It's True...you can get paid for doing what you are already doing!
Get Paid to read email:
<a href=" http://www.sendmoreinfo.com/id/9079 ">Click Here</a>

���------------------------STRANGE BREED!-------------------------���

If you like funny, wacky, and clean cartoons, then check out
"Strange Breed". It's sure to make you and your whole family
laugh."

<a href=" http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm ">Click</a>
http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm

���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

Gordon is walking down the street after a sex-change operation
has transformed him into a beautiful women. An old friend sees
him and says, "Gordon, you look great...you're beautiful!"

Gordon says, "Thanks...but holy Christ, did it hurt."

His friend says, "When they cut open your chest and put in those
implants?"

Gordon says, "No, that didn't really hurt."

His friend says, "When they cut off your dick and dug out a
vagina?"

Gordon says, "No, that didn't really hurt."

His friend says, "Then what did hurt?"

Gordon says, "When the doctor drilled a fucking hole in my head
and sucked out half my brain."

���--------------FROM THE BATHROOM WALL -------------���

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already
tomorrow in Australia.

���-------------------------QUIZ QUEEN------------------------------���

Many common English words are very similar to Spanish vocabulary and some are still spelled exactly the same. Which is NOT one of those words?

A. Tornado
B. Patio
C. No
D. Yes

<Answers in Next Issue!>

13/10

Last Issue's Answers:

When Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon visited Florida in 1513 he named the region for what trait?

B. Flowers

� Copyright 2002 Dawggone Communications
Website: http://quizqueen.net
Subscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���

I Have A Question
<a href=" http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/032.html ">Click</a>
http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/032.html

Oral Sex Before And After Marriage
<a href=" http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/033.html ">Click</a>
http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/033.html

���---------------NON SMOKING SECTION-------------------------���

<To comply with recent internet law changes...Purehumour will
now present a daily non-smoking section...this section is fully
smoke-free...I do not smoke while creating it...and you are
requested not to smoke while you read it! You co-operation
is expected.>

A man saw President Clinton smoking a pipe and asked, "Hey Bill,
I thought you were a cigar man."

President Clinton responded, "Cigars are for pussies!"

<End of non-smoking section...please light your tobacco products
once more>
���---------------DUSTING OFF THE ARCHIVES---------------���

In an attempt to boost the number of visits to the Purehumour
archives...in each issue I will highlight today's date in the archives
from the past three years...take a look at todays issue in history
to see how Purehumour has evolved and what was funny in the
past!

October 17th 2001

<a href=" http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj/m733.html ">Click</a>
http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj/m733.html

���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------���

Do you love Purehumour? Enough to open your wallet a little?
If you wish to donate to support the continue success of this
ezine...please visit the link below...no amount is too small!
<a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html ">Click</a>
http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html

���--------------------IT'S NOT PUNNY!------------------------------���

While driving down the road the motorist say a roadside stand which had
a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there
smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on by and went a couple of
miles on down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped
back toward the fortune teller. As he got closer to the still laughing
fortune teller he began to slow down. He pulled up next to the woman and
jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her. A
policeman passing by screeched to a stop and wresseled the man to the
ground. After cuffing the man he stood him up and asked him, "What do
you think you're doing?" After a moment the man replied, ... "Well, I've
always wanted to strike a happy medium."

���------------------------TIMEKILLER-------------------------------���

If They Mated - Drew Barrymore & Tom Green
<a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/mated25.html ">Click</a>
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/mated25.html

If They Mated - Puff Daddy & Leah Remini
<a href=" http://ninasplace.com/019.htm ">Click</a>
http://ninasplace.com/019.htm

���--------------ON THE ROAD WITH AN IDIOT---------------���

[Okay....so here is the deal...this piece was skipped and should have run
prior to the last two pieces that were run! Hope that you are now totally
confused...cause I am!]

So now you're on the side of the road. The flashing lights you saw in the
mirror were not a busload of camera-happy Japanese tourists. The cop is
coming to your door.

What should you do (or not do)?

1. Don't panic-at least not yet. Maybe he just wants to ask you about that
neat bumper sticker or tell you your tail light isn't working. He might
have seen you run that red light, or got you going 60 in a thirty-five zone,
and he might even have seen you pass-a school bus with lights flashing-in a
no passing zone, but it is unlikely he saw all of your transgressions.

