���<--------- http://www.paulsfunhouse.com --------->��� and ���<----------The Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour ---------->��� presents
<---------------------PureHumour Joke Ezine!---------------------> Grab a seat and get ready to roar in laughter...you have reached the original home of PUREHUMOUR! In the unlikely event that you no longer wish to receive the "Best Humour on the Net" then you will find the unsubscribe instructions at the bottom of every mailing! The most popular page on my website is a nice little page that I call "The FunStop"....it features everything from my poll to some great links! Right now under "Paul's Sites To See" is a link to a real life story about a redneck neighbour...you have to check out what happens when someone with not too much class moves into a classy neighbourhood. From everything from chickens to pigs, burning down the fence and the deck, to wild kareoke parties in the middle of the night. All documented and running on the net. Check it out at: <a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ">Click</a> http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ Today's issue includes contributions by: Smb, SunAmy, Stan, Keli, Rubin, Carroll. If you want to see your name here...send your jokes to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Jokes</a> ���-------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------��� Lets start with a quickie: What did the banana say to the vibrator? What are you shaking for, she's going to eat me next! ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Ugly Sod... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.998 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.998 Jerk in the box <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.997 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.997 ���------------------------SPONSOR---------------------------------��� Today's issue is brought to you by: That's Comedy! on CD Over 550 funny photos in two interactive click albums Over 100 Megs of funny files, video clips, sound clips and games A forty page electronic joke book - The Best of That's Comedy! All for the price of a cup of coffee - a really expensive cup of coffee. Act now and you'll also receive a free paper sleeve to keep the CD in!!!! PLUS.... A label!!!! All shipped to you in an attractive brown manila envelope complete with exotic Canadian stamp!!! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/28.html ">Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/28.html ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� A guy is sitting in a bar, absolutely drooling at a pretty young thing in her short, pink mini-dress. Using the time honored ice breaker, he sends her a drink. "How lucky am I," he thinks, as she gets up to come sit next to him. They strike up a wonderful conversation. Finally the girl turns to him and says, "Look, you seem like a really nice guy, so I have to tell you that I'm a working girl. I get two hundred dollars for what you think you'll ply out of me with liquor." He replies, "I have no problem with the money but, since you were so straightforward I must tell you that when I come, I go nuts. I bite, scratch, kick, punch, pull hair, break furniture, and just plain destroy the place." "Oh my God! How long does that last?" she asked. "Just until I get my two hundred bucks back," he replied. ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� LIKE MY LIST? Why not give us a vote or recommend us to a friend? Vote Now : <a href=" http://www.fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.30.0 ">Vote for Me!</a> ���------------------------GUS COOKS!------------------------------��� Gus really gets cooking...a new strip each day! <a href=" http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php ">Click</a> http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php ���----------------------TODAY IN HISTORY-----------------------��� If today is your birthday...you share it with: 1940 Wilhelm Ruska Holland, judo champ (Olympic-gold-1972) 1941 Robin Leach TV host (Life Styles of Rich & Famous) 1945 Wyomia Tyus US, 100m dash (Olympic-gold-1964, 68) 1948 Charles D Walker astronaut (STS 41D, STS 51D, STS 61B) 1954 Chet Catallo guitarist (Spyro Gyra-Morning Dance) 1958 Michael Jackson Gary Indiana, singer (Thriller, Bad) 1959 Eddi Reader rocker (Fairground Attraction-Find My Love) 1961 Tony Macalpine heavy metal rocker (Solo-Edge of Insanity) 1962 Carl Banks NFL line backer (NY Giants) 1962 Rebecca De Mornay actress (And God Created Women) 1963 Greg Steele rocker (Faster Pussycat-Wake Me When It's Over) .....and on this day in history: 1950 Intl Olympic Committee votes admission to West Germany & Japan in '52 1953 USSR explodes its 1st hydrogen bomb 1954 SF International Airport (SFO) opens 1957 Congress passes Civil Rights Act of 1957 1957 Strom Thurmond (Sen-D-SC) ends 24 hr filibuster against civil rights 1958 Air Force Academy opens 1964 Walt Disney's "Mary Poppins" released 1965 Astronauts Cooper & Conrad complete 120 Earth orbits in Gemini 5 1966 Beatles last public concert, (Candlestick Park, SF) 1967 Final TV episode of "The Fugitive" 1967 Yanks longest day, Red Sox take 1st game 2-1 in 9, Yanks win 2nd game in 20, 4-3 a total of 8 hours & 19 minutes 1970 Black Panthers confront cops in Phila (1 cop killed) 1975 Star in Cygnus goes nova becoming 4th brightest in sky 1977 St Louis Cardinal Lou Brock eclipses Ty Cobb's 49-year-old career stolen bases record at 893 as Padres win 4-3 1985 Atlantis moves to launch pad for the 51-J mission 1986 Heike Drechsler of E Germany ties world women's 200 m mark (21.71s) 1988 Macy's Tap-o-Mania sets Guiness record 1988 USSR launches 3 cosmonauts (Valery Polyakav, 1 Afghan) to station Mir 1990 C-5 transport plane crashes at Ramstein AFB, Germany, killing 13 1990 Saddam Hussein declares America can't beat Iraq 1990 Seattle Mariners become 1st team to have father-son teammates, signing Ken Griffey to play with son Ken Griffey Jr 1991 John F Kennedy Jr wins his 1st law case 5502 -BC- Origin of Alexandrian Era �2002 http://www.scopesys.com/today/ ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� A Swedish couple are applying for a marriage license. The clerk asks the man his name and he replies, Yan Yohansenn. The clerk asks the woman what her name is. She replies Yolanda Yohansenn. The clerk asks, "Oh, any relation"? The woman blushes and says, Yust vunce, ve couldn't vait. ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� FREE GIFT just for signing up to Purehumour Ad-Free! Sign up NOW and you will get an instant free gift in addition to the BEST humour around...all without any ads at all! Guaranteed! <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com/paid.html ">Click</a> http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com/paid.html ���----------------------PUREHUMOUR POLL----------------------��� <cough cough> Can't somebody clean up down there? Check out the poll at: <a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ">FunStop</a> http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ���-----------------------QUICK QUOTE----------------------------��� To be successful, you've got to be willing to fail. -Ronald Reagan ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Baby Buddha <a href=" http://www.comedyezine.com/sasha2.htm ">Click</a> http://www.comedyezine.com/sasha2.htm Too Much Caffeine <a href=" http://www.comedyezine.com/sasha3.htm ">Click</a> http://www.comedyezine.com/sasha3.htm ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� The obituary editor of a newspaper was not one to admit his mistakes easily. One day he got a phone call from an irate subscriber. The caller complained that his name had been printed in the obituary column. "Really?" replied the editor calmly. "And where are you calling from?" ���------------------------TOON TIME--------------------------------��� Please stop... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.996 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.996 Anatomy 101 <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.995 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.995 ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� The temperature is: [This is a classic with some additions] +50 degrees Fahrenheit * New York tenants try to turn on the heat * People from Ontario plant gardens +40 * Californians shiver uncontrollably * Albertans sunbathe +35 * Italian cars don't start +32 * Distilled water freezes +30 * You can see your breath * You plan a vacation in Florida * Politicians begin to worry about the homeless * Manitobans eat ice cream +25 * Lake Ontario water freezes * Californians weep pitiably * Cat insists on sleeping on your bed +20 * New York water freezes * San Franciscans start thinking favourably of L.A. * Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts +15 * You plan a vacation in Acapulco * Cat insists on sleeping IN your bed with you * B.C. residents go swimming +10 * Politicians begin to talk about the homeless * Too cold to snow * You need jumper cables to get the car going 0 * New York landlords turn on the heat * Newfoundlanders grill hot dogs on the patio, yum! -5 * You can HEAR your breath * You plan a vacation in Hawaii -10 * American cars don't start * Too cold to skate -15 * You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo * People from Miami cease to exist * Canadians lick flagpoles -20 * Politicians actually do something about the homeless * People in NWT and Yukon think about taking down screens -25 * Too cold to kiss * You need jumper cables to get the driver going * Japanese cars don't start * Ottawa Rough Riders head for spring training -30 * You plan a two-week hot bath * Pilsener freezes * Bock beer production begins * NWT residents shovel snow off roof -38 * Mercury freezes * Too cold to think * Canadians do up their top button -40 * Californians disappear * Your CAR insists on sleeping in your bed with you * Quebecers put on sweaters -50 * Congressional hot air freezes * Alaskans close the bathroom window * Green Bay Packers practice indoors -60 * Walruses abandon Aleutians * Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season" * Ontarians put gloves away, take out mittens * Boy Scouts in Saskatchewan start Klondike Derby -70 * Glaciers in Central Park * Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets * Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault Ste. Marie -80 * Polar bears abandon Baffin Island * Girl Scouts in Saskatchewan start Klondike Derby -90 * Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro * Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles * Ontarians migrate to New York thinking it MUST be warmer south of the border -100 * Santa Claus abandons North Pole * Canadians pull down earflaps -173 * Ethyl alcohol freezes -297 * Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere * Microbial life survives only on dairy products -445 * Superconductivity -452 * Helium becomes a liquid -454 * Hell freezes over -456 * Quebec drivers drop below 150 KPH on highways -458 * Jean Cretien renounces a campaign contribution -460 (absolute zero) * All atomic motion ceases * Canadians start saying how it's a tad nippy outside ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� It's True...you can get paid for doing what you are already doing! Get Paid to read email: <a href=" http://www.sendmoreinfo.com/id/9079 ">Click Here</a> ���------------------------STRANGE BREED!