���<--------- http://www.paulsfunhouse.com --------->��� and ���<----------The Grand Pooh-Bah of Humour ---------->��� presents
<---------------------PureHumour Joke Ezine!---------------------> Grab a seat and get ready to roar in laughter...you have reached the original home of PUREHUMOUR! In the unlikely event that you no longer wish to receive the "Best Humour on the Net" then you will find the unsubscribe instructions at the bottom of every mailing! HAPPY JULY 4TH to all my American friends....on this first Independence Day since Sept 11th....celebrate what a great country you live in....celebrate the freedoms that you have... and enjoy today! Don't let the cowards who hide in the shadows affect the way you live...we all learnt a lot in the days after Sept 11th....but you have had 226 years to forge your country...and one day should not take it away from you! Today is a day to celebrate...it is also a day to remember....so from the wilds of Canada to you....I wish you all the best...shoot off those fireworks... yell, scream and have fun....and be proud to be American! SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: Purehumour is now available in an ad-free version for a small fee...more details available at: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com/paid.html ">Ad-Free</a> http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com/paid.html YOU could WIN $50.00 just by subscribing to Purehumour Ad-Free! Today's issue includes contributions by: SunAmy, Cathy, Stan, Keli, Laura, Carol, Marina, Ruth, Marie. If you want to see your name here...send your jokes to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Jokes</a> ���-------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------��� Lets start with a quickie: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? It kept falling out! ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Lots to eat... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1024 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1024 Becoming obsolete... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1023 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1023 ���------------------------SPONSOR---------------------------------��� Today's issue is brought to you by: 10,000 Jokes....400 photos....125 video clips.... and more....all on CD for you! This is the compilation that you've been looking for...the files from "That's Comedy" are now available to you at home! Delivered to your front door! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/28.html ">Click<a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/28.html ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� <A Classic!> A guy has a crush on a girl at his work. He is dying to ask her out on a date, but every time he sees her, he gets the biggest erection ever. There is nothing he can do to control it. After some time, he decides to get her phone number and call her up. This way, he won't have to see her and won't get too excited. He ends up asking her out and she says yes. He figures what he'll do is tie his penis to his leg so when he sees her it'll be tied to his leg and she'll never notice it. He gets to her house. When he knocks on her door, she answers the door in a sheer teddy. He kicks her in the face. ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� LIKE MY LIST? Why not give us a vote or recommend us to a friend? Vote Now : <a href=" http://www.fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.30.0 ">Vote for Me!</a> ���------------------------GUS COOKS!------------------------------��� Gus really gets cooking...a new strip each day! <a href=" http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php ">Click</a> http://www.guscooks.com/strips.php ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Sid and Al were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in Mexico?" I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" "I don't know senor, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Mexican Jews." "Are you sure?" Al asked. "I will check again, senor." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere." When the waiter returned he said, "Senor, no Mexican Jews." "Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Mexican Jews." "Senor, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!" ���----------------------PUREHUMOUR POLL----------------------��� This one is close....PLEASE vote now! Check out the poll at: <a href=" http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ">FunStop</a> http://www.paulsfunhouse.com/fun/ ���-----------------------QUICK QUOTE----------------------------��� "I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself. " -Aldous Leonard Huxley ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Abduction blues... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1022 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1022 Rather unfeeling... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1013 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1013 ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� TOP TEN TIMES IN HISTORY, WHEN USING THE "F" WORD WAS APPROPRIATE 10th - "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!" -Noah, 4314 BC 9th - "How the @#$% did you work that out?" -Pythagoras, 126 BC 8th - "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" -Michelangelo, 1566 7th - "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" -Custer, 1877 6th - "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" -Picasso, 1926 5th - "Where the @#$% are we?" -Amelia Earhart, 1937 4th - "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." -Einstein, 1938 3rd - "What the @#$% was that?" -Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945 2nd - "I need this parade like I need a @#$%ing hole in the head -JFK, 1963 And, the Number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word... "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?" -Bill Clinton, 1997 ���------------------------TOON TIME--------------------------------��� Human Whale <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/31.html ">Click</a> http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/31.html Zodiac Signs <a href=" http://humorcorner.com/dmp/zodiac.html ">Click</a> http://humorcorner.com/dmp/zodiac.html How About a Nice Glass of... <a href=" http://64.246.18.78/Funlinks/10.html ">Click</a> http://64.246.18.78/Funlinks/10.html Is That Dress Too Low Cut <a href=" http://www.footlonghotdog.net/lowcut.htm ">Click</a> http://www.footlonghotdog.net/lowcut.htm ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Mathematics of sex: Add a bed; Subtract your clothes; Divide your legs; And Pray to God you don't Multiply! ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� It's True...you can get paid for doing what you are already doing! Get Paid to read email: <a href=" http://www.sendmoreinfo.com/id/9079 ">Click Here</a> ���------------------------STRANGE BREED!-------------------------��� If you like funny, wacky, and clean cartoons, then check out "Strange Breed". It's sure to make you and your whole family laugh." <a href=" http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm ">Click</a> http://www2.hi.net/s4/strangebreed.htm ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $250.00 to spend the night with that woman." Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer." She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment. The following morning the man presented her with $125.00 as he prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money, stating "If you don't give me the other $125.00, I'll sue you for it." He laughed, saying "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds." Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented." After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as follows: "Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250.00. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125.00, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance." The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. His defense, therefore was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it. "Your honor," he said, "my client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted." The young lady's lawyer answered thus "Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted." In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options: "pay the $125.00 or have the equipment detached and provided to the plaintiff for damages." The defendant wrote a check immediately! ���--------------FROM THE BATHROOM WALL -------------��� A bachelor is a man who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit. ���-------------------------QUIZ QUEEN------------------------------��� French philosopher, mathematician, and physicist Blaise Pascal invented a machine that added and subtracted, automatically carrying and borrowing digits from column to column. Pascal built 50 copies of his machine in what year? A. 1542 B. 1642 C. 1742 D. 1842 --- What popular appliance company was founded after a woman designed a dishwasher for her own use? A. Whirlpool B. General Electric C. KitchenAid D. Amana <Answers in Next Issue!> Last Issue's Answers: Which is the oldest zoo in America? A. Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo -- What do all these traditions have in common? Sprinkling the bridal couple with rice, decorating the bride with orange blossoms, and the circling of the sacred fire by Hindus. C. A symbolic wish for fertility � Copyright 2002 Dawggone Communications Website: http://quizqueen.net Subscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� The right loo <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1012 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1012 Real criminals... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1011 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1011 ���---------------NON SMOKING SECTION-------------------------��� <To comply with recent internet law changes...Purehumour will now present a daily non-smoking section...this section is fully smoke-free...I do not smoke while creating it...and you are requested not to smoke while you read it! You co-operation is expected.> Jeff had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting her response. "Did she accept?" "No, she sure didn't," sobbed Jeff. "When I told her what you advised me to say, she slapped my face and told me to get out." "Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands still when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?" asked his father. "Oh boy, dad, did I got it all wrong," Jeff groaned. "I said, 'My Dear, you have a face that would stop a clock'!" <End of non-smoking section...please light your tobacco products once more> ���--------------------IT'S NOT PUNNY!