���<--------- http://www.paulsfunhouse.com --------->��� and ���<----------The Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour ---------->��� presents
<---------------------PureHumour Joke Ezine!---------------------> Grab a seat and get ready to roar in laughter...you have reached the original home of PUREHUMOUR! In the unlikely event that you no longer wish to receive the "Best Humour on the Net" then you will find the unsubscribe instructions at the bottom of every mailing! Well summer is half-over and it is a month until the kids are back in school...my kids have been dragging their butts around for the last couple of weeks...so they need to be back to school! I remember being a kid and having the two months of summer holidays...and never being bored...my friends and I would walk or ride our bikes for miles and miles through the trails in the bush...we'd take hotdogs and marshmallows and roast them over an open fire...we'd spit and swear and smoke and just have a grand ole' time. We'd usually end each day with a quick skinny dip in the pond and rush home in time for supper. Now the kids sit in front of the TV, computer or video game and explore their little world through a box....I think my memories will be much better than theirs! SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Purehumour is now available in an ad-free version for a small fee...more details available at: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com/paid.html ">Ad-Free</a> http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com/paid.html WIN $50.00 just by subscribing...a new winner each month starting in August! Today's issue includes contributions by: SunAmy, Cathy, Barb, Keli, Rubin, Pat. If you want to see your name here...send your jokes to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Jokes</a> ���-------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------��� Lets start with a quickie: What do you call 15 blonds standing in a circle A dope ring. ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Drunk tree?? <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.927 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.927 AM PM ?? <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.928 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.928 ���------------------------SPONSOR---------------------------------��� Today's issue is brought to you by: The MOST UNIQUE CONTEST IN THE WORLD! Open to residents of the USA and Canada... ******* WIN FREE TOILET PAPER ******* YES you can WIN Free Toilet Paper...get a 24 roll pack of toilet paper right to your door when you WIN the most unique contest in the world! FREE and SIMPLE to enter...check out the link below: <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/25.html ">Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/25.html ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� The elementary school teacher was trying impress upon the seventh-grade history class how Native Americans must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," said she, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date ..." ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� LIKE MY LIST? Why not give us a vote or recommend us to a friend? Vote Now : <a href=" http://www.fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.30.0 ">Vote for Me!</a> ���------------------------GUS COOKS!------------------------------��� Gus really gets cooking...a new strip each day! <a href=" http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php ">Click</a> http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php ���----------------------TODAY IN HISTORY-----------------------��� If today is your birthday...you share it with: 1952 Brian Patrick Clarke Gettysburg Pa, actor (Merle-Eight is Enough) 1953 Robert Cray Columbus Ga, blues singer/songwriter (1987 Grammy) 1957 Glen Gorbous Canada, longest throw of a regulation baseball (445'10") 1958 Taylor Negron LA Calif, actor (Silvio-Detective School) 1959 Joe Elliot rocker (Def Leppard-Hysteria, Rock of Ages) 1961 Bart Conner US, parallel bars gymnist (Olympic-gold-1984) 1964 Nick Christian Sayer rocker (Transvision Vamp-Velveteen) 1964 Rob Camilletti Cher's boyfriend 1973 Tempestt Bledsoe Chicago, actress (Vanessa-Cosby Show) 1978 Dhani Harrison George Harrison's 1st child .....and on this day in history: 1950 Territory of Guam created 1953 Calif introduces sales tax (for education) 1953 Northern Rhodesia becomes part of Federation of Rhodesia & Nyasaland 1955 1st microgravity research begins 1957 1st coml building heated by Sun (Albuquerque NM) 1957 Glen Gorbous throws a baseball a record 136 m (445'10") 1958 1st class postage up to $0.04 (had been $0.03 for 26 years) 1959 New Continental baseball league formed 1960 Benin (Dahomey) gains independence from France 1960 Chubby Checker releases "The Twist" 1960 Dahomey gains independence 1961 New SF Hall of Justice opens 1961 Whitney Young Jr named executive director of National Urban League 1962 Boston Red Sox Bill Monboquette no-hits Chic White Sox, 1-0 1963 The Beatles Book is sold out on its 1st day of sale 1964 Beatles' "Hard Day's Night, A," single goes #1 & stays #1 for 2 weeks 1966 Charles Whitman climbs U of Texas tower & shoots 12 dead 1969 110,000 attend Atlantic City Pop Festival 1970 EAA Convention moves from Rockford Ill to Oshkosh, Wi 1970 Willie Stargell (Pirates) ties record of 5 extra base hits in a game 1971 CBS presents Masterpiece Theatre's 6 Wives of Henry VIII 1971 George Harrison's concert for