���<--------- http://www.paulsfunhouse.com --------->��� and ���<----------The Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour ---------->��� presents
<---------------------PureHumour Joke Ezine!---------------------> PUREHUMOUR is sent by request ONLY...if you wish to stop receiving these mailings then please visit: <a href=" http://unsubscribe.paulsfunhouse.com/purehumour.html ">Click</a> Purehumour is running a little late these days...I have been having some ongoing problems delivering my ezines to AOL...to clear up these problems we moved my website to a new server...but it has caused me to be locked out of my lists at times....this usually occurs in the mornings just as I am getting ready to send off Purehumour...I need to be able to access my site to do that! So if Purehumour isn't arriving until the afternoon...that is the reason...hopefully we can get this fixed in the next week or so. I neglected to mention that I gave away a prize of $50.00 cash to Robert from West Virginia...Robert is a subscriber to Purehumour Ad-Free and because of that he was automatically entered into the contest...YOU could be the next winner of $50.00 cash just by signing up NOW to Purehumour Ad-Free....full details are available at: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Click</a> http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com Today's issue includes contributions by: Megan, Pat, Stan, SunAmy, Wayne, Barbara, Ron, Rubin, Laura. If you want to see your name here...send your jokes to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Jokes</a> ���-------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------��� Lets start with a quickie: What goes click, click, click ... is this it? Click, click, click ... is this it? Stevie Wonder doing the Rubick's cube. ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Medals for favours <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.17 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.17 Don't waste it.... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.361 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.361 ���------------------------SPONSOR---------------------------------��� Today's issue is brought to you by: LARGER BREASTS !!!!!!!! LONGER THICKER PENIS !!!!!! WINNING LOTTERY NUMBERS !!!!! A SHOPPING CART WITHOUT ONE WOBBLY WHEEL !!!! No, I can't promise you any of those things, but pick up a copy of "That's Comedy! on CD" and I will promise you plenty of giggles, a whole bunch of chuckles, many guffaws and the possibility that you may laugh so hard you'll pass an entire cheese sandwich through your nose. It makes a great gift. Order a copy today. Click the link for more info. <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/28.html ">Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/28.html ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Paul and Greg are talking on the phone. Paul: By the way, man, I heard a new joke! What has a small dick and hangs down? Greg: Uh, I dunno... a bat? Paul: Good! Ok, now what has a big dick and hangs up? Greg: Uhm, I don't know, I give up. *CLICK* bzzzzzzzzzzzz... ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� LIKE MY LIST? Why not give us a vote or recommend us to a friend? Vote Now : <a href=" http://www.fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.30.0 ">Vote for Me!</a> ���------------------------GUS COOKS!------------------------------��� Gus really gets cooking...a new strip each day! <a href=" http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php ">Click</a> http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php ���----------------------TODAY IN HISTORY-----------------------��� If today is your birthday...you share it with: 1940 Bill Medley Santa Ana Cal, rocker (Righteous Bros-Up Where We Belong) 1940 Paul Williams singer/composer/actor (Planet of the Apes) 1941 Jim Fox England, pentathlete (Olympics-1972) 1943 Christi Haas Austria, downhill skier (Olympic-gold-1964) 1943 Mama Cass Elliot Balt Md, singer (Mamas & Papas-Monday Monday) 1945 David Bromberg Phila, musician (Demon in Disguise) 1945 Freda Payne Detroit Mich, singer (Band of Gold) 1945 Jane Blalock LPGA Golfer (Rookie of the Year-1969) 1945 Randolph Mantooth Sacramento Calif, actor (Emergency, Loving) 1948 Jeremy Irons England, actor (French Lieutenant's Woman) 1948 Michael Cooper SF Calif, sodomizer (FBI Most Wanted List) 1948 Nadyezhda Tkachenko USSR, pentathelete (Olympic-gold-1980) 1949 Twiggy Lawson [Leslie Hornby], England, model/actress (Boyfriend, W) 1950 Joan Lunden Fair Oaks Calif, news host (Good Morning America) 1950 Rudy Ramos Lawton Okla, actor (Wind-High Chaparral) 1952 Scott Colomby Bkln, actor (Stash-Sons & Daughters, Szysznyk) 1956 Rex Smith Jacksonville Fla, actor (Solid Gold, Pirates of Penzance) 1957 Richard M Linnehan Lowell Mass, US Army Capt/astronaut 1958 Kevin Hooks Phila, actor (Sounder, Aaron Loves Angela) 1962 Tonja Walker actress (Capitol, General Hospital) 1964 Kim Richards LI NY, actress (Nanny & Prof, James at 15) 1965 Debbye Turner Miss America (1990) .....and on this day in history: 1956 1st intl conference of black writers & artists meets (Sorbonne) 1957 1st underground nuclear explosion (Las Vegas Nevada) 1959 Nikita Krushchev is denied access to Disneyland 1966 Mike Burke named Yankees pres 1968 Baby born on Golden Gate Bridge (those Marin County folk!) 1970 "Mary Tyler Moore" show premiers 1973 NL refuses to allow San Diego Padres move to Washington DC 1973 Pirate Radio Free America (off Cape May NJ) goes on the air 1980 Titan II missile explosion (Damascus, AR) 1981 Satellites China 10 & 11 launched into Earth orbit by B-1 rocket 1981 Simon & Garfunkel reunite for a NYC Central Park concert 1982 New Orleans Saints 1st road shutout victory beating Chic Bears 10-0 1982 Streetcars stop running on Market St after 122 years of service 1983 St Christopher-Nevis gains independence from Britain (Nat'l Day) 1985 9,500 die in Mexico's earthquake (6.9) 1986 "Captain EO" with Michael Jackson permieres 1986 Chic White Sox Joe Crowley no-hits Calif Angels, 7-1 1986 Fed health officals announce AZT will be available to AIDS patients 1988 Israel launches 1st satellite, for secret military reconnaissance 1989 Chase Manhattan Discovery Center at Brooklyn Botanic Garden opens 1989 Appeals court restores America's Cup to US after NY Supreme Court gave it to New Zealand (NZ protested US's use of a catamaran) �2002 http://www.scopesys.com/today/ ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� <A Classic!> Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house, exclaiming, "Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come off of me fly? I can't button me pants."............ "Oh, Angus........I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."........... About 5 minutes later, there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling and the sound of a body falling doon the stairs. Walking back in the door with a blackend eye and a bloody nose comes Angus. The little lady looks at him and says "My God, what in hell's name happened to you? Did you ask her like I told you?".......... Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button an she did. Everything was goin fine, but when she bent doon to bite off the wee thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in............ ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� FREE GIFT just for signing up to Purehumour Ad-Free! Sign up NOW and you will get an instant free gift in addition to the BEST humour around...all without any ads at all! Guaranteed! <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com/paid.html ">Click</a> http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com/paid.html ���----------------------PUREHUMOUR POLL----------------------��� It seems to be getting closer! Check out the poll at: <a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ">FunStop</a> http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ���-----------------------QUICK QUOTE----------------------------��� "Perfection has one big defect - it is apt to be dull." -Somerset Maughm ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Crazy Road Sign <a href=" http://www.j-j-c.net/roadsign.htm ">Click</a> http://www.j-j-c.net/roadsign.htm When Hens Eat Fruit Loops <a href=" http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/026.html ">Click</a> http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/026.html ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� An extremely ugly man named Tony was sitting in a bar having a drink with his friend, Paul, who is the exact opposite in fact he may be the most handsome man in town. The two of them are discussing a beautiful blond girl sitting at the bar. Paul said, "Boy I sure would like to get some of that. Tony said, "Go ahead go for it. Paul said, " There's no way She won't go with anybody I've tried many times." Tony said, "I think I could go out with her if I wanted to." Paul laughed and said, "If She won't go out with me she sure as hell won't go with you." Tony said, "I'll bet you fifty bucks She'll go with me." Paul says, "you're on." Tony says, "Ok just leave the money with the bartender and I'll pick it up later." Tony walks up to the girl starts talking and turned and walked out of the bar, with the girl right behind him. Paul couldn't believe it. He went up to the bar and asked the bartender, "What happened, What did he say to her?" The bartender told him, "Well he didn't say much. He just said it's a nice night for a walk. Then he licked his eyebrows and left." ���------------------------TOON TIME--------------------------------��� Yo Momma... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.367 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.367 Wonder how it broke? <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.369 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.369 ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� A recent study found that 35% of men have been injured while undoing a woman's bra. That's correct. While unfastening a woman's stabilizing devise, men have received strained tendons, scratches, and other similar injuries. Actually, I can vouch for that. I got injured today while trying to undo a woman's bra. When I undid the woman in front of me in the checkout line, she turned and hit me with a can of peas. ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� It's True...you can get paid for doing what you are already doing! Get Paid to read email: <a href=" http://www.sendmoreinfo.com/id/9079 ">Click Here</a> ���------------------------STRANGE BREED!-------------------------��� If you like funny, wacky, and clean cartoons, then check out "Strange Breed". It's sure to make you and your whole family laugh." <a href=" http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm ">Click</a> http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� One day my housework-challenged son decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Illinois." ���--------------FROM THE BATHROOM WALL -------------��� Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car. ���-------------------------QUIZ QUEEN------------------------------��� When compared to the other 49 states, which claim can California NOT make? A. Greatest number of national parks and national forests B. Annual farm output greater in value than that of any other state C. More people than any other state D. Largest percentage living in rural areas --- The flag of India is three horizontal bars. An emblem is centered on the white field. What are the other two colors represented on the flag? A. Dark orange and green B. Blue and red C. Yellow and green D. Magenta and Aqua <Answers in Next Issue!