-------------------------��� If you like funny, wacky, and clean cartoons, then check out "Strange Breed". It's sure to make you and your whole family laugh." <a href=" http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm ">Click</a> http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick. "I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I'm going to need your wife Claudia and a table." "Ok", says David and the guy gets on stage. He then bends Claudia over the table, pulls down her knickers and starts fucking her from behind. David is now very pissed off and says, "That isn't a trick!!!" The guy just looks at David Copperfield and replies, "I know, it's fucking magic." ���--------------FROM THE BATHROOM WALL -------------��� Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control. ���-------------------------QUIZ QUEEN------------------------------��� Birds do what faster than any other animal? A. Breathe B. Pump their hearts C. Chew D. Procreate --- In 1937, Porky Pig showcased which cartoon bird for the first time on his show? A. Roadrunner B. Daffy Duck C. Foghorn Leghorn D. Donald Duck <Answers in Next Issue!> Last Issue's Answers: Seabirds have the longest migration patterns. How long can these trips get? A. 20,000 miles --- Can you guess how many known species of birds there are? C. 10,000 � Copyright 2002 Dawggone Communications Website: http://quizqueen.net Subscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� He Says The Nicest Things <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/face.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/face.html Harley For Men <a href=" http://www.j-j-c.net/mensharley.htm ">Click</a> http://www.j-j-c.net/mensharley.htm ���---------------NON SMOKING SECTION-------------------------��� <To comply with recent internet law changes...Purehumour will now present a daily non-smoking section...this section is fully smoke-free...I do not smoke while creating it...and you are requested not to smoke while you read it! You co-operation is expected.> A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life starts when the heart begins to beat." "We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe life starts at the moment of conception." "Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts when the kids move out and the dog dies." <End of non-smoking section...please light your tobacco products once more> ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Do you love Purehumour? Enough to open your wallet a little? If you wish to donate to support the continue success of this ezine...please visit the link below...no amount is too small! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html ">Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html ���--------------------IT'S NOT PUNNY!------------------------------��� The judge was disturbed. This was the ninth time this year that George had appeared before him and the ninth time he was convicted. It was always for minor crimes, shoplifting a six- pack of beer, pick-pocketing, breaking into a parking meter. And he always seemed to be caught with the loot still on him. Before sentencing George, the judge decided to try to make him see the errors of his ways. "You should be thoroughly ashamed of yourself." he told George. George answered, "No man should be ashamed of his convictions." ���------------------------TIMEKILLER-------------------------------��� 3D Blazer Basketball <a href=" http://humorcorner.com/dmp/basketball.html ">Click</a> http://humorcorner.com/dmp/basketball.html Play Poker <a href=" http://humorcorner.com/dmp/poker.html ">Click</a> http://humorcorner.com/dmp/poker.html ���--------------ON THE ROAD WITH AN IDIOT---------------��� Travelling through Pennsylvania can be interesting. Locally, you can find yourself in Frugality, but you might go through Coupon to get there. You can find Dallas, but don't expect any Cowboys. Likewise, you won't find any Bronocs in Denver. There is no palace in Buckingham, nor any troops in Lebanon. You can attend school at Indiana University of Pennsylvania or you can go to Wyoming and California without actually crossing a state border. While the Amish may be known for their conservatism, the town names are often anything but that. We could start with West Middlesex, but why start in the middle. You can go all the way to Intercourse, but that won't take you to Paradise�you can't get there from here. Watch out, though, if you get lost on the way to Paradise, you may end up in Blue Ball, and that could be painful. Worse yet, after driving all day, you may end up with only Bird-In-Hand. No street signs to help you there, and the fun is whatever you make of it. � 2002 by Todd A. Sponsler Todd A. Sponsler, MD is an opto... ofphtha... offtha... an eye surgeon trying to prove that doctors can write something other than illegible prescriptions. He currently composts (I mean composes) a humor column on his website called The Lions Den. For humor dispensed in nearly fatal doses go to www.geocities.com/psulionsden. ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� The Irish priest was at the altar one dreary Sunday morning, addressing his congregation with a vehement sermon that alcohol was the work of the devil. "As an example," he stated during his sermon, "If you were to lead a donkey to a bowl of water and a bowl of whiskey, from which would he drink?" A grizzled old Mick at the back of the church spoke up: "Aye, Father, for sure he'd drink from the water." The priest, elated, said, "Very good, my son. And can you tell me WHY he'd drink from the water?" The Irishman at the back of the church replied, "Sure I can tell ye' why, Father. Because he's an ass." ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Win one of 16 $1000 jackpots daily or one of 5 $5000 jackpots on weeknights! Happy hour specials and much more...all for the taking! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/20.html ">Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/20.html ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� [Dumb Crook Of The Day] A former employee walked into a Regina, Saskatchewan bar one night and spent a number of counterfeit $100 bills. Inside the bar, there are eight bartenders to buy drinks from. He went around to each bartender buying one drink, paying $100 and collecting the change. When the bank informed the bar that it was short $800.00, the staff of the bar remembered exactly who it was due to the extravigence of spending one-hundred dollars on each drink. They also knew who he was because he used to work there. ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Harley For Women <a href=" http://www.j-j-c.net/womensharley.htm ">Click</a> http://www.j-j-c.net/womensharley.htm Just Fruit Salad For Me Please <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/dinner.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/dinner.html ���-------------------------WEIRD NEWS---------------------------��� An 82-year-old Belgian shopkeeper chased off an armed robber by grabbing his crotch. Henry Omloop was working in his son's store when the masked robber burst in and demanded money from the till. When he refused, the robber grabbed his wrist but the pensioner fought back by squeezing the robber's crotch. "As I didn't want to open the drawer of the till, he gripped my wrist. At that moment I reached at his crotch and squeezed it as hard as I could. Twice," he told Het Laatste Nieuws. "He immediately took his hand off me and ran away with his accomplice. I tried to catch them but they were too fast for me. I couldn't run as hard as I used to." Mr Omloop, from Schoonderbuken, said the incident had given him great satisfaction. "The neighbours told me they could hear the robber outside the house howl with pain while trying to get away." Police say they will look at the video of the shop to see if they can identify the robber. Weird News is a daily feature of Purehumour...it contains a previously published News Report. If you find an article that you wish to see here..please send the article, name of the publication and date to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">News</a> IF you like Weird News...subscribe to my weekly ezine of Weird News Weekly: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists</a> ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� There are only FOUR times when a man is allowed to cry: 1. When the dog dies saving his master in a movie. 2. When Roseanne starts unbuttoning her blouse in a movie. 3. When you wreck your boss's car. 4. When your date uses her teeth. ���-------------------------QUICK WIT-------------------------------��� [||||] M O O N T A L K [||||] Michael Jackson assures doubting Thomases that his new prog, Prince Michael II, was conceived "in the natural way." (Oregonian) Which in Jackospeak means an exchange of bodily fluids with a space alien. Copyright � 2002 by Bob Mills, all rights reserved. http://www.topica.com/lists/funnysideup ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� This Chinese laundryman complained to the doctor that he was very constipated. The doctor gave him a prescription for a good laxative. "Come to my office in a few days," said the doctor, "and let me know how it works." A few days later, the Chinaman visited the doctor. "Have you moved yet?" asks the doctor. "No, sir, me no moovee, me no moovee." The doc thinks about it, and then gives him a prescription for twice as much. Three days later, when the man reported to the doc again, he said that he still hadn't moved and the doc gave him a triple dose, and he said, "Come back to see me in two days and let me know just what is happening." Two days later, the man returned. "Well," said the doctor, "have you moved yet?" "No, sir, me no moovee yet. Me moovee tomorrow, though. House full of shit." ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Website hosting at a price YOU can afford...great features... all the bells and whistles...get YOUR spotlight now: <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/16.html ">Hosting</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/16.html ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� It wears off... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.994 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.994 The mens Room <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.993 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.993 ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� An American walks into a bar, grabs a handful of coins out of his pocket, throws them in the air, pulls a gun and shoots 6 times, and 6 bullets go through the centre of 6 coins - and says: "My name is Bill... Buffalo Bill". Right after that, a Russian stands up from behind the bar, pulls his pants down and everyone can clearly see he has three enormous dicks hanging down - and says: "My name is Bill..Cherno-Bill" ���---------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------��� Why did they give Anni the nickname, "Federal Express"? Because whenever she goes to a guy's house, it's absolutely, positively, guaranteed that she'll be there overnight! ���--------------------------EDITORIAL--------------------------------��� WIN Kim Burke's new book....just by entering