Bangladesh takes place in NYC 1972 1st article exposing Wategate scandal (Bernstein-Woodward) 1972 Nate Colbert of SD Padres hits record tying 5 HRs in a double header 1973 Munson & Fisk get into a brawl at Fenway Park 1974 Virginia Squires trade Julius "Dr J" Erving to the NY Nets 1975 Billy Martin replaces Bill Virdon as manager of NY Yankees 1975 Helsinki Pact guaranteeing boundaries, rights signed by 35 nations 1976 Liz Taylor's 6th divorce (re-divorces Richard Burton) 1976 Seattle Seahawks play 1st (preseason) game (SF 27, Seattle 20) 1978 Pete Rose goes hitless, ends his 44 game hitting streak (ties NL) 1980 Gerd Wessig of East Germany set the high jump record 1981 MTV premiers at 12:01 AM 1982 Greg Louganis, US becomes 1st diver to score 700 (752.67) in 11 dives 1987 Bananarama's Siobhan Fahey marries Eurythmics Dave Stewart 1987 Crossbow flight record (2,005 yds 1'9") set by Harry Drake in Nevada 1987 Mike Tyson beats Tony Tucker to become undisputed boxing champ 1988 Deep Rover 1-man research submarine unveiled at Crater Lake, Oregon 1990 Iraq pulls out of talks with Kuwait 1991 Actress Hedy Lamarr, 77, arrested for shoplifting in Florida 1992 NBC's "Saturday Today" premieres �2002 http://www.scopesys.com/today/ ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. "Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. "Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?" ���----------------------PUREHUMOUR POLL----------------------��� Should be working next week! Check out the poll at: <a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ">FunStop</a> http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ���-----------------------QUICK QUOTE----------------------------��� "Talent is a gift, but character is a choice." -John C. Maxwell ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� I want it back... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.929 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.929 Watch your step... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.930 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.930 ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� <A Classic!> An elderly man entered a car agency with his young wife. The owner of the agency spotted the couple and went over to wait upon them himself. He couldn't help but stare at the lady, which, of course, the elderly man noticed. "May I propose a wager," said the elderly man. "If you can do everything to my wife that I can do and still end up the way I do, I will pay you double for the car. But if you cannot, you will give it to me for free!" "Okay, agreed!" said the agency owner. The elderly man gave his wife a passionate kiss, then the agency owner did the same. Then the elderly man unbuttoned her blouse and kissed her breasts. So did the agency owner. Then the husband opened his fly, pulled out his pecker, and bent it in half. "What color car do you want?" asked the agency owner. ���------------------------TOON TIME--------------------------------��� I Always Tell My Husband I Love Him <a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/24.htm ">Click</a> http://www.buffalosjokes.com/at/24.htm Advice From Jill <a href=" http://ugrin.paulsfunhouse.com/phw9.html ">Click</a> http://ugrin.paulsfunhouse.com/phw9.html My Husband Died <a href=" http://humorcorner.com/dmp/died.html ">Click</a> http://humorcorner.com/dmp/died.html ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Sam staggered into the house at two o'clock in the morning. As he entered his bedroom, he found another man in bed with his wife. Anni, his wife pushed the man off her and demanded to know where Sam had been until two o'clock in the morning. Sam looked at his wife's lover and demanded, "Who in the hell is this guy, and what is he doing in bed with you?" The wife responded, "Don't go changing the subject! Where in the hell have you been so late?" ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� It's True...you can get paid for doing what you are already doing! Get Paid to read email: <a href=" http://www.sendmoreinfo.com/id/9079 ">Click Here</a> ���------------------------STRANGE BREED!-------------------------��� If you like funny, wacky, and clean cartoons, then check out "Strange Breed". It's sure to make you and your whole family laugh." <a href=" http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm ">Click</a> http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� The young son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub. The youngest kitten bore it very well, and so did the younger cat, but the old family tom cat rebelled. The old feline struggled with the boy, clawed his skin, and finally got away. With considerable effort the boy caught the old tom again and proceeded with the "ceremony." But the cat acted worse than ever, clawing and spitting, and scratching the boy's face. Finally, after barely getting the cat splattered with water, he dropped him on the floor in disgust and said: "Fine, be a Methodist if you want to!" ���--------------FROM THE BATHROOM WALL -------------��� Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol. ���-------------------------QUIZ QUEEN------------------------------��� What is Canada's national anthem? A. My Country 'Tis of Thee B. Maple Leaf Rag C. O Canada D. How I Love Thee, Canada --- 18. The bowerbirds of Australia and New Guinea got their name from which trait? A. The female's refusal to leave the nest until the eggs are hatched B. The male's refusal to leave the nest until the eggs are hatched C. The males building bowers for shelter, which they decorate with colorful objects such as flower petals, feathers, fruit, and even human- made items such as ribbons and tinfoil, to attract the females during courtship. D. The females building bowers for shelter, which they decorate with colorful objects such as flower petals, feathers, fruit, and even human- made items such as ribbons and tinfoil, to attract the males during courtship. <Answers in Next Issue!