2. Put your beer down. Quickly. Under the seat, preferably. It won't
help your case to offer him a drink. Trust me on this one. [As an aside, I
have always thought it would be a good idea to serve beer through a McDonald
's Drive-Thru-McSuds to go-it's a shame a million dollar idea is ruined by
some silly laws.]

3. Don't try and change seats with your designated driver-the cop has
already seen you driving, is practically beside your window already, and you
were in such a hurry you left your designated driver sitting at the bar
anyway.

To be continued . . .

� 2002 by Todd A. Sponsler
Todd A. Sponsler, MD is an opto... ofphtha... offtha... an eye surgeon
trying to prove that doctors can write something other than illegible
prescriptions. He currently composts (I mean composes) a humor
column on his website called The Lions Den. For humor dispensed
in nearly fatal doses go to www.geocities.com/psulionsden.
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time
went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming
rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his
chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six
a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and
said, "You've got to do something about all of these
people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those drivers!"

So the next day he had the county workers go out and
erect a sign that said:

SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said,
"You've got to do something about these drivers. The
'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster."

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and
they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and
called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he
asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it
all right for me to put up my own sign?"

The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."
He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in
order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no
more calls from the farmer.

Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff
decided to call him. "How's the problem with those drivers.
Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since
then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the
phone.

The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that
farmer's house and look at that sign... There might be
something there that WE could use to slow down drivers."

So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw
the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in
large yellow letters were the words:

SLOW: NUDIST COLONY

���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------���

Win one of 16 $1000 jackpots daily or one of 5 $5000
jackpots on weeknights! Happy hour specials and much
more...all for the taking!
<a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/20.html ">Click</a>
http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/20.html

���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

[A Classic!]

One day an 85-year-old man is taking a stroll around his
hometown, which he has lived in for his whole life. As he
sees the landmarks, homes, and streets from his youth, he
starts reminiscing....

"I remember helping build that bridge when I was 25. I
worked hard on that. But people won't call you 'the bridge
builder' if you do that here. No, no, they don't!"

"I remember building that house over there when I was 30.
But people won't call you 'the house builder' if you do
that. No, no they don't!"

"I remember building that tavern that I still lounge at when
I was 35. If you do that people won't call you 'the tavern
builder' either. They sure won't!"

"But if you fuck one goat......."

���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���

Internet Camera
<a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/camera.html ">Click</a>
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/camera.html

What Exactly Is An SOB
<a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/sob.html ">Click</a>
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/sob.html

���-------------------------WEIRD NEWS---------------------------���

A married couple in Hungary have become the
country's first pair to swap sexes.

According to the Hungarian magazine Blikk, the
woman had a sex-change to become a man and vice
versa.

Doctor Laszlo Pajor who led the operation in the
southern town of Szeged said the surgery had been
successful.

But the couple have already experienced their first
problem when the "new woman" was taken to the female
ward to recover.

The hospital's other patients would not accept her
and she then had to be transferred back to the male
ward.

Weird News is a daily feature of Purehumour...it contains
a previously published News Report. If you find an article
that you wish to see here..please send the article, name of
the publication and date to:
<a href=" mailto:news@;paulsfunhouse.com ">News</a>
IF you like Weird News...subscribe to my weekly ezine of
Weird News Weekly:
<a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists</a>
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

A woman goes to the Doctors with a very embarrassing
disfigurement. "Will you promise not to laugh", she asks the
Doc. "I promise" says the Doc. So she takes her blouse off
and exposes one large ample breast right in the middle of
her chest. To which the Doc burst into fits of laughter.
"I knew you'd laugh, I just knew it ", cried the woman, so
she lifted her arm and pissed on him.

���-------------------------QUICK WIT-------------------------------���

[||||] G R E E N S F E E S [||||]

Oval office occu number 39, Jimmy Carter, has copped the $1 mil Nobel
Peace prize "for his decades of untiring efforts to find peaceful
solutions to international conflicts, to advance democracy and human
rights, and to promote economic and social development." (AP)

No comment from Gerald Ford who was spotted by reporters Friday
afternoon finishing his third round of golf at La Quinta.