> Last Issue's Answers: Swiss doctor and sow gelder Jacob Nufer performed the first recorded what in 1500? C. Caesarean operation on a living woman --- What is stomatology? A. The medical study of the mouth and its diseases � Copyright 2002 Dawggone Communications Website: http://quizqueen.net Subscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Reserved <a href=" http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/021.html ">Click</a> http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/021.html Lost My Marbles <a href=" http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/022.html ">Click</a> http://www.myrddinsnet.com/jah/022.html ���---------------NON SMOKING SECTION-------------------------��� <To comply with recent internet law changes...Purehumour will now present a daily non-smoking section...this section is fully smoke-free...I do not smoke while creating it...and you are requested not to smoke while you read it! You co-operation is expected.> The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the Church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing. "Nothing much, Pastor," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life." "Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex." In unison they all replied, "You win!" <End of non-smoking section...please light your tobacco products once more> ���---------------DUSTING OFF THE ARCHIVES---------------��� In an attempt to boost the number of visits to the Purehumour archives...in each issue I will highlight today's date in the archives from the past three years...take a look at todays issue in history to see how Purehumour has evolved and what was funny in the past! This is unusual...there has never been an issue of Purehumour on Sept 19th before...so today I bring you the first issue that was ever archived...May 28th 1999 <a href=" http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj/m4.html ">Click</a> http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj/m4.html ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Do you love Purehumour? Enough to open your wallet a little? If you wish to donate to support the continue success of this ezine...please visit the link below...no amount is too small! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html ">Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/ph.html ���--------------------IT'S NOT PUNNY!------------------------------��� A sweet young thing comes home from the doctor's office crying. "What's the matter?" her mother asks. "I had to take a blood test," the young woman says. "Oh, did the needle hurt your finger?" her mother asks. "It's not that. I did really badly at the test!" "How could you do badly at a blood test?" her mother asks. "Well, Kelly got an A+, Wendy got a B- and I got a 0!" ���------------------------TIMEKILLER-------------------------------��� BushAerobics <a href=" http://www.jillsjokeline.com/bushaer.html ">Click</a> http://www.jillsjokeline.com/bushaer.html Dancin With Dubya <a href=" http://humorcorner.com/dmp/bush.html ">Click</a> http://humorcorner.com/dmp/bush.html ���--------------ON THE ROAD WITH AN IDIOT---------------��� Another common situation that brings out passive-aggression is merging traffic. Every once in a while, a car will actually move into the left lane to allow you to merge onto the highway. These miracles do occur, and are often the result of the passive side of passive aggressors. However, passivity is short-lived. These cars often accelerate in the left-hand lane and pass you after you have merged. They then return to the right lane ahead of you, missing your vehicle by inches, and then their speed dramatically drops once the aggressive maneuver is completed. The only way to get them to accelerate again is to try and pass them. There is no cure for passive aggression. Recommended treatment includes taking their keys or their licenses. Some will respond to ammunition, but this is illegal in most states. � 2002 by Todd A. Sponsler Todd A. Sponsler, MD is an opto... ofphtha... offtha... an eye surgeon trying to prove that doctors can write something other than illegible prescriptions. He currently composts (I mean composes) a humor column on his website called The Lions Den. For humor dispensed in nearly fatal doses go to www.geocities.com/psulionsden. ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� A sweet, beautiful young would-be starlet comes to Hollywood to seek her fame and fortune. At her first power cocktail party she goes to the host and asks him, "Who's the most powerful movie man in the room?" "That would be Paul, over there by the caviar," he says. The young woman walks over to Paul and says, "Excuse me, Paul, would you mind stepping back behind this column? I'd like to talk to you." Paul and the girl step behind the column and she says, "Paul, I'm gonna unzip your fly, take out your cock, and give you the best blowjob you ever had...!" Paul smiles slightly and says, "Well, okay. But...... what's in it for me?" ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Win one of 16 $1000 jackpots daily or one of 5 $5000 jackpots on weeknights! Happy hour specials and much more...all for the taking! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/20.html ">Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/20.html ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Two college women were discussing the date one had the night before. "Oh, Nancy, he was sooo erudite, and clever, and sophisticated. He speaks ten languages, drives a Lamborghini, took me to a Parisian restaurant and ordered the meal and wine in French, then took me to his penthouse apartment to look over his Russian book collection by the fireplace." "Wow, Gail, he sounds fabulous! But just how far did he get with you?" "Well, I really rather not say, but he was quite a cunning linguist!" ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Cat Bath <a href=" http://www.footlonghotdog.net/catbath.htm ">Click</a> http://www.footlonghotdog.net/catbath.htm Reading Is FUNdamental with Clinton <a href=" http://www.footlonghotdog.net/clintonbooks.htm ">Click</a> http://www.footlonghotdog.net/clintonbooks.htm ���-------------------------WEIRD NEWS---------------------------��� An Italian funeral parlour is using scantily clad models to sell its coffins. Rome-based funeral parlour Cisa features sexy pictures of models with its coffins on its website. The girls are pictured sipping champagne or leaning seductively on coffin lids. One model is pictured wearing a g-string, leaning over a coffin and turning her backside to the camera. Another model is shown on all fours on top of a coffin while another wears zebra hotpants and long black boots. The firm says the unusual advertising on the website (http://www.cofanifunebri.it/) is aimed at introducing some humour to a serious subject. Weird News is a daily feature of Purehumour...it contains a previously published News Report. If you find an article that you wish to see here..please send the article, name of the publication and date to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">News</a> IF you like Weird News...subscribe to my weekly ezine of Weird News Weekly: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists</a> ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� An 80 year old man went to Hollywood to pick up a prostitute and get some action. He noticed one hooker in particular and started flirting with her. The prostitute started becoming annoyed and said, "Get lost old man! You're ruining business!" "Sure would like to get some action tonight," said the old man. "You've got to be kidding! You're too old! You're all finished." "What did you say?" asked the old man. "You heard me - you're all finished." "Oh," replied the old man, "how much do I owe you?" ���-------------------------QUICK WIT-------------------------------��� [||||] M A R B L E M A R V E L [||||] Workers in Florence are giving Michelangelo's statue of David a head to toe scrubbing to remove decades of tourist grime. (AP) Yesterday, our Captain Marvel of Modesty John Ashcroft called the Italian embassy and offered to clothe Dave in a nice chaste pair of Spandex Jockeys. Copyright � 2002 by Bob Mills, all rights reserved. http://www.topica.com/lists/funnysideup ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� A man worked in a post office. His job was to process all mail that had illegible addresses. One day a letter came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting to God. He thought, "I better open this one and see what it's all about." So he opened it and it read, "Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had a hundred dollars in it which was all the money I had until my next pension check." "Next Sunday is Easter, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with." "I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?" The postal worker was touched, and went around showing the letter to all the others. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars.By the time he made the rounds, he had collected 96 dollars, which they put into an envelope and sent over to her. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of the nice thing they had done. Easter came and went, and a few days later came another letter from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read, "Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your generosity, I was able to fix a lovely dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was 4 dollars missing. It was no doubt those thieving bastards at the post office." ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Website hosting at a price YOU can afford...great features... all the bells and whistles...get YOUR spotlight now: <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/16.html ">Hosting</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/16.html ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Poor dog... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.370 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.370 Life's subtle hints... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.75 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.12.75 ���---------DUMB CROOK OF THE DAY AWARD---------��� A Tallahassee man trying to hotfoot it away from the cops had to do the stop, drop and roll when his trousers caught fire Sunday. Police said 30-year-old Carl Franklin would have kept right on running - trailing smoke and ashes - if his pants hadn't dropped to his ankles and tripped him up. Tallahassee Police Officer Seth Stoughton spotted Franklin about 11 p.m. standing by a fence on Kissimmee Street. Franklin's pants were down, and he had both hands in front of him. Stoughton suspected he was about to urinate. When the officer shouted, Franklin yanked up his pants and turned to run. "We prepare for a lot of stuff, but I'd never expected to see the man's pants on fire," Stoughton said. "His pocket was outlined in red, and it was clearly smoldering." Apparently, Franklin had been smoking a Newport when he stopped to heed nature's call. Lacking anywhere to put his smoke, he'd just slipped it into his pocket. Stoughton chased after the man in the burning pants, yelling for him to hit the ground. Franklin kept going - until his trousers slipped from his grasp