the Paul's Fun House contest...one lucky winner will take home a personally signed copy of Kim's book "Incidents and Accidents For Frazzled Women"...you cannot win if you don't enter! It will take you less than 1 minute to do so and you can enter once each day: <a href=" http://contest.paulsfunhouse.com ">Click</a> http://contest.paulsfunhouse.com Incidents And Accidents by Kim Burke Divorce - American Style There is a particular process some women have endured, which brings out the worst frazzled state of being she can encounter and cuts into the very fiber of her existence at the time of its occurrence. Divorce. With the combination of having a couple of friends and acquaintances going through this life changing experience as we speak, I am going to take you on a journey of the emotions and functions a typical woman goes through during divorce. I am not a spiritual guru. What you are about to read is the truth. Let's rip the veil! Let's begin with the idea of the divorce being a process a woman agrees to. Now, the first act will be that she is in control. As you can see, she is already fooling herself because at this starting point of discussing separation everything is out of control or, at least, a huge upheaval is occurring. However, she believes she is healthier ten minutes after the decision has been made than she has ever been in her life. This momentary feeling of well-being is followed by a revolt against her husband because it is, after all, his fault. Every friend she has will now know his every fault. There will be men bashes held by covens of women in her honor. His every sin will be revealed and she will triumph in her moment, and keep in mind it only lasts for a small moment, of righteous glory. She is moving forward (backwards, sideways � she really cannot distinguish the difference at this point) to a brighter future as she mentally takes a step up on the ladder to independent heaven. After the separation occurs and she is either residing alone in the home she shared with her husband or is settled into a new place, things begin to shift a bit. Her friends do not seem to want to join in the much-needed male-bashing vents like they did in the beginning and they are starting to come up with lame excuses to avoid speaking with her because she is only interested in talking about the one subject that is now exhausting her cohorts: Her now ex-husband. Suddenly no one is there to point a finger at. There is no one left to cheer on her indignation. Oh no! Oh my! Her anger is now on a downslide to�despair. Despair. What a joyful experience! Despair is such a rude little curve in the road, which triggers her to contemplate what she did that might have contributed to the demise of her marriage. Perhaps keeping a wall up for self-preservation wasn't the best way to come together with her husband in their marriage. Perhaps keeping herself at a safe distance provoked a hidden understanding on his part, which gave way to fighting and division because he couldn't get close to her. Self-discovery. Isn't life grand? Self-discovery, at times, provokes a lot of crying and humble unwinding. During this period when she meets friends for coffee, she is either soberly silent or will put on the happy mask, which everyone can see right through. However, her friends are just glad she is not on a rant anymore so they won't make mention of it. Now, these people truly are her friends but they are being careful not to set off a tornado effect in her by saying the wrong thing. However, her best friend will sit her down and tell her that she is a tornado waiting to happen and tell her to pull herself together. Everyone is on her side. She's the only one trying to figure out what side of herself she is on. More time passes as her life begins to come together. Her judgment has resolved where both of them went wrong in their marriage. She is now armed with the wisdom of what she should and should not do in a relationship. Her work is going well and she has even bought new decorative items for her home that suits her personality. She is actually able to listen to music again and enjoy it. She has lost twenty pounds, for obvious reasons, and purchases an outfit, which makes her look stunning. The sun has finally moved the clouds and her world is beginning to shine again until� One day as she is walking out of a store she sees her ex drive by in a red convertible with a much younger woman riding in the passenger seat. That controlling, perverted, freak responsible for all of the disturbances in her otherwise perfectly balanced universe! Now, let's begin again� -- The author and creator of Incidents & Accidents: the column, the book (to be published in August 2002) and the website is Kim Burke - because life's too short for ordinary idiots! If you enjoy humor, prizes and a great community to involve yourself in, there is no gas required to travel to: www.incidentsandaccidents.com. Kim resides with her husband, Richard and daughter, Christy in Arkansas. On a mountain. Sometimes barefoot! Email Kim at [EMAIL PROTECTED] Your article length submissions are welcome...send your humourous submissions of between 300 and 500 words to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Editorials</a> Editorial comments expressed here are copyright the writer and may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the writer and also the editor of Purehumour. ���----------------------------XXX SITES TO VISIT---------------------------��� The following are XXX sites...if you click them...you will see material that could offend you...pure and simple! If you don't wish to see such material...then DON'T click them! 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