------------------------------��� While Nostradamus was alive, he was in great demand by the various churches and temples in the area. Since this got to be a strain running from place to place, the religious groups got together and hammered out a schedule where they would each get Nostradamus' services for one or two days a month on a rotating basis. It was the world's first prophet-sharing plan. ���------------------------TIMEKILLER-------------------------------��� Well You Know <a href=" http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/33.html ">Click</a> http://www.aikenslaughs.com/1/33.html Difference Between A Golf ball and A G Spot <a href=" http://ugrin.paulsfunhouse.com/ph9.html ">Click</a> http://ugrin.paulsfunhouse.com/ph9.html Don't Smoke In My Office <a href=" http://judysjokes.com/jokes/jj/06010203.html ">Click</a> http://judysjokes.com/jokes/jj/06010203.html Know What I Love Most About You <a href=" http://ugrin.paulsfunhouse.com/phw4.html ">Click</a> http://ugrin.paulsfunhouse.com/phw4.html ���--------------ON THE ROAD WITH AN IDIOT---------------��� The planning process for building a new road is an engineer's nightmare. In an ideal world, the road would be constructed through the shortest distance between destination and origination points, allowing leniency to adapt to natural earth contours (sometimes it would be better to go around a hill, rather than through or over it.) The road would be appropriately wide enough, properly banked for optimum safety, and would decrease traveling hassles for motorists. In an ideal world. In reality, the final project depends on pork barrel politics (the road just happens to go out of the way twenty miles to pass by the corporation that just donated to the senator's campaign), environmental impact (we don't want to endanger any unwanted species like the four-eared, odd-spotted, howling oriental owl), wet lands reclamation (we have do dig big ugly holes along side the road way which largely sit empty of water but do attract snakes and a lot of weeds), and the lowest bidder (unfortunately you usually get what you pay for.) I could go on and on about the CONSTRUCTION ZONE, but the twilight zone music is playing again on my radio, it appears the traffic is again opening up to a normal number of congested lanes, and the cars up ahead are actually starting to move faster than a ninety-year old grandmother in a wheelchair. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel�either that or I'm in the wrong damned lane again. But next week, I'll be back on the road again. � 2002 by Todd A. Sponsler Todd A. Sponsler, MD is an opto... ofphtha... offtha... an eye surgeon trying to prove that doctors can write something other than illegible prescriptions. He currently composts (I mean composes) a humor column on his website called The Lions Den. For humor dispensed in nearly fatal doses go to www.geocities.com/psulionsden. ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady. "What's to be proud of?" asked the old man. The young lady replied, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you've learned to put your hand in front of your mouth." "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???". ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Win one of 16 $1000 jackpots daily or one of 5 $5000 jackpots on weeknights! Happy hour specials and much more...all for the taking! <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/20.html ">Click</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/20.html ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� The waitress was tired of this one man always hitting on her, so she came up with a plan. "I'll tell you what, Lover. I'll have sex with you on two conditions. First, it'll cost you 50 bucks. Second, you have to guarantee me that bells will ring and lights will flash." He smiled, handed her $50 and led her over to the pinball machine. ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� A good turnout <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1010 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1010 Pay or else... <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1009 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1009 ���-------------------------WEIRD NEWS---------------------------��� A man has been told he can't have his nipple pierced with a wedding ring during his marriage ceremony. The Dutch registrar in charge says it would be unhygienic and their guests wouldn't like it. Dorus Minting says he is disappointed by the decision but will have the piercing done at a pub ceremony afterwards. Mr Minting, 37, from Millingen aan de Rijn, said he wanted to do something special for his marriage to Sabine. He told De Telegraaf: "I hate wearing rings on my fingers. By wearing my wedding ring close to my heart I would have a special link with Sabine." But the registrar Jan Looijen said: "Putting a ring through a man's nipple is a very intimate and medical act. I don't think such a ceremony would be appreciated by the rest of the wedding guests." [They did agree to a nose-ring however!] Weird News is a daily feature of Purehumour...it contains a previously published News Report. If you find an article that you wish to see here..please send the article, name of the publication and date to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">News</a> IF you like Weird News...subscribe to my weekly ezine of Weird News Weekly: <a href=" http://lists.paulsfunhouse.com ">Lists</a> ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� A Girls Prayer Lord Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong, One who's willy's thick and long. One who thinks before he speaks, When promises to call, he won't wait weeks. I pray that he is gainfully employed, And when I spend his cash, he wont be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! send me a man who will make love to my mind, Knows just what to say, when I ask "How big's my behind?" One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin, In the hall, the loo, the garden and kitchen! I pray that this man will love me no end, And never attempts to shag my best friend. And as I kneel and pray by my bed, I look at the wanker you sent me instead. Amen. A Boy's Prayer: Lord, I pray for a lady with big tits and a fridge full of beer. ���-------------------------QUICK WIT-------------------------------��� [||||] M R . S P E A K E R [||||] The Georgia Legislature has named grits the state's official "prepared food." (US News) Good news for proponents of a movement to have Newt Gingrich named the state's "most accomplished political hack." Copyright � 2002 by Bob Mills, all rights reserved. http://www.topica.com/lists/funnysideup ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� A priest, a doctor and an engineer were getting frustrated one morning because a very slow group of golfers were ahead of them. Engineer: What's with these guys? We have been waiting for 30 minutes for them to finish the hole! Doctor: I don't know but I have never seen such a slow foursome! Priest: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's make our complaint to him..." Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us ? They are ruining our morning being so slow. George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind firefighters. They all lost their sight while saving our club house... You remember the fire. So we let them play here anytime free of charge. ( silence ) Priest: That's so sad. I will say a special prayer for them at mass. Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist friend and see if there is anything he can do for them. Engineer: So why can't those guys play at night? ���--------------------ADVERTISEMENT---------------------------��� Website hosting at a price YOU can afford...great features... all the bells and whistles...get YOUR spotlight now: <a href=" http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/16.html ">Hosting</a> http://ads.paulsfunhouse.com/16.html ���--------------------------TOON TIME------------------------------��� Take a guess.. <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1008 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1008 Messing with us.. <a href=" http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1007 ">Click Here </a> http://www.Fun-lists.com/cgi-bin/g.cgi?386.13.1007 ���--------------------------HUMOUR---------------------------------��� A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn't like it and moves on but the husband keeps looking. The wife asks, "What are you waiting for?" The husband replies, "Autumn." ���---------------------------QUICKIE----------------------------------��� Why did the Afghanny trade his wife for an outhouse? Because the hole was smaller and the smell was better. ���--------------------------EDITORIAL--------------------------------��� [Coming soon....your chance to win a *personally* autographed copy of Kim's new book: "Incidents and Accidents for Frazzled Women" ... this book goes on sale in Aug 2002 ... Purehumour has a copy on order to be given away ... and will be autographed by Kim personally to the winner...watch for more details soon!] If you want to pre-order a copy for yourself...visit: www.incidentsandaccidents.com/orderform.html The price will NEVER be lower! Incidents And Accidents by Kim Burke Why Do Women Get Frazzled? I was asked this question the other day and thought the answer needed had to do with specific reasons such as: Having to be two places at the same time, forgetting to take something out of the freezer for dinner and/or getting peanut butter out of a child's hair without chopping it all up. Apparently I misinterpreted the question. The question wasn't about what made us, as women, frazzled but why we actually get frazzled. What is the psychology behind becoming stress-addled and why do we let ourselves go down this road all too often? This is a different question entirely, isn't it? It is a question that has various answers for everyone. On one hand, one woman may have a very organized life and anything outside of her well-prepared day is too much for her to handle so she gets frazzled. Being orderly is a part of her genetic make-up and personality. It cannot be helped. On the other hand, another woman may be downright lazy and anything that detracts from her lazy schedule is too much for her to handle so she gets frazzled. Being lazy is a part of her genetic make-up and personality. It cannot be helped. Perhaps you are like me and you sit around worrying and wondering about being frazzled even when you are not and it completely drains your energy thus making you frazzled about absolutely nothing. Being mentally challenged is a part of my make-up. It cannot be helped. These are just a few surface answers to a very deep question. However, if you really want to get down to it, here are some of the reasons women get frazzled: We get frazzled because the world