> Last Issue's Answers: What is the dominant symbol of the Canadian flag? D. Leaf --- Which is the true fact about birds' sleeping habits? A. They need very little sleep � Copyright 2002 Dawggone Communications Website: http://quizqueen.net Subscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Damm it, Jenkins... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.931 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.931 My cat had kittens.. <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.932 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.932 ���---------------NON SMOKING SECTION-------------------------��� <To comply with recent internet law changes...Purehumour will now present a daily non-smoking section...this section is fully smoke-free...I do not smoke while creating it...and you are requested not to smoke while you read it! You co-operation is expected.> A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?" "Yes, it is," came the reply. "Thank God! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone." <End of non-smoking section...please light your tobacco products once more> ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Do you love Purehumour? Enough to open your wallet a little? If you wish to donate to support the continue success of this ezine...please visit the link below...no amount is too small! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html ">Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html ���--------------------IT'S NOT PUNNY!------------------------------��� Two cadets at an Arizona Air force academy were bragging in their off time about what good hunters they were. Well, it seems that they decided to have a contest, and whoever won the contest would be accounted the better hunter. To make the things a little more interesting, they each put up a pint of the best whiskey they could find. There had been rumors that a lion had escaped the local zoo and was roaming around loose in the desert that surrounded the academy. The contest was that whoever bagged the lion and brought it back to base was the winner. The first cadet borrowed a large hunting rifle and set about hunting down the lion in the conventional manner. The second cadet, who was perhaps a bit more inventive than his counterpart, secured a training jet from the local commander, loaded the wing guns with live ammunition and headed out over the dessert in search of the lion. It wasn't long before he spotted it, and, from the safety of the plane, killed it. He took the plane down, loaded the lion's body into the copilot's seat, and headed back to base, where he promptly downed both bottles. Which just goes to show that a strafed lion is the shortest distance between two pints. ���------------------------TIMEKILLER-------------------------------��� Priceless Beers <a href=" http://judysjokes.com/atoons/jj/06010201.html ">Click</a> http://judysjokes.com/atoons/jj/06010201.html Crazy Sounds Machine <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/crazy.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/crazy.html Whack A Groundhog <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/whack.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/whack.html ���--------------ON THE ROAD WITH AN IDIOT---------------��� I finally have gas (thanks to that breakfast burrito at the 7-11.) Cruising down the street, I come to one of the most heinous inventions of modern transportation: the four way stop. This is a lose-lose-lose-lose situation. The powers that be apparently determined that no direction in particular has enough traffic to be deemed to have the right-of-way. Instead of flipping a coin, they simply make everyone yield the right-of-way. Those who can, drive; those who can't, make traffic laws. In theory, all four directions must come to a complete stop. The first vehicle at the intersection should proceed first. If more than one vehicle at a time arrives at the intersection at the same time, the driver to the right has the right-of-way. Do you see the problems here? Drivers interpreting traffic rules are worse than lawyers interpreting vaguely written laws. Is it the first vehicle there, or the first one to come to a complete stop? If one lane has several cars waiting at the stop sign, and a new car comes up to the right, who has the right of way-the three that have been waiting, or the one that just arrived? And most people don't know their right from the left, but they can figure out who has the bigger vehicle. � 2002 by Todd A. Sponsler Todd A. Sponsler, MD is an opto... ofphtha... offtha... an eye surgeon trying to prove that doctors can write something other than illegible prescriptions. He currently composts (I mean composes) a humor column on his website called The Lions Den. For humor dispensed in nearly fatal doses go to www.geocities.com/psulionsden. ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� As a professional clown, John entertains groups at parties and company picnics. Once, an inebriated guest began heckling him in the middle of a performance, disrupting his act. Trying to ignore him wasn't working, so he used a different tactic. Slipping his arm around his shoulder, John looked him in the eye and said, "Mister, I get paid to dress up and make a fool of myself - what's your excuse?" The heckler didn't say another word. ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Win one of 16 $1000 jackpots daily or one of 5 $5000 jackpots on weeknights! Happy hour specials and much more...all for the taking! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/20.html ">Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/20.html ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� As the blonde was standing by the first tee waiting for her golf lesson from the club's pro, she watched a foursome in the process of teeing off. The first golfer addressed the ball and swung, hitting it 230 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. "That was a really good shot," said the blonde. "Not bad considering my impediment," said the golfer. "What do you mean? "I have a glass eye," said the golfer. "I don't believe you!" So he popped out his eye out and showed her. The next golfer addressed the ball and swung, hitting it 240 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. Again, the blonde exclaimed, "That was a really good shot!" "Not bad considering my impediment," said the golfer. "What's wrong with you?" said the blonde. "I have a prosthetic arm," he replied. "I don't believe you, show me," said the blonde. So he screwed his arm off and showed it to her. The next golfer addressed the ball and swung, hitting it 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. "That was a really good shot," said the blonde. "Not bad considering my impediment," said the golfer. "What's wrong with you?" "I have a prosthetic leg." "I don't believe you!" So that golfer screwed his leg off and showed it to her. The fourth golfer then addressed his ball, swung, and blasted it 280 yards straight down the middle of the fairway . "That was a wonderful shot," said the blonde. "Not bad considering my impediment," said the golfer. "Now what's wrong with you?" she asked. "I have an artificial heart," said the golfer. "I don't believe you, show me. "Well, I can't show you out here," the golfer said. "Come around behind the Pro-Shop." As he nor the blonde had not returned after a few minutes, his golf buddies decided to go see what was holding things up. As they turned the corner and went behind the Pro-Shop, sure enough, there was their pal -- screwing his heart out. ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Idiot driver... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.933 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.933 Sneeking in... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.934 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.934 ���-------------------------WEIRD NEWS---------------------------��� A 96-year-old man has married for the eighth time in the hope of fathering a son after having 30 daughters. Dhanarup Sejuwal from western Nepal wants a male child to perform last rites and rituals after his death. He reportedly fears damnation if he does not produce a son for the purpose. The man from Surkhet married 35-year-old Sunpura after the death of his seventh wife, reports the Kathmandu Post. A resident of the same village, known only by his first name Neupane, said the pensioner was still "active and robust". He told the Kathmandu Post: "All his seven earlier wives have already died but without giving any birth to any son". The newspaper reports his new bride, from the Dailekh district, "felt proud to be the wife of a man who had nearly passed a century". Weird News is a daily feature of Purehumour...it contains a previously published News Report. If you find an article that you wish to see here..please send the article, name of the publication and date to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">News</a> IF you like Weird News...subscribe to my weekly ezine of Weird News Weekly: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists</a> ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work. When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, hon." "Thank goodness, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here!" ���-------------------------QUICK WIT-------------------------------��� [||||] B L E S S M E F A T H E R [||||] Addressing a Youth Day audience in Toronto during his current worldwide fence mending tour, JP2 advised the young folks to eschew hedonism "that comes with the superficial and fleeting pleasures of the senses." (USA Today) Good rule of thumb -- never enter the confessional alone. Copyright � 2002 by Bob Mills, all rights reserved. http://www.topica.com/lists/funnysideup ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� A woman goes to England to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers, "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?" The husband laughs and says, "An English girl!" The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks "So, honey, how was the trip?" "Very good, thank you". "And, what happened to my present?". "Which present?" "What I asked for....the English girl? "Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a girl!!!" ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Website hosting at a price YOU can afford...great features... all the bells and whistles...get YOUR spotlight now: <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/16.html ">Hosting</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/16.html ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Funny couple... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.935 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.935 Take it out... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.936 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.10.936 ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� The young mother wanted so much to be a part of her teenage children's group. She worked hard at learning all the styles the young mothers wore and all foods the children like to eat. She always tried to look young and spiffy and to have an abundant supply of snacks when the gang dropped by. She even learned how to talk "young" learning all the buzz words and hip sayings. One day all this came to a screeching halt when, after serving the right snacks, she heard herself say to a room full of hormone dripping teenagers, "If anyone want secs, just let me know. I'll be in the kitchen getting it ready." ���---------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------��� How can you tell when a pig is in heat? She buys the first two rounds! ���--------------------------EDITORIAL--------------------------------��� WIN Kim Burke's new book....just by entering the Paul's Fun House contest...one lucky winner will take home a personally signed copy of Kim's book "Incidents and Accidents For Frazzled Women"...you cannot win if you don't enter! It will take you less than 1 minute to do so and you can enter once each day: <a href=" http://contest.paulsfunhouse.com ">Click</a> http://contest.paulsfunhouse.com Incidents And Accidents by Kim Burke Now that we know Laura Ingalls' father had a bit of a drinking problem during her real 'Little House' years, it gives her nickname 'half-pint' a whole new meaning. I wonder if there is anything new over the sun. Why do dogs commit suicide by running into vehicles? The hardest relationship I've ever had is with myself but I can't get divorced because I would have to pay alimony. And child support. I wonder what chickens eat when they have a cold. On Mike Myers: First there was Wayne's World, then Austin Powers. I think the only comedic possibility left for him to explore, after Goldmember, is the sex lives of senior citizens. Without Viagra. Actually, that could be a gas. If there is life after death, is there death again? A fact about southern women: We are sorry for everything, even those things we have had no control over, that has ever gone wrong since the beginning of time. Can we move on now? I had a feeling a minute ago but it went away. Rosie O'Donnell is suing her own magazine. I heard she's split down the middle and needs to regroup. If you don't feel good in a $20.00 outfit, you won't feel any better in a $2000.00 outfit. Of course, this is coming from a woman who's never even seen a $2000.00 dollar outfit. Shouldn't there be an astrological sign called piss ant? A pearl belongs in a shell at the bottom of the sea. But, no, humans have to capture pearls and make chokers out of them. Everyone laughs about men dressing up in women's clothing but what about us women who wear our husband's clothes? 3an you 6ind m5? I'm the one in my husband's t-shirt and shorts yet I don't feel like growing facial hair or mowing the yard. We bought a big screen television. Everything is the same, only bigger. I used to dream of being somebody big. Now I dream of being somebody little. Billy Bob Thornton is single again. Living in Arkansas, I can say with assurance, all of his cousins are after him again. A dog owns me. She is one foot in length and very hairy. She tells me what she needs when she needs it and I oblige. I actually paid for this. I'm happily depressed and I don't even take Prozac. Remember when we were kids and could stick our feet in our mouth and be happy about it? Want to improve your marriage? Get away from each other every now and then. Then you can remember how you used to think of each other before you got to know how both of you actually are. On a good day, I am content with my marriage, my daughter and the life I've helped to create. On a great day, I'm content with my life, my marriage, my daughter and every person I've ever known. On a bad day�what was it I said about anything being good or great? On Halloween, we stick candles in pumpkins. How odd. Wouldn't it be more fun to put water pills into watermelons and see what happens? -- The author and creator of Incidents & Accidents: the column, the book (to be published in August 2002) and the website is Kim Burke - because life's too short for ordinary idiots! If you enjoy humor, prizes and a great community to involve yourself in, there is no gas required to travel to: www.incidentsandaccidents.com. Kim resides with her husband, Richard and daughter, Christy in Arkansas. On a mountain. Sometimes barefoot! Email Kim at [EMAIL PROTECTED] Your article length submissions are welcome...send your humourous submissions of between 300 and 500 words to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Editorials</a> Editorial comments expressed here are copyright the writer and may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the writer and also the editor of Purehumour. ���----------------------------XXX SITES TO VISIT---------------------------��� The following are XXX sites...if you click them...you will see material that could offend you...pure and simple! If you don't wish to see such material...then DON'T click them! This is your only warning! 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