Copyright � 2002 by Bob Mills, all rights reserved.
http://www.topica.com/lists/funnysideup
���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------���

Greg was walking in the street when he heard a voice.
"Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a
brick will fall down on your head and kill you."

Greg stopped and a big brick fell right in front
of him. Greg was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross
the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop!
Stand still! If you take one more step a car will
run over you and you will die."

Greg did as he was instructed, just as a car came
careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where
are you?" Greg asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh yeah?" Greg asked. "Then where the hell were
you when I got married?"

���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------���

Website hosting at a price YOU can afford...great features...
all the bells and whistles...get YOUR spotlight now:
<a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/16.html ">Hosting</a>
http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/16.html

���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------���

Save the Perverts...
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.184 ">Click Here </a>
http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.184

Doggie style
<a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.658 ">Click Here </a>
http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.658

���---------DUMB CROOK OF THE DAY AWARD---------���

I'm a police officer in North Carolina and have
been for the past 13 years. Your story about the
drive-through reminded me of this one. It's the
best case I was ever involved in.

A number of years ago I was dispatched to a local
bank branch that was near a major highway in
response to an attempted robbery. When I arrived,
I spoke with the teller who called in.

She told me that a man pulled up to the drive-
through window and passed her a note that had been
written on a miniature pink legal pad. The note
stated that this was a robbery and demanded that she
put all of her cash in the drawer. The driver had a
red bandana around the lower portion of his face and
pointed a gun at her. She said that she reached up,
pulled the gate down that covered the window, and
called 9-1-1.

I was getting the suspect description from her and I
asked her to describe the vehicle that he was driving.
The teller told me that it was an older vehicle but
was having trouble describing it further. Then, she
looked out the window and pointed saying "It's that
one right there."

She was pointing at an older Chevrolet sedan in the
drive through window lane at another bank diagonally
across the intersection.

I asked her again if she was sure and she said that
she was positive. I contacted the other units that had
checked in with me that were waiting on a description
of the suspect vehicle and had them go to the other
bank. The suspect vehicle was the third car in line,
with another vehicle behind it. Two officers went to
the exit and stood by while another officer and
myself approached the vehicle from the rear.

As we got up to the vehicle, my partner motioned that
he could see a gun on the passenger's seat. We
challenged the suspect and he gave up without incident.
Also in the vehicle was the bandana, the pink legal pad
and several attempts at a good stick-up note.

���---------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------���

"Mommy, what's a lesbian?"

"Go ask Daddy...she'll know."

���--------------------------EDITORIAL--------------------------------���

Three Little Words
by Lynette

I have been inspired.

A newspaper I read online is sponsoring a contest for three-word
sentences or phrases that trigger an emotional response.

Well, did that tickle me pink or what? Besides the obvious, "I
love you" and "Some assembly required" I have come up with all
kinds of them.

At the doctor's office are some of my favorite ones:

-It is benign.
-No weighing today.
-Tests are negative.
-You're not pregnant.

Unfortunately, the doctor's office also produces some of my least
favorites, too:

-You're how old?
-Time to weigh.
-You need exercise.
-Your cholesterol's high.
-This may sting.
-Try to relax.

I can also think of great three-word sentences to be used at a
restaurant.

-Desert is free!
-Have another drink.
-No, I'll pay.

They go both ways at home:
-I'll do it.
-You go first.
-You're too thin.
-Don't get up.

Okay, okay. I know those are all fantasy statements. Personally,
I've never heard any of those statements directed at me. It's more
like:

-You do it!
-He started it!
-She started it!
-I'm telling Mom!"
-You're eating again?
-What's that smell?

There are even some tri-word sentences that are historic:
-I will return.
-I will resign.
-Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!

Or even some historic sentences are longer than three words:

-The Eagle has landed.
-The President has been shot.
-Give me liberty or give me death.
-The War is over!
-Troops are coming home.
-Houston, we have a problem.
-I am not a crook.

Or shorter than three words:

-Not prudent.
-Ooops.
-What intern?

But my favorite trilogies exist only in my imagination. Just
thinking of hearing them makes me smile!

-You won it!
-We'll pay YOU.
-Calories don't count.
-Telling the truth.
-Just a warning.
-You did good!
-More chocolate, Lynette?