doesn't revolve around us and it should. When we say something, we should be listened to. When we have an opinion, it should be taken seriously. When we have a need, it should be tended to promptly. Doesn't the phone and energy companies know that you are home only on Sunday afternoons between 2:00 PM and 4:00 PM? You are probably taking a nap but if they are quiet, you won't mind them repairing your necessities at this time. Do you think soccer moms really want to be soccer moms? Ask them what they really want. It shouldn't surprise you. They would like to be home for more than an hour a day. They would also like to go out to eat dinner without their child bouncing up and down on the chair at the restaurant. If they must be soccer moms, they would like to sit in a shaded area on a comfortable lounge chair with a mini bar. Is this too much to ask? And you wonder why we, as women, get frazzled. It is no wonder! When we signed up to become wonder woman it didn't mean slave woman. It is not a joy to clean the house, work full-time, tend to the kids and still be expected to be turned on by a man who can waltz through the door at exactly 5:15 PM each day, plop himself on the sofa, channel flip the rest of the evening and still make more money than you. Plus, while you are cooking and doing laundry so everyone can have clean clothes the next day, he is in the den wrestling with the kids for exactly fifteen minutes yet never misses a beat of his favorite television program. This is all it takes for him to be the golden parent. It just isn't fair. We, as women, get to be the ones who are scowled at when we ask, "Who wants to help mommy clean up the kitchen after dinner?" This brings a barrage of frowns from everyone in the household, including dear old daddy. No wonder it is called 'Mother Earth'. There is no harder job or greater responsibility. Is it any wonder women aren't frazzled 24/7? There is hardly enough time for pleasure and when there is time you are so tired you opt for sleep instead. No wonder God took a day off. God must have been one tired God! Our society's motto is: Be the best. This modern creed would like for us to believe work is number one and everything else is secondary. It would like us to believe we do not need any time off and that financial gain proves worthiness in society. Now, I'll be the first to jump up and say I enjoy money. Boy, do I ever! However, what happened to softball games after church on Sunday and catching fireflies after the sun goes down? I haven't seen a firefly yet this summer. Are they still around? If not, why wasn't I informed? Sigh. In order for many women to get off Prozac, leave a state of continual anxiety behind and balance out the scales once more, we need to change society's mind and this begins by changing our own. Remember when our parents would say, "If so-and-so jumped off of a bridge, would you?" Yeah, we should have listened. Instead of trying to be what we believe the world expects us to be, we need to go at our own pace and be who we really are. Many women don't even know the surface of who they are because they are doing what they believe they are supposed to be doing. I have fallen into this category many times throughout my life. So have my friends. To be fair, men have, also. Try this: Tonight after everyone gets home, throw yourself on the floor and start crying. Your family will totally freak out. When one of your children asks you what is wrong, tell them you don't want to prepare dinner tonight. Tell them you are tired and you want to sit on the back porch and read for a little while but you have so much to do and you never get to do what you want to do. Kids will respond to you being human. They are human every day. Your kids will immediately want to make dinner for you. Who cares if they make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches? How many times have you made them eat it? They will be so happy to help out. It will make them feel important and it will give you a little break. This is why we call it a family. I'll even bet big daddy will fold up the load of clothes in the dryer and then sit with you on the porch while you read and rub your shoulders for, at least, fifteen minutes. Sometimes frazzled women need to give up. Sometimes it is the only way to get things done. -- The author and creator of Incidents & Accidents: the column, the book (to be published in August 2002) and the website is Kim Burke - because life's too short for ordinary idiots! If you enjoy humor, prizes and a great community to involve yourself in, there is no gas required to travel to: www.incidentsandaccidents.com. Kim resides with her husband, Richard and daughter, Christy in Arkansas. On a mountain. Sometimes barefoot! Email Kim at [EMAIL PROTECTED] Your article length submissions are welcome...send your humourous submissions of between 300 and 500 words to: <a href=" mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] ">Editorials</a> Editorial comments expressed here are copyright the writer and may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the writer and also the editor of Purehumour. ���----------------------------XXX SITES TO VISIT---------------------------��� The following are XXX sites...if you click them...you will see material that could offend you...pure and simple! If you don't wish to see such material...then DON'T click them! This is your only warning! 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