and pooled at his feet. He took a tumble, and Stoughton dived on top of him, slapping at the fire. Franklin was still trying to get away, punching and kicking, until another officer arrived and quickly cut away the burning pants. Stoughton arrested Franklin on a charge of resisting arrest, handcuffed him and took him to jail. "About halfway to the jail, he was still shouting that his pants were on fire," Stoughton said. The officer reported Franklin "smelled strongly of an alcoholic beverage and appeared intoxicated." ���---------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------��� Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides. ���--------------------------EDITORIAL--------------------------------��� [Kim Burke's column which usually appears in this place is unavailable this week...instead I bring you an archived copy by another great writer.] WIN Kim Burke's new book....just by entering the Paul's Fun House contest...one lucky winner will take home a personally signed copy of Kim's book "Incidents and Accidents For Frazzled Women"...you cannot win if you don't enter! It will take you less than 1 minute to do so and you can enter once each day: <a href=" http://contest.paulsfunhouse.com ">Click</a> http://contest.paulsfunhouse.com MELVIN DURAI'S HUMOR COLUMN "SEXIST LANGUAGE CAN BE AVOIDED" As a conscientious writer, I try my best to avoid sexist language. For example, I would never write a sentence like this: "An experienced shopper tries not to fill his cart with unnecessary stuff." After all, many shoppers are female. And they can't help themselves. It's better to consider all possibilities and change the sentence to this: "An experienced shopper may sometimes fill his/her/its cart with unnecessary stuff." That way, you won't offend any shopper, even those who haven't yet settled on a particular gender. It's always wise to be politically correct, especially if you hope to one day serve as Attorney General. Of course, writing "his/her/its" is a little awkward, as I eventually learned in journalism school. My professors offered me a better solution: make the sentence plural. That greatly simplifies things, allowing me to write a perfectly acceptable sentence: "Experienced shoppers may sometimes fill their carts with unnecessary stuffs." See how well it works? It would be much easier if we had some singular gender-neutral pronouns, but unfortunately English developed many years ago when sexism was rampant and nobody objected to sentences like this: "The wife of a busy politician must always keep an eye on her husband's possessions." These days, we know better and would write: "The spouses of busy politicians must always keep their eyes on their spouses' interns." Thankfully, we've also eliminated many sexist job titles, recognizing that most jobs are being filled by both men and women. For example, we have replaced "fireman" with "firefighter," "businessman" with "business person," and "cleaning lady" with "floor technician." It is no longer advisable to say "chairman," even if you are referring to the head of the Boy Scouts (the appropriate term is chairboy). In most cases, it is better to simply say "chair," unless you happen to be calling a furniture company. You: "Hello. May I speak to the chair?" Automated recording: "All our chairs are currently busy with other customers. Please stay on the line while we put you through to a table." It is also better to avoid using terms such as "lady doctor" or "female doctor," as though doctors are supposed to be male. Even if you need a physical exam, you should just ask for a "doctor" and try your luck. Don't worry, most doctors have seen it all. If they happen to laugh, it's only because they work so hard and are often deprived of good entertainment. You shouldn't take it personally. For similar reasons, you should avoid saying "male nurse," "gentleman nurse," or "nurse guy." That would be unfair to all those men who have taken up nursing and proven, under great odds, that a man can do the job. Gone are the days when men could only dream about becoming nurses. Thank goodness. It is also inappropriate to use the noun "man" or "men" to refer to both sexes. Instead of "great men in history," you should always say "great figures in history." That way, you won't leave out Pamela Anderson. No, seriously, you won't leave out great women such as Amelia Earhart, Indira Gandhi and Toni Morrison. The use of "man" or "men" should be limited to terms that pertain only to males. That's why I join all men in calling for the immediate correction of two terms that, last time we checked, have little to do with us: "MENstrual cramps" and "MENopause." It's much more appropriate to say "womenstrual cramps" and "womenopause." I'd like everybody to say "Amen!" to that. I mean "Apeople!" -------------------------------------------------------------- ~~Copyright 2001 Melvin Durai http://www.funnycolumns.com Melvin Durai is an Indiana-based writer and humorist. A native of India, he grew up in Zambia and moved to the U.S. in the early 1980s. For a free subscription to his columns, send a blank message to [EMAIL PROTECTED] Your article length submissions are welcome...send your humourous submissions of between 300 and 500 words to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Editorials</a> Editorial comments expressed here are copyright the writer and may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the writer and also the editor of Purehumour. ���----------------------------XXX SITES TO VISIT---------------------------��� The following are XXX sites...if you click them...you will see material that could offend you...pure and simple! If you don't wish to see such material...then DON'T click them! 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