--

Lynette is the writer and creator of the website: www.lynetteisfunny.com.
She lives in Bend, Oregon with her husband and two children. Her family is
the main comedy source for her column although she is not above making up
something just to be funny. Email Lynette at [EMAIL PROTECTED]

Your article length submissions are welcome...send your
humourous submissions of between 300 and 500 words to:
<a href=" mailto:editorial@;paulsfunhouse.com ">Editorials</a>
Editorial comments expressed here are copyright the writer and
may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the expressed
written consent of the writer and also the editor of Purehumour.
���----------------------------XXX SITES TO VISIT---------------------------���
The following are XXX sites...if you click them...you will see material
that could offend you...pure and simple! If you don't wish to see such
material...then DON'T click them! This is your only warning!

****NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW NEW****

Free Foot Fetish Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=27&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=27&u=purehumour

Free Gay Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=28&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=28&u=purehumour

Free Gay Yearbook
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=99&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=99&u=purehumour

Free Hairy Girls Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=62&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=62&u=purehumour

Free Hardcore Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=48&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=48&u=purehumour

Free Hardcore Yearbook
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=112&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=112&u=purehumour

Free Indian Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=29&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=29&u=purehumour

Free Interracial Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=30&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=30&u=purehumour

Free Latina Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=31&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=31&u=purehumour

Free Lesbian Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=32&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=32&u=purehumour

Free Lesbian Yearbook
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=98&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=98&u=purehumour

Free Mature Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=33&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=33&u=purehumour

Free Mature Yearbook
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=101&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=101&u=purehumour

Free Panty Ezine
<a href=" http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=34&u=purehumour ">Click</a>
http://www.freeezinebucks.com/ps.php?s=34&u=purehumour

Need more? Check out:
http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/adult/

���--------------------IMPORTANT INFORMATION!--------------------���
When forwarding this ezine please leave this trailer message
in place.

None of this material is considered copyright...it is
considered in the public domain. If any material is
copyrighted please notify me at <a href=" mailto:copyright@;paulsfunhouse.com ">Copyright</a>
and proper credit will be given. It has been collected from various
sources and submitters names have been included when given.

Paul Croft - Owner/Editor-In-Chief/Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour!
Contact me: <a href=" mailto:paul@;4humour.com ">Paul's Address</a>

Do you have a product, website or mailing list?? Interested in
advertising on Purehumour??
Ad rates are only $2.00 CPM
More details?
<a href=" mailto:adrate@;paulsfunhouse.com ">Ad Rates</a>

Email submissions to:
Jokes: <a href=" mailto:jokes@;paulsfunhouse.com ">Send Jokes</a>

Purehumour Joke Ezine as a whole is copyright � Paul Croft-2002
All Worldwide rights reserved! Purehumour is published in small town
Canada...all views expressed are not necessarily those of the
publisher and should not be taken as such...they are meant in the
spirit of humour and nothing else! If offended by a selection in this
issue...please hit delete!

Some material in Purehumour is written exclusively for Purehumour...
this material is marked as such! Copyright is retained by the original
author and any reproduction in whole or in part without the expressed
written permission of the author and also the publisher of Purehumour
is strictly prohibited!

The BEST Lists around:

Purehumour (the Original)-Sent Almost Daily:
<a href=" mailto:purehumour-request@;paulsfunhouse.com?subject=subscribe ">Purehumour</a>
or visit: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists Page</a>

PHWeekly (Purehumour Lite) - Sent Saturdays
Subscribe: <a href=" mailto:phweekly-request@;paulsfunhouse.com?subject=subscribe ">PHWeekly</a>
or visit: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists Page</a>

Weird News Ezine (A clean look at bizarre news) - Sent Saturdays
<a href=" mailto:weirdnews-request@;paulsfunhouse.com?subject=subscribe ">Weird News Weekly</a>
or visit: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists Page</a>

To cancel (unsubscribe) from these mailings...please visit:
<a href=" http://unsubscribe.paulsfunhouse.com/purehumour.html ">Unsubscribe Page</a>

These are the worst jokes in history...the jokes that were banned from Purehumour...get them now! Send a blank email to: <this is an autoresponder>
<a href=" mailto:banned@;paulsfunhouse.com ">Banned Jokes</a>

Archives at: <a href=" http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj ">Archives</a>

Website: <a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com